by Paula Mowery
“I guess not.” The admission came out slowly.
Until Emily said it aloud, I had avoided that thought.
Since Miss Gladys’s funeral, I had thought a lot about my mom. Talking with Dr. Reeves about his wife had also conjured memories.
When I left Emily’s house, I drove toward the old historic district and pulled in front of the house my mother grew up in which was the same house I grew up in until we had to sell it to cover her mounting doctor bills. It didn’t look much different except now there was no peeling paint. The current residents kept its original white color with green shutters and gray porch. Three concrete steps led onto the big front porch. As a child I’d sit and look at all the other homes up and down the street. Just as dusk would set in, bright lights would reveal families laughing around the dining table. Sometimes during the summer, when darkness would hold off longer in the evening, those families would play in their front yards.
Across the street there was a couple who had two sons—Dr. Reeves and his wife, Twila. They would play croquet while their mother chased them with bug spray to ward off the mosquitoes. During winter, the game changed into building snowmen.
Oh, sure, our house looked the same from the outside—flowers in the window boxes and manicured bushes. But, never do I remember laughing over supper together or playing gaily outside. But, sitting on that step each evening watching those other families, I dreamed of what they had. Often I had to concentrate hard to drown out the harsh yelling coming from inside the house.
As I stared at that old porch I remembered the evening my father pushed past me there on the step—a suitcase with clothes sticking out the sides haphazardly in his hand. That was the same evening my mom told him my sister’s illness was leukemia. I didn’t try to stop him, but just stayed there on my step. Then suddenly, someone had sat beside me.
“Fear not. Do not be discouraged…”
“Conrad!” With that realization, I snapped back to the present and covered my gaping mouth with my hand. How could that be? Was I remembering correctly? No wonder he seemed so familiar. But, who was he? He said he was a messenger for Someone of supreme importance.
I picked up my cell phone and punched Griffey’s number.
“Hello? Hon?”
“Do you believe in angels? Like guardian angels? Messengers from the Lord?”
“Um, yes, Addy, where are you? Are you all right?”
“Yes, I’ll see you at home.”
When the garage door went up, I didn’t remember exactly how I’d gotten there. Griffey arrived seconds after me. I was gulping down a diet soda when he found me in the kitchen. He gripped my shoulders and looked me intensely in the eyes.
“Are you OK?”
“I think so.” I nodded.
He took my empty hand and led me to the table. We sat down, knees touching.
“I went by the house I grew up in and sat there remembering. I watched as my father brushed past me never to be seen again.”
“You’ve remembered that before.”
“Yes, but then I saw Conrad telling a ten-year-old me to fear not.”
“Conrad. The man who was strolling in the neighborhood talking about blessings?” Griffey’s voice revealed an edge of disbelief.
“Yes, I know it sounds crazy, but he was so familiar. He was there that day.”
Griffey grabbed my hands. “You asked me on the phone if I believe in angels.” He leaned forward, brows furrowed. “Is that what you think he is?”
Did I detect a tone of condescension? I swallowed at the lump in my throat. “I don’t know. I just don’t know.” I shook my head.
Did Griffey think he had the corner of the market on revelation from the Lord? I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. That wasn’t fair to him. He was only trying to understand and be helpful—the counselor in him. I didn’t know the answers. My emotions were raw from memories, and my head fogged with frustration of the unknown.
****
On Wednesday morning I was anxious to get to work. I had to talk with Dr. Reeves again. I simply couldn’t bear the thought that he might miss the blessing in my vision. When I stepped through the back door into the employee lounge, Dr. Reeves stood at the counter pouring a cup of coffee.
“Good morning, Dr. Reeves.” I startled him.
“Oh, Addy, good morning. Coffee?” He held up the coffee pot.
“Nope. Got my diet coke.” I wiggled my plastic bottle. “That’s my coffee.”
“Ah yes, I remember.” He turned to his cup and added cream and sugar. “I guess Elianna is about ready to leave on her trip.” He carried his cup to the table and sat down.
“Yes, she leaves Saturday. She is so excited.”
“Can’t wait to hear about it when she returns.”
There it was the perfect opening. “What about you? Have you thought more about a mission trip for yourself? I mean, you’re bringing in an associate after the holidays so you can retire next year. Seems like perfect timing to me. I’ve never seen you as the go-home-and-sit-in-the-rocking-chair type.”
He looked at me quite puzzled. He must be wondering when I had become so bold. Quite out of character for me. His face softened.
“I never would have labeled you a dreamer.” He chuckled and sipped his coffee.
“You have no idea,” I said softly to myself.
“I’m sorry?”
I moved closer to him.
“Dr. Reeves, you have no idea how God might bless you and many others if you will obey His call.” My voice had taken on a desperate tone. It sounded almost like pleading. He looked in my eyes a moment longer, and then turned his back to me.
“I better get this coffee down. It’s about time for our first patient.” There was a hint of sadness in his voice. He fumbled a moment at the counter before exiting at a rapid clip.
I hoped I didn’t offend him. I would never want to do that. But, the thought of him missing this wondrous blessing filled my heart with despair. I recalled the sorrow on Conrad’s face at the mention of how many blessings from God aren’t received, and I knew God had to grieve when His children failed to follow the route which led to His favor.
****
At Bible study, the women surrounded Elianna and me in a group prayer. We prayed for her safety and that her work would be productive. Their sincerity touched me. As the prayer drew to an end, I noticed my eyes were not the only ones wet with tears.
Prayers were not the only things that caused my emotion. I could still see the picture from my vision of a smiling Elianna. As each woman spoke a prayer for my daughter and for me, their love and concern was evident. Their prayers surrounded us like embracing arms. I had never felt so cared for. Another blessing from God—Christian people who behave like Christ.
I continued to feel that peace as Elianna and I spent most of Friday packing for her trip. She was limited to one suitcase and one carry-on. We had to get strategic in our packing to make sure she had everything she needed.
Griffey walked into the room while she was struggling to zip it shut, and I was sitting on top.
He crossed his arms and laughed a bit. “How about you two take a lunch break? We’ll go to Justin’s and then we’ll go by the store and pick up some of those plastic bags they advertise on TV. You know the ones that you push out the air and it compresses the clothes? I don’t know if they work, but it looks like you better try.”
The bags helped immensely, and that evening with everything finally stuffed into Elianna’s luggage, Griffey and I drove her to the airport. She hugged us both and wiped away my tears.
“Mom, don’t cry. I’ll be back before you know it.”
I said those very words to her when I left her for her first day of preschool. I nodded, blinking.
“By the way,” she added. “There’s a possibility we will have access to a computer sometime during the trip, so check your e-mail. Love you!”
Still unable to speak, I watched as she joined the others in the group. They mean
dered down the hallway leading to their gate talking in excited tones. Griffey put his arm around my shoulders.
“Come on, Mom. She’ll be fine.”
As we drove away from the airport, I watched planes take off and fly overhead. I silently prayed again for Elianna’s safety and thanked God for the blessing she was bound to receive.
****
Sunday morning focused heavily upon blessings again, because Thanksgiving was approaching. My work schedule changed that week, and I now was scheduled to work only Monday and Tuesday, so no more Chinese on Tuesday for a while.
That Monday morning I met Dr. Reeves in the lounge again as I arrived.
“Morning.” I mumbled.
“Not a good morning?” He prodded gently.
“I suppose so. Elianna left for her mission trip on Saturday. It’s strange without her around, but I know she’ll be blessed by this trip. I wouldn’t deprive her of that.”
“Yes.” He gave a heavy sigh and his shoulders slumped a bit.
“Dr. Reeves, are you OK? You seem a little down.”
“Aw, I guess. Holidays can be hard.”
“Are you going to see your sons for Thanksgiving?”
“Yes, Joe and his wife and the two grandchildren.” He smiled. “What a mess they are!”
“I’m sure! You know, Griffey probably has some connections if you change your mind about a mission trip. I bet your son might even be interested.”
He waved a hand dismissively. “I’ll leave the jet-setting to the young folk. I’ve got plenty of mission right here.”
He definitely seemed to have his mind set against any idea of going on a mission trip and I was afraid my encouragement would begin to feel like nagging.
Tuesday it was difficult to get up and head to work. I was so used to spending time to myself and with Emily. During lunch I called her.
“Hello?” Emily’s voice came over the phone line.
“Hey, you. What are you up to? I don’t like working on our day.”
“Hey. I actually had to fix myself lunch—a peanut butter sandwich. Definitely not as good as Chinese with you.”
“Pray for me,” I asked.
“What’s the matter?”
“Dr. Reeves is so resistant. I don’t want it to seem like I’m nagging, but I can’t stand the idea of him missing that blessing.”
“I’ll pray, Addy, but you can’t force him.”
“I know. I better get back to work. See you Thursday afternoon.”
“OK.” I ended the call. I was glad to see the end of the day come. Dr. Reeves’s resistance truly frustrated me. I was at a loss for what else I could say to convince him. Why wouldn’t God step in? If only God would show Dr. Reeves what would happen, then he would know. But we have choices to make, and God lets us make them—even if He desires us to follow His way.
I obeyed Elianna’s request to check my e-mail each day. Several times. Wednesday afternoon I received a short email with a picture attached. The note simply stated she was having a great time, and the attached picture would communicate it all. I pulled it up. As it popped onto the screen, I gasped. The picture portrayed the exact scene from my vision. There was the rough wooden hut, the laughing children, and Elianna in their midst laughing along with them.
“Griffey!”
“Yeah, babe.” He walked up behind me.
“Look.” I pointed at the screen. “That was my vision.”
He studied the screen and then gazed at me. He smiled and I noticed a slight quiver in his lip. He leaned over and wrapped his arms around me. We held to each other for several moments with the picture of Elianna still before us. Then he kissed the top of my head.
“I love you.” His voice broke a little. He exited slowly.
I studied the screen once more before signing out. When the screen went black, I continued to praise God in my spirit for a while.
“OK, God, I don’t understand what You’re doing with me, but I’m trusting the best I can. Help my unbelief,” I whispered.
****
Since Griffey prefers a turkey sandwich over the big holiday meal, we opted for that simple Thanksgiving lunch. Emily, John, and Kevin were coming later. Because the men would have a football-watching marathon, we decided to have finger foods for the afternoon. Elianna’s absence felt strange, and I was counting down the hours until she arrived back home.
After the men settled in the family room surrounded by snacks and drinks, Emily and I took our coffee into the office and turned on the laptop. I leaned over the desk to twist on the small lamp on the wall. I rolled Griffey’s chair from his large desk over to my little corner for Emily, and I plopped into my small chair. As the computer came to life, I scooted closer to my small student desk and glanced at my dry erase calendar just ahead where Elianna’s return date was circled in red. This space had become my quiet time destination. My Bible and prayer journal perched on my desk shelf, and the current Bible verse I was working into my memory was pinned to the small cork strip under the calendar. On a lower shelf were stacked Bible dictionaries, handbooks, and commentaries.
“Emily, I have to show you something.” I brought up the picture Elianna had emailed. “Looks like she’s having a good time.” Emily leaned in toward the screen.
“That was my vision.”
“What do you mean?” Emily sat back crossing her arms.
“When I had the vision about Elianna, I saw this very scene right down to the hut in the background—everything exactly like that.”
I gestured toward the scene still on the screen. Emily looked again at the picture and back at me.
“Again, wow. What can I say?”
I shook my head not knowing what to say either, so instead I talked about our plans to go shopping. With Elianna out of the country this year it would be just Emily and me. We’d offered to take the men, but they’d given us a hearty “no thanks.”
We aren’t quite as crazy as others who get up early and head out to get the best deals. Our strategy has always been to start out about ten o’clock. By that time all of the early birds must go home for a nap. The goal of shopping on this day was just to say you went, and we rarely purchased much in the way of gifts for Christmas.
Emily looked at me like she was preparing to speak. It wasn’t like her to be hesitant. “What, Emily? Has something come up and you need to cancel?”
“Um, I’m curious. Are you going to tell Elianna about your visions?” She tilted her head and pursed her lips in her probing way.
I stood and swiped some dust from the lamp above the desk. “I don’t know. I have thought about it, but I don’t want her to think her mom has gone off the deep end.” I turned back and bit at my bottom lip.
“I don’t believe she would think that.” Emily shook her head.
“What did you think when I first told you?” I sank back into my chair facing her, our knees almost touching.
“Honestly, I was skeptical, but I wanted to support you, whatever.” She shrugged.
“Right, even if I was a loon, you still wanted to support me.” I laughed.
“Seriously Addy, when you knew about Kevin … I truly could do nothing else but believe God is giving you visions. I’m sorry I ever had any doubt.” Her voice trailed off filled with emotion. Her eyes looked repentant.
I patted her knee. “You don’t have to say you’re sorry. I doubted myself at first.”
“Well, if you are to tell Elianna, you’ll know.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I considered telling Emily about my remembrance of Conrad and wondering if he was an angel. Then, I decided against it. I had tested her belief in my sanity enough lately.
“OK, shall we plan this shopping adventure?” Emily grabbed a sales paper from the mountain of ads stacked on the floor.
“Yep, let’s do it!” I thrust my fist into the air.
****
Saturday morning we arrived early and anxious at the airport only to fin
d there would be a slight delay of Elianna’s plane. I paced and stared out the large windows. Finally, the plane landed. When I spotted Elianna from a distance, I practically ran to her. We embraced and a few seconds later I felt Griffey’s arms wrap around both of us.
We took the escalator downstairs, and she talked the whole time. Her excitement was evident, and she hopped from subject to subject, barely breathing in between.
She held my arm and looked into my eyes intently. “Mom, you can’t even imagine how awesome the kids were. We couldn’t speak their language and yet we still communicated.” She turned to see if Griffey was nearby. “And, I was so worried about what we would eat, but the people were so accommodating. They had found out what American foods we might be used to.” She put both her hands on her chest. “Oh and the orphanage—I wanted to bring them all home with me.”
After retrieving her luggage, we climbed into the car, making our way through the crowded parking lot. “Oh, Mom, Dad, I went feeling like God would use me to touch lives, but God blessed me even more. Sometimes we have to be obedient to receive blessing—you said that, didn’t you, Mom?”
“Yes, dear, I believe that is true.”
Griffey shot me a quick glance.
“The picture I sent you- you got it, right?” She leaned toward the front seat.
“Yes, yes we got it.” I nodded.
“Well, anyway, that picture captures the very moment I knew what God wanted me to do with my life. I’m going to become a children’s minister.”
“You’ll be good at that,” Griffey said.
Looking in the mirror on my sun visor, I could see the look of pleasure on Elianna’s face when her father affirmed her.
I thought back to Conrad’s question: “If you knew the blessing someone could receive if they only obeyed God’s leading, would you tell them?” I had said yes but with a multitude of doubt. I was so glad he urged me to speak the truth. I’d never seen Elianna so sure, so driven. She glowed. What more could a mother ask for her child than to know she was following God’s plan for her life … to know He was blessing her?