Unavoidable

by Yara Greathouse

  “He did what? Fuck, Brianna, what the hell did that man do to you? To all of you?” I calmly look at him. I need to keep it together or I am going to ask him to leave and never come back. It is not fun to face your own personal horror story.

  “I was scared. I did not know what to do. I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, but his goons had the place on lockdown. All the doors were being guarded. He brought in his own people to run the business and balance the books. It was a nightmare from the get go. One of the feistier girls, Mary, confronted him and he slapped her a few times in front of everyone and said he was going to make an example out of her. Two of his guys carried Mary out and they took her away. We never saw her again.”

  “Do you know what happened to her?” He had to ask. I stop pacing and nod my head. I take a moment to collect myself, breathing slowly a few times before telling him more. The worst is yet to come. I brace myself for the things that I have to bring out of this old mental vault that I’ve used to lock everything inside for so many years.

  “We found out a couple of days later when Jesse came in with a sack full of jewelry type boxes all beautifully wrapped and we thought he was trying to mend fences for having been so horrible before.

  “The bastard was smiling from ear to ear as he passed them around asking us to wait so that we could all open them at the same time. Once we did, the screams and crying started immediately. Inside every box he had ‘gifted’ us, was a piece of Mary. Some girls got fingers, some got toes, even her ears. It was absolutely horrible.”

  I felt a single tear run down my cheek. He pushes himself to the edge of his seat, but I placed my hand out and shook my head so that he stayed put.

  “I’m not done, Colton.” I wrap my arms around my stomach as if that would offer any comfort.

  “Brianna…” He said.

  “No Colton. The worst is yet to come and I’m afraid if you get closer to me I will lose the little courage I have left.

  “After the Mary ‘incident’ I tried to reason with Jesse that I never was one of the girls that performed, and that he needed to let me go. He explained that he understood, and that I obviously needed extra training to catch up with the other girls. That night he raped me. I was a sixteen year old virgin and that sadistic fuck took the only thing that was still mine. I had dreams. I had a dream that I would find the one person who loved me just the way I was. The one person who was deserving of my love for them. I’ve never had anybody to tell me those three words until Ciara. She’s like a sister to me and has been the only one to love me as I am without any expectations or conditions.”

  Colton got up from the couch and moved towards me, but for every step he took forward, I took one back. Then I was pacing again and wringing my hands. I needed to focus.

  “After he had his way with me, he put me to work. Luckily, I had the other girls to help me out and give me pointers. I was very popular with the older crowd and had many ‘special’ requests.”

  “Oh, no! No, no, no, NO! Brianna, please don’t say it. I think I know where this is going and I don’t think I will be able to handle it.”

  “You need to know. You wanted to know everything. I already started and I’m going to finish. When I am done, you will have a decision to make, Colton.”

  We look into each other’s eyes. Slowly, I feel a tear forming and leaning heavily on my eyelashes, until it is so big it cannot contain itself. It falls heavily marking a wet path on my cheek. I feel my heart falling simultaneously, down a cliff without a landing. The pain… the pain I feel for us. For what we could have been. I recognize the look. I have seen it many times before. It’s the ‘I feel horrible for you but at the same time I am horrified about who you really are.’ I wipe the tear from my cheek, say goodbye to my heart and regain my calm composure.

  “Yes. I became a prostitute. I was forced to dance and perform sexual acts with strangers. It was a very dark time in my life. There was no way out. Every night I would cry myself to sleep because I did not know what I could do. The patrons made their payments directly to Jesse or one of his men, and we were too scared to run. The threat level continued to escalate because we had a ‘quota’ to meet and when we did not earn enough money, our punishment was in the form of beatings.”

  He was the one pleading now. “Please stop. I am not sure I can take this. I was not prepared to face something like this.” His voice was angry and sad at the same time. He was now the one taking steps back, but it did not faze me. The damage was already done.

  “With time we learned that Jesse’s father was a huge mobster who had intimidated too many people in order to gain a solid reputation and respect from those people in the streets. He was vicious and so was his son. This was Jesse’s first solo venture and he was out to prove himself to his father. Fortunately for me, Jesse was also young and ignorant, and within a few weeks became obsessed with possessing my body. He wanted me all the time, so badly that he would only pimp me out to the highest paying customers, so I did not have as many rounds as the other girls. To this day I am not sure if that was a blessing, because every moment that I was not with a customer, I had to spend with Jesse. I decided to take advantage and learn as many secrets as possible. I even figured out his password to all the secret files that connected him to his father’s network. One day, I pretended to be asleep and he went to take a shower. I found a memory stick on his desk, and I copied all of the files I could find. So you see, all the lessons from Uncle Pete were paying off. From time to time I would update the information and copy as many files as possible.

  “With time, I developed a plan. I had an older gentleman who always requested me, let’s call him John – that’s adequate, right? He was rich, but was also very kind. After many weekly sessions, we started to talk and he started to tip me money on the side. He understood that it was a secret between us, because I had let him know about Jesse’s rough ways. I would hide the money in one of the ‘special’ rooms’ ceiling tile, because those rooms were not inspected like our rooms were.

  “When I had enough money, I confided in John and asked him to help me out. He had seen the bruises on me many times, so he knew I was not lying about the abuse I was undergoing in that place. During his next visit, he brought me a stun gun shaped like a pen. It had a strong charge to slow down someone enough to hopefully escape. If I failed, I knew Jesse would kill me. I had everything to gain and nothing to lose, because – let’s face it – that was no way to live. I was nothing more than a sex slave. I was dirty. Filthy inside and out. Some days, like today, I still feel that way. The one thing they were not counting on was that I had a strong spirit and I wanted to survive.

  “I waited a few days until the right time came along. One night a fight ensued on the floor. All the goons were taking care of the guys who started the fight, and I knew that was my opportunity. I retrieved my hidden money, ran to my room and put on sweats and a wig from another girl, placed a change of clothes and a few things in a backpack, then I hit the fire alarm - there was chaos everywhere. I kept my face down and pulled up my hoodie walking outside with the others and kept right on walking. When I made it around the corner, I ran, oh Colton! I ran so hard! I gave it all I had, and once I was a few blocks away, I hailed a taxi to take me to the bus station. Once there, I cleaned up and changed clothes, and bought a ticket as far away as I could afford, and hid because I knew they were going to come looking for me – and they did. Luckily, a cleaning crew had just come in and I was able to hide inside the van, until Jesse and his men left. That’s when I was able to board the bus and leave everything behind.

  He is speechless. It makes me nervous. I look at him briefly and he nods, silently asking me to continue.

  “Although I knew Jesse would continue looking for me because I made a fool out of him and because he was completely obsessed with having me at his beck and call, I hoped that if I got far enough away he would not be able to find me. Joining the military was a great way to disappear. I was gone. After three yea
rs, I thought he would have put me out of his mind. I was enjoying my life. I was also happy for the first time ever. I let down all my defenses so I could let you in, Colton. Then came the accident at the football game, and my stupid, stupid reaction to go out there and try to save somebody. I should have known better. I didn’t stop to think that someone was going to record that. Then, with the video going viral, I have allowed myself to fall back into his sights, putting all of you in jeopardy. I am so very sorry Colton.”

  “Brianna… this is too much…” I look down at the floor and gently nod my head. It’s his turn now. I take a deep breath and I am ready.

  Colton

  This is a mother fucking nightmare. I silently pinch myself several times while she is talking, to force myself to wake up because it just cannot be real. I am in shock. I don’t know what to say, or what to do. I am dying inside. Out of all the things I thought may have happened in her past – bad boyfriends, some kind of abuse, drugs or alcohol - but forced to sell her body? Never! Oh, God! I’ve got to think about this. I know this is not her fault, but I need time.

  “I know, Colton, I know. You don’t have to say anything. Now you know my entire past. I don’t blame you. I’m disgusted with myself, too.”

  “Disgusted? I am not disgusted with you… I am just so angry at that Jesse for everything he has done, I am angry at you, because you should have told me what I was getting into. It was not fair to me Brianna. This is not okay. We are not okay. I need time to… process. A prostitute? Sex slave? I just don’t know what to say. And now they are after you? After us? These are dangerous people, Brianna. This whole thing is completely fucked up.” I needed time to put everything in place in my head. Right now there were all kinds of thoughts and I’m afraid I would say the wrong thing and regret it for life. While trying to wrap my head around this new reality, I feel like I am suffocating.

  No one at that young age should have to go through what she went through. No one.

  I was just standing there, too angry to sit down and too upset to move. I was afraid she was getting ready to bolt. She looked so innocent, scared and vulnerable. She was literally an inexperienced child, and then to have that innocence taken away in such a violent manner. That Jesse is a fucking pig.

  I have so many emotions coursing through my body and way too many thoughts in my head. “Brianna, I need a little time to process this. I am conflicted inside. I don’t know what to think anymore.”

  “Colton, I am sorry I didn’t tell you about Jesse sooner, but I really was trying to protect you. The less you knew, the better. I was right about one thing – that you would look at me differently, I no longer see the pride in your eyes that used to be there before tonight. I see doubt. Maybe I see rejection, too. But I understand that a tainted woman will give you no pride. No joy.”

  I want to go to her and hug her, kiss her but she keeps moving away from me. I can see her putting walls between us. Fuck! What can I do?

  “I am not rejecting you Brianna, I have feelings for you, dammit! I love you! I have been waiting for the perfect time to tell you… Can’t you see that the reason that I am looking at you this way is because I am hurting so badly for you, that I just don’t know what to do? I love you Brianna. I loved you yesterday, I love you today and I will still love you tomorrow! I-love-you.”

  “It does not make sense. You say you love me but yet you tell me you need time to process. You are contradicting yourself and it is so frustrating. My question to you, Colton, is this: Do you love me enough? Do you? Do you love me enough to let this knowledge go so that we can move past it? I need you to love me enough, Colton, please. Because I love you, Colton. I have never felt like this before. It is overwhelming. It is consuming. It is crazy because now you are my priority. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I will protect you. I will make sure to end this with Jesse as soon as possible so that we can get back to where we were. I want to go back to the days when we didn’t have a black cloud following us. So I am asking you, do you love me enough to allow me to take care of this? Is it enough?

  “Don’t you see that is part of the problem? You should not be taking care of me! I should be taking care of you or at the very least we should be taking care of the situation together. But it is impossible. My girlfriend is fucking Wonder Woman, and she kicks ass while I just hide behind a truck and feel completely inadequate – like a fucking coward. Then, after weeks and weeks of me ignoring your past – at your request because you could not confide in me – it explodes right in front of my face! The woman I love was forced into prostitution! She was abused numerous times by a bunch of sick fucks! That shit is not supposed to happen. And now every time I think about us being intimate, I can’t help but wonder if you were the same with one of those guys! And the lap dance you gave me – is that part of your repertoire?”

  I didn’t even see the slap coming. I deserve it. I am an asshole, but I am hurting. I love this woman and I may lose her. I need her to get the cops involved and to let those men be. Do I love her enough to let her do what she feels she needs to do?

  “You are acting like such a dickhead, Colton!”

  “I am trying to stop you from doing something stupid! What makes you think that you can take care of a bunch of mobsters all by yourself? I think the better question here is do you love yourself enough to step away from the situation?”

  “I can’t step away. They will always come after me. Always.”

  “I cannot just sit here and let you lead yourself into a death sentence. I don’t… I can’t be a part of that. Stop the insanity, Brianna, call the cops and let them handle it.”

  “No. Not going do it. I am putting an end to this war waged against me. I may not love me enough, but I am doing this for you. I am doing this for our friends. I do love you enough to do what is necessary.”

  “Brianna, I need air. I need to think. We just keep going round and round and we are so into our own heads that we are not listening to one another.”

  I get close to her and grab her hands. “Let it go, please.” I cup her face and search her features, wishing I could see the dimple that I love so much. There is no dimple. Looking into her eyes, I try to convey the love I feel for her. I believe it is enough. I am afraid for her. I am afraid that those sick bastards are going to take her away from me. I move closer and our lips touch. It is a sweet, tender kiss. I love the way she tastes, her passion and conviction. My mouth and body crave her all the time. I want more, but it is not the time or the place. I have to figure all this out. I slowly force myself pull away and it is so painful I can actually feel it everywhere.

  “I love you, Brianna, but I need an answer. Do you love me enough to let this quest go?” I bite my bottom lip because the pain keeps me in the reality of this moment. This is not a movie, this is not a dream.

  Her silence was piercing my ears. It was the loudest nothing I had ever heard. It went on for what it felt like centuries, but I am sure it was only seconds. Then I let go of her hands and I did the one thing I had promised her I would never do – I walked away.

  Brianna

  I cannot answer his question. Now that he has thrown the question back to me, I understand why he cannot answer it as well. We are both too conflicted, in different ways, but conflicted nonetheless.

  I close my eyes and stay still. Maybe it is all a bad dream. Maybe when I open my eyes he will still be here, and the steps that I hear – strong at first, but slowly fading away – are just a product of my imagination.

  The moment I hear the door slam behind me, I am aware of my current reality. He is gone. Please love me enough, Colton, enough to come back to me.

  I take a few steps back and suddenly stop when I hit the wall. My body slides down slowly to the cold floor. I feel a huge knot in my throat, so tight that I can barely breathe. What have I done!? I feel I am suffocating and I know a breakdown is coming. I take a deep breath. In through the nose, hold it a few seconds, out through the mouth. Again and again. I was calming mysel
f when one lonely tear brimmed and fought to come loose. I allow that lonely tear to fall. One lonely tear that indicates exactly the state of my life at the moment – alone. Just like the tear falling, it only takes a second for me to fall into the abyss of despair and like a domino effect, I let the rain fall down on me.