Never the Same

by Michele L. Rivera

  Callie halted. Her stare met Paige’s.

  Paige gasped. “Callie?”

  “Shit,” Callie said. “Paige, listen, I—”

  “Stop!” Paige shouted at Callie and turned to Hanna. “You’re despicable.” Then Paige looked over at Callie. “And you.”

  Callie hugged the towel closer to herself. “Paige…”

  “Callie, what the fuck!” Paige screamed. “What about Marissa?” Paige put her hand over her mouth. “You cheated on Marissa,” she said quietly. Paige’s arms drooped at her sides. “Marissa loves you and you cheated on her? She needs to know.”

  “I’ll tell her. Let me tell her,” Callie said.

  Paige shook her head violently. “No!”

  “Paige, it’s her girlfriend,” Hanna said. “She should be the one to do it.”

  Paige raised her right fist to Hanna. “Shut up, Hanna, or I’ll fucking sock you!”

  “Alright.” Hanna held her hands up in submission. “Calm down,” she said to Paige.

  Paige glared at Callie. “Fine. You can tell Marissa.” Paige pulled her phone from her pocket.

  “Now?” Callie asked.

  “Now,” Paige said and dialed Marissa’s number. She put the phone on speaker. “For insurance,” Paige said and gave it to Callie. Two rings in and Marissa picked up.

  “Hey, Paige,” Marissa said.

  Paige’s eyes filled with tears and she pointed to Callie. “Talk,” Paige mouthed.

  “Rissa, hi. It’s me. I’m on Paige’s phone,” Callie said.

  “Cal? Where’s Paige?” Marissa asked.

  “She’s here with me,” Callie said tremulously. “We’re at Hanna’s.”

  “Hanna’s? Oh hell no,” Marissa said. “Let me talk to Paige.”

  Callie lowered her head. “She, um, Paige wanted me to…”

  “What’s going on?” Marissa asked.

  Hanna sat on the couch and put her face in her palms.

  Paige reached over and pressed a button on the phone that Callie was holding, taking it off speaker.

  Callie placed the cellular up to her ear.

  Standing in front of Callie, Paige folded her arms over her chest, her thumb on her chin, waiting.

  “No, she’s not here for that reason,” Callie said to Marissa.

  Unable to hear Marissa’s voice, the apartment was silent for Paige and Hanna.

  “I was already here when Paige got here,” Callie said into the phone.

  Silence.

  Callie gnawed on the inside of her cheek. “Because I…Rissa, I’m sorry.”

  Silence.

  A small sob left Callie’s throat. “I was…I’ve been unfaithful.”

  Silence.

  “Y–yes. With Hanna,” Callie spluttered.

  A distorted but shrill yell resounded from the phone’s speaker. Callie winced. Hanna mumbled an assemblage of profanities. Paige held her breath.

  Callie nodded and gave the cell back to Paige. “She asked for you,” Callie said.

  Paige took the phone from Callie and flattened it against her ear. “Marissa, it’s Paige.”

  “Paige!” Marissa howled in grief.

  “I know,” Paige said. “I’m on my way.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Paige ran down the hall of the dormitory and stopped when she saw Marissa sitting on the floor outside of her own room. Marissa’s knees were up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them, her head lolled back against the wall. Her eyes were closed and her cheeks were blistered from bathing in tears. Her cell phone joggled in her right hand. Paige sat beside her but said nothing.

  Wearily, Marissa opened her eyes and looked at Paige. “I was texting with Callie,” Marissa said. “Two months. She’s been fucking Hanna for two months.”

  Paige held onto Marissa’s forearm and squeezed.

  “I don’t do cheating.” Marissa drew in an unsteady breath. “So I dumped her.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I thought she loved me.”

  “Is there anything I can do?” Paige asked.

  “You’re doing it.”

  “Okay,” Paige said.

  “I should’ve known. How didn’t I know?” Marissa asked.

  “Don’t ask yourself that. This isn’t your fault.”

  “But why would she? Why?”

  “Maybe there’s not an answer,” Paige said.

  “I had her, Paige. I had her and then I didn’t.”

  “You have me, though.” Paige grinned.

  Marissa gave Paige a frail smile. “Been there, done that.”

  “Ouch.”

  Marissa put her phone down and took hold of Paige’s hand. “You’re a good friend.”

  “You’re better,” Paige said.

  “That goes without saying.”

  Paige chuckled. “Of course.”

  “Paige, why did you go to Hanna’s tonight?”

  “To right a wrong,” Paige said.

  “What kind of a wrong?”

  Paige sighed. “I prostituted mine and Hanna’s, uh, encounters for blog hits.”

  “What? Buddy, that was vague. C’mon.”

  “Ugh. I’m not proud of this,” Paige said.

  “Just lay it on me.”

  “Fine. You know how I kept sleeping with Hanna after we split?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “In the beginning, it was because I felt lonesome. But then I saw that my followers liked reading about it. The sex.” Paige shook her head.

  “Paige! You continued shagging Hanna so that you’d have something to write about?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why?” Marissa asked.

  “To be wanted.”

  “But the wanting was superficial.”

  “I understand that now,” Paige said.

  Marissa squinted, lips pursed. “Because you finally get that you’re wanted for real?”

  Paige stared at her feet. She flipped the collar of her shirt up with her unfettered hand to shroud her smile. “Anyways, I thought I should apologize to Hanna for my egocentrism.”

  “Mmm.” Marissa nodded. “And how was your evening with Lennox?”

  “Wouldn’t you rather talk about Callie?” Paige asked.

  “No, I wouldn’t. Soooo, time with Lennox? How was it?”

  “Seriously? We’re going to do this?”

  “Yes. You’re my best friend and I’m asking you to take my mind off my ex-girlfriend,” Marissa said. “Please.”

  “Alright. When I arrived at Cal–the place, nobody was there but Lennox. I heard that someone got everyone else out of the garage straightaway,” Paige said.

  “That might’ve been me.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Sure. And did you take your chance?” Marissa asked.

  “I did.”

  Marissa put her hand on Paige’s head and rumpled her hair. “Rock on!” Then Marissa’s arm fell and she hit her head on the wall behind her. She frowned. “Damn.”

  “What?”

  “The garage,” Marissa said.

  “That’s where we were, yes.”

  “No, Paige, it’s where we practice. All our equipment is there. At Callie’s.” Marissa bit her lip. “I kicked Callie out of the band.”

  “Oh. Well, I’d have done the same,” Paige said.

  “Yes, but now Poser America is homeless. And we’re short a keyboardist.”

  “Lennox has a truck. We can use it to move your stuff. And we’ll get you a new space and another keyboardist,” Paige said.

  “Our gig is this Friday. How are we gonna? Aargh!” Marissa quickly wiped her eyes. “This sucks. I need to call Juice and tell them that we have to back out.”

  “No! You’re performing.”

  “Paige, it’s a no-go.”

  “It’s a go,” Paige said. “Here’s the plan. You, Lennox, Keira, and I will text everyone we know. You’ll place an ad in Ryan’s Catalog and I’ll put something in my blog and in the school paper. We’re
on a big campus, Marissa. You have fans, I have followers. There has to be a pianist or music-making extraordinaire among us. We’ll find a way.”

  “Geesh. You’re ambitious,” Marissa said.

  Paige nodded. “And ambition reaps triumph.”

  “What?”

  “My professor said something along those lines. It seemed applicable.”

  “That’s great, Paige, but still, no one’s going to be able to master our songs in a day.”

  “How many days did it take Lennox?”

  Marissa’s eyes rolled upwards ponderously. “Huh.” She looked at Paige. “One.”

  Paige smirked. “You don’t need Callie. We’ve got this. Are you in?”

  “Yes!” Marissa hugged Paige. “All the way.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “I can’t get over it, that Callie cheated,” Keira said to Marissa. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Neither do I,” Marissa said, sitting on the foot of Keira’s bed with Keira, who sat at the top end. Marissa held up her phone. “I did it. The ad is now live on Ryan’s Catalog.”

  “Nice,” Keira said.

  From across the room, Paige turned her eyes away from the laptop resting on her legs and onto her friends. “Okay. I published the post.”

  “And we all sent out our mass text messages, right?” Keira asked.

  “Yep,” Paige said.

  Marissa nodded. “Aye.”

  “Good,” Keira said. “Where’s Lennox? It’s quarter to twelve. What’s she been up to?”

  “She just emailed me. She’s on her way,” Paige said.

  “This shit is taxing.” Marissa lay back, her head landing in Keira’s lap. Keira stopped breathing and gave Paige a panicked look. Paige smiled at Keira then resumed typing.

  Marissa glanced at Paige. “What are you working on now?”

  “A newsletter for The Miranda Intellect,” Paige said.

  “When can we sleep?” Keira asked.

  “After we hear from Lennox,” Paige said.

  “Paige’s lady lovah,” Marissa said.

  Paige glared at Marissa and Keira chuckled.

  “No,” Paige said. “That’s not how it is.”

  “How is it then?” Marissa asked.

  “Yeah, what’d you guys do tonight?” Keira asked.

  “We hung out,” Paige said.

  “How did you hang out?” Keira asked. “Paige, we’re all lesbians here. Tell it like it is. Did you hang out, hang out or did you hang out, hang out?”

  Paige shook her head. “She showed me how to drum. Okay?”

  “Whoa,” Keira and Marissa exhaled at the same time.

  Paige took her fingers from the keys of her computer and lifted her hands, palms facing the ceiling, an unspoken question.

  Marissa’s jaw hung loose. “She did what?”

  “I got a tutorial in percussion from Lennox,” Paige said. “We were drumming.”

  “Oh, Paige,” Marissa said.

  Paige shrugged. “What?”

  “She let you play her instrument?” Keira asked Paige.

  “Well, yeah,” Paige said.

  “Dude, that’s sacred,” Marissa said. “For some musicians, that’s like on par with—”

  “Having sex. I know,” Paige said.

  Marissa’s eyes were wide. “No. That’s not—”

  Keira reached down, pinched Marissa’s lips shut, and shot her an admonishing glance. Keira gave Paige a big smile, almost too big. “Yes! Sex. Exactly.” She moved her hand off Marissa.

  Marissa scowled up at Keira, then turned to Paige again. “Yeah. What Keira said.”

  Paige raised her eyebrows. “Something you’re not telling me?”

  “Nope,” Marissa said. “Only that it’s…hmm, how do I put this?”

  “Just put it,” Paige said.

  “Don’t give Lennox up,” Keira whispered to Marissa.

  “I won’t,” Marissa said to Keira.

  “Why are you whispering?” Paige asked Marissa and Keira.

  “We’re not,” Keira said to Paige.

  Paige frowned. “Marissa?”

  “I can get her to understand it,” Marissa said to Keira.

  “Understand what?” Paige asked.

  “Okay,” Keira said to Marissa. “You have the floor.”

  Marissa’s eyes set on Paige. “What Lennox did with you was supremely meaningful.”

  Paige nodded. “Right. Lennox said as much.”

  “Did she?” Marissa asked.

  “She did,” Paige said. “Marissa, I am au courant with all that.”

  Marissa wrinkled her nose. “But are you really?”

  “Where are you trying to go with this?” Paige asked.

  “Ugh.” Keira put her hand on her forehead. “Marissa, use an analogy. She’s a writer. She’ll get it.”

  “That’s a fab idea,” Marissa said to Keira. “Paige, would you ever let Lennox type up a blog post on your site?”

  Paige gripped the sides of her laptop’s screen. “Uh. I—”

  “Wuh-uh-uh-uh! Don’t answer,” Marissa said. “Just think about it, because essentially that’s what Lennox did for you. Know what I’m saying?”

  Paige squinched her eyes. “Not really.”

  “Paige,” Marissa said.

  “Yes, Marissa?”

  “This crush of yours on Lennox, could it evolve?” Marissa asked.

  “Why?” Paige asked.

  “There can be no more heartache in my world. I can’t take it. And Lennox is none of your favorite things. She is bisexual. She is younger than you. And she—”

  “She is who she is and I choose her,” Paige said.

  Keira smiled. “Aww.”

  Marissa grinned. “Excellent! Also, I totally called that, but I had to be sure. She has it bad for you, Paige. Real bad.”

  Keira grabbed the pillow nearest to her and hit Marissa with it. “Marissa!”

  A lump grew in Paige’s throat but she couldn’t swallow it. “What?” she asked, her voice mousy.

  Paige, Marissa, and Keira sat quietly in the room, staring at each other.

  Marissa winced. “Uh…”

  There was a knock at the door.

  “Come on in!” Keira said promptly.

  Lennox walked into the suite, all stares now on her. “Um hi.” Lennox spoke cautiously. “Did I miss something?”

  “No.” Paige got up from her bed and went over to Lennox. “Hey.”

  Lennox gave Paige a small smile. “Hey,” she said and kissed Paige on the cheek. Paige blushed, warmed throughout. Lennox waved to Keira and Marissa and they noiselessly returned the gesture. Lennox’s eyes prowled the room from Paige’s desk to Paige’s bed to Paige. “So this is where you sleep and blog,” Lennox said.

  “It is,” Paige said.

  Marissa and Keira giggled in the background, unheard by Paige and Lennox.

  “I’m kind of having a fan-girl moment,” Lennox said to Paige.

  “You are?” Paige asked.

  “Yeah.” Lennox put her arms around Paige’s neck, pulling her in for an easy hug. When the sides of their faces touched, Lennox spoke clandestinely. “And I’m really aroused.” Her words rippled against Paige’s skin, reverberating through her body. Paige coughed into Lennox’s shoulder and she slowly backed off.

  “You are?” Paige asked Lennox.

  Lennox smirked. “Mmm hmm.”

  “Hey, kids, let’s keep it PG in here!” Marissa yelled to Paige and Lennox.

  Lennox turned to Marissa and Keira. “I have news,” Lennox said.

  Marissa sat up. “On with it then,” she said to Lennox.

  “Someone responded to my text! Olivia. I think she’d be a sterling substitute for Callie,” Lennox said.

  “Is she teachable?” Marissa asked.

  “Actually, she’s already a Poser America buff,” Lennox said. “She’s been to all the shows, she knows most of the songs, practices them in her dorm. And she has what’s cal
led a ‘musical memory.’”

  Marissa and Keira cheered.

  Paige smiled at Lennox. “That’s awesome.”

  “It’s a miracle is what it is!” Marissa high-fived Keira.

  Lennox winced. “She’s straight, though.”

  Marissa and Keira became still.

  “But she can play?” Marissa asked Lennox.

  “Definitely,” Lennox said.

  “Then who in the hell cares what her sexual orientation is?” Marissa asked.

  “We have a keyboardist! Woot!” Keira shouted.

  Lennox laughed in relief. “Also, her parents live ten miles from campus. They have a basement we can practice in.”

  Marissa and Keira began to hoot and holler again.

  “So why did Callie drop out?” Lennox asked.

  The room grew silent. Marissa looked at Paige. “You didn’t tell her?”

  Lennox stared at Paige. “Didn’t tell her what?”

  “Callie cheated on me,” Marissa said to Lennox. “She didn’t leave the band by choice. I made her.”

  The corners of Lennox’s mouth sloped down at Marissa. “I’m sorry.”

  “Me too,” Marissa said. “And I would’ve never known if Paige hadn’t found her at Hanna’s tonight.”

  Keira closed her eyes and shook her head. Paige clenched her teeth and braced herself.

  Lennox’s features wilted. She glanced at Paige. “You went to Hanna’s tonight?”

  “Shit,” Marissa mumbled.

  “Yes,” Paige said to Lennox. “It’s not what you—”

  “I think I should I go,” Lennox said.

  “Lennox, don’t,” Paige said.

  “What?” Lennox asked. “You don’t want me to go?”

  “No,” Paige said. “Please, Lennox. Can I talk to you outside for a second?”

  Lennox’s eyes blackened. “One second. That’s all you get.”

  Lennox and Paige stood arms-length away from each other in the hallway next to the closed door of Paige’s dorm room.

  Lennox’s lackluster gaze moved from her sneakers to Paige. “Say something.”

  Paige jingled her wallet chain, her grave, blue eyes staring at Lennox. “I know it seems scandalous.”

  Lennox nodded listlessly. “I’ll give you that.”