The Blessing Seer

by Paula Mowery

  When I entered the house, the phone was ringing. I sprinted for it before the voicemail switched on.

  “Hello?”

  “You sound out of breath.” It was Griffey.

  “Yeah, I was just getting in.”

  “Hon, I don’t think I’ll make it home to get you. You’ll have to drive. Sorry.”

  “Everything OK?”

  “Yes, we had to call a quick building meeting because of some construction decisions. The new nursery windows weren’t the right size.”

  “OK, I’ll see you at prayer meeting. Love you.”

  “Love you.”

  I glanced at my watch. Elianna’s Wednesday classes ended late, and she’d always go straight to church from the college. I was on my own so I didn’t need to worry about supper. I had about thirty minutes to prop my feet before I needed to get ready for Wednesday night prayer meeting and choir practice.

  A quiet moment. And, the recliner was free. I pulled the side lever to extend the foot rest and let out a long sigh. But instead of rest, I wondered. Was I standoffish today? I truly attempted to have a normal day, but when it comes to interacting with people, no one has to tell me I’m timid and backward—to the point of awkward—when communicating. Of course, if you saw me with my family or Emily, you’d think I had a split personality. With those I am particularly close to, I open up freely. I know I’m not to have that kind of feeling with everyone I meet, but I do wish my mouth wouldn’t freeze up so often.

  I wanted to make a difference for God. This had been on my mind lately. What could I do that would be of significance? I didn’t possess the gifts Griffey had neither did I have Emily’s outgoing, magnetic personality. Still, I longed to do something that counted, not to be famous or remembered, but something for God, who has done so much for me. What was there for me? Were these visions some type of gift?

  I leaned my head back and closed my eyes for what I thought was only a moment—until I opened them and noticed the clock on the wall in front of me. I slammed the chair back into its upright position and jumped to my feet. I threw on slacks and a sweater and ran a brush through my hair. Since it was a seven minute to drive from our house to the church, I would arrive with about three minutes to spare, depending on the parking available.

  I sped toward the church, catching every red light on the way, and located a parking place that required a little longer walk. Upon entering the sanctuary, I spotted a vacant pew-end about two ahead of the back row and tiptoed to it. Perfect timing. Griffey had just begun to greet everyone with a “Good evening.” He discreetly scanned the crowd; when his eyes met mine, he smiled. I understand the meaning—he was making sure I had arrived safely. I smiled back and gave him a wink.

  After sharing updates on the prayer list Griffey launched into the study for the night. I remembered he had been doing a series of teachings about spiritual gifts.

  “Tonight, I believe we will focus on why we have spiritual gifts and what we should do with them.”

  I thought back to the spiritual gifts inventory we took just a few weeks ago. My results showed my gifting in the areas of discernment and encouragement.

  “…we rob the body of Christ if we do not utilize the gifts we have been given.”

  A twinge of jealousy entered my mind. Griffey possessed the gift of teaching and speaking. I have seen no other man embody the qualities of a pastor/shepherd like my husband. Sometimes I believe I’m a hindrance to him and, especially, his ministry.

  “…but we should not envy the gifts of others. There is no gift more important than another. Some are just more visible, and we humans tend to place those gifts in higher standing than others that might involve working behind the scenes.”

  I smiled at that little scolding from God sent through Griffey’s words.

  After the Bible study, I went to see Griffey before heading off to choir.

  “You dozed off in my recliner, didn’t you?” He crossed his arms and cocked an eyebrow.

  “Yep.”

  “You probably needed it.”

  “I made it before the preacher started.” I flashed him a teasing smile.

  “Oh, and by the way, you need not involve everyone else when your teaching message is just for me. Must you stomp your wife’s toes?”

  He flashed the grin this time.

  ****

  Thursday evenings I meet with a small group of women at our church for Bible study. I stopped by Peggy Jo’s Bakery for a variety box of their donut holes. I thought I might encourage with a little something sweet.

  I pulled my car into a space in front of the fellowship hall, turned off the engine, then sat there a moment, wondering if I should disclose my visions to the group or not. I felt fairly close to these women. We had shared an abundance of prayer time over various happenings in our lives, but I still didn’t feel close enough to reveal something so private. Being the pastor’s wife, I couldn’t be sure that one of them wouldn’t feel inclined to pass along the information. And, anyway, the visions could have stopped already. Why stir up something? What if they thought I’d lost my mind? That’s what I’d think if someone divulged with me she was having visions. I had to be honest. That would be my reaction to such news.

  Once I stepped inside, the chattering made it easy to tell that a group of women were meeting. You’d have thought the place was full, but there were only ten of us when we all made it.

  Emily brought us to order with a prayer. Normally we began by watching a video segment and discussion followed. However, one of the women, Sue, asked if we might begin differently.

  “I am not usually one to stray from our study. This is mostly due to the fact that I am learning how to do Bible study as we go along. But, God has impressed a passage of Scripture on me that I feel I’m to share.”

  Sue proceeded to read from Deuteronomy. The verses focused upon God instructing the people. Specifically, He told them if they would obey, they would receive blessing. If they didn’t obey, they would receive curses.

  “I’m not sure why God pointed out those particular verses to me. Of course, Thanksgiving is fast approaching. I connect blessings with that holiday.” Sue shrugged and gazed around the circle of women with questioning eyes.

  I hoped the ladies couldn’t detect the accelerated speed of my heart. Emily glanced at me and winked. I believe that was her way of saying calm down.

  “So, do we miss out on blessings when we don’t obey?” another woman said.

  The question caused my hands to tremble ever so slightly. In my nervousness, I began to shake my leg up and down.

  “I believe that can be possible,” Emily said.

  “What do you think, Addy?” Sue said.

  I felt every eye on me. I needed to answer, yet I didn’t want to appear as shocked as I was inside to hear the same words I had discussed with Conrad and grappled with over the last few days.

  “I think … I believe that we most certainly can miss out on blessings due to our disobedience or not following God’s directives. I have often wondered what blessings I have missed out on because I either ignore the answer I receive or I don’t even try to find God’s will by discerning it through the Holy Spirit by use of Scripture.”

  I suppose the women weren’t expecting me to have such an extensively thought out answer. They looked at me quite speechless. After an awkward moment of silence, Emily posed another question. I didn’t hear the question. I was happy and relieved to have the focus taken from me.

  Finally, we began our video. I couldn’t concentrate. Was God trying to get some message across to me? Could this be the beginning of doing something significant for Him? I had to learn the other thing Conrad advised me—to not fear. That alone was very difficult—next to impossible—when I couldn’t understand what was happening and why I was being pulled out of my comfort zone.

  I stayed after study concluded to help Emily store the equipment and talk with her.

  “Emily, what is God trying to tell me? That discussion c
ouldn’t have been coincidence. Of all the subjects in the world, Sue brings up blessing. I’m freaked out!”

  “Addy, calm down. I know it was overwhelming to have that brought up. But, instead of being freaked out, why not feel blessed?”

  “Blessed?” My voice cracked.

  “Yeah, Addy. God is using you and obviously preparing to use you more. Isn’t that a good thing?”

  “I know. I know. I just wish I could choose how He would use me. It wouldn’t be this way.”

  “Maybe that’s the point—out of the comfort zone and into letting Him lead.”

  “I don’t want out of my comfort zone. It’s safe there.” I poked out my lip like a pouting child. Emily attempted to reassure me with a hug.

  4

  Fridays are especially anticipated in our home. Griffey has always taken that day off. Unless something unexpected happens, like a death in the church, we try to spend time together. When Elianna was small, the three of us would go shopping or take a picnic to the park. Now that our grown daughter is a busy college student, she can rarely join us. I miss her, but I must admit that time alone with my husband is nice. His occupation means I’m required to share him with a whole congregation of people.

  “It’s so pretty this morning; let’s go for a drive,” Griffey said.

  “OK. I’ll spring for a chicken biscuit if you’ll pull through the drive-thru.”

  “Sounds good.”

  He kissed my forehead and grabbed his keys and cell phone.

  After picking up our food, I fixed Griffey’s biscuit by folding the paper wrapper down for him. I opened his straw and stuck it into his large sweet tea. As we ate our breakfast, Griffey headed toward a local park. He slowed when we came to an area overlooking the lake. A pullover spot ahead was vacant, so he eased the car into it. He was quiet for a bit as he finished the biscuit and washed it down with a big swig of sweet tea.

  I looked out my window. In the foreground, trees were trying to hold on to the last of their leaves. The ground already had disappeared, covered by a bed of crisp foliage. Just beyond the widely spaced grove, the lake water resembled a mirror with a black base and sunlight glinting in various areas. In the backdrop, mountain ridges jutted up in deep hues of purple.

  “Wow! How gorgeous is that?” Griffey said.

  “Mmm, absolutely beautiful.”

  He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Kevin came to see me yesterday.”

  I turned from the landscape to give Griffey my attention. “Oh yeah?”

  “Yes, he’s gonna speak next Sunday night. After talking with him, I’m sure God’s calling him. I told him I would be glad to give him opportunities to preach.”

  “He’s blessed to have you as a mentor.”

  “I don’t know about that, but I do wish I had had more support when I was young. It’s the least I can do.” He stared out the front window for a moment. I had a feeling I knew what he was thinking. He had told me that his father had mixed feelings about him becoming a minister. Reverend Townsend had been a wonderful pastor during his years of service, yet he knew the toll the occupation had taken on his family and himself. He wasn’t sure he wished that on his only son. But, Griffey couldn’t ignore his calling even knowing the good, the bad, and the ugly of full-time Christian service.

  “I know Emily will be grateful for your input and support.” I turned back to the picturesque view.

  “So, have you had any more visions?”

  “No, but out of the blue Sue brought up blessings at Bible study last night. I about freaked out, but Emily was there, thank goodness.”

  “Why did you freak out?”

  I turned back toward him with eyebrows raised. “Because I don’t know what God is trying to tell me. If He expects me to speak, well that is totally out of my comfort zone. I’m just plain ol’ me. I don’t have much to offer.”

  “Why are you so shocked and resistant to God using you?”

  “I don’t know … I just don’t have the gifts …”

  Tears began to sting my eyes, threatening to fall. My lip quivered. Griffey cupped my face in his hands and gazed directly into my eyes.

  “You have everything you need if you’ll just trust Him. I know it’s not easy climbing out on that limb, but the view is incredible.”

  I leaned my head forward resting it on his shoulder. A tear finally escaped. Was I brave enough to climb out? Did I truly want God to use me?

  Griffey’s cell phone rang, causing me to jolt upright. He answered, and I knew from his tone that he wouldn’t get the whole day off. As he talked to whoever was on the other end, I studied him. Maybe he understood more than I gave him credit for. He could relate to being called to do something that couldn’t be done without God. He snapped the phone shut and looked at me apologetically.

  “Miss Myrtle is back in the hospital. Do you want me to drop you by the house?” He took another sip of tea and reached for the car’s ignition.

  “No, I’ll go with you.”

  Another area which makes it clear my husband is gifted as a pastor/shepherd is his interaction with people in times of crisis. I tell him it’s no wonder why his congregation calls upon him so often; he knows just what to say when someone is sick or injured or grieving a loss in death. I actually enjoy tagging along hoping I might learn something.

  Griffey located Myrtle’s room. As we walked in, her face lit with a smile.

  “There’s my preacher and his wife.” She clasped her hands in front of her chest.

  “Hello, Miss Myrtle. What are you doing in here, young lady?”

  He spoke a little louder than normal since Miss Myrtle is far from young. In fact, the church had celebrated her ninetieth birthday just a month ago. She giggled with glee at his greeting, and I could hear Elianna’s words in my head. “I just love old people!”

  I loved them, too.

  As Griffey did all the talking, I just stood by and smiled. I supposedly had the gift of encouragement, but I didn’t get the gift for voicing it. I feared in delicate situations such as this one was, I’d say the wrong thing.

  We visited a few moments longer and then Griffey prayed before we left. The sparkle in Miss Myrtle’s eyes said it all. Her pastor had encouraged her with his presence and the perfect words of comfort.

  God used Griffey in ways I think Griffey himself was not even aware. I remember when I first met him, he was painfully shy. God molded him into a bold proclaimer of His Word as well as a compassionate shepherd. I had witnessed God’s handiwork, and I was a proud wife.

  I couldn’t help but think if God had transformed Griffey and used him so mightily, then surely He could do something with me. I knew I had to be a willing student, but I was so hesitant, even afraid. I desired to do something significant for God, but I wanted it in my comfort zone. That is not always how God works.

  ****

  The afternoon had been promised to Elianna because she needed to shop for items for her mission trip. Shopping isn’t Griffey’s idea of fun, especially with two determined women. He was saved by the men’s ministry and their annual “leaf relief” to Griffey’s relief. The men were raking leaves at precisely the same time as our shopping spree. He did offer to meet us for a late lunch, though. Elianna and I just laughed and sent him off with a leaf blower, rake, and work gloves.

  Not long after his departure, we climbed into my car and headed for our local mall.

  “Mom, thanks for encouraging me to go on this trip. I suppose the thought of being out of my comfort zone—way out like all the way to Africa out—made me fearful.” Elianna said as she checked her makeup in the passenger mirror.

  “The ‘all the way to Africa’ part bothers me a little bit, too,” I admitted with a sigh, glancing her way.

  “I just want to do what God wants me to. You know, make a difference. Does that sound crazy?” She leaned toward me with desperation in her eyes.

  “Not at all.” I grinned and patted her leg. The only thing that sounded crazy was that
I wanted to do the same thing. But while Elianna was young with her whole life ahead of her to prepare and follow God’s will, statistically speaking, I probably had only another forty years to accomplish something significant. Had I wasted half my life spinning my wheels when it came to God’s will?

  I didn’t want to miss out on any more blessings due to my lack of obedience. If Elianna could climb out on a limb and go to Africa, then surely I could make the climb too.

  ****

  Sunday morning came around way too soon, and I made my way to the nursery, which is my post during Sunday School. I enjoy getting a baby fix each week. Griffey and I thought we would never have children, even though we wanted them. Elianna had been a definite blessing, and sometimes it’s hard to believe she’s a grown woman.

  I held little Caleb first. I took in his sweet facial features and remembered the struggle his parents went through to finally conceive. He was such a miracle. Come to think of it, this whole room was filled with blessings.

  “…so has your husband talked to Bill?” Beatrice said as I cuddled with the two-month-old infant. Bill was Beatrice’s oldest son.

  I scanned my brain to figure out what she was talking about. I had no idea, and in my hesitation her tone raised.

  “You know Bill and that whole situation. I just wanted to know what happened.” Her face had reddened, and she crossed her arms.

  “Beatrice, I really don’t know what you’re talking about. I …” I placed Caleb back in the crib and turned my full attention to her.

  “Well, he came to talk to the pastor!” Her pitch raised into a frustrated tone.

  “My husband is confidential. I don’t know about everyone he sees or what they discuss. Griffey really feels strongly about keeping confidences with those he counsels.”

  “Umph!” She turned on her heels and stomped to the other side of the room.

  My flesh wanted to “umph” her back, but I controlled myself. I suppose everyone has someone that makes them want to lose their religion from time to time. Mine was Beatrice, and there was no avoiding her. She headed the nursery department. Admittedly, she did a wonderful job of that, but her other skill was to irk the pastor’s wife. I was grateful when she strode off to the toddler room.