Strings

by Emma Lea

  “Wow,” the waitress said. “Good looking and with a job. Score!”

  Nadine looked up and smiled distractedly. “Uh, yeah, I guess.”

  She looked back down again, puzzling over a line that just didn’t sound right. Unconsciously she tugged on a strand of hair as she read through the lyrics, adding different words in to see how they fit.

  “Ooh. I love you hair,” the waitress said. She was wiping a wet rag over the table next to where Nadine sat. Nadine looked down at the strand of hair between her fingers. It was purple. She had kept up with the coloring even after going into the clinic.

  “Thanks,” she replied. “I do it myself. There’s a really great kit you can buy…” Nadine petered out, not sure why she was being so chatty with the waitress. It was not her style.

  “I might have a look for it,” the other woman said. “My name’s Mandy, by the way.”

  “Nadine,” Nadine said with a smile.

  “Oh, I know who you are,” Mandy said. “You’re Nadine Court from Court’n Jacks.”

  Nadine flushed with pride. They had only just begun to get recognized when they were on tour with Lily Ames in the summer and then Nadine had had her meltdown and people had seemed to just forget about them. Most people wouldn’t be able to pick her out of a line-up these days, although Derek assured them they would be back on everyone’s lips in no time once they started their tour.

  “Are you a fan?”

  “Oh, definitely,” she said. “I loved your album and I saw you perform when you opened for Lily Ames.” Her smile dropped away. “I heard you had a little trouble…is everything okay now?”

  There had been a lot of media speculation after the band had dropped off Lily’s tour. Marci had released a statement saying that Nadine was suffering from extreme exhaustion and that the band was taking a hiatus until she was well again. Of course the media didn’t believe the story and there were all sorts of rumors perpetuated by ‘sources close to the band.’ Pfft. What a crock of shit. But it had all died down when they had retreated from the publicity. No doubt with their re-emergence the newspapers and magazines would dig it all up again.

  Nadine beamed a smile at Mandy. “I’m great. I’m doing really good now. We are actually heading back out on tour soon.”

  “Oh, I know,” Mandy said, her bright smile back in place. “I already have tickets.”

  “That’s great,” Nadine said before looking back down at her notebook. She’d had enough people-ing today. It was the most she had spoken to someone not connected with the band or her inner circle for a long time and now she was done. Mandy’s hovering was beginning to irritate her.

  “Were you expecting your boyfriend to stop by?”

  Nadine looked up at the other woman who was staring out the window. Nadine followed her gaze and saw the loping figure of Gabe as he strode across the road and toward the coffee shop. Her irritation smoothed away as he caught sight of her and smiled. She couldn’t stop the smile splitting her face in response.

  “That’s my cue,” Mandy said as she walked away.

  “Hey you,” Gabe said as he leaned down and brushed a kiss across her lips like it was the most natural thing in the world.

  “Hey yourself,” she said. “Were you looking for me?”

  “I had an hour to spare and thought I might try my luck to see if you were here.”

  Nadine frowned at him. “Is everything okay?”

  “Everything is fine,” he said, “but I do have something to talk to you about.”

  Chapter Six

  Nadine’s face fell and she started fiddling with the corner of her notebook, her eyes downcast.

  “Hey,” Gabe said, reaching over to tuck a finger under her chin and raise her eyes to his. “It’s not something bad. In fact, I think it might be a good thing.”

  “What is it?’ she said, her voice small.

  God, he hated that. He hated that she had started to doubt herself so much. Where had the feisty hellcat disappeared to?

  “I had a call from Derek.”

  “Derek? My Derek?”

  Gabe nodded. “He wants me to go on tour with you.”

  “What?”

  “Derek wants me to go with you when you guys head out on tour.”

  “To keep an eye on me? So I don’t flip out and embarrass everyone again?”

  Ahh, there was the little spit-fire. He had to hold back a smile because he knew for damn sure it would only infuriate her more.

  “And I suppose everyone is going to know that you’re my therapist and that you’re there to make sure I don’t get back on the crazy train headed for crazy town.”

  “Calm down Nadine,” Gabe said, patiently.

  “Calm down? You want me to calm down? Has anyone in the history of the world ever calmed down because someone told them too? Seriously, this is just fucking awesome. Now they think I need a baby-sitter. Fabulous. Absolutely-fucking-fabulous.”

  “Okay, to start with, Derek is concerned about you. He thought that by having me along it would mean that you had someone to talk to, someone not related to you or the band. Someone you could be honest with without fear of judgment and without worrying that you might upset or offend someone. Secondly, no. No one is going to know who I am or why I’m there. You already introduced me to the band as a friend. Derek is going to give me some bullshit assistant title. I’ll travel with the band and run errands and shit, but I’ll be there for you whenever you need me. And thirdly,” he took a breath and leaned across the table so he could whisper in her ear. “It means I get to fuck you every night that you’re away.”

  He heard her long exhalation of breath as he pressed a kiss on her neck under her ear. The smell of her filled his nostrils and he groaned softly so that only she could hear him. He wanted her now. Right here. It didn’t matter that they had exhausted each other last night or that they had had each other again this morning before he left for work. It didn’t even matter that they were in the middle of a crowded coffee shop. His logical, sensible brain had given over control to his lustful body and it was demanding to sink into her again and again until neither of them could make words work.

  Before he could act on any of his fantasies, her phone rang. He sat back reluctantly as she ferreted around in her bag for the cell.

  “It’s Derek,” she said as she lifted it to her ear to answer.

  Gabe watched her as she spoke to the head of her record studio. Derek had told him that he already had an appointment with Nadine tonight, had that been a lie? The one thing Gabe didn’t want any part of was railroading Nadine. If she didn’t want this to happen, then it wouldn’t happen, even if he thought it would be good for her.

  Nadine disconnected the call and tossed her phone back in her bag.

  “Evidently I have a meeting at the studio tonight with you and Derek.”

  He nodded. “Derek mentioned that you had a meeting scheduled. He asked me to be there.”

  “Yeah,” she said, “he was just calling to tell me that he had asked you.”

  Gabe felt some if the tension leave his shoulders. He was glad that Derek wasn’t going to just spring this on her without any warning. If they hadn’t been together last night, if they hadn’t agreed to try a relationship and Derek had just called him out of the blue, it was good to know that she wouldn’t have been blindsided.

  “Good,” Gabe said. “So. What are we going to tell him?”

  Nadine tilted her head to look at him. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean,” Gabe said, adjusting in his seat, “are we going to tell him and the rest of the band about us?”

  Nadine huffed out a breath, fluffing her bangs out of her eyes. “Would you be offended if I said that I’d rather just keep it between us for now?”

  He shook his head slowly. “No, I wouldn’t be offended. I would like to know why, though.”

  “It’s just…” she rolled her eyes and looked away from him for a minute. “It’s just that it’s so new and I don’t kno
w that I’m going to be very good at it. If I have a whole group of people watching me the whole time I don’t think I could take it.”

  “Why do you think people would be watching you?”

  “I told you last night that I’ve never had a boyfriend. I wasn’t joking. I’ve never had a boyfriend and if I suddenly turn up with one, everyone is going to be interested. There will be questions and speculation and I’m just not ready to deal with it.”

  “Okay,” he said slowly, drawing the word out. “I guess I can understand that. Does that mean I have to keep my hands to myself?”

  She smiled a sly smile at him. “Not when we’re alone,” she said.

  “And will we be alone very often?” he asked.

  “I’m sure we’ll be able to sneak away from the rest of them,” she said.

  He grinned.

  Taking a deep breath, Nadine stepped through the front door of the house she shared with her siblings, Jace and Vanessa. She hadn’t been home yet… not since the gig last night. Not since sneaking away with Gabe.

  Every intuitive bone in her body told her not to get involved with the sexy therapist, but she was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. Clichéd but undeniably true. And Nadine was not known for her sensible life choices. She could no more stay away from him than she could eat only one Pringle. Only this time, it wasn’t the promise of danger or excitement that drew her. He made her feel safe. He brought her back from the edge of the cliff that she seemed to walk along every day. And that was the reason she should stay away from him, because one of these days she was going to slip off that cliff and if Gabe was anywhere near her, he was going to fall with her.

  “Nadine? Is that you?”

  Nadine slowly blew out a relieved breath. Vanessa was here. That meant she might be able to sneak into her room without having to see Jace.

  “Nadine?”

  Dammit! Jace was here too. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

  It wasn’t that she was afraid of having a yelling match with Jace. The fact was she would welcome a return to their volatile relationship. Jace was using kid gloves when he interacted with her lately and it pissed her off. It didn’t matter what she did to try and snap him out of it, she couldn’t break him. Gabe had told her to talk to him - to talk to them all - but she really didn’t think it would make a difference. No one seemed to be able to hear what she was saying even though they gave the appearance of listening. She had come to learn that listening and hearing were two very different things and most people only listened so they could reply, not so they could understand. Jace was the very definition of that. He came into a conversation with his mind already made up and only listened to what she had to say in order to rebuke it.

  “Hey guys,” she called out as she walked past the doorway that led into the living room where they were both sitting. Which was odd, if she really thought about it.

  “Hey Nadine, can you come in here for a minute?” Jace called.

  Nadine stopped in the hall, out of his line of sight. She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the ceiling. It took a couple of long, slow breaths before she could force herself to turn around and walk back to the doorway. She didn’t cross the threshold, but leaned against the doorjamb and smiled at her brother and sister who were sitting on the couch and looking at her with…what? Worry? Concern? Pity?

  “What’s up?”

  Jace and Vanessa shared a look before Vanessa opened her mouth to speak.

  “We feel like we haven’t really seen you for ages,” she said. “We thought, maybe, that we could spend the afternoon together.”

  Nadine smirked - a smirk she did not feel. In fact, she felt like turning around and bolting out the front door. She hated this forced politeness. They were so afraid of her breaking down that they didn’t want to do anything to upset her and it was getting on her last nerve. What would it take for them to start treating her like a normal human being again? Maybe Gabe was right. Maybe it was time to sit down with them and have it out. They wouldn’t have tip-toed around each other in the past, it had always been one of their strengths as a family. They could say whatever to whoever and it wouldn’t change the relationship. All that was different now, ever since that night when she had been too worked up and just wanted to forget. That was all it was, her wanting to just escape from the constant pressure, just for a little while.

  “Sure,” she said, still not yet taking a step across the threshold. “I just want to have a shower first and get changed.” She was still wearing the clothes she had left the gig in last night. Not the clothes she’d performed in, they were wet through with sweat and reeked of BO.

  Vanessa smiled and it was the first genuine smile she had seen on her sister since the night she’d woken up in hospital.

  “Great,” Vanessa said. “Do you feel like playing Balderdash?”

  Nadine smiled at her sister. “Sure,” she said, “just give me fifteen minutes.”

  “How about I order some pizza?” Jace said.

  “Sounds great,” Nadine said, turning toward her room.

  Once behind her closed door, she stripped off her clothes and got under the shower. Nadine and Vanessa shared a bathroom - the ensuite opening into both their rooms. The doors between their bedrooms had always been open and it wasn’t unusual for them to share a bed sometimes. All that had come to a screeching halt after the ‘incident.’ Nadine still didn’t fully remember all the details. All she knew was that she and Jace had been fighting again. The pressure of the tour was pressing down on her like a physical weight and the rollercoaster of her emotions - the highs of performance and the lows as the adrenalin drained away afterward - had her feeling like she was spinning out of control. Memories of her mother’s manic episodes had her drawing parallels with her own erratic emotions and she was sure she was heading for a breakdown. She had wanted to just make it all stop, just for a while. She had experimented with a few drugs, nothing hardcore, but that night she had been stupid. She’d had too much to drink and when the guy she was with - who she couldn’t even remember now - had handed her the pills, she’d swallowed them down with a swig of Jack and no second thoughts. The next thing she knew she was waking up in hospital with the world’s worst hangover and a sea of worried faces surrounding her. Nothing had been the same since.

  Gabe had told her it was time to really talk to her siblings, to make them understand what was going on in her head. She just didn’t know if she was strong enough to do it. Seeing Vanessa’s pale, worried face and Jace’s panicked but almost resigned one staring at her as she lay there in that hospital bed had shaken her up more than anything else. Her stupidity and thoughtless actions had done irreparable damage to a relationship that she had always believed was stronger than anything the world could throw at them. They were the Court siblings and nothing could tear them apart. Except for her. She had managed to do what the death of two parents and a sadistic aunt couldn’t. She was responsible for the rift that separated her from not only her best friends, but the only ones who had ever really loved her. And she had no idea how to fix it.

  Gabe kept an eye on Nadine as Derek outlined his plan for the tour. She was unusually subdued. He didn’t know what had happened between the time he left her at the coffee shop and now, but whatever it was he didn’t like it.

  “So we’ll tell the rest of the band at the Red Boot,” Derek said and Nadine nodded.

  Gabe gritted his teeth at her easy acquiesce. Yes, he had pre-warned her about Derek’s plan but he still expected her to put up some sort of fight. This was Nadine. She didn’t give in without a fight ever - well, not in the short time that Gabe had known her. Derek must have picked up on it too because he was looking at her strangely.

  “Nadine,” Derek said, “are you okay with this plan?”

  She looked up at him and nodded. “I am,” she said. “I think it’s a good idea, just…”

  Derek waited for her to go on with a raised eyebrow. Nadine shot Gabe a quick look before continuing.

  “W
ell, I was just wondering if maybe we could say that Gabe was my boyfriend.”

  Gabe’s mouth opened in shock and he closed it with a snap. What the hell?

  Nadine looked quickly between Gabe and Derek. “Well, it’s just that it would explain why Gabe wanted to be with me all the time. I know I’m not exactly the girlfriend type, but maybe it might help to prove to everyone that I’ve changed. They might stop looking at me like I’m going to crumble to dust any second.”

  Derek turned his gaze on Gabe. “What do you think about this?”

  Gabe swallowed. He didn’t want to pretend to be Nadine’s boyfriend, he wanted them to know that he was her boyfriend for real. He had no idea what her reasoning was for this farce, but he couldn’t exactly go into it now, not with Derek sitting there waiting for an answer.

  Gabe shifted forward in his seat. “Well,” he said, “it would help to explain why I’m there. Nadine introduced me to the band the other night and they might think it strange that I am now the band’s assistant. You could tell them that Nadine asked you if I could come on the tour and offered my services as a way to not be a burden on the team.”

  Derek nodded. It sounded thin to Gabe and he wondered if Derek could see right through him. Nadine had wanted to keep their relationship a secret and now she wanted to pretend they were in one? He didn’t understand what was going on with her and as soon as he was alone with her, he was going to get answers.

  “That could work,” Derek said, “although Jace might have issues with it.”

  Nadine rolled her eyes, the first sign that some alien hadn’t stolen her body and that it was, in fact, the real Nadine still in there.

  “Jace has issues with everything,” she said. “This is what I want. This is the only way I am prepared to go through with this plan. Gabe needs to pretend to be my boyfriend and Jace can just suck it up. It might be what he needs to get his head out of his ass and stop acting like a fucking moron around me.”

  Gabe breathed a sigh of relief. Her obvious anger shouldn’t make him happy, but it did. Anger was a sign that she hadn’t retreated into herself. It was a sign that the Nadine that had drawn him was still in there and hadn’t given up. But that didn’t mean they wouldn’t have words about the mood she had been in when they had arrived at the studio. He would not stand for the timid, withdrawn Nadine. Not now, not ever.