When I arrived at LAX airport, Dresden’s flight showed as having landed. I bolted to an outside gate at the Tom Bradley International terminal, where people were already pouring out of the gate. I quickly scanned the faces of people and finally spotted Dresden in his blue New York Rangers jersey. I ran up to him, he dropped his duffel bag, and completely enveloped me in his arms. It felt so good to hug him after being apart for so long. Everything about him just felt like home, and I clung onto him like a spider monkey.
“Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re here!” I said continuing to hug him.
“Me neither, what a nightmare,” he said.
“Oh no! What happened?” I said letting go of my grip.
He picked up his duffel bag, and we took a seat at a nearby bench.
“Well first of all, we’ve been sitting at the gate for the last hour,” he said as he lit up a cigarette.
“Really? Why?” I asked.
“Who knows,” he said. “Oh and the plane was shaking the whole way here. Actually that was no plane, it was a chicken shack with wings. I’m never flying that airline again.”
“I’m just glad you’re here,” I said as I put my head on his shoulder.
“Me too. You smell nice,” he said giving me a kiss on the top of the head.
“You smell like you just ran a marathon,” I said making a face.
“Whadya want from me? I almost died on the flight over. It’s the sweat of death.”
“Come on, let’s get out of here,” I said.
We left the airport and made our way into Hollywood, making a pit stop at the Fame Café where Mandie happened to be bartending that night.
When we walked into the Fame Café, Ronnie was there too. After exchanging hugs and hello’s, Dresden and I left with Ronnie back to his and Mandie’s place. They had just rented a little house in sketchy area off Hollywood Blvd on Whitley Avenue.
After dropping Dresden’s things off at the house, I drove us back to the Fame Café so we could hang out with Mandie. While we sat at the bar having drinks, I looked at Dresden as he talked with the guys and thought, I couldn’t be happier. I had a decent job, a place to live, a running car, and the man I loved was sitting right by my side. It didn’t get any better.
Things were great for about an hour or so. Then just like a cat, I felt the hair stand up on the back of my neck. I looked over to the front door just in time to see Cassidy walk in with Sebastian’s roommates, Tina and Marla. They yelled hello and waved to the guys, then sat down at a table a few feet behind us.
I hadn’t seen Cassidy in months. Not since the night Dina and I had our shoving match at that party in the valley. I hoped enough time had gone by for things to at least be copasetic between us. But based on the looks the girls gave me when they walked in, I knew that wasn’t a possibility.
For the next half hour, daggers from the girls flew over my head, consisting of sporadic heckling with my name mentioned and endless snickering. I was happy to be with Dresden, but those bitches were ruining my time with him. Not wanting to put up with their commentary any longer, I figured I’d give Dresden some male bonding time with the guys and decided to go home. He said he would walk me to my car, so I got up and gave goodbye hugs to Mandie and Ronnie. When Dresden got up, he took his jacket off and put it over my shoulders. The girls let out an echoing, “Awwwww..”
I was livid.
Dresden managed to calm me down as he walked me to my car and safely tuck me in. He told me we should get together after I got off work the next day and that he would call me in the afternoon to make plans.
The next day, I was scraping to get out of work so I could see Dresden. When I got to the Whitley house, the strong scent of grilled onions tickled my nose as I walked in to find Ronnie slaving over the stove, while Dresden lounged on the couch watching TV. Dresden told me he had something for me and asked me to come sit next to him.
His arms swam around in a large duffle bag for a few moments, and then he pulled out a small silver box with scotch tape wrapped around it.
“It’s nothing special, just an early birthday gift,” he said as handed me the box.
After tearing through the scotch tape, I realized it was a necklace. It was a silver gothic style cross with a black onyx jewel set in the center. It was beautiful.
He lit up a cigarette and said, “I had my mom take it with her to the church she goes to. She had it blessed.”
“I love it, thank you,” I said smothering him with kisses.
We talked about what to do that evening, and he suggested we go to Fame Café after dinner to visit Mandie. I figured the girls probably wouldn’t be there two days in a row. But after the bullshit I dealt with from the night before, I wasn’t willing to take that chance. Luckily, he was feeling a bit lazy after we ate dinner, so we decided to stay in and snuggle up to some movies. We talked about the holidays coming up and how I should stay with him for Christmas and New Years. I was so excited to not only be spending the holidays with Dresden but to finally be going to New York!
When I went to work the next day, I bought my plane ticket and called Dresden to tell him the good news. We spoke about what to do that night, and he wanted us to go to Fame Café to hang out with Mandie. I wasn’t crazy about going there for obvious reasons, but I wanted to be with Dresden. So I relented and said I would pick him up after work.
I raced home after work and called Dresden while I was getting ready. No one picked up the house phone, so I left a message. By the time I finished getting ready, he still hadn’t called me back. I was about to call Dresden again when my phone rang. It was Spencer. She said Kennedy was on her way over to her place, and they planned on going to Fame Café that night too. I told her about my minor dilemma with Dresden being M.I.A., and she said it wasn’t that big of a deal. She figured he was probably just out with the guys and lost track of time. That made perfect sense to me, and I didn’t want to make a big deal over the situation. She suggested that the three of us just go together, so I grabbed my things and went to pick up Kennedy and Spencer.
The three of us went straight to Fame Café. When we walked in, we found Dresden sitting at the bar with our friends Stef and Terry while Mandie served them drinks. Dresden was drunk, to put it mildly. He smiled and greeted us with hugs as if nothing were wrong, then resumed chatting with the guys as if we weren’t even there.
I vented my frustrations to the girls on how he totally flaked on our plans, but they continued to talk down the situation. They said it was a slight mishap and that everything would be fine. Not wanting to be a sourpuss the rest of the night, I bit my tongue and didn’t yell at him for not calling me back earlier.
We stayed at the bar for about a half hour, then decided to head back to the Whitley house. Nothing changed when we got back there though. Dresden spent a majority of his time talking with the boys and essentially zero time acknowledging me. Not that I was expecting him to be a lapdog at my side every moment, but he was hardly acting like the guy who said he was head over heels in love with me.
I hoped that having another drink at the house would loosen the stick in my ass, but it wasn’t happening. I really wasn’t having a good time and just wanted to go home, so I told Dresden I was leaving with the girls. He walked us to my car, apologized for drinking so much, and promised to spend more time with me before my birthday.
As the days went on and my birthday grew closer, Dresden began to get really distant. When I’d try to make plans with him he’d always have something scheduled with the guys. I asked if things were cool with us, and he assured me nothing was wrong and everything was fine. I certainly didn’t expect us to spend every moment of his time in L.A. together, but at that point the ratio was more like 2 to 7 in favor of the guys. Although Dresden’s distant behavior was giving me flashbacks from the year before, I wanted to be fair and not jump the gun. So I felt the best thing to do was give him some breathing room and keep my paranoid thoughts to myself.
Although my birthday
party was taking place on a Saturday, my actual birthday landed on a Friday. Since it was on a weekday, I wanted to do something intimate with just Dresden and I. He suggested we go out to dinner and have a mellow night in at the Whitley house. I wholeheartedly agreed. It would be the last opportunity for us to have a quiet night together because he was flying back to New York the morning after my birthday party.
On the day of my birthday, I got home from work around 6:00pm and called Dresden to discuss what time I should come by the house. Ronnie answered, said he was out with Mandie, and that they should be back in a half hour or so. I told Ronnie to have him call me when he got home.
Two hours later, I still hadn’t heard from Dresden. I called the house again. Ronnie said they still weren’t back yet and he’d have him call me the moment he walked in the door. I tried again at 10:00pm, and Ronnie gave me the same story. By this time my paranoia was in full gear.
Shortly after midnight, with still no word from Dresden, I decided to call Kennedy and tell her what was going on. I didn’t want to keep bothering Ronnie, so she said she would call over there to see what was happening and call me right back, which she did about a half hour later.
“Sweetheart, Dresden just got home a few minutes ago and he’s completely wasted. He’s afraid to talk to you right now because he knows you’re mad. He’s in no shape to have any type of serious conversation anyway, it would be a waste of time,” she said.
“Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell is going on with him?”
“I have no idea. I spent the last ten minutes trying to talk to him, but he’s so blitzed he can barely talk. I know you’re hurting right now, but there’s nothing you can do about it tonight. You might as well just go to bed,” she said sweetly.
“How can I possibly sleep right now? I can’t believe he’s doing this again!”
“Calm down honey. I know you want to call and yell at him, but it’s pointless. Just try to get some rest and we’ll deal with this tomorrow, okay?”
I got off the phone with Kennedy, and flashbacks from the previous year began to circle my head once again. Flashbacks of New Years Eve when Dresden freaked out and completely cut me off because he didn’t know how to handle his emotions.
I loved him so much that I tried to find a reason why he blew off our plans. There just HAD to be a reason. There’s no way he would put me through all that again. He and I had talked about all that. We cleared everything up and were supposed to be in a good place now. Things were going to be okay. I kept telling myself that over and over again until 3:00 am when I was finally able to wind down and fall asleep.
SPENCER:IrememberthedaysfollowingDresden’sarrivalwere a littlesketchyandhersayingover andover,“Whywon’t he just talk tome?Idon’t understand.Ihave noideawhat’s goingon.Whyis he freezingme out?”
When I woke the next morning, the first thing in front of my face was the blue Post-It I had written Dresden’s number on a few weeks earlier. I said a little prayer asking for the day to be better than the previous and tried to pump myself up for my birthday party that evening.
I spent the afternoon running errands and wondering what possible excuse Dresden could have for blowing off our plans the night before. I had no idea what I was going to say when he called me with his mea culpa.
Apparently, he didn’t have anything to say. When I got home later that afternoon, there was no message from Dresden waiting for me when I walked in the door. I immediately called over to Ronnie and Mandie’s, but no one answered. I calmly left a message on their answering machine.
“Dresden, it’s Marisa. Where are you? I’m coming to pick you up around nine tonight, so call me and let me know where you’re going to be. Bye.”
He was probably just out with Mandie and Ronnie doing stupid shit. There’s no way he’d fuck me over, I thought. He was NOT going to do that to me AGAIN.
Around 8:00pm, I was fully dressed and ready to go, but I still hadn’t heard from Dresden. I tried the house again, but no one answered. I left another message saying I was heading to the Whitley house to get him, then hopped in my car and made my way out to Hollywood with a knot in my stomach.
On the way there, I thought of every stupid excuse to explain what was happening. The ringer was off, the answering machine wasn’t working properly, he was somewhere where he couldn’t get to a phone, or maybe disgruntled midgets had broken into the house and kidnapped him…
I pulled onto Whitley Avenue and parked my car. The guesthouse Ronnie and Mandie lived in was set in the back of an old, rundown apartment building. The only way to access it was to walk down a narrow driveway along the side of the building. As my heels tapped down the driveway and the guesthouse came into view, I noticed all the lights were off and the house was quiet. My heart dropped.
I must’ve been out of my mind and in complete shock because even though reality was staring me right in the face, I continued walking up the driveway. I stepped onto the porch and actually knocked on the front door as if someone were going to answer. I guess I was grasping at any string of hope I could and was in total denial. I just couldn’t believe he did it to me AGAIN.
I stood on the porch by myself for a few moments and looked at my reflection in one of the windows. I looked at the fancy birthday outfit I had put together and felt like a complete loser. What the hell was I going to do? How was I supposed to go to my birthday party and even attempt to enjoy myself after what Dresden did? The obvious answer would’ve been to call Dexter’s house to tell Spencer and Kennedy I wasn’t coming to the party, then go home and cry myself to sleep. Maybe even pick up some Del Taco along the way, simple enough.
I walked back to my car, climbed in, and didn’t start the engine. I just sat there thinking about every boyfriend I ever had. I had been through the typical relationship drama of being lied to and cheated on. Hell, I even survived the psychotic antics of Ronan. But deep down I never truly trusted any of them except for Dresden.
A million thoughts flew through my head as I sat there thinking about what Dresden had done to me, and I suddenly got very angry. Who the hell did he think he was, coming to L.A. and turning my life upside down for a second time? I wasn’t about to let that asshole ruin my birthday party. So just like that, I started up my car and made my way out to Canoga Park without shedding a tear.
After taking a few steps into Dexter’s house, I was immediately pounced upon by Kennedy and Spencer. They greeted me with hugs and birthday wishes until they noticed I was by myself.
“Hey honey, where’s Dresden? I thought he was coming with you?” Kennedy asked.
That question felt like a bullet.
“Actually, I have no idea where Dresden is,” I said calmly.
Spencer and Kennedy looked at each other in confusion for a moment and suddenly realized what had happened.
“Oh dear,” Spencer said in complete shock. “Let me get you a drink.”
Spencer skipped off to the kitchen while Kennedy walked me over to the couch and we sat down.
“What a fucking piece of shit he is. I can’t believe he did this to you! Are you okay?” she asked.
“No, not really,” I said taking a deep breath.
“It was really strong of you to still come to your party. Good for you honey,” she said rubbing my back.
Spencer sprinted back into the living room and handed me a vodka and cranberry cocktail. I took a good hit and gagged for a second. She made it strong, good girl.
Ramie, who I hadn’t seen in months, walked up to us with a trey full of Saki shots. She put her trey down on a coffee table in front of me and gave me a big hug.
“Happy birthday! Where’s boyfriend Dresden?” Ramie asked innocently in her broken English.
“We don’t care because he’s a FUCKING asshole,” Kennedy said bluntly.
A confused look came over Ramie’s face.
“He is?” she asked.
“We’ll explain later,” Spencer said.
My first drink went down faster th
an I had anticipated, so Spencer made me another. As the cocktails flowed, the girls continued to shower me with accolades on how strong and brave I was to not let Dresden prevent me from missing my own party.
About an hour or so later, just as I was finishing up my fourth drink, I looked up to find Dresden, Mandie, and Ronnie walk in the front door. A wave of nausea immediately came over me. I just couldn’t believe he had the nerve to show up to my party.
SPENCER: I’m an optimist , so my first reaction when Dresden walked in the door with the guys was, “Oooh okay this is good! He’s here after being Houdini for the last few days! This is really good!” Then it some how slapped me in the face that maybe this was definitely NOT good. Maybe Kennedy slapped me in face with it or maybeitwasMarisa, Idon’tremember.
Itwassuch crazytimingtoobecausewewereJUSTstarting to relax and enjoy ourselves when he walked in with the guys. Marisa hada coupleofdrinksin her,peoplewerestarting to showup,andshe was finally starting to be like, “Okay I can do this!” and then they showedup.
Looking backonitnow, itfeelskindofjuvenile. Butbackthenit waslike,“Wowthe worldis about toend!This is crazy! HowDAREhe showhis face here!”Iremember the outrage (laughs).
After shooting daggers at Dresden for the first few minutes, Kennedy and Spencer sprung up off the couch and took Dresden into the kitchen.
SPENCER: When I went into the kitchen with Kennedy and Dresden, I was kinda good cop and Kennedy was definitely more bad copbecauseshetotallyconfronted himand said,“What the fuckare youdoing!”
I remember him feeling really b ad, but he knew what he was doing.Hewasveryawareofwhathewasdoing.He just didn’t want toface it.He didn’t wannadealwith it.
After Kennedyreadhim the riot act,Italkedtohim for afew minutesandhesaid,“YouknowhowmuchIlove Marisa,Ilove her so much,she’sanawesomeperson,butIjustdon’tthinkI’m IN lovewith her.”AndIsaid,“Youfiguredthat out in2days?Was it some sort of fantasythingyouwere tryingtopush?”Ididn’t understandandkept tryingtopushhimfor ananswerandhesaid,“Idon’t know,I don’t know.Ijustfeela lotofpressurerightnow.”Idon’tthink Itoldher that, that night. I didn’t tell her about that conversation for a long time,not untilyears later.
Rock and Roll High School: Growing Up in Hollywood During the Decade of Decadence Page 32