He was very sincer e and really truly did feel bad. He just didn’t knowhowtohandleit.Hewasstuck ina situationthatfor whatever reason, was very uncomfortable in and didn’t know how to talk to heraboutit.
He may have come out with one idea of what was going to happen when hegottoL.A.andIdon’tknowwhen itchangedorIFit changed.Ihadnoideawhat his intentions were.Ionlyknewthrough my conversations with Marisa and her talking to Dresden that this was supposed to be a love reunion.It was very clear that was what herexpectations were andthat hadtohave come fromsomewhere.I assumeitcamefromtheconversationstheywerehaving.Hewasn’t coming out for anyone else’s birthday, he was coming out for HER birthday.
I think he was in love with the IDEA of being in love, and it’s easy to be in love with the idea of love when it’s 3000 miles away. You don’t have any obligations or anyone to answer to. So maybe that was it.
While Kennedy and Spencer were in the kitchen with Dresden, my bladder was acting up. But I didn’t want to go to the bathroom because I knew if I had one moment alone to myself I would break down. I absolutely hated crying in front of people, so I knew as long as I stayed in the middle of the party I could keep it together. I had to.
I’ve always believed the worst thing you can do to a person is ignore them. It’s worse than any words you can say or yelling you could ever do, at least in my opinion. So I figured I’d give it a shot with Dresden.
After taking the last hit of my drink, I got up and walked towards the kitchen. I’m sure Ramie thought I was on a suicide mission to go in there, but I felt I needed to make a point. Regardless of how much I loved Dresden, this was the second time he had taken a big fat dump on my heart. Therefore, no matter how much it hurt, I needed to show him that he didn’t mean shit to me. I would have weeks of crying and eating junk food ahead of me. But at that moment, I needed to be strong to get through those next few hours without shedding a single tear.
When I walked into the kitchen, Kennedy was in the midst of bitching out Dresden. He wasn’t yelling back though, he just took what she was dishing out. Maybe it’s because he knew he deserved it or due to the fact he was totally wasted. I’m guessing it was probably a little bit of both.
I grabbed some ice, cranberry juice, and a bottle of vodka. I began making myself a drink, acting happy as a clam despite the ever-growing knot in my stomach. My presence certainly didn’t slow Kennedy down. She continued yelling at Dresden, and I could feel him staring at me while I made my drink. A few moments later, I picked up my cocktail and grabbed a straw. I locked eyes with Dresden, shot him the look of death, and walked right past him.
I was on my way back to the living room when Ronnie stopped me in the dining room. “Hey, happy birthday,” he said as he gave me a hug. “Are you okay?” he asked.
“I’m fucking fabulous, why do you ask,” I said coldly. “I just didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Well it is MY birthday party, of course I’m going to be
here.”
“Look, I know Dresden blew you off, but he’s my boy…” “Yeah yeah, I know all that ‘bro’ bullshit. Look, I’m happy
you’re here, but I also wish you would leave and take him with you,” I said. Ronnie gave me a big kiss on the forehead, and I made my way back to the couch next to Ramie. Kennedy and Spencer joined us a few minutes later. Kennedy said it was a waste of time she had just spent yelling at Dresden’s drunken ass. I told her it was fine and that I had gotten through the worst. He showed up probably thinking he would ruin my night, but I didn’t crack. I took a sip of my cocktail and felt proud that I was standing my ground when all of a sudden Cassidy, Dina, and Amie walked in.
UNBELIEVEABLE.
“Oh…my god...” Spencer mumbled under her breath. “They weren’t invited. What the hell are they doing here?”
Kennedy blurted out.
“Taking advantage of neutral territory,” I said raising my
eyebrow.
Switzerland, otherwise known as Dexter, was obviously still
friends with the girls and not about to get involved in our little
spat. I’m sure they knew this beforehand and decided to take
advantage because they knew he wouldn’t throw them out if they
showed up. It was the perfect opportunity for them to crash my
party.
SPENCER: I remember thinking , “Oh my god! What are they thinking?” Itwasaballsymove ontheir partfor sure.Ithinkitwas for no other reason than to show Marisa that she would feel the effects of their freeze out but Dresden wouldn’t. I felt it’s the only possible reason they would show up, plus everyone was going to her party.So whatwerethey gonnado iftheydidn’tgo? It was a very clear signal that Marisa was going to pay for what happened and experience the fallout but Dresden wouldn’t. And that was typical. It was never the guys fault no matter what the situation was, it was ALWAYSthegirlsfault.
CASSIDY:Idon’trememberthatatall.Iwonderwhy wewent? Didwejustgotobeassholes?TotalMean Girls!(laughs) Taking the girls head on with Dresden by my side was effortless but not with him and I standing on opposite sides of the room. If the girls didn’t already know, I knew it wouldn’t be long till they picked up on what was going on, and that made me hate Dresden even more. Not only did he break my heart for a second time and ruin my birthday, but now the girls would have the satisfaction of knowing that things were on the rocks between us. Stupid asshole.
No one could’ve predicted that night of Murphy’s Law. There were emotional landmines as far as my dilated eyes could see. I decided the best thing to do was plant myself on the couch and drink. I pounded my freshly made cocktail, asked Spencer to make me another and to bring me a shot of vodka. She sprinted back with both in record time.
“Are you okay?” Spencer asked as she sat down next to me and handed me my drinks. “I’m fine,” I said, slamming back my shot and chasing it with my cocktail.
“You might want to slow down on those drinks, you’ve got to be pretty drunk by now,” she said.
“I am not drunk,” I said on the verge of being wasted.
“Oh really? You look pretty drunk to me,” she said laughing.
“I am not drunk. I am sedated from my pain,” I said matter of factly.
Cassidy, Amie, and Dina stayed at the party for about a half hour or so. Just long enough to make it nice and sparkling clear that they would continue to make my life a living hell. As for Dresden, he looked drunk and miserable the entire time he was there. He ended up leaving shortly after the girls did.
I should’ve felt better after they all left, but I actually felt worse. I was an emotional masochist for going to my party. The smart thing would’ve been to just go home from the Whitley house and bawl my eyes out like any other normal person would.
After I polished off another drink, Spencer and Kennedy disappeared into the kitchen. While they were away, I debated on whether I should sneak out of the party and go home. But the moment I stood up off the couch to make a run for it, the girls came back into the living room with a candle-laden cake, engaging everyone in the room to sing Happy Birthday. I smiled but could feel myself breaking.
When they finished singing, Spencer told me to close my eyes and make a wish. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I wished for my 20’s to fare better for me than my teenage years, and then I blew out the candles.
Keep reading for a preview of:
WALKING CONTRADICTION: The Crackpot Chronicles
The amusing sequel to:
ROCK AND ROLL HIGH SCHOOL
Growing Up in Hollywood During the Decade of Decadence
COMING SOON
Check www.marisatellez.com for details.
1
I Heart New York!
It was the morning after my 20th birthday party. The sound of my mom dropping something on the living room floor scared me right out of my sleep. I woke up flailing my arms like a wild gorilla and knocked over a glass of water that had been sitting on my nightstand. I had no immediate pl
ans to get out of bed and clean it up because I was so incredibly hung over. Only Long Duk Dong had it worse because he had bruises on his face, while mine were hidden across my heart.
I was completely out of sorts as I slowly started to wake up. This was much more than the traditional household hangover. For some reason, not only was I thinking about the events from the night before but also the last few years of my life that were spent hanging out on The Sunset Strip. Was it all just one, crazy, lucid dream or did all of it REALLY happen?
I thought about how I screwed up my friendship with Cassidy and the girls by letting my feelings for Dresden get in the way. Yes Dresden, my supposed “first love”, who broke my heart for a second time and ruined my birthday party before cowering back to New York.
I kept telling myself it was all just a bad dream and that none of it ever happened. But when I sat up in my bed, I saw the dress I’d worn to my birthday party crumbled up in a ball at the corner of my bed. Directly above it was the infamous blue PostIt note. The Post-It I had written Dresden’s new number on when we’d gotten back in touch just months earlier. I stood up and immediately got a head rush. I stabilized myself, pulled the dress off my bed, and threw it in the hamper. Then I plucked the Post-It off my wall, crumbled it up, and threw it in the garbage. If only everything in life that hurt you was that easy to dispose of. To be able put it in a place where you wouldn’t have to see it again, and then poof all your feelings and attachment would be gone. We all know heartbreak doesn’t work that way unfortunately.
So there I was, finding myself in the exact same position I was in just over a year earlier, heartbroken and left by Dresden once again. Had it been any other time of year, the breakup might not have been so painful. I would’ve even settled for him ruining Valentines Day. But Christmas and New Years were just around the corner. That coupled with my recently bought plane ticket to New York was a constant reminder of when he had asked me to spend the holidays with him just a few months earlier. An offer which was clearly now, null and void.
I went to the kitchen to get another glass of water and came back to bed. I continued to replay the last few years of my life in my head and told myself the nonsense had to end. I was officially not a teenager anymore. What did that mean anyway? Now that I was 20, did that mean I’d have to throw my Chuck Taylors in the garbage and start wearing business suits with heels? Stick my nose in the air and buy an analog phone and a pager like everyone else?
The holidays were a little rough, but they passed by fairly quickly. My first outing in 1994 was a show at The Roxy. One of the opening bands was called “apple” something and it reminded me that I still had that unused plane credit from the New York trip I never took in December.
My obsession with the city of Manhattan started long before I met Dresden. Despite the way he left things, I still really wanted to go there. I wanted to see The Dakota where John Lennon and Yoko once lived. Experience a walk through Central Park. Stroll through the lower and Upper East Sides. I wanted to check out the Upper Westside, the backside, front side and every side that the city of Manhattan had to offer. All I needed was a place to stay and that was quickly taken care of by Bam. He had recently moved back to Brooklyn and offered up his place should I ever make my way out there.
I was standing at the bar when Ronnie walked up to me and gave me a big hug. I hadn’t seen him since the night of my disastrous birthday party back in November. We started chatting and I told him of my tentative plans to go to New York. He told me I was out of my fucking mind to even consider going there after the way Dresden treated me. I tried to explain that my reasons for going had nothing to do with him, but he wasn’t buying it. He thought my trip was solely based on going to stalk Dresden.
While Ronnie continued to talk me out of going to New York, Pixie strolled up to us. She overheard our conversation and decided to chime in.
“You’re going to New York? That’s so exciting! When are you going?” she asked.
“I’m not sure when or if I’m going. I have a plane credit that I need to use by December, and I’d really prefer to use it to go to New York,” I said.
“Well, I’ll totally go with you if you decide to go there.”
“Wow really?” I said, caught off guard by her sudden interest.
“Seriously, I would totally go in one second. I’ve always wanted to go there. We just need to find a place to stay.”
“Bam said I could stay with him if I ever came out to New York. Since you know him too, I don’t think he’d have a problem with both of us staying with him. Do you?”
“He totally wouldn’t. Oh my god, I’m so excited! We’re going to New York!” she squealed.
Pixie grabbed a pen from the bartender, and we exchanged numbers on the spot. We talked about all the places we wanted to go and planned on going in the late spring or early summer.
When I got home from The Roxy that night, I was having second thoughts about going to New York with Pixie. Although we had a ton of mutual friends in common from Hollywood, I really didn’t know her that well. The few times I’d hung out with her we had fun, but taking this trip together really was a total crapshoot. Either our personalities would mesh and we’d have the time of our lives, or we could totally not get along and only one of us would live to board the plane back to Los Angeles.
Over the next few months, I started talking with Pixie on a regular basis. We made a plan, talked it over with Bam, and decided we would go to New York for ten days in the middle of August. By that time I just had to be over Dresden. And if I weren’t, then I’d have Pixie choke me until I was. There’s nothing more annoying than KNOWING you’re being annoying over a boy and not being able to control it. I had filled Pixie in on my soap opera past with Dresden and was sick of whining about how he broke my heart. While she did agree that he handled things badly, she very bluntly said it was in the past and to get the fuck over it already. It was a point I certainly couldn’t argue with, and the latter statement represented Pixie’s personality in a nutshell. She didn’t tell you what you wanted to hear, she told you what you needed to hear. If you asked her an honest question, you’d most definitely get a brutally honest answer.
The months flew by and before I knew it, I was being dropped off at LAX and rushing to a Delta Airlines gate to meet Pixie. As we sat there at the gate, waiting to board our red-eye flight, my foot began tapping nervously.
“What’s wrong? Are you nervous?” Pixie asked.
“Yeah, I’ve never flown before,” I said, still tapping my foot.
“Oh really? Well that’s not a problem, lets just have a few cocktails.”
“Will that help? I don’t want to get sick on the plane.”
“Well let’s get a second opinion and call Bam,” she said as she led me to a phone booth nearby.
She popped in a few quarters, explained the situation to Bam, said, “uh-huh” a few times and hung up the phone.
“Exactly what I said before. He said to have a few drinks on the plane and you’ll be fine,” she said.
“Shit! That reminds me. I totally forgot to bring Lucy’s ID with me, damn it!”
“Oh that’s so not a problem, I have mine. I’ll get us drinks, but call her right now and have her Fed Ex her ID to Bam’s apartment.”
So I called Lucy, gave her Bam’s address, and the drinking commenced with Pixie. We drank near our gate and drank on the plane until we passed out.
We woke a few hours later just as we were landing at JFK airport. We got our bags, walked outside, and almost dropped dead from the scorching temperature. It was like walking into a bathroom with the heater on after someone had taken a scalding hot shower. I had never felt anything like it in my life. It was most definitely way too harsh for my thin California blood.
“It’s ten in the morning, why is it so hot and sticky outside? This is a nightmare!” I said to Pixie.
Despite the shitty weather, I was just happy to finally be in New York. I was even more stoked to be spending it
with Pixie, who was also a virgin to the city. I knew running into Dresden was inevitable because he and Bam were close friends, but I wasn’t about to let that ruin my vacation.
Already dripping with sweat, Pixie and I flagged down a cab, threw our bags in the trunk, and braced ourselves for our ten day adventure in New York City.
“Where ya going?” the cabby asked.
“Take us to Brooklyn!” I said with a smile.
Table of Contents
Copyright
FOREWORD BY DAVE ZINK
PREFACE
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
1 VALLEY GIRL
2 PUPPY LOVE, BRAWLING, AND DISCOVERING HOLLYWOOD
3 HIGH SCHOOL, BAKED SQUASH, AND HANDCUFFS
4 IS THAT A BOYFRIEND I SMELL?
5 WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE!
6 BOILING BUNNIES
7 GIRLFRIEND OF A (PSUEDO) ROCK STAR
8 EMANCIPATION, CHEATING, AND REBOUNDS
9 I’M SO GOTH I SHIT BATS
10 CRAZY? DON’T MIND IF I DO!
11 DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YA WHERE THE GOOD LORD SPLIT YA!
12 FIRST LOVE…OR NOT
13 SOCIAL RESUSCITATION
14 LET ME CLUB YOUR HEART LIKE A SEAL
preview of: WALKING CONTRADICTION: The Crackpot Chronicles
Rock and Roll High School: Growing Up in Hollywood During the Decade of Decadence Page 33