Undraland

by Mary E. Twomey

Twenty-Two.

  Sharing a Bedroom with Jens

  I slept. I don’t know for how long. When I awoke, there was no bustle about the house, so I guessed it was nighttime. Dim light filtered in from the window under the shade, illuminating touches of the room. While I slept, someone had put Henry Mancini in bed with me. For that, I was grateful. His fur was warm, and his snout rested across my arm as he slept peacefully.

  Linus had kept a secret from me. A big one. He broke our pact, our us-against-the-parents deal we made when we were kids that we would never keep secrets from each other. We’d pricked our fingers and swore a blood oath, making it official. We were dramatic six-year-olds, but leaving your friends as often as we did made us cling to each other all the more.

  I turned over in the bed and found a head of messy black hair leaning against the bedside. Jens was sleeping upright sitting on the wood floor, which I couldn’t imagine being very comfortable.

  Good.

  I kissed Henry Mancini and slipped out of bed, tiptoeing toward the door. I tried to think thoughts of invisibility, but one of the floorboards gave me away. A hand shot out in the dark and wrapped around my ankle. I tripped and fell, smashing my knee into the ground. “Ow! What was that for?”

  “You can’t sneak off, Lucy,” Jens scolded, releasing my leg when he was certain I wouldn’t run. “Sorry. You alright?”

  I crawled away from him in the dark, kicking at him for some distance. “I’m fine. And I wouldn’t leave without Henry Mancini, so you can unclench.”

  “You cracked your knee pretty good. Let me take a look.” He lifted my dress over my knee to examine it, but I yanked it back down.

  “I’m wearing a dress, Jens! Hands off. Jeez!”

  He lifted his arms in surrender. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Did I hurt you?”

  I gesticulated wildly. “Are you serious? That’s all you ever do! Go back to sleep. I just wanted to get a glass of water.”

  “I’m sorry, okay? When Linus got sick again when he was seventeen, I…”

  “He wasn’t seventeen. We were seventeen! You had a secret with my best friend in the world, and you both kept it from me for years! Why was I kept in the dark by everyone I loved? Why?” I stopped my tirade and shook the crazy out of my head as best I could. “No. We’re not doing this. I’m getting water, and you’re going back to sleep.” I rubbed my sore knee, waiting for the sting to fade before I stood.

  Henry Mancini hopped off the bed and scampered over to lick my purple toenails.

  Jens petted Henry Mancini, earning a few licks to his palm. “So, that’s how you’re playing this one? Shut it all off and bury it where everything else got shoved?”

  “I could crawl into a hole of despair, cry until I die and see if that pays the bills. I never tried that one before.”

  “Can’t you have a normal conversation without sarcasm?”

  “I don’t know. Can you talk out of your mouth instead of your butt?”

  “I guess you can’t. You’re such a child.”

  I laughed bitterly. “A child. You’re funny. No, Jens. I’m old. I’m too old to have patience for people who can’t handle their own feelings. I didn’t imagine what almost happened here yesterday.”

  “Nothing happened!” he argued, clearly agitated.

  “That’s why I said ‘almost’.” I shook my head at him, donning a superior tone now that I’d regained the upper hand. “Wow. That hit a nerve. Do you want to talk about it? Or are you going to use sarcasm to cover over that place inside where you keep all the bad things buried?”

  “Now who’s talking out of her butt?” he jabbed lamely.

  “Now who’s the child?” I pointed out, gladly earning the glare he shot at me. I reached down to pet Henry Mancini, but my hand landed on his instead. “Don’t touch my dog,” I said as I cast his grubby mitt aside.

  “He’s not a dog. Henry Mancini’s a wolf.” Jens turned his wrist and caught onto my hand, holding it in the dark. I could hear his breathing grow heavy as we glared at each other.

  Then slowly, without warning, the mood shifted. The anger fused with intensity, and hanging between us was something raw and unbalanced. His grip on my hand tightened as he moved into my body space, leaning me back onto the floor. The motion was so smooth and swift, I didn’t have time to resist it. I lay beneath his hovering body and felt neurons firing from head to toe, transferring energy and multiplying it without my permission. My arm was pinned to the ground next to my head, but instead of feeling helpless, I was emboldened.

  Jens sniffed my hair, and then pulled up, studying my face for some sort of answer to all of his unspoken questions.

  I let go of the ripcord and bunched my hand in his shirt. “Stop pissing me off,” I growled, and then yanked him down.

  Jens gave in to my gravitational pull. I gave in to the need I had been trying to live without. The instant his lips crashed onto mine, I felt an eruption from inside my chest. Passion, emotion, fury and something beautiful bloomed and blossomed and burst again and again as we kissed.

  I wrapped my legs around his waist and rocked us until I was on top, and he was my prisoner. I shoved his hands to the floor beside his head and reveled in the surprise mixed with unbridled lust on his face as he jerked his chin up to beg for more of my mouth. His need was captivating and oddly heady, so I indulged him.

  I indulged myself.

  Neither of us liked the submissive role on the floor. Jens pulled a fast one and rolled me so I was beneath him again, but instead of attacking like the animals we were in the moment, he slowed. His kisses were filled with just as much passion, but he took the time to relish every brush of our lips. Each movement was a plea for understanding, for acceptance, for something he needed only from me.

  I gave it to him. Whatever it was. Whatever he needed. I gave it all up for the taking. He kissed me in lengthy strides, and for once, our mouths worked for our benefit. He kissed the snark straight out of me. He took away the anger I could not put words to. He put value to the parts of me I secretly tore down and treasured the bits of me I was unsure about.

  He kissed me slowly until I was trembling beneath him, a jumble of emotions and stimulated nerves. “Better,” he whispered into my cheek as he allowed me a moment of reprieve from the intensity. “Better than I ever imagined it.”

  “I give it a seven,” I responded once my voice came back to me. We both sounded like we’d run a marathon.

  Jens snorted into my neck, collapsing on top of me. “Sorry. You can’t make jokes when I’m like this. Seven out of how many?”

  “Indeterminate.”

  “Oh, man. That’s a five-syllable word. I haven’t scrambled your brains enough.” He kissed me again, a savoring one to remind us both that what just happened had indeed occurred. He made a noise under his breath, a sort of “mm”, like I was a delicious dessert he could not get enough of. I was very aware that I was wearing only a thin dress.

  “That was better than I imagined it, too, for the record.”

  He rolled off me and propped himself up on his elbow, his other hand tracing the contours of my face. “You fantasized about kissing me?” Henry Mancini whined for attention, so Jens gave him a clumsy pat.

  “No. Well, yes, but I meant for my first kiss. Spent a lot of time picturing it. I’m glad it was with you. That was incredible.”

  Jens covered his face with his free hand. “I forgot that was your first kiss. I’m sorry, Loos. There were no flowers. No romance. I pretty much just attacked.”

  I smirked, giving him one light brush with my lips. “That’s the thing about chemistry. Explosive if you do it right.”