To Love Again: A Sweet Romance (Forty and Free Book 1)

by Lillianna Blake

  “You don’t have to be strong.” He brushed the back of his hand along the rise of her cheek. “This doesn’t have to be a war. What if, just for the time we’re here, we let go of the past? What if we allow ourselves to be in the moment with one another—just allow things to develop? What do you think of that?”

  “I think that’s a wonderful idea.” Her voice was quiet, but she was smiling now.

  “So we’ll make a pact then?” He offered his hand to her. “A fresh start.”

  “A fresh start.” She took his hand in a firm shake.

  Every muscle in Gavin’s body strained with the resistance against pulling her close. Too much, too fast, Gavin.

  But she didn’t let go of his hand. Her eyes locked to his.

  For an instant he thought he detected desire. He could only see it for a moment, because in the next her lips brushed against his. It was a tentative curious kiss, but it unleashed an irresistible passion within him.

  His arms wound around her lower back and pulled her close. His eyes fell shut as he sought to deepen the kiss. She retreated a little, but his mouth chased hers and drew her back with a slow savoring kiss. His entire body shivered as the force of his connection with her washed over him. Nothing existed but the delicate warmth of her lips and the weight of her body as it leaned into his.

  When she pulled away, he forced himself to loosen his grip around her waist, allowing the space despite his desire for more.

  She reached up and touched her bottom lip.

  “Did they betray you?” He smiled at the thought and then laughed at the question he could see on her face. “Your lips, I mean.” He had to force himself to look away from those beautiful full lips as he waited for her response.

  “I’m just surprised.”

  “Good surprised or bad surprised?” He pulled her close again. His lips neared hers but he hesitated. He wanted to hear her answer.

  “Good, definitely good.” She tilted her mouth toward his for another kiss.

  He was happy to oblige, though this time he heightened the passion. By the time the kiss broke, he was as breathless as she was.

  She rested her hand against his chest. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips puffed a bit from the pressure of the kiss.

  “We should stop.”

  “Give me one good reason.” He searched her eyes for evidence of why she might be afraid.

  “Because soon I won’t want to.”

  “And what’s wrong with that?” He smiled and dipped his mouth toward hers again.

  “No.” She leaned back in his arms to avoid the kiss. “I’m sorry, this isn’t what I want.”

  “What?” Frustration heated his cheeks. “Even after how that felt? You’re just going to walk away?”

  “No.” She cupped his cheeks and looked into his eyes. “I’m not going anywhere. But I prefer to take things slow. Okay?”

  “Oh.” He offered a half-smile. “Right. That’s fine with me.” He leaned forward, kissing her forehead instead of her lips.

  “We should probably get back before Tony sends out a search party.”

  “You might be right about that.” He laughed.

  He curled his arm around her waist as they walked—curved her body against his. When they neared the resort, a sound grabbed his attention. In actuality, it was more of a chant. In the distance he spotted a group of people engaged in movement.

  “Wow, look at that.” She pointed to the leader of the group, who stood on one leg with both arms straight into the air. “I don’t think I could do that.”

  “I don’t think I’d want to.”

  “Oh, stop.” She poked his side with gentle pressure. “I’m sure when you get out of your suit and tie you’re up for trying a lot of things.”

  “I don’t know about that.” He tilted his head to the side as he watched the entire group lean in one direction. “I’m not sure that I’d remain upright.”

  “But I thought you could take down a bear?”

  “Ah—well, yes I could. But only for you.”

  “So, you’ll do this for me too?” She grinned and slipped out of his grasp.

  “Wait—what?”

  She jogged toward the group.

  “Where are you going?” He frowned.

  She stopped at the back of the group and looked over her shoulder at him. With a crook of her finger she called him to join her.

  He rolled his eyes up to the sky for a moment, laughed, and took a deep breath before he jogged after her.

  Chapter 19

  “Are we interrupting?” Nicole offered the instructor an apologetic smile just as Gavin stopped beside her. She glanced over at him, impressed that he’d joined her.

  “It’s fine. Join in at any time. Just try to follow along and remember to breathe.” The instructor took a deep breath that seemed to travel the length of his body when he exhaled.

  Nicole tried to imitate the breath, but it only got as far as her throat before she giggled.

  “Sh.” Gavin quirked an eyebrow at her, then grinned. He lifted one leg and raised his arms in the air.

  She followed suit.

  Gavin, as solid as he was, swayed like a reed in the wind.

  She caught his elbow just before it looked like he was about to tip over.

  “Maybe we need to start with the basics.”

  “Good idea.” He put his foot down.

  “I think it’s all about stretching.” She encircled his wrist with both of her hands and gave his hand a gentle tug.

  “Oh, that actually feels good.” He offered her his other arm.

  She mirrored the movement.

  He rolled his shoulders and nodded. “That’s a lot better.”

  “Me next.” She smiled and offered him her hand.

  He took her wrist easily in one hand, but she noticed that his touch was gentle—and the pressure he applied slow and gradual. The stretch really did release the tension in her shoulder. As he switched to the other hand, she smiled at the way his expression grew so intent. It was as if every touch he offered he took quite seriously.

  The teacher walked over to them.

  “That was good. I can see you two are quite in tune. I think this movement would be good for you.” He took Gavin’s hand, which Gavin promptly pulled back. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you.” He laughed.

  Gavin narrowed his eyes, but he allowed the man to take his hand again.

  Nicole raised an eyebrow at how defensive he was with others. Perhaps he really did feel comfortable with her.

  The instructor guided Gavin’s hand to the small of her back. She swallowed hard at the pressure of his fingertips. It reminded her of the way he’d pinned her against him when they’d kissed.

  “There. Now step closer.” The teacher gestured for Gavin to move forward.

  Gavin looked into her eyes as he eliminated the distance between them.

  “Good. Now the purpose of this movement is to connect the heart chakras. Of course, it’s also a stretch. Stand as close as you are comfortable. Then you begin to lean back.” He looked at Nicole.

  She had a hard time listening as Gavin inched even closer to her.

  “Let his hand and his body be your stability. Lean back as far as you can. Experts on this movement are able to lean so far back, that their hands over their head touch the ground. That is not the goal here though. The only goal here is connection and trust. Let me know if you need any help.” He patted Gavin’s shoulder and then walked away.

  “You heard the man, let my body be your stability.” Gavin raised an eyebrow.

  “There.” She leaned back a few inches.

  “I bet you can go further than that.”

  If she went any further than that, their bodies would be even closer. She wasn’t sure she could keep a straight face.

  “I think this is far enough.”

  “Remember this was your idea.” He pressed his hand tighter against her back. “I’m not going to drop you. You can trust me.”
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  His words warmed her heart enough that she was willing to try. She leaned back a little further. Then she stretched her arms out above her head. Not only did the stretch feel good, the intimacy of being held up only by his grasp gave her a sense of peace. Further she stretched and imagined her fingertips grazing the grass.

  She closed her eyes. Then she stretched just a little more. When she did, her feet slid forward across the grass. Her knees knocked into his. In the next moment her body tumbled, and so did his.

  “Oh no, watch out!” Gavin tried to catch his balance but the way she knocked into him buckled his knees. She saw his entire frame headed straight for her. Just when she was sure he would collide, she squeezed her eyes shut. There was a thud that made the ground shake beneath her.

  “Nic, are you okay?”

  She opened her eyes enough to see that he’d caught himself on his hands and hovered above her. His knees dug into the ground on either side of her legs. He leaned down a little closer, so near that she could feel his breath against her lips.

  “You didn’t hit your head, did you?”

  “No, I’m okay.” She grimaced. “Just a little embarrassed.”

  “Don’t be.” He reached out and plucked a leaf from her hair, then brushed his hand along her cheek. “All that matters is that you’re okay.”

  She looked up into his eyes. A rush coursed through her. It drew her lips toward his. But before she could make the connection, the instructor interrupted them.

  “Oh dear, is anyone injured? I’m sorry. Perhaps that movement was too advanced. There’s a nurse on staff if you’d like to see her.”

  Nicole let her head fall back against the ground again and laughed. “No, I’m fine.”

  Gavin stood up, offering her his hand. She reached out to take it as she stood up, and he pulled her the rest of the way.

  “I’m sorry that I dropped you.” His eyes were wide, his cheeks red.

  “I’m sorry for kicking you.”

  “That was a little unexpected.” He slid his arm around her waist. “Want to try again?”

  “No.” She laughed and shook her head. “I think I’d rather take a shower.”

  “I’ll walk you back.”

  As they approached the deck that led into the resort, Nicole stole quick looks in his direction. When he didn’t think she was looking, his expression seemed so serious. It was as if he was lost in thought about something that made him sad.

  “Are you okay, Gavin?”

  He looked over at her and smiled. “Sure I am. Do you want to meet for lunch after your shower?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Great. I’ll get Tony to set us up with a nice spot.”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  He held open the door for her so that she could step inside. As she did, his hand brushed along her lower back. She had no idea why a gesture that her ex had rarely offered her felt so familiar and comfortable when it was delivered by Gavin.

  “Thanks for the walk—and the fall.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek.

  She fought the heat that rose in her face, but she knew it was there.

  As she walked back toward her room, Nicole thought that she might not ever have control over her heart, her cheeks, or her lips again. Gavin’s impact on her was more than infatuation. She knew that, but she wasn’t quite ready to admit it.

  Chapter 20

  Once inside her room, Nicole decided to check her e-mail while the water warmed up for her shower. She opened her computer and found an e-mail from Ella.

  Nicole,

  Before you get angry with me, just know that I did this for your own good. You are never going to move on, unless you have a good reason to. You put your kids first in everything—which I get is a mom thing—but they are going to grow up, hon, and you’re going to want someone to spend your time with. Maybe you won’t find the perfect person there but it’s a start. Anyway, I hope you know that I did this out of love, and that you are willing to speak to me again, because I can’t wait to tell you about the adventure I had with Shawn last night!

  Ella

  Nicole narrowed her eyes as she read over the e-mail. So Ella knew exactly what she was doing when she’d directed her to the resort. It bothered her on a deep level that she was conned so easily. Yet, she was aware that Ella’s only motivation was to help her.

  She balanced the computer on her lap for some time as she considered her response. Moonlight streamed through the window. It formed a patch of milky illumination on her bed. Her mind shifted back to the kiss she’d shared with Gavin.

  Was it too soon? He pushed boundaries, but did he do it on purpose? Could he really be so drawn to her that he’d lost control of his own emotions? Every time he touched Nicole, her resolve to resist diminished. Maybe he’d experienced the same. She knew that their earlier encounter had left her breathless and more than a little afraid. None of this confusion would have occurred were it not for Ella’s interference.

  She began to type a message back to her friend.

  Ella,

  It’s not so much that I’m angry at you. I’m more uncertain. I would have liked the opportunity to decide that I was ready for something like this instead of being thrust into it. However, as you said, maybe I would never have taken that leap. You’ll be very pleased to know that I’ve met an amazing man.

  He’s attentive, passionate, open, and honest. He’s made no secret of that fact that he seems to want to explore something with me. But what? I have been out of the dating game for so long, I have no idea what he expects.

  Am I supposed to simply jump into the casual sex thing? I don’t think that’s something I could ever do—or even want to do. Everything about him draws me to him, but is that just because I have been isolated for so long?

  I’m very confused and I’m not sure what to do next. Any advice you might have would be appreciated. How do you know that your heart is actually prepared to be vulnerable again? It wasn’t long ago that I was still picking up the pieces. Am I strong enough to take this kind of risk?

  I’m also quite curious about what your adventure with Shawn entailed. Please write back so I can keep my sanity in all of this.

  Nicole

  She sent the e-mail with a push of a fingertip. Her hand trembled a little. Now that she’d expressed it all in text, she could see just how far she’d already fallen. Gavin had her attention, he had her desire, and he had her heart. But did he know that?

  The more she pulled away from him the more she was sure that she was sending him the wrong message. It wasn’t fair to tug at him this way. As he’d expressed, either she was in, or she was out.

  She needed to figure out what it was that she wanted. He offered his friendship, but that was not at all what she wanted from him.

  Be brave, Nicole.

  She closed her eyes. That last ugly fight between herself and her husband played through her mind—the one where he’d confessed that he hadn’t loved her for years—that every kiss, every intimate encounter, every anniversary gift and every “I love you” spoken had been a lie—that he could barely stand to be around her.

  Her eyes tightened to hold back tears. If a man like Jack could turn on her the way he did—if he could profess to adore her and then grow to hate her—wouldn’t the same eventually happen with Gavin?

  Chapter 21

  Gavin headed off to find Tony, but before he could get to him his cell phone rang. When he checked, he saw that the call was from Lance. His grip tightened on the phone. He almost ignored the call. Gavin wasn’t the accessible type. He didn’t have many friends.

  But Lance was more than a friend. He’d been there for every difficult experience in Gavin’s life. He felt he owed Lance at least the courtesy of answering the phone. He put the phone to his ear and turned toward a painting that hung on the wall.

  “You have the nerve to call me?”

  “You’re still there, so I must have done something right.” The amusement in Lance’s voice came
through loud and clear.

  It was a struggle to be annoyed, when he considered the fact that Lance had been absolutely right.

  “There might be a few things that caught my attention.”

  “I’ll bet—a blonde, a brunette, a raven-haired goddess?”

  “Ha. That’s what you think of me, huh?”

  “That’s what I hope for you, my friend.” Lance chuckled. “So how’s it going? Are you handing out roses? Kicking anybody off the island?”

  “It’s not like that. I’m not doing any of the matchmaking activities.”

  “So, you’re not doing anything? Tell me you’re not just sitting in your room watching television.”

  “I didn’t say that. I did meet someone. Just not through their matchmaking service.”

  “Oh? Tell me about this someone.”

  “Do you really want to know?”

  “Sure I do. I have to live vicariously through you, my friend. My anchor is sunk deep into the bottom of the sea. Not that I’m complaining—I’ve got the prettiest fish in the ocean.”

  “Who I’m sure would love to be called a fish.”

  “You know what I’m saying. So tell me.”

  “I’m not sure what there is to tell just yet. She’s skittish.”

  “Don’t tell me you gave her the wink and the charm.”

  “I might have come on a little strong at first.”

  “Hm. Things have changed since you’ve been off the market, Gav. You have to give the ladies the upper hand now. No more of that ‘I’m the man’ nonsense. They don’t go for it.”

  “So, what am I supposed to do? Paint her nails?”

  “That might work.” Lance laughed. “Just don’t try, Gavin. Let what happens happen. I know you’re used to being in control, but sometimes you have to let things play out.”

  “That’s the hard part.”