by Emma Lea
Nadine did a quick physical check of herself. There were no broken bones or injuries that she was aware of, except for a crick in her neck from the way she had fallen asleep. The car wasn’t crashed, it was parked in the street outside Mandy’s apartment. She took a breath. Okay. She was okay. It didn’t make sense why she was in her car, but at least she was okay. She searched through her bag for her phone and checked the time.
“Shit,” she whispered. It was almost midnight.
Nadine looked up at Mandy’s building through the windshield of her car. There were no lights on anywhere. She bit her lip as she wondered what she should do. It still freaked her out that she was asleep in her car instead of, well, anywhere else. She had been at Mandy’s, hadn’t she? Nadine distinctly remembered watching Vampire Diaries, but if that was true, then how did she get to her car? None of this made sense.
She reached for her keys - they were still in the ignition - and started the car. The only place she wanted to be right now was with Gabe.
It didn’t take too long to get to Gabe’s building and she felt some of her anxiety ease as she parked on the street. He was going to be pissed with her, but she wasn’t worried. She just needed to see him, even if he yelled at her. She felt a little weird, off-kilter, and she needed his steadying presence to ground her. There was a buzzing under her skin and a low level anxiety that made her rush into his building. The doorman waved her through and she shivered as the elevator climbed to Gabe’s floor.
She had his key in her hand as she approached the door, but it opened before she got to it. Gabe stood there looking at her with anger sparking in his green eyes. She hadn’t really seen him angry. Disappointed, yes. Frustrated with her, yes. But never angry. In any other circumstance she would have thought it was hot. Right now she just felt like crying. He must have sensed it too because he stepped out of the way and let her into the apartment without saying a word.
She put her bag down and turned, pressing herself into his chest, but keeping her arms to herself. She breathed him in, but he didn’t wrap his arms around her like she wanted him to. He stood still for just a moment and then stepped back and she felt the loss keenly. She opened her eyes and looked up at him.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” she said, her voice barely a whisper as he glared at her.
“You’re sorry you’re late?” he asked with a growl.
“After I got your text, Mandy convinced me to stay for one more episode of Vampire Diaries. I fell asleep. I came as soon as I woke up.”
“Yeah? And which text would that have been?” he asked. “The one where I asked where the hell you were? Or the one I sent after I’d been waiting for two hours for you to turn up?”
Nadine furrowed her brows. “No, the one you sent saying your sister had cancelled the dinner because she had to work.”
“What?”
Nadine fumbled in her pocket to pull out her phone. “I had a fight with Jace. I knew you didn’t want me coming here to hide from him so I was just going to drive around to cool off when Mandy texted me and invited me to her place. I went, just so I could calm down before meeting your sister. As I was about to leave, I got a text from you saying the dinner had been postponed. I was going to just stay for another hour at Mandy’s and then come here but I… fell asleep,” she finished lamely as she scrolled through all the missed calls and texts from Gabe. The one text she was looking for she couldn’t find. The one that said that the dinner had been cancelled was missing.
“I didn’t cancel the dinner,” Gabe said.
“But you did! I saw the text! It was right here on my phone!” Nadine began to shake as she kept scrolling. The text was gone.
Gabe’s strong arms came around her and pulled her into his chest. She let out a choked sob as the shaking worsened. What the hell was going on? The text had definitely been there earlier. It was the only reason that she hadn’t come here sooner.
“Nadine,” Gabe said, his voice soothing and soft. “It’s okay. Calm down.”
Nadine’s body vibrated with tremors and she had a hard time catching her breath. She clung to Gabe’s shirt and he rubbed calming circles on her back. Why was this happening to her? All the doctors had told her that she was normal - well, as normal as anyone can be - but these weird things kept happening to her. The blackouts and now…this. She didn’t even know what to call it. Was it a hallucination? A dream? It had felt so real.
She pushed back from Gabe and looked up into his worried face. How could this man still have any feelings for her when she was so obviously a nut case?
“I swear to you,” she said, “I did not intentionally blow off dinner with your sister. I went to Mandy’s so I could calm down after my fight with Jace. I didn’t want to meet her when I was so rattled. And then I got your text…”
Gabe cupped her face. “I believe you,” he said. “Or rather, I believe you got a text that you misconstrued was from me.” He dropped a light kiss on her lips. “Right now, I just need you to take a few deep breaths and try to calm down, okay?”
She nodded, letting his eyes and his words and his touch calm her. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest, taking a deep breath of the comforting scent that was Gabe.
Gabe lay beside Nadine on his bed and watched her sleep. He ran his fingers through her hair and gently stroked her face. He had been so angry - more angry than he could ever remember being - when she hadn’t turned up and hadn’t even bothered to text him or call him to let him know she was okay. But seeing the worry and fear and confusion in her eyes when she tried to explain what happened had cooled his anger and replaced it with concern. She had been telling the truth, well, what she believed was the truth. What he didn’t know was why it differed from his own truth. Maybe he needed to find this Mandy chick and see what her version of tonight was, if she really existed.
The thought was fleeting, but it wasn’t the first time he had wondered about it. Every time he had met Nadine at the coffee shop, she had told him she had spoken to this Mandy girl, but he had never once seen her. He suspected that not even Jace or Vanessa had met her. But what did that mean? Had Nadine’s stress induced an imaginary person to help her deal with the stresses in her life, or was there really a woman named Mandy and he just hadn’t noticed her? He shouldn’t even have to worry that his girlfriend might have an imaginary friend. It was almost too ludicrous to contemplate, except that Nadine’s behavior had been getting more and more erratic.
As a psychologist, he was concerned about her. As her boyfriend, he was petrified. She was such a complex person and he could no longer deny that he loved every messed up inch of her. But was his sister right? Was she too messed up for him to get involved with?
It was a bit late now, anyway. He was already involved with her - more than involved. She had gotten under his very carefully cultivated skin. There was something about her that called to his hidden nature. He liked the wildness in her, loved the full color way she led her life. Envious of it, if he was honest with himself. As much as he knew Amaya would counsel him to step away from her, he couldn’t. Instead he was stepping forward, needing her regardless of the chaos she could make of his life.
Her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him, the remnants of fear and worry still evident in her eyes. He wished he could take it away from her - all the stress that was causing her so much hurt. She reached up and cupped his jaw, her hand soft against the bristles on his face.
“Gabe,” she whispered.
“Yes.”
“I think I’m falling in love with you.” She swallowed, but didn’t break eye contact with him. “And I’m scared.”
He closed his eyes. Her calloused fingers brushed over his lips and he lowered his head so that it rested against hers, their noses touching.
“I’ve never felt this way before,” she whispered. “All these feelings inside me, they’re so big that sometimes I feel like they’re all just going to burst out of me.”
“I know,” he whispered, hi
s voice hoarse. “I feel the same.”
“I know I’m the last thing you need in your life,” she said, her tone serious. “I know I’m a mess and probably all sorts of crazy, but I can’t seem to let you go. It’s selfish of me, but—”
“Shh,” he said before he kissed her. “Don’t say it. I don’t want to hear you tell me that you are going to walk away because you think it is best for me. I know I am in love with you Nadine and I will not just let you walk away.”
Gabe rolled them over so that he was on top of her, his hips cradled against hers, her breasts pushed up against his chest. “There are things we need to work on,” he said, “but this is only going to work if we do it together.”
She wound her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her lips. Gabe lost himself in the kiss. He didn’t want to be the logical and detached psychologist tonight. He wanted to feel everything. He needed to. He had been covering up his fear with anger. And he had been afraid. He’d been afraid that Nadine wouldn’t feel the same for him that he felt for her. He had been afraid that she had blown off dinner because she was blowing him off. He had somehow convinced himself that a girl like Nadine couldn’t really want a guy like him and yet…here she was and she was telling him the words he wanted - needed - to hear.
Gabe pushed at her clothes and together they stripped. He needed to be skin on skin with her. He needed to be intimately connected with her. He quickly sheathed himself in a condom and then slid into her. There was no long seduction, no building the anticipation. She seemed to need the connection just as much as he did. She welcomed him into her body, already wet for him. She held on to him as he pulled out and then slid in again. He kissed her lips, their tongues tangling. Her fingers dug into his shoulders and her legs wrapped around his waist. He needed to be closer. He needed to not have any space between them. He rocked into her and she canted her hips, drawing him deeper. He felt the way her body tightened around his and her hot breath in his ear as she panted. He quickened his pace, going deeper, needing more and she clung to him, giving everything of herself to him. She came with a cry and he held off his own release for a moment to enjoy hers. Then he thrust into her and came hard. He nuzzled her neck as he recovered, but didn’t pull out or roll away. He wasn’t ready to let her go yet. She didn’t protest but pulled him closer still. Finally he felt his world shift back to what was now his new normal. Her in his bed and wrapped around him made everything right in his world.
Nadine lay cocooned in Gabe’s arms. Safe. She felt safe when she was with him. She felt like no one and nothing could touch her. She didn’t know why she needed to feel that way only that the rest of her world felt so unstable. She couldn’t even rely on her own mind. She was so sure she had seen a text from him. How could it be that she just imagined it? And if she could imagine a text message, what else had she imagined or made up?
But Mandy had been there when she got the text, so surely Mandy could attest to it being there. Nadine took a deep breath. Yes. Mandy had been there and she could prove that Nadine wasn’t going crazy. Maybe Nadine had deleted the text. That was reasonable, right? Although if Gabe had actually texted her he wouldn’t have been so pissed at her when she didn’t turn up. Was it possible that she had read the name of the contact wrong? Had she just assumed it was Gabe?
Gabe nuzzled her neck and she tilted her head to look at him. “Stop thinking,” he murmured against her skin.
She closed her eyes as he kissed a trail down her neck. Yeah. She couldn’t think when he was doing that to her.
They lay on their sides, Gabe the big spoon to her little spoon. Her hips were cradled nicely into his lap and his arm held her tight, his hand between her breasts. On her breast now, not between. She pushed her bottom back into him and felt the ridge of his growing erection. She wriggled against him and he groaned low and dark against her neck. She shivered. All thoughts of what had happened melting away.
He dragged his hand down her body, across her hip and over her thigh until he reached her knee. He pulled her knee up over his hip, opening her up and she tilted her hips so that the head of his cock slid through her slippery, wet folds. This time they both groaned. Gabe rocked into her and he slipped inside her. She clenched around him and he froze.
“What?” she asked, noticing how still he had become.
“No condom,” he said, his voice strained.
“Don’t care,” Nadine replied, rocking back against him.
“I’m clean, Nadine,” he said as his hips pushed against her, matching the rhythmic movements of her rocking. “But…”
“I’m on the pill,” she replied, breathlessly. The feel of him so perfect that she could hardly concentrate on his words. “And I’m clean. There’s been no one but you for months.” There had been no one but him since rehab, but she didn’t want to bring that up now, not when he felt so delicious inside her, bare.
“God,” he groaned into her neck.
Gabe rolled onto his back, pulling Nadine with him. They were still joined and she was lying on top of him, but on her back. She tried to push up and away, but he held her still. One hand palmed a breast and the other found her mound. He dipped a finger along where they were joined, slicking the moisture up and over her clit. She relaxed back against him and canted her hips, needing more. He thrust up into her and nipped her shoulder and she cried out. The angle was new and she could feel all of him as he pushed into her. His fingers played with her - sliding over her clit, pinching and rolling her nipple - and she lost herself in the sensations. This man could undo her in so many ways and she surrendered to him.
He rolled them again, pulling out of her just so he could maneuver himself on top, facing each other.
“I need to watch you,” he said as he thrust into her.
Her eyes wanted to flutter shut, but she forced herself to keep them open. She wanted to see him too. His green eyes, dark now with desire, burned into hers. She was swamped with emotions which only fueled her fast approaching orgasm. He kept his eyes on her as he increased his thrusts going deeper and harder and faster. The temptation to close her eyes was there. Even after baring her soul to him earlier, this thing between them now seemed more. Like she was flayed open and nothing was hidden from him. But she couldn’t look away because she wasn’t the only one who was exposed. It was all there in his eyes too. There was nothing between them. No more walls.
It was intoxicating, being so close to him like this. The thrill of having him completely open to her rushed through her and she cried out as her climax hit her. She kept her eyes on him, watching as he clenched his jaw. The muscles on the side of his neck strained and then he came and she could feel him throbbing inside her. He collapsed over her, careful not to crush her, but she relished his weight. She needed to feel him pressing her down into the mattress because she was afraid that she might fall apart. His strength was the only thing holding her together.
He rolled off her, but kept her with him, his arms and legs tangled with hers. She snuggled under his chin as his hands caressed her back in long strokes from her nape to the crease of her bottom. She closed her eyes and breathed him in. She didn’t want to move from here, ever. This was the only place that felt real. The only place that she could rely on. Her reality had become fluid and she could no longer trust her own memories. But here, in Gabe’s arms, everything was just as it should be.
Chapter Fourteen
Gabe left for work and Nadine stayed wrapped in the sheets that smelled like him. Like them. She did not want to face the day. She had practically begged Gabe to stay home with her but his need to do the right thing won out and he eventually slipped from her grasp to go and save the world. She loved him for it and hated him at the same time. She was feeling so vulnerable and fragile and she hated feeling like that. Nadine had never been the needy, clingy girlfriend type, so why now?
With a deep sigh, she pushed herself up and stretched her neck. She knew why. There were too many inconsistencies in her memory. What had really happe
ned last night? And what about the other night, the night where there was a big gaping hole in her memory? These were the things that worried her. Her reality was slipping and she was starting to question what was real and what was imagined. Which was stupid, really. How can you not trust your own memories? Your own thoughts?
But Gabe was real and when she was with him her world seemed to right itself. The turbulent ground that she found herself on stilled when he was there. The feeling of slipping off the edge of the world ceased to pull at her when she was safe in his arms. It seemed that he was the only calm place in the storm that had become her life.
Nadine slid out of bed and padded into the bathroom to shower. She couldn’t continue to think like that. It was easy - too easy - to just slip herself into Gabe’s life and let him keep her safe and sane. But that wasn’t fair to him and she refused to be such a burden on someone else. She did not want to do to Gabe what her mother had done to her father. Even as young as she had been, Nadine could identify the codependency and she absolutely refused to turn into that person.
Her mother’s illness had defined their lives and now it was still defining hers. She needed it to stop. She needed to know what the hell was going on. The only way to know for sure what really happened last night was to talk to Mandy. If Nadine couldn’t trust her own memories, then she would have to rely on a witness. Mandy had been there when she’d gotten the text…if she had indeed gotten a text and it wasn’t just her imagination.
Thankfully, Nadine had a few spare clothes stashed at Gabe’s and she wouldn’t need to go home and confront her brother again this morning. She would have to see him eventually, but she needed to see Mandy first. She needed to find out about last night and the night before. Only then could she have the headspace to deal with Jace and the band. Derek had no doubt told them all that she wanted to quit and the reckoning of that would come, but first, Mandy.