Now or Never

by A. J. Bennett

  Grayson looked back over at Brick, and he was laughing with his friends. What the hell? That seemed like something a high school kid would do. Not a grown ass man.

  “He does that a lot?” Grayson asked frowning. She really didn’t know anything about Brick after all.

  “He loves bar brawls. It seems like he gets in at least one every time we go out of town.”

  Great.

  “At least he stopped when you told him too. It could have been a lot worse. “

  “Worse? The guy’s jaw looked shattered,” Grayson said, suddenly feeling ill and wanting to go home.

  Brick waved her over. Grayson looked around for Luna, but didn’t see her anywhere.

  Grayson made her way back to Brick. He leaned down and said, “Sorry.”

  As if she was the one he should be saying he was sorry to. About fifteen minutes later a couple of cops walked in and scanned the bar talking to a few people. No one pointed towards them. Grayson wasn’t sure if they were afraid to or just didn’t want to help the cops, but either way Brick was lucky. Eventually, the cops walked out and some of the guys fist bumped Brick. Grayson rolled her eyes.

  She had drunk too much to drive home, so she ended up going back to the hotel with Brick. Even though she suddenly found him less attractive.

  CHAPTER 31

  A week passed, and she hadn’t heard anything from Derrick. She’d sent him a couple of emails and messages, but he didn’t reply. They really were over. It made her feel sick. Deep down, she’d really thought they had something more than just sex.

  Brick went back to Virginia last night, and she was glad he was gone. He was exhausting. She barely got any sleep for two weeks, and he turned out to be obnoxious. The sex was incredible, but that was all there was to it. She could never see herself in a real relationship with him. He wanted to keep in touch, but she told him it was two weeks of fun. The fool tried to tell her he was in love with her. Grayson had laughed and said he loved fucking her, and he didn’t know the first thing about her. Which was the truth; they were truly pure sex.

  Although, hadn’t she thought the same about Derrick? Love really was an overused word. Hell, she didn’t even know if she comprehended the full meaning of love. At one point she’d thought she was in love with Josh. Maybe what she felt for Derrick wasn’t real either.

  As she wiped down the kitchen counter Grayson got a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach so bad that it almost dropped her to her knees. She felt like she was going to crawl out of her skin, and Derrick’s name screamed through her head. A wave of nausea washed over her, something was wrong, and Grayson was scared shitless.

  Ever since she had been a kid, Grayson got feelings when something bad happened to people she was close to. Once a friend of the family had been in a car accident, and she ran in the house crying that Uncle Mike was hurt. Her mom tried to console her. She finally got hold of his wife, and Cindy informed them Mike was in the hospital and might not ever walk again. Another time her father was out on the ship, and Grayson knew he’d hurt his arm. She told her mom and when her mother talked to her father, she found out he had badly burned his arm, and the worst was when she knew her grandmother was dying. That was what this feeling she was having felt like.

  Tears streamed down her face and agony flowed through her. She picked up the phone and called Heather.

  “Did anyone get hurt on the team?”

  “Grace, why are you asking that?” Her voice raised several notches.

  “Just a weird feeling, that’s all. If you hear anything let me know.”

  “You’re scaring me Grace. Ethan has told me about your freaky sixth sense thing. Do you think something happened to Ethan?”

  “No, no. Not Ethan.” What the hell had she been thinking calling Heather? Of course, she was going to assume it was Ethan. “Derrick. I think something happened to him.”

  “Derrick?” Heather asked confused, but considerably calmer.

  “Yeah, we’ve spent some time together. But we kept it a secret.”

  “Oh, Grayson. OK, let me make some calls and see if I can find out anything. However, I’ve heard nothing so far so I think you’re mistaken this time.”

  “I hope so. I really hope so,” Grayson said and clicked off the phone.

  But, she knew she wasn’t wrong. The cold pit at the bottom of her stomach would not go away. Could Derrick really be dead?

  She turned on the news and couldn’t find anything. Online she searched deaths in Afghanistan, but nothing from today. She sent a few messages to Ethan’s Skype and paced the house. She was glad her mother wasn’t home to see her such a wreck.

  Several hours later Heather called her back. “Grace, you’re freaking me out here. You know I can’t talk about that stuff even if something did happen.”

  Her stomach twisted. If nothing had happened, she would have told her everything was fine, and she was over reacting. The worst part was they had kept their relationship a secret. No one even knew how crazy she was about him.

  “Just tell me is Derrick alive?” She asked, her voice cracking.

  “Grace, I know you have your little witchy thing going on, but I can’t tell you anything. All I can say to you is that there has been an incident. Turn on the news and you’ll see.”

  She dropped to her knees and she just knew he was gone. He was gone and she never got to tell him how she felt about him. They hadn’t even given their relationship a real chance. All because of her stupid fucking rules.

  Forcing herself to her feet Grayson made her way to the living room. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Grabbing the remote she turned back on the television and flipped to fox news. She covered her mouth as she heard the newscaster speak. “Breaking news: Two Special Forces soldiers were killed in Afghanistan during a raid. Names will not be released until family members are notified.”

  No. No. No. No! She mumbled shaking her head. This couldn’t be real. Grayson ran into her room, and threw herself on the bed crying. Her body shook with heart-wrenching sobs from her head to her toes.

  Finally, when she thought she could talk, she called her sister Luna and filled her in on everything. Her sister rushed over and threw her arms around her.

  She couldn’t believe this was happening, and the last conversation they had they were fighting. All because of some stupid sexual relationship she had that meant nothing to her.

  Somehow she made it through the day, and her phone woke her around three thirty in the morning. She recognized the out of country code. She braced herself to hear the news.

  “Ethan?”

  “Grace, you didn’t hear this from me.”

  “Ok.”

  “Derrick died.”

  Grayson closed her eyes and hot scalding tears silently fell.

  “But they brought him back to life. He’s been medevaced out of here, but it doesn’t look good. His injuries are extensive. They don’t think he’s going to make it.”

  He’s alive? That was all she heard all that mattered to her. He had a chance.

  “Was something going on with you two? I know you get these feelings, but it’s usually only about someone important to you.”

  There was no sense in lying about it anymore. “We had been seeing each other on and off for months.”

  “I thought that might be the case. He’d been acting different lately.”

  “How so?”

  “No more bragging about his sexual conquests. I thought he was going through a dry spell.”

  “What about the blonde?”

  “The blonde?” Ethan sounded confused.

  “You mean Megan?” Ethan asked.

  “I don’t know her name.”

  “She’s just some girl on their endurance team. I think they used to have a thing, but nothing serious. She was kind of psycho if I recall. He was definitely not into her the way she was into him.”

  Grayson let the information sink in. If they didn’t currently have a thing going why had he led her to
believe they did? None of it made sense. And now, she might never know.

  “Is there any way I can talk to him?”

  “Not now. Grace, don’t get your hopes up. It’s a miracle they could revive him. If he lives he owes his life to Marcus—the medic.”

  “I just need to tell him something.”

  “They sent him to Germany and are operating now. If he wakes up and can take calls I’ll let you know.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You can’t tell anyone. All the family members of the one who got killed haven’t been notified yet.”

  “I understand,” Grayson said and clicked off the phone. So many emotions were running through her. Elated that Derrick was alive, confused about the girl, and terrified he wasn’t going to make it.

  She hadn’t even asked what his injuries were. Worst case scenarios raced through her mind, but none of that mattered. If he would have her, she would stick by him no matter what.

  CHAPTER 32

  Three long days later her brother called her with a phone number.

  Grayson’s hand shook as she dialed the number. A woman with a southern accent answered the phone. Maybe it’s a nurse she thought, or his mother. However, a bigger part of her feared it was Megan and her brother was wrong.

  “Can I speak to Derrick?”

  “He’s asleep. If you give me your number I’ll tell him when he wakes up.”

  Grayson rattled off her number, and wondered if he would call.

  Two days passed, and he didn’t return her call. She was miserable. Grabbing the phone she took a chance to call again. This time he answered. He sounded groggy. “Hello.”

  “It’s Gray.”

  “Oh. Hey.”

  She couldn’t help it; she started crying. “I’m so sorry Derrick.”

  “Don’t be.”

  “Derrick. I know this isn’t the right time to say this, but I need you to know. I’m in love with you and I have been probably since our eyes met in the coffee shop.”

  She was met with silence, and then he said, “It’s funny how tragedies make people say things they wouldn’t normally say.”

  “I mean it, Derrick,” Grayson told him while she rubbed her nose with the back of her shirt, “I wanted to say it before you left, but I never got the chance.”

  “I need to go. I’m tired.”

  “Derrick? Please.”

  “I’ll call you later.” And he clicked off the phone.

  Grayson sat staring at her phone in disbelief. She poured her heart out to him and he basically hung up on her. Although, what did she expect? She still had no idea how extensive his injuries were. One of his friends had just been killed. She shouldn’t have said anything about her feelings. It wasn’t the right time.

  Idiot.

  A week passed before he called. She had no idea how she made it through the week. It passed painfully slow she just went through the motions.

  “I’m in Washington, DC, at Bethesda hospital.”

  Grayson’s pulse raced. “Thank god. I’m going to leave tonight and come see you.”

  “Don’t bother.”

  A lump formed in her throat. “Derrick, you don’t mean that.”

  “Yes, I do. I don’t want to see you or anyone else. I just want to be alone.”

  Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. She had to do this on his timeline. Grayson spoke when she finally found her voice again, “OK. I’ll respect that, but if you change your mind, I’ll jump in the jeep or on a plane. I really want to see you.”

  “I don’t want anyone seeing me like this.”

  Grayson braced herself. She had asked Ethan, but he had been vague. “What are your injuries?”

  “I’m alive and have all my limbs that’s all that matters. Andrews wasn’t so lucky.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said struggling to find the right words, but she had nothing. In this situation, there were no words that could be said to make it hurt less. He lost a friend, and almost his own life. She wondered if he was suffering from survivor’s guilt.

  “I wasn’t going to call you.”

  “I’m glad you did.”

  “You’re so deep under my skin it’s driving me crazy,” he said through clenched teeth, like it pissed him off.

  “I know the feeling,” she replied, her heart speeding up like crazy. Maybe, there was hope for them after all.

  “I don’t think you do.”

  “When can you come home?”

  “No idea. I have a long recovery ahead of me. Probably, months.”

  That took her by surprise. His injuries must be really bad if they wouldn’t transfer him to the local military hospital. She wanted to press him, but she’d ask Ethan later.

  “I hope you’ll let me come see you eventually.”

  “We’ll see. I need to sleep, but I wanted to return the call.”

  “Derrick, I meant what I said.”

  “Don’t. I can’t handle that right now.”

  Grayson sucked in a breath and released it slowly, “Alright.”

  They talked a couple more minutes and then hung up.

  The first thing Grayson did was call Luna to fill her in.

  “Screw that get in your jeep and go—now,” Luna said.

  “He doesn’t want me there. He made that painfully clear.”

  Her emotions were pulling her in different directions. She wanted to be by his side, but also felt she should listen to what he wanted.

  “Grayson if you feel the way I think you do about this guy just go. He just thinks he doesn’t want you there, trust me. He’ll be glad you came.”

  Maybe she was right. Hell, their whole relationship made no sense. Why should this be any different?

  “You’re right. I’m going to go.”

  “Good luck!”

  Grayson looked around and threw a few days clothes in a bag. She had a flash of déjà vu of when she was leaving Josh. Instead of running away this time she was running to someone. She had to see him, even if he kicked her out.

  She left her mother a note, jumped into the jeep, and punched in the address of the VA hospital in DC. It was going to be a long drive.

  The next evening she pulled into the hospital parking lot. Her stomach was in knots. What was he going to do when he saw her? He was probably going to be pissed for one.

  She made her way to the reception desk and asked for Derrick O’Conner. The nurse tapped his name into the computer and told her the room number. “Visiting hours end in an hour.”

  Grayson nodded and crossed the hall towards the elevator. She could feel the tension increase with every step.

  She stood in front of room 1303. The door was shut. Taking a deep breath she tapped on the door and pushed through it. And then her world came crashing down—again. Her steps faltered. She really was a fool.

  Sitting in the chair next to Derrick was the blonde.

  Derrick’s eyes fluttered opened. A look of surprised flashed. “What are you doing here? I told you not to come,” he said sounding exhausted. Half his face was covered with a large bandage.

  Swallowing hard she tried to push back the tears. She didn’t know what to say.

  “Megan, can you go get me something to eat?”

  The girl narrowed her eyes at Grayson and then stood up and stalked out of the room.

  “Obviously, I made a mistake,” Grayson said her voice shook betraying her emotions.

  Derrick tried to pull himself up to sit, but it took too much effort, so he gave up.

  Grayson took in all the machines attached to him. He looked like he had lost a lot of weight. His skin was so pale, and his eyes were dark and sad. She knew she was being selfish, but she was hurt. It felt like he had twisted a knife through her heart.

  “I guess when you said you didn’t want company you meant everyone but your girlfriend.”

  “She’s not…”

  Grayson held up her hand to cut him off and said, “Enough with all the lies Derrick. I’m an idiot.” A
tear fell and she wiped it away with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry you’re hurt, but you were right, I shouldn’t have come here. Next time I’ll listen,” she said turning to leave.

  “Gray, don’t go. She just showed up. I don’t even know how she knew I was here. One of the wives on the team must have told her.” Heart pounding, she slowly turned back towards him. He licked his cracked lips and reached for the water, but it was out of his reach. Grayson hurried around and grabbed the drink and held it out so he could drink from the straw.

  “That’s why I didn’t want you here.” he said as he leaned back and closed his eyes.

  “Because of her? You didn’t want me to come because your little girlfriend is already here taking care of you?”

  “No Gray, not because of her. I can’t even get my own water. I don’t want you seeing me like this. It’s humiliating.”

  “That’s ridiculous. You’re hurt. You almost died. There is nothing humiliating about that.”

  “I’m a mess. I can’t even go to the bathroom by myself.”

  She knew that guys like Derrick didn’t like the loss of control.

  Grayson leaned forward and ran her hand through his hair. His face was covered in red stubble, and he looked completely drained.

  “Tomorrow is the funeral at Arlington,” he said so softly Grayson had to strain to hear the words.

  “And you can’t go.” She grabbed his hand from under the blanket. His hand was so cold in hers. She had to do something to help him. She whispered in his ear, “Do you want me to go for you?”

  “You didn’t even know him,” he choked out.

  “No, but I know my brother. I know you. I know the sacrifice the families of soldiers make.”

  His eyes welled up, and he looked away clearing his throat.

  What the hell was she doing coming in here like this? The last thing Derrick needed to worry about was some crazy-ass girl. She needed to push her jealousy aside and just be there for him. Even if they only ended up being friends, and nothing more, she had to forget all that right now.

  Leaning down she kissed the top of his forehead. “I should have respected your wishes.”