Strings

by Emma Lea

  His face split into his trademark grin and Nadine stood, stunned.

  “About fucking time,” he said.

  “What?”

  He shook his head at her, but the grin was still on his face. “How long have you been hiding this from us?”

  “I-uh—”

  “I knew you had it in you and I had just about given up hope that you would find it.”

  “I don’t understand,” Nadine said looking from Derek to the others and expecting to see surprise on their faces. She was surprised by Derek’s words, so why wouldn’t they be? But none of them looked like they were very shocked or surprised or even mildly puzzled by the words Derek spoke. Stevie looked excited and…proud. Vanessa had an I-told-you-so look on her face and Jace looked like an indulgent parent that was watching his kid finally realize that they could walk. Nadine sat with a thump into the chair at her back and didn’t know what to think.

  Derek sighed, but the smile didn’t leave his face. He sat forward, his big arms resting on his knees as he got in her face. “Do you know why I signed you guys?” he asked.

  “Because Lily made you?” she replied. It had been Lily Ames, superstar, who had told them they should be a band. They had been working together as studio musicians and had been working on a song for her when she had walked in and heard them and made the declaration that they should be a band. She had even given them a name and told them they could travel with her on her big summer tour as her opening act. Derek had just been in the beginning stages of starting his own record company and he had signed them immediately.

  “No,” he said with a shake of his head and a grin. “I have worked with you guys for years and I knew that if you ever decided you wanted more than just being studio musicians then I would help make it happen. Lily was a bit more assertive, but we had the same goal. Each one of you has something special,” he took a moment to eyeball each of them, “I was just waiting for you to realize it yourself. I’m still waiting, if you want to know the truth.”

  “Is that why you wouldn’t let me quit the band?”

  “Partly,” he said, turning back to her. “All the contract stuff still stands, but I knew it wasn’t what you really wanted. You guys are just finding your feet and I know it hasn’t been easy. To others it might look like you just arrived on the scene out of nowhere, but I know better. The problem is that none of you realize just what a goldmine you are sitting on. And I don’t just mean the money. You all have the potential to be something great, but together you can be more than just a great country rock band. But you’ve got to want it.” He paused to take a breath and looked at each of them again. “This song is perfect for the album. I want you all to work on it and have it ready by the end of the week.”

  Then he stood and walked out of the studio leaving the four of them looking at each other. Nadine wanted to run but she knew there was no avoiding the conversation to come.

  “Okay,” Stevie said.

  They were back at the Court sibling’s house and were gathered around the couches in the living room. It felt like an eternity since they had all been here, since they’d felt like a band.

  “I think it’s time we talk,” Stevie went on.

  Nadine didn’t look up from the cold glass of water she was holding. She didn’t know if she could do this without Gabe. He helped her. Just his presence went a long way to calming her and helping her find the words. But he wasn’t here and she knew she shouldn’t rely on him so much. This was band business and if she was really going to commit to being part of the band then she needed to do this on her own. Even if she was scared shitless.

  “Things haven’t been the same since the tour,” Stevie said, stating the obvious. “We’ve all been a little…gun shy I suppose is the word.” She looked at Nadine. “We know you’re not happy and it really hurt to find out that you had tried to leave the band.”

  “I know,” Nadine said. “I thought it would be best for everyone. I have become a burden to everyone and it was the last thing I wanted.”

  “You’re not a burden,” Stevie said, jumping in before anyone else could speak. “We’re all hurting and to be honest I don’t think we know how to act around you.”

  Nadine snorted but didn’t speak.

  “You’re different,” Stevie went on, ignoring her. “You don’t behave like the Nadine we know and love and we’re not sure how to take it.”

  They thought she was acting differently? It had been them that were acting different and she had just been responding to that…wasn’t she?

  “You’ve been talking about me,” Nadine said.

  “Of course we have,” Stevie said. She was obviously the designated spokesperson for this, whatever it was, intervention maybe. “What happened in the summer affected all of us. We discussed it and you and how we were going to behave going forward.”

  “Yeah, but no one discussed it with me,” Nadine said, feeling a spark of annoyance and the old anger surfaced. “You all have been treating me like I’m about to crumble at any moment and it’s so fucking frustrating that I’m going insane.” Probably not a smart word to use especially with the shit that was going on in her life outside the band. “All I wanted was for things to go back to the way they were.”

  “How could we do that Nadine?” Jace asked, speaking for the first time. “How could we go back to the way things were when that was what made you do what you did?”

  “You think that’s why I…?” Nadine shook her head.

  “We were fighting all the time. All the time! And the more we fought, the more you lashed out and did reckless shit! What was I supposed to think? Here I was supposed to be looking after you and you were going out and getting drunk and high and tattoos. I was failing you—”

  “No, Jace,” Nadine said quietly, shaking her head. “This wasn’t your fault.” She looked up at him finally understanding that all this time Jace had been blaming himself and she felt ashamed. “It wasn’t anyone’s fault but mine.”

  “Then why?” Vanessa asked. “If it wasn’t us, what was it?”

  “Mom,” Nadine said, voicing the fear that had plagued her for as long as she could remember. “I was afraid that I was turning into mom.”

  The air seemed to be sucked out of the room with her admission. Jace slumped and Vanessa went pale.

  “What did the doctors say?” Stevie asked, quietly. She was the only one who seemed to be able to form words.

  Nadine shook her head. “They said I’m fine, that I was just overworked and stressed. They don’t believe that I have the same disease, but…” she shrugged. It was clear to the others that she didn’t believe the doctors prognosis.

  “You’re nothing like her,” Jace said, his voice rough with emotion. “I mean, you look like her and you have her amazing talent, you even sound like her when you sing, but all that other stuff? You’re nothing like that.”

  “But—”

  Jace nailed her with a fathomless stare. “You don’t remember it like I do. I understand why you might have thought that you had similar traits, but it’s not the same. Mom was…”

  “She was like this really fun pixie,” Vanessa said, “That’s how I remember her. She was like Tinkerbell spreading fairy dust everywhere until…”

  “Until she was like the wicked stepmother,” Jace added. “The highs were incredible and when she wanted to, she was the best mom in the whole world. But the lows.” Jace stopped to drop his head into his hands. “God, the lows were horrible. She was violent and abusive. Dad was the only one who could calm her.”

  Nadine remembered. She remembered the stitches Jace had to get in his forehead because she’d thrown a plate at the wall and a piece had broken off to hit him. She had been aiming for him but had missed him thankfully or the damage would have been worse. He had stepped in to shield Nadine who had been trying to comfort her mother, trying to cheer her up because she knew that she was sad and the last thing Nadine had wanted was for her mother to go into one of her moods. Jace was alw
ays stepping in to protect her. To protect both of them.

  Jace looked up and straight at her. “You’re not mom,” he said.

  “Okay,” she replied softly hoping like hell he was right.

  Chapter Seventeen

  It was a couple of days later when Nadine walked into the coffee shop. They had been sequestered in the recording studio, laying down the song that she had written for the album. A song she had written. It was still weird to think it even though the evidence was right there in front of her. In her wildest dreams she had never thought that she would have one of her songs on an album, let alone be the one singing it. It gave her a quiet sense of pride in herself and she had been remarkably settled over these last few days. Although that could have more to do with going home to Gabe every night and waking up with him every morning.

  Coffee ordered, Nadine waited while the barista made it, looking around. She was hoping that Mandy wouldn't be here today. Ever since that night when she missed dinner with Gabe’s sister, Nadine had been avoiding her. She liked Mandy, a lot, but it seemed like whenever she was around her, bad things happened. Okay, not bad things, but definitely strange things. Things like forgetting what she'd done and where she'd been. Nadine didn't like those holes in her memory and she liked even less the alternate memories that she had instead.

  The barista slid her coffee to her, barely even making eye contact. The other staff in the cafe were pretty unfriendly. She had been coming here nearly every day for six months and none of them ever remembered her name or her order, even though it was the same order every time and the same server and barista. They looked at her like she was a stranger and never even cracked a smile. Mandy was so different to them, why wasn't she up front, serving customers instead of bussing tables?

  Nadine took her coffee and went to sit in her regular booth. She was working on a new song, not a ballad this time and definitely not a love song. She was trying to capture the vibe that she had grown up with on the yellow school bus. It always felt like a party and summer and fun. She had only been a kid but it had been a hell of an adventure. She wanted to incorporate some of the folksy sound of her parents’ band but modernized. That would be the hard bit, making it sound like it came from this century but with a hint of that old fashioned sound. She wanted the song to feel like a forgotten memory. A fond memory from a childhood that would cause whoever heard it to remember their own summers from when life was simpler.

  “Hey.”

  Nadine looked up to see Mandy sliding into her booth, a bit out of breath.

  “Were you running a marathon?” Nadine asked, taking in her flushed cheeks and labored breathing.

  Mandy smiled. “God, no. I was just running late.”

  “You're working?” Nadine looked around. The coffee shop was deserted apart from the two staff members at the counter. Surely they didn't need a third staff member when the place was dead.

  Mandy shrugged. “Supposed to be.”

  “Your co-workers don't like you very much, do they?”

  She quirked an eyebrow at Nadine. “What do you mean?”

  “I came in the other day and asked about you. They didn't even know your name.”

  Mandy grimaced. “They're a couple bitches,” she groused. “They think they're so much better than me because they work on the counter. They barely say two words to me when I'm on shift.”

  Nadine squinted at Mandy and noticed the little sparkle in the crease of her nose. “You got your nose pierced,” she said reaching up to touch her own nose piercing.

  Mandy brightened. “Yeah. You like it?”

  It was eerily similar to Nadine’s piercing, not that nose studs were uncommon.

  “Yeah,” she said slowly, “it looks good.”

  Looking at Mandy was almost like looking at Vanessa…or a mirror. Her hair was the same, her eyes were the same color, she had a strikingly similar tattoo and now the nose ring. Nadine had had fans try to look like her before, but she hadn't expected it from a friend.

  “Did you do it for me?” Nadine asked.

  Mandy’s eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open. “What?”

  “The piercing. Did you do it because I have one?”

  Mandy scoffed. “Arrogant much?”

  Nadine felt her cheeks heat. “It's just with the hair and the tattoo…”

  “What about my hair? It's always been this color.”

  Nadine tipped her head to the side and looked at Mandy. “No,” she said, “when we first met it was dark blonde.”

  Mandy looked at her like she was crazy. “God, could you even imagine me blonde? What a disaster that would be. I have definitely never been a blonde.”

  “No, I remember,” Nadine said, irritated that Mandy was disagreeing with her. “You called it dishwater blonde.”

  “Are you calling me a liar?” Mandy said, her face mottled with angry red splotches. “After I stuck up for you with Gabe and everything you are going to sit there and call me a liar?”

  “What? When did you see Gabe?”

  “He came in here looking for you. He asked me about the night you were supposed to go to his sister’s for dinner. I told him you were with me just like you asked me to.”

  “I never asked you to lie for me,” Nadine said.

  “Of course you did. God, what has gotten into you today? I can't believe you're making me out to be the bad guy here. I'm not the one who went out and got trashed instead of having dinner with my boyfriend. I was just trying to protect you. Maybe I should have shown him the pic you sent me of the cute bartender you were trying to pick up.”

  “What!?”

  Mandy fished her phone out and thumbed it a couple of times before turning it around to show Nadine. It was a picture of her - a very drunk her - with a guy leaning in over her shoulder. A selfie with a bartender and by the look on the guy’s face he was expecting more than a tip. How was it that Nadine didn't remember that this had happened?

  She grabbed the phone from Mandy’s hand and stared at it disbelievingly. It was right there in front of her. Proof that she was more like her mother than anyone wanted to admit, herself included.

  Mandy snatched her phone back. “I've got to get back to work.” She stood and turned to leave and Nadine suddenly felt very alone and scared.

  “I'm sorry,” she said softly and Mandy stood still. “I didn't mean to put you in a position where you would have to lie for me.”

  Mandy sighed and turned around to face her. “I know you've got stuff going on in your life,” she said. “I understand stress and the need to let off steam every now and then. I don't mind running interference for you but it really hurts when you accuse me of lying to you. I would never lie to you, Nadine. Never.”

  “I know,” Nadine said. “What time do you finish tonight?”

  “Not late,” she replied, “why?”

  “I thought maybe we could go out and get something to eat. An apology for being a shitty friend.”

  Mandy smiled. “I'd like that.”

  There was a loud thump outside Gabe’s door and he sat up, blinking owlishly in the dim light. He'd fallen asleep on the couch waiting for Nadine. She had been coming in late because of the recording sessions she was doing with the band, but he had thought they were finally finished. She hadn't answered his texts so he assumed they'd had to go back in and she couldn't be disturbed.

  He checked the time and groaned. One o’clock in the morning. Where was she? He checked his phone but there weren't any messages from her. Swinging his legs over the side of the couch, he bent to rest his head in his hands. He should just go to bed. She had a key to his apartment and she could use it when she got here. He didn't need to wait up for her.

  Except he was worried. Why hadn't she texted him to let him know that she would be late? He shouldn't be worried, he shouldn't be concerned that she was pulling another disappearing act on him. Things had been good. She had managed to work things out with her band and she had been so excited about her song and that
she was actually singing it on the album and would be singing it on tour too. He'd loved the glow that had been in her face as she told him about her days in the studio. He loved the way she came alive when she talked about her music. He loved the way she came alive in his arms later when he rewarded her for all her hard work.

  He groaned. He wanted her here, now. He wanted to slide into her wet heat and reward her some more. He couldn't get enough of her and he was pretty sure he never would. He wanted her in his life every day. He wanted to hold her in his arms every night as they fell asleep and he wanted to wake up with her wrapped around him every morning.

  Another thump outside his door had him looking up. What the hell? He stood and walked softly over to the door and peered out through the spy hole. He couldn't see anything and he stepped back. He had definitely heard a noise like someone was thumping his door, but there was no one there. He took another look through the peep hole and then opened the door. Nadine came crashing into his apartment, falling backward over the threshold. She had been sitting on the floor and leaning up against the door.

  “Nadine?”

  She looked up at him with glazed eyes and a beatific smile.

  “Beautiful Gabe,” she said with a sigh.

  “What the hell? Are you drunk?”

  She frowned as if she was trying to understand his words. “No,” she decided and then thought some more. “Maybe a little bit.”

  She was way more than a little bit drunk and there was something about her eyes that weren't quite right. If he had to guess he would say that she was high.

  “For fucks sake, Nadine,” he growled, bending down and picking her up.

  “Shh,” she shushed him. “You'll wake Gabe.”

  “Gabe is already awake,” he growled again.

  She blinked big, dilated eyes at him - a look he normally wanted on her face but not like this.

  “Beautiful Gabe,” she said again, this time reaching up to cup his cheek.

  He jerked his face away from her hand and turned to walk towards his bedroom. She put her arms around him and sighed as she laid her cheek against a chest. It would be cute if he wasn't so pissed at her. She had told him she wasn't drinking anymore and she had sworn black and blue that she wasn't taking drugs. Tonight proved different.