Never the Same
Page 11
Paige blotted the dew from her eyes with her forefingers. “I know.”
Tentatively, Lennox placed her hand on Paige’s moist cheek. The warmth of Lennox’s touch sent a jolt down Paige’s spine and her leaden eyelids closed. Paige opened her mouth a little and the cold metal of Lennox’s thumb ring pressed into her bottom lip. Paige drew in a sharp breath and put her hand on top of Lennox’s. She stared at Lennox, whose face was now inches from her own.
“We can’t,” Paige whispered. “We’re friends.”
Lennox’s irises dampened. “Right,” she said, jaw tight as she quelled her despair.
The girls pulled their hands apart.
“Can we hug?” Lennox asked.
“Uh. Okay. Yeah. Friends hug. We can do that.” Paige wrapped her arms around Lennox. Lennox buried her face in Paige’s neck. Thoughtlessly, Paige put her nose up to Lennox’s hair and stole a whiff. Lennox’s sweet smell made Paige ache. Paige jumped back, out of Lennox’s grasp. “Change of plans. We CANNOT be physical in any way. I apologize.”
“Why?” Lennox’s tone was petulant. “We’ll navigate the sexuality thing together.”
“You know there’s more to it than just that. I don’t want to lose Justin.”
“I understand about your mom, but Justin’s not going to bail on you the way she did.”
“Lennox, the only thing that can guarantee me of that is if we adhere to the terms of our friendship.”
“And what are the terms?”
“That we are nothing but friends. Friends who have no physical contact. None whatsoever. Nil,” Paige said.
“This doesn’t have to be so arduous.”
“What?”
“Do you want to be with me?” Lennox asked.
“I want to be your friend.”
“That wasn’t my question.”
“What was your question?”
“Do you want to be with me, Paige? Because if you do, my being bisexual shouldn’t deter you and you’ll talk to Justin. That’s all there is to it.”
“Aargh! You’re not getting it. Can I give it another go?” Paige asked.
“Mmm. Please.”
“Your bi-ness—”
“My ‘bi-ness’? Really?”
“Then help me.”
“Just use ‘bisexuality.’ Keep it simple,” Lennox said.
“Okay. In a nutshell, your bisexuality was unsettling to me at first. But when you told me about who you are, your story…there was so much certitude in your eyes. And your eyes, they have this sparkle to them, and—” Paige covered her face with her palms. “Paige, don’t blather,” she said to herself. She lowered her arms and timidly glanced at Lennox.
Lennox smiled. “Talking to yourself?”
“Sorry,” Paige said. “I got derailed by, um…”
“My hypnotic peepers?”
“Pshht. No. What I was saying was that your certitude, well, it touched me.”
“Uh uh! No touching.”
“Lennox! Will you let me finish my nutshell?”
Lennox pressed her lips together and bit back a chuckle. “Yes. Continue with your nutshell.”
“Thank you,” Paige said. “So, in hearing about your experience, my fear of your bisexuality didn’t get fully extinguished. But it did wane and my affinity for you grew. I wasn’t expecting that. I wasn’t expecting you. It was terrifying. And I didn’t even have the chance to process my feelings for you when Justin came to me and told me he wanted to date you. Foolishly, I thought that if you were with him, it would fix things. I thought the imprint you left on me would diminish. Then the three of us would prevail, because I’d keep maintaining the lesbian standards I prescribed to myself, Justin would get you, and you’d have someone who wasn’t daunted by your sexuality. We’d all be content. But that’s not how it went.”
“I was beginning to think you’d never say it, but you did,” Lennox said.
“What did I say?”
“That you feel something for me.”
“As does Justin. And I instigated him to go for you, knowing you had taken a liking to me and I to you. I can’t tell him the truth now; it’ll ail him. If Justin doesn’t get to be with you, I don’t get to be with you. That’s what’s fair. Lennox, he and I made an oath when we were kids that we wouldn’t ever cause harm to each other. Not once has he broken our covenant. I can’t either.”
Lennox shook her head and smiled sadly. “You’re stubborn.”
Paige mirrored Lennox’s doleful smile. “Yeah.”
“And you have all that rectitude.”
“I’m dedicated to being everything my mother isn’t.”
“Which I admire you for. Paige, lest you forget, I said to you on the phone yesterday that I won’t defy your virtues. I was being earnest. I also told you that I want you in my life. I’ll take you any way I can get you. And if that’s via friendship, then so be it. So, can I have you as a friend?”
“Yes. You can have me.”
Lennox and Paige stared at each other.
“Um, this stall just got crazy congested,” Paige said.
“Totally. Let’s exit the lavatory.” Lennox picked the two bags off the floor and gave Paige hers. “Here.”
Paige took her knapsack and placed it on her shoulder. “Thanks.”
“Yup.” Without turning away from Paige, Lennox felt behind her for the door handle. When she found the lever, she went to pull on it.
“Lennox.”
“What?”
“This is going to be tough,” Paige said.
Lennox laughed, tired. “It already is.”
Chapter Eighteen
Lennox and Paige idled by the entryway of Steep while Lennox sluggishly put on her raincoat.
“You and your shoddy fleece are going to get drenched,” Lennox said to Paige.
“Hey. Leave my jacket alone. Besides, it’s only sprinkling.”
“Oh. What are you, a meteorologist now?”
Paige chuckled. “No. I can see out the window from here.”
Lennox smirked. “Alright, let’s ditch this place.”
Paige reached for the door, but it opened from the other side before she could get to it. Paige suddenly became stiff, her nerves twisted.
Nina glared at Paige. “Well look who it is,” she said to Sidney and Gwen, standing to the left of her.
“Nina, hi,” Paige said. “If you’ll excuse us, we were just on our way.” Paige grabbed the strap of Lennox’s satchel.
“Nah.” Nina shook her head. “I think we should all stay for a minute.” Nina pushed Paige further inside. Paige stumbled back, but Lennox caught her by the arm. Then Nina and her two cohorts stepped through the doorway of Steep.
Gwen laughed. “Careful there, Galner,” she said to Paige.
Paige straightened herself and held her head up. “What can I do for you, ladies?”
“You wanna do something for us? Never set foot in this café again,” Nina said.
“What?” Paige asked.
“This is a lesbian dive, Paige,” Nina said.
“Huh? That’s not on the sign anywhere,” Paige said.
“It’s implicit, shithead,” Sidney said to Paige.
Lennox turned to Sidney. “You needn’t name call,” Lennox said.
“Needn’t I?” Sidney asked Lennox.
“It’s unbecoming,” Lennox said to Sidney.
“You’re unbecoming, bitch,” Sidney yelled at Lennox.
“Whoa! You!” Paige pointed to Sidney. “Watch your mouth!”
“Then you watch your woman,” Nina said to Paige.
“Her name is Lennox and she’s not my woman,” Paige said.
Nina put her hands on her hips. “Whatever. She’s also not a lesbian.”
“Why do you care? She’s a person. Just like you and me and everyone else in here who came for a fucking cup of tea,” Paige said.
“Hell no. She is nothing like me. I’m a lesbian and I thought you were, too,” Nina said.
Nina began to clap. “Brava, Priestess Paige. And will global peace be your next accomplishment?”
Paige shook her head. “Never mind.”
Nina shrugged. “I never did.”
Lennox fleetingly touched Paige’s upper arm. “Paige,” she said quietly, “it’s time to go.”
Paige looked at Lennox and nodded. “Okay.”
“Yeah. Vamoose, you two lepers,” Nina said and giggled along with Gwen and Sidney.
Paige and Lennox made their way to the exit.
“By the way, Paige,” Nina said.
Paige glimpsed over her shoulder at Nina. “What?”
“I started my own blog, Nina’s Notes. For lesbians, by a lesbian.”
“Catchy. I’ll make sure I don’t subscribe,” Paige said.
“Ah. So wry. But in only forty-eight hours, seems I’ve converted some of your bygone followers.”
“I don’t see that as a loss. Because if they’re your readers now, then they were never really mine,” Paige said and left Steep with Lennox.
“That was amazing!” Lennox said to Paige the second they were outside of Steep.
“The Darjeeling? I thought so, too.”
“Paige.” Lennox smiled. “What you said to those Lesbians United League girls ’twas amazing.”
Paige laughed. “Are you ragging on me and my archaic diction?”
“No.”
“Huh. Are you flattering me then?”
“Mmm. No.” Lennox smiled again. “I’m just telling you like it was.”
A crisp, fall wind lashed them.
“Brrr.” Lennox fastened the button on the collar of her coat. “Where did you park?”
Paige pointed east. “Over there in the lot. You?”
Lennox tipped her head in the direction of the west. “Some grimy side street.”
Paige glanced up at the waxed crescent moon floating above them in the dusk sky. “It’s late,” Paige said. “And eerie.” She rested her gaze on Lennox. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
“That’s very friendly of you.” Lennox smirked. “But I don’t need a chaperone. I’m a brawny broad and I’m packing pepper spray.”
“Alright, but what if there are zombies lurking about? Rumor has it that they’re immune to pepper spray,” Paige said.
“Is that so? Well, I can take ’em. I watched Blonde Crusader for years. I’ve got the know-how to vanquish all varieties of the undead.”
“Hmm. There’s only one of you, though. What if there’s an army of them and they ambush you?”
Lennox chuckled. “Paige, if you want to accompany me just to prolong our time together, that’s okay with me. You don’t have to have a pretext.”
“Fine then. I’ll be accompanying you to your vehicle this evening, madam.”
“I’d like that,” Lennox said.
Paige nodded. “Good.”
“Onward we go,” Lennox said and the two girls began trekking along the sidewalk next to each other.
“Do you, uh, have a lot of homework to do tonight?” Paige asked.
Lennox gave Paige the side-eye. “Is this you trying to have a casual conversation with me?”
“It could be.”
“You’re floundering.”
“I might be. Care to contribute?”
“Would that be helpful to you?” Lennox asked.
“Yes.”
Lennox smiled. “I have to write an essay for my Sociology of Gender class. Do you have any homework, Paige?”
“I have to deconstruct the first five chapters of this Sadism and Masochism book, Hold Him Down and Tie Him Up: A Love Story.”
“Wow. BDSM. That’s…thought-provoking,” Lennox said.
“Eh.”
“Not your thing?”
“I’m more into nonfiction,” Paige said.
“I was talking about S&M.”
“Oh. Right.” Paige blushed. “Um, I’m on the ratherish conventional end of that spectrum. Boring, I know.”
“Who said it was boring? Conventional can be sexy,” Lennox said.
“You think?”
“Hell yeah! Immensely. I do conventional.”
“You do?” Paige asked.
“Mmm hmm. And I’d do you any which way.”
Paige lost her footing and staggered forward. Lennox reached for Paige, but Paige’s equilibrium was restored before Lennox could get to her.
Lennox withheld a laugh. “Are you alright?”
“I’m alright,” Paige said. “Just don’t…”
“I know. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s…so, what I was in the midst of saying was that once I’m done with that deconstruction assignment, I have to type up something for the school paper about your band’s gig and finalize an editorial I did on hazing.”
“No doubt it’ll be great. I read your piece last week on campus suicide—”
“Wait. You read that?” Paige asked.
“Yeah. It was solid.”
“Um, thanks. And maybe, if I have the energy, I’ll draft a new blog post.”
“Yes!” Lennox shrieked happily. “You should positively write a new post! What’s it gonna be about?”
Paige snickered. “If I write it, I’ll publish it Thursday, and then you’ll be able to see for yourself.”
“You’re keeping it a secret, huh? That’s cool. Because remember what I told you. I’m patient like a tiger. Rawr.”
“Your animal impersonation is magnificent.” Paige smiled.
“That’s cuz I’m magnificent.” Lennox motioned to her right. “I’m parked somewhere on this street.”
Paige and Lennox turned the corner and walked by a mini hybrid and a motorcycle, towards Lennox’s truck. They slowed to a stop when they came to the pickup’s tailgate.
“Here’s me and my wicked femme ride,” Lennox said.
Paige shook her head. “Cute.”
“And yes, now I’m ragging on your diction.” Lennox took her keys out of her coat pocket and unlocked the vehicle. She looked at Paige. “So, were you being serious when you told Nina that I was your equal?” Lennox asked.
“Do you think I would’ve said it frivolously?”
“No.”
“Well there’s your answer,” Paige said.
“Amazing! And not just the things you said to them, but…” Lennox smiled sheepishly. “You. That’s what you are, Paige. Amazing.”
“I…you’re…so are you.”
Lennox cleared her throat. “See, now that was me flattering you.” Her mouth curled into a grin.
“I flattered you back,” Paige said.
“Pfft. That’s what you’re calling your response?”
“Yes.”
“Then you really need to up your game,” Lennox said.
“My game is flawless. I’m just not giving it to you.”
“Why?”
“Because there’s no way you can take it,” Paige said.
“Oh I can take it.” Lennox stepped closer to Paige. “Give it to me,” Lennox said, her voice smoky.
Paige swallowed hard. “You have to pull back.”
“And if I don’t?”
“I might kiss you,” Paige breathed.
“That is NOT an incentive for me to move.”
“Right. But the terms.”
“Yeah. Those,” Lennox said.
“Those. Yes. So when I say ‘goodnight,’ you’re going to get inside your truck and I’m going to head that-a-way.” Paige gestured to her rear with her thumb.
“Or we can both get in my truck and I’ll drive you to your car. It’s kind of a hike from here.”
“It’s okay. I
could use the air.”
“Alright, but don’t say I didn’t offer,” Lennox said.
“I won’t.”
“I thought our neighborly get-together was pleasant.”
“I did too.”
“Would you be willing to do it again sometime soon?” Lennox asked.
“Sure.”
“Excellent. How’s tomorrow for you?”
“Uh. Soon. Tomorrow is soon,” Paige said.
“I know. Well?”
“Do you have something in mind?”
“It’s possible,” Lennox said. “Can you meet me at Callie’s after practice?”
“When?”
“Five-thirty.”
“Five-thirty it is then,” Paige said. “Goodni—”
“Hang on. There’s one last thing.”
Paige sighed. “Yes, Lennox?”
“What happened tonight at Steep, I can’t thank you enough. I do believe you’ve graduated from the Hansford Academy of Unlearning.”
Paige smiled. “You don’t have to thank me. It came from in here.” Paige tapped her fist twice against the left side of her chest, over her heart.
“Exactly.” Lennox vigilantly neared Paige, arms open for a hug. Suddenly, Paige jerked away and careened back a couple feet. She held her hand out for Lennox to shake.
“Put it there, old chum,” Paige said.
Lennox rolled her eyes and shook Paige’s hand. “We’re going to have to go shopping for chastity belts, aren’t we? So we can wear them when we’re with each other.”
“Yes! Preventative apparel. Suits of armor, maybe helmets.” Paige nodded. “That’s a viable alternative. Let’s do that.”
“We’re not going to do that,” Lennox said.
“We’re not? No. Naturally, we’re not. We don’t have to do that. Why would we need to do that? We wouldn’t, because we’re just friends and we can do this,” Paige jabbered then exhaled. “Can’t we?”
“Do we have a choice?” Lennox asked.
“No.”
“Then yeah. We can do this.”
“We can,” Paige said. “You’re right. It’s not like we’re dating. What we do, how we are, isn’t even comparable to dating.”
Lennox winced. “Weeellll—”
“No! You, shush.”
“Alright. I’m shushing.”