“I'll try. Hopefully, it's enough. I’m enough.”
His dad slapped him on the back. “That girl only has eyes for you. Been that way since back when her friends were swooning over all those boy bands.”
Ryan smothered a laugh. “She's still got a mad crush on Justin Timberlake, but she'd kill me for telling you that.”
“She waited ten years for you to notice her. My bet is she's still waiting for you. Go get her.”
Chapter Four
Mom cries when she’s sad. She should just eat jerky.
~ Duke Harper-O’Connor
Haley's stomach rumbled loudly as the rich aroma of spicy Mexican food hit her nostrils. Summer in full swing equaled Sangria Sundays with her friends. She and Addi shared a bench seat on one side of a timber picnic table by the waterfront. Shayla and the McQueens sat opposite, a shared lunch of tacos, burritos, salad, and sangrias on the picnic table between them.
Charlie and Melanie McQueen may have been as different as two sisters could be in looks and personality—not surprising with Charlie being adopted—but they always had each other's backs. Haley understood the relationship dynamic of wanting to murder your sister one minute, and not being able to live without her the next.
Even after the lunch rush tourists buzzed around the food trucks, taking advantage of the sun which shone down on them, tempering the cool breeze from the bay. Their dogs hovered nearby, patiently waiting for scraps to fall from the table, or to be not so discretely thrown their way.
Duke lay deceptively still, his head resting on the grass between his feet as he watched the group for any sign of fallen food. Baxter snuggled in on his left, his long lean athletic body tucked in close with his head resting on Duke's leg, the greyhound moving only when he lifted his nose to sniff out potential snacks or nuzzle Duke's fur.
On the other side, Charlie's Staffy sat upright, panting happily, her tail swishing in the green grass. Buffy, named after the bad-ass vampire slayer because she'd survived the horrors of a dog fighting ring, was actually happiness and rainbows stuffed into an irresistibly cute, but scarred, doggy package.
“I'm so glad we could get together this week.” Charlie wiped her mouth with a napkin after finishing her third taco. “Today it's my treat for all the work you've done on the calendar.”
“We're happy to help.” Haley placed her burrito back onto her paper plate. “You already work practically every minute of every day keeping the shelter up and running, it was the least we could do.”
Addi nodded. “It was fun.”
“I don't know what I would have done without you.”
Haley felt the same. Their tight-knit group of five looked after each other like family. Technically most of them were family in some way. Except for Shayla, who arrived in Hideaway Bay during high school, the rest of them had been born and raised in the small town, friends since they could walk. She'd do anything for these girls, and they’d do the same.
Didn't stop them from calling each other out on their bullshit, though.
Mel could have passed for a model with her sleek blonde bob, dark blue skinny jeans, and a ruby red tailored blazer. She tapped her short but neat nails on the side of the plastic tumbler which held the pink drink currently magnifying her tell-it-like-it-is manner. “Heard you made out with Santa last week.”
Haley choked on her own pink drink, coughing and spluttering while Addi slapped her back.
“No comment.”
“I didn't even get to see it and now you won't spill? Not cool.” Mel's nude glossy lips pouted, but after twenty-seven years, Haley was immune.
Shayla, ever the peacekeeper, cleared her throat. “Let's get our drink on.”
Half a burrito and three sangrias later, Haley’s mind fogged around the edges. She'd laid off alcohol since the drinking game incident, so her tolerance remained low. But she couldn't bring herself to care. She took another bite of her burrito and sighed with pleasure, the spices and zesty guacamole dancing on her taste buds.
“Foodgasm.” Shayla joked, taking a sip of her diet coke. “That must be some burrito.”
Haley blushed. “What? I'm hungry.”
“Hungry for something. I may not have been there last week, but word around town is you and Ryan practically ate each other alive.” Mel’s eyes sparkled with delight. “Is Ryan's burrito really that impressive, or are you just super horny because it's been a year since you had your taco filled?”
“Classy, Mel.” Charlie rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide her chuckle.
They teased each other this way all the time, but today she couldn't get in on the joke. To them, a stupid kiss one year after the breakup meant nothing. Nada. A blip.
To Haley, it highlighted the relationship loop she and Ryan couldn’t escape. She'd forced herself to forget about that night, unable to confide in anyone like a healthy, functioning adult. Instead, she buried it deep down never to be spoken of again. Not so healthy.
She rubbed a fist against the fire in her chest. Heartburn or heartbreak?
The stupid sangria forced her guard down and those hurricane-force emotions battered her defenses. Love, guilt, desire, and grief breached the levy banks she'd used to contain them all this time.
She took another bite, delaying the decision, but food now tasted like ashes in her mouth as memories of her amazing night with Ryan rushed back, followed by the heart-shattering morning after. She sucked in a breath, taking some food down her airways and launched into a second coughing fit that drew more than a few stares from others around them.
Addi slapped her back several times, dislodging the stray piece of food. Haley took several gulps of the sangria and wiped the tears from her face.
Peering at Haley across the wooden table, Mel crossed her arms over her chest. “Something is up. You need to spill.”
Charlie nodded. “Things have been super weird between you and Ryan since Christmas.”
“I slept with him.” Haley heard the words shoot out of her mouth like bullets from a gun.
A chorus of shocked voices erupted around her and she wanted to swallow the words; take them back. Her throat tightened and a tell-tale tickle in her nose warned of imminent tears. She sucked in a breath and slammed her eyelids shut, determined to hold them at bay.
Duke, sensing her distress, crept closer and laid his head on her thigh. She welcomed the distraction, anchoring her to the now, tearing her away from all the what-ifs and maybes that preyed on her until she wanted to scream.
“Oh, honey.” Charlie's soft, compassionate voice undid her, and a tiny squeak escaped followed by deep gasping sobs. Haley swiped at her tears, accidentally elbowing Duke in the snout. He groaned his displeasure and retreated to safer territory with the other dogs on the grass.
Shayla rounded the picnic table and motioned for Haley to scooch to the center of the seat until she became sandwiched between her friend and her sister, their arms wrapped around her.
That night played out in her head like a corrupted video file, jumping randomly from moment to moment.
“I don't even know how it happened. I dropped Duke off while he and the guys from the firehouse watched a game. They asked me to stick around for a while. After they left, Ryan and I kept drinking. We were having such a great time hanging out and it'd been so long. One minute we're doing tequila shots...and the next I'm up against the fridge clinging to him like a spider monkey.”
“Hot.” Melanie sighed, a wistful look on her face. “Good for you. Sometimes a good fuck can fix everything.”
“Not this time.” Initially, they’d been out of control and powered by desperation. Easy to explain away. But then they moved from lust-fueled sex to making slow and tender love, so achingly familiar, like coming home. She could have stopped then. Could have ignored the way desire arced between them as his muscular arms carried her to their bed. No. His bed. Could have pushed him away instead of pulling him down to rest between her thighs.
She crossed her legs in an attempt to
kill the errant pulsing heat at her core.
What a mess she'd made. “It didn't end well. We try so hard at being friends again but things are...”
“Super awkward,” Addi chimed in.
“Yeah.” Haley slumped, resting her head against the table.
“I would never have asked him to do the photo shoot or pose for a stupid kiss if I'd realized.” Shayla rested her head on Haley's shoulder. A welcome comfort.
“It'll get easier.” Addi's tone softened as her hand moved in slow, soothing circles on Haley's back. “But if you're really serious about moving on for good... you might have to avoid being alone with him, at least when there's alcohol involved.”
Tears threatened again. “I know limiting contact is the best thing for now, but I miss...” She hiccupped. “I miss him so much.”
“Of course you do. You love him but you can't be together. That's a special kind of painful.” Shayla pushed Haley's hair back over her shoulder, her eyes full of understanding. And Haley realized Shayla did understand to some degree, still in a self-imposed limbo with her ex.
Haley took a Kleenex from Mel and wiped away her tears, taking a moment to compose herself. “Sorry to cry all over you guys.”
“It's perfectly normal.” Charlie sent her a soft smile.
“Yeah. Maybe this is the emotional release you needed to finally get over him.” Mel raised her brow as she topped up Haley's glass.
“Mel!” Shayla's stern voice never failed to amuse Haley, and always failed to reign in their blunt yet spirited friend.
“What? If a guy can make you this miserable, he's not worth it.” Mel shrugged and took a sip of her drink, ignoring Shayla's glare.
“Don't listen to the man-eater. She has a heart of stone.” Charlie nudged her sister. “I think she’s heard enough of your helpful advice.”
Addi shook her head and brushed the tears from Haley's cheek. “Mel's right. After the shooting, you were so wrapped up in the Ryan situation that you barely took time for yourself. I don't think I saw you cry. Not once. You push yourself to be the best, to prove to everyone how strong you are. How the shooting was nothing more than a minor blip on your radar. But it wasn't minor. It turned your life upside down. You need to lay down your armor and allow yourself to be vulnerable.”
She turned to her sister, ready to argue she'd cried an ocean worth of tears, but the fact she’d never let anyone see her cry kind of proved Addi's point for her. Ridiculous for the insight to come from her sister, a woman who built a fortress around her heart so big, Haley worried she'd never let anyone in.
Haley's vision prickled and her shoulder ached, the scar of her wound tingling as it always did when she thought of that day. “I don't know how to be vulnerable without being weak. Every day on the job people glance at me like I might fall apart any second. Still. After all this time. I have to go harder and be better than everyone else to prove I'm okay.” She swallowed, the weight of the truth pressing down on her. “Because what if I'm not okay? What if the next time there's danger, I freeze up and someone gets hurt? Or worse.” She looked around at her friends, their faces filled with love and concern. “All of this would have been for nothing. I've already lost Ryan, I can't lose my job, too. It's all I've ever wanted to do.”
Charlie reached across the table and covered her hand. “Maybe the fact you're trying so hard is what has them concerned. You've always been an amazing cop, Haley. But you've been pushing yourself pretty hard. I'm thankful for all the runs you've dragged me on, but I'm exhausted thinking about all the other training you've taken on. Kick-boxing, jujitsu, krava-whatsit.”
“Krav Maga.” Haley’s lips twitched at her friend's attempt to pronounce her favorite martial art. She could now see she'd been on a mission, determined to be the best and strongest she'd ever been. Determined never to be hurt again.
But none of it would have stopped that bullet if the shooter had better aim. She couldn't always protect herself and that unspoken fear crippled her. “All this time I thought everyone else doubted me. Turns out I lost faith in myself.” No wonder Ryan's fears triggered her so severely.
“Whatever you need, we've got your back,” Shayla said, and they all nodded in agreement.
“Thank you.” Haley wiped away her tears. She lifted her glass of sangria in a toast. “Here's to us. The very best group of friends anyone could ask for.”
All five of them raised their drinks. “To us.”
Haley's cell vibrated in her pocket. While her friends returned to light-hearted chatter, her heart hammered in her chest as she read the text from Ryan.
I need to see you. Can we meet at The Mean Bean tomorrow night? 6pm?
Chapter Five
I try to be good... but sometimes I forget.
~ Duke Harper-O’Connor
Haley rechecked her watch. 6:02. He was only a couple of minutes late. But she'd been almost ten minutes early, so it felt more like a week that she'd been sitting on her own waiting, wondering...obsessing.
Duke sat at her feet, lips quivering in anticipation of treats. She fed him the last piece of her blueberry macadamia cookie, chucking as he swallowed without chewing or tasting. Glutton.
She took a sip of her chai latte, the real kind brewed in milk, not the sugar-coma inducing syrup, and leaned against the back of the chair outside The Mean Bean cafe, resisting the urge to re-read Ryan's text.
She could recite it from memory now anyway having read it approximately fifty times before she'd responded, agreeing to meet with him. And that didn't count the other thousand or so times over the past twenty-four hours she'd tried to decipher some hidden meaning in the letters on the screen. She still had nothing.
Actually, nothing would be a relief. Nothing would have allowed her to go about her life as usual. Instead, she'd obsessed over every possibility repeatedly.
Does he want to get back together?
Her rebellious heart jumped in her chest like an overzealous cheerleader.
No, not likely. As much as the idea appealed, sending her heart into a gallop, logic and reason still held the reins, demanding she move onto the next option.
Is he seeing someone else?
Her stomach somersaulted, a wave of nausea washing over her. Nope. Next option!
Does he want to stop all contact? A complete and definite end to our relationship in all its forms?
Her vision blurred around the edges like an arthouse movie fading to black. She gasped, sucking desperately needed air into her lungs.
How had she forgotten to breathe?
She shook her head, fighting off the anxiety clutching at her throat. He wouldn't do that. He cared about their friendship as much as she did.
And he needed that relationship intact. Since that last slip-up, they'd focused on rebuilding their friendship, and more of the old Ryan continued to emerge. Yes, awkwardness still plagued them, but he appeared happier, more grounded, less twitchy. The answer must be friendship.
So, what was with that kiss?
“Sorry I'm late. A call-out ran long.”
Haley startled at the sound of Ryan’s voice. He crouched down by Duke and gave him a hug, then took the seat opposite her dressed in familiar worn jeans and Hideaway Bay Fire Department polo shirt, oblivious to the meltdown he interrupted.
“No problem.” She mustered a smile and pushed the coffee she'd bought him across the table. “Black, no sugar.”
He accepted the cup with a smile. “Thanks, but it should be my treat. I invited you here.”
She shrugged. “Why did you invite me?”
His grip on the cardboard cup tightened, steam rising through the lip of the lid. “Take a walk with me?”
She nodded and followed his lead. If nothing else, a walk would help ease her restless energy. They strolled in silence along the main street, sipping their drinks with Duke by their side, occasionally stopping to sniff something on the sidewalk. Her curiosity warred with her inclination to avoid difficult conversations, and she decide
d to wait it out. Ryan would talk in his own time.
There weren't many people around. Most shops like the bakery, post office, and gift shop closed at five, but tourists who road-tripped the beautiful Southern Oregon Coast for the summer filled the cafes and restaurants. The main street ended at the edge of the park where several walking paths and cycling lanes forked off to the marina on the left and the pier and promenade on the right.
They crossed the almost empty, but well-lit park following the bitumen walkway until it separated the sand from the lush green parklands. The large recreational space spanned the length of the shore, between two tree-lined cliffs dotted with houses. They turned right, past the busy pier teeming with tourists who either headed toward, or came from, The View. The modern restaurant built onto the end of the large wooden pier boasted floor to ceiling glass windows which showcased the bay with its boats and yachts and the occasional pod of Bottlenose dolphins putting on a show. The restaurant cemented Hideaway Bay as a must-see tourist destination on the Oregon Coast.
Further along, the promenade had emptied out except for a few teenagers splashing and laughing as they jumped off the diving boards and pontoons into the water below.
During the day, tourists and locals swarmed the semi-circular wooden walkway above the water to take in the view of the bay. Swimmers, particularly young families, enjoyed the security of the on-duty lifeguards and the reinforced bars which reached down into the ocean floor to keep out sharks or other sea life.
But tonight, with the light fading, Haley enjoyed the relative peace.
Haley and Ryan discarded their cups in the trash and strolled along the promenade, the ocean set aflame by the dying orange sunset. She let Duke off his leash, confident he wouldn’t wander far as he took the time to inspected every crevice and crack in the wood below his feet. She inhaled a deep breath of salty air and smiled. How did she get so lucky to live in heaven on earth?
Where We Belong (Hideaway Bay, #1) Page 3