by Casey Hays
“Everything Kate did the day she left,” Blaer begins. She nods toward the group. “I can speak for all of us when I say it touched us.”
“She killed Mona that day,” I remind her. “Did that touch you?”
“We don’t blame her,” Fallon answers. “We heard what happened. She defended herself.”
“She defended her mate,” I say, continuing to test them. “She disobeyed the Council, and they were going to punish her for it.”
“Did you help her?” Gina’s hard voice echoes from her place in the half-shadows. I shift toward her, confused.
“No.”
“I don’t mean then. Before. When her mate escaped, and she was tied to that tree for all that time? Did you help her?”
My mind trips backward to that day. Kate was injured—another harsh lesson by Mona’s hand. She begged me to help her get to the Pit, insisting that she had to rescue Ian. I didn’t want to help—I truly didn’t. But how could I tell her no? She was my best friend, and she was in trouble. I face Gina.
“Yes.”
“Then you’re already a rebel.”
A sharp breath sends an ache through my chest. I shake my head. “No.”
“Yes, you are,” Bridget grasps my hand in her tiny, fragile one, squeezing once. “We’re all scared, Mia. We’ve never in our lives considered such things, and they terrify us. But what Kate said? We all want that. We simply didn’t know how much until she made us see it.”
I attempt to pull my hand away, but her grip tightens.
“I want to be brave like her,” she continues, her eyes lighting. “I want to be free to learn to love without repercussions. I want to decide what I will do with my life.”
“We all do,” Fallon adds.
I stare at them, baffled by the conversation.
“What is your plan?” I ask timidly, very certain I don’t want to hear the answer.
Blaer smiles, leaning back a little. “We all have different ideas. Bridget wants to get Mark out of the Pit, same as you.”
I shift my gaze toward Bridget, and she nods anxiously. I see myself in her eyes. She has grown to care for her mate in the same way I did—with much stumbling and denial. So I say nothing to this. I can’t judge it.
“Fallon likes to a cook.”
“That’s right,” Fallon nods. “Molly lets me linger in the kitchen more than she should. She often says it’s a shame the Fish didn’t see the natural talent in me for preparing foods. And then her eyes snap to the skies in shame for defying him with her words.”
This, too, I cannot judge. How many times has Rhoda said something similar? Only she has no fear of the Moirai or the constellation rulers that I have ever seen. Being the most sought after physician must give her liberty. I address Gina.
“And you?”
Her lip twitches a few times as if she doesn’t intend to answer, but then her gruff voice fills the silence.
“I am a hunter,” she says. “I like it. But I do it because I want to—not because it’s my destiny.”
My shoulders relax into her answer. It’s a beautiful statement for a rough hunter. I smile, casting my eyes to the candle’s flame.
“I have always wanted to be a doctor,” I whisper.
“And so you should be.” Blaer’s hand drops onto my forearm. “That is why we’re here. To make these things happen somehow.”
To make these things happen…
I peer at her, and understanding settles over me.
“You aren’t planning to rebel against the Council,” I whisper. “You’re planning to fight Fate.”
Blaer’s satisfied smile is all the answer I need to know I’ve guessed correctly. I shake my head.
“It’s impossible, you know.”
“I don’t think so,” Blaer shrugs. “Kate managed it.”
“Did she?” I ask. “She’s gone, Blaer. Banished.”
“Self-imposed banishment,” Blaer corrects. “The Moirai had nothing to do with it.”
Exasperated, I stare at her.
“Kate would not approve of this. She didn’t care to spark a rebellion. She only wanted to save the life of one boy.”
“Perhaps,” Fallon lifts her brows. “But she’s done so regardless.” She pauses. “The rumors are thick. Is she lost to the desolate outside world as the Council would like us to believe? I can’t think so. She left with those boys. They belong somewhere, and they are proof that we have been lied to.”
I can’t argue with this. In the end, I believed Kate. I saw those giant boys with my own eyes, just as Bridget did, and I knew they had to have come from some place far more magical than anything our nursery could ever produce. But I don’t say this. I have no desire to encourage them. And still, quiet humming ignites inside me as the reality of their scheming begins to come into view.
“What are you going to do?”
My voice carries a deliberate caution. Silence answers me as the girls exchange wary glances. And then Blaer answers.
“We’re going to find Kate and bring her back.”
I stare in disbelief, my eyes scanning each girl in turn. “Why?”
“Because we need her.”
“That’s madness,” I whisper. “We don’t even know where she is.”
“Which is why we’re thoroughly preparing. In case we can’t find her, or in case she won’t come back.” Blaer shrugs one shoulder up to her ear.
“And if she won’t? What then?”
“We won’t come back either.”
I’m stunned. “You won’t come back? What will you do? How can you survive?”
“We have a hunter and a cook, see? And Bridget should have been a gardener.” Blaer smiles. “We’ll have no shortage of vegetables with her around. As for me, I’m stronger than I look. Plus, I can sew a skirt out of just about anything.” She pauses for emphasis. “All we need is someone who knows something about medicines and herbs.”
My disbelief clings to my sides. “You truly mean to do this?”
“Truly,” Fallon nods. “We’ll found our own village if need be.”
“You could bring your mate,” Bridget adds, a smile sliding into place on her pretty face. “And I’ll bring Mark. We’ll need to populate, of course. It will be an adventure.”
I frown. “This is not a game, Bridget. And how will you get him to leave the Pit?”
Her smile fades. “I—I don’t know.”
“Have you tried?”
“No.” She falls silent, a worried crease forming across her brow.
“It isn’t so easy.” I nod at her protruding belly, slightly bigger than my own. “And when the baby is ready to come? What then?”
The worried crease deepens. “I—” She looks at Blaer.
“I can deliver the baby,” Blaer concludes. I peer at her, doubtful, until she raises her chin defiantly. “I’ve done it before.”
I don’t believe her. “When?”
“I helped Meg deliver hers.”
The shocking statement sends me tumbling backward in time. I see Meg’s pretty, round face smiling at me from the past. The room blurs, the sounds of the girls’ quiet breathing magnifies into a pounding cacophony between my ears.
“I admit, it was a learning experience,” Blaer says with a shrug. “But it wasn’t so hard. Meg had an easy time of it fortunately. In fact, compared to what happened afterwards, it was the least painful experience of her life.”
My insides tighten as a conversation I had with Kate permeates my memories. She was certain there were others… other girls who felt as she did. Girls who were too afraid to stand up and say so. It appears I’ve found them.
“I didn’t know you and Meg… were close.”
Blaer shrugs again. “We had a few conversations over the years. We developed a respect for each other… and a kind of trust. We were a lot alike, I suppose.”
I nod absently.
“Her death…” Blaer’s voice fades. She tosses her eyes toward the others. “It kept me quiet�
� until now.” She glances at Gina and back at me. “Only Bridget and Fallon knew what I had done.”
A sudden pang of envy throttles me, and I purse my lips. Meg was my friend. She shared personal things with me including her feelings for her mate, and yet even I didn’t know she was pregnant until Kate told me. I study Blaer closely.
“Why are you speaking of it now?”
She smiles, tucking a loose piece of her light, red hair behind her ear. “Kate made me remember how it felt to follow my heart.”
Her face lights with something like hope, and my own heart flutters.
“Did you help Meg’s mate escape with her baby, then?” I whisper.
“Yes.”
“And you, Mia.” Bridget tilts her head, questioning. “How did you get your mate to leave his cage?”
“He left on his own.” My voice is harsher than I intend, but after a moment, I relent. “But before that, I did take him out. To the river.” When Bridget’s eyes brighten, I quickly add, “He was resistant. It took time for him to trust me.”
“Then I’ll start now,” she nods.
“You don’t have much time,” I warn. “The locksmiths are working on the locks every day.”
Bridget’s frightened face sears me, and I look away. I become aware of Chad’s leather token on my thumb, and I squeeze my fingers around it. All of this traitorous talk has made me wary, and a sudden urge to get away from these schemers consumes me. I stand, taking up the plate of food.
“I have to go.”
Blaer rises. “Are you with us, Mia?”
I shake my head, anxiety prickling, and the word rushes from my throat. “No.”
Blaer frowns. “So… you’re just going to keep him hidden for the rest of his life? You will get caught.”
I bend, picking up the other plate of food. “What I’ve done is already farther than I ever meant to go.” A chill shudders my body. “I’m not built for wilderness life. I had the chance to leave with Kate and Diana, and I didn’t take it. Why would I leave with you?”
A look of disappointment crosses all of their faces one by one. All except Gina, who scowls.
“You won’t leave because you’re a coward, Mia.”
I cringe, but I meet her hard gaze without arguing. “I’m well aware.”
Kate spent a majority of her time reminding me of how cowardly I was, sometimes without saying a single word. Our friendship was riddled with her efforts to convince me to try new things, ask questions, believe in something beyond this life. At the time, it was exasperating. I simply wanted her to be compliant and stay out of trouble. But Kate wouldn’t have it, and Mona’s punishments became almost a daily routine. I shudder now at the memory.
“Will you think about it?” Blaer’s hopeful expression makes me pause, both dishes balanced in my hands. “We need you.”
“I—” I toss a glance over the group. All of them carry the same hope in their eyes—even Gina beneath her hard mask—and I hate the feeling that wrenches me. Fallon tugs on the end of her light, brown braid, searching me out, but it is Bridget who tears at my heart. Hands clasped in her lap, her eyes are rimmed with tears, and one quickly escapes in a rush and scurries down her cheek. I know exactly how she feels. The blood pumps through the vein in my neck, and I swallow.
“I—I have to go.” I repeat. Balancing one dish on top of the other, I swing open the door and step out into the freshness of the night. Away from their leering, pleading eyes, I release a trembling breath.
I wish I hadn’t come here tonight.
Chapter 13
I
see Kate in a dream. She walks away from me down a narrow path. Her hair is unbraided, and the wind kicks up dust all around her. My feet hurry to catch her, but with each step, she grows smaller.
“Kate!”
She tosses a glance over her shoulder, but her eyes are unseeing. I wave my hands wildly.
“It’s me, Kate. Please wait! I’ve changed my mind. I want to come with you!”
She turns away… and disappears.
I jolt awake, tumble off the mat, and scramble to my feet.
“Kate?”
Silence screams at me from the darkness. I breathe deep and move toward my wash basin. The water is cool, and I splatter it against my cheeks to ward off the fear that causes my skin to tingle.
Before my meeting with Blaer, my nerves were already on edge. Now they seem to explode throughout my body and send my heart pumping at full speed. And in the quiet of the night, as the last wisps of the dream vanish, I begin to rethink what I’ve done.
I release a heavy sigh. I will be caught; I’ve no doubt. I can’t hide Chad forever, even if he were content to stay in that tiny cave for the rest of his life. And is he?
And what about me? Taking more than my share of food every day? Disappearing for hours at a time when I’ve no need to leave the Village at all? Neglecting my chores? These things call for suspicion. And Tara is watching me. I know it.
I frown, leaning the heels of my hands against the wash basin, my entire body trembling as my thoughts tumble around. I should have been more forceful with Chad, ordering him to return to the Pit. Perhaps it isn’t too late to remedy all of this. He listens to me. I’ll make him see reason. See that it’s for his own good, and more importantly that it will keep us both safe. I know he wants that. I’ll assure him that he can endure Ash’s abuse for just a bit longer, just until this baby is born. Then we can return to our former routine, and everything will be as it once was.
I pull nervously at the leather tie on my thumb and my heartstrings vibrate with a new ache. Do I really want this, or is it only the unsettling dream that changes my mind? Chad’s crooked smile invades my thoughts, and I’m suddenly lost in his light, brown eyes. The feel of his side pressed against mine as we lay together on the mat is vivid in my memory. I miss all of it.
But the desperate look on his face at the thought of another night with Ash invades, and I feel every ounce of his anguish.
I ease a shaky breath from my lungs, indecisive once again.
*
I’m nearly caught the very next day. When I don’t show up for the laundry, my assigned chore for the week, Tara sends two guards for me. I thought I was being careful, waiting until all the other women had cleared out of their hogans. I stepped out of my own hogan, food hidden in a blanket tied like a satchel. I was certain I would be back before noon—before anyone had to know I was gone.
That may have worked when I was still required to go to the Pit. Today, it was a foolish mistake.
The guards escort me to the Great Hall where Tara waits for my excuse.
“I wasn’t feeling well this morning,” I lie, clutching the satchel of food and trying to control the shaky tone in my voice. “I was only going to the river for a few hours until my stomach settled. I would have returned by noon to finish my share of the washing.”
Tara’s jaw clenches once, her eyes falling suspiciously over the blanket tucked under my arm.
“Pregnancy is a natural occurrence,” she growls. “And not to be used as an excuse. That earns you two lashes.”
My lip trembles, but I nod, and I take the strikes from her whip in complete submission.
I spend the rest of the morning at the river doing my part under the watchful eyes of the guards, and I worry over Chad. But by the time the last piece of clothing is rung out and hung to dry, I’ve perfected my new strategy.
I leave my hogan just after midnight with every intent of returning before the sun rises. I strap the blanket filled will food to my back and trudge out into the quiet darkness, watchful. I see no one, but that doesn’t mean the guards aren’t close by. Quickly, I make my way to the overgrowth of bushes and slip into the safety of their shadows.
Tonight, I cross the river for the first time in my life. Scaling the jutting rock path is a challenge, and I slip into the cold water more than once. It is a daunting task, and one I never imagined I’d find myself completing.
; The struggle to keep my footing causes me to be very mindful of the growing baby inside me. I’m fully aware that the crossing will become more difficult with each passing day. But when I step off onto the opposite embankment, a sense of accomplishment consumes me. And by the time I collapse into Chad’s arms, I’ve forgotten altogether how difficult a trek it was.
Safely inside his cave, we sit together on a thermal blanket I managed to wrangle from Rhoda with the story that I was chilled at night lately. Chad tears a piece of meat from a wild turkey leg and talks while he chews.
“I explored a little this morning. Up the bank. Not too far.” He reaches into his pocket. “I found this.”
He holds up a rock, perfectly rounded and dark brown. I take it. It’s cool and smooth in my palm.
“It reminds me of the color of your hair.” He finishes off the rest of the meat from the bone and wipes his hands on his thighs.
I run my thumb over the top of the rock and smile before I regard him closely.
“You need to careful, Chad. Someone could see you.”
“I am,” he nods. He takes the rock, squeezes it in his palm. “I wish you could stay, Mia. I don’t like being out here alone. It’s… different than being alone in my cave. The noises… they… they’re just different.”
He dips his head, his lips twitching upward slightly in an attempt to smile. I feel an opportunity in his words. Hesitantly, I take his hand.
“Do you… want to go back?”
I detect a tiny clenching of his jaw.
“What will happen to me if I do?”
“Nothing.” I pull up onto my knees, determined now. “There is a shortage of stock. This is why Ash was paired with you. I don’t think they will hurt you. They need you.”
He narrows his eyes. “Why is there a shortage?”
I shrug. “The Moirai have not blessed us with enough boys lately.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know why,” I shrug. “Perhaps… they aren’t pleased with us.”
I cringe as I say this because this possibility touches me closely. I harbor a runaway, and I very well could be partially to blame for the Moirai’s disapproval. There’s been plenty of rebelling around here lately between us all.