A LaLa Land Addiction

by Ashley Antoinette

  “I’m sorry. I’m causing problems for you,” she said.

  “You’re not a problem; don’t worry about it,” Noah stated as he put her in his bed. He dried her, lotioned her entire body, and then pulled some of Naomi’s clothes out of the drawers. “You’re smaller than her, but this is all I’ve got for now. I’ll get you some clothes tomorrow,” he said. “You hungry?”

  Bleu nodded.

  “Stay here while I clean up the mess in the bathroom and then I’ll bring you up some food.”

  Noah tucked her in and then went into the bathroom, his stomach turning at the sight. He cleaned up the mess, disinfecting it all and tossing her old clothes. By the time he emerged from the bathroom Bleu was asleep, restlessly, but at least her eyes were closed.

  He took the trash downstairs and, sure enough, Naomi was waiting for him. She sat, livid, her anger written all over her face as one eyebrow rose, demanding answers without even speaking.

  “It’s Bleu,” Noah said.

  “That’s Bleu?” Naomi said with a frown. “That crackhead-ass bitch—”

  “Watch your mouth,” Noah said. It was the second time he had to warn her. “She needs to stay here for a while. I’m going to help her out. Get her on her feet. Get her clean.”

  Naomi looked like she smelled something that stunk. “What? That includes you bathing this bitch too?” Naomi was steaming and Noah knew that this had taken her by surprise. It had thrown him for a loop as well, but there was no way he was throwing Bleu back in the streets.

  “I don’t trust anybody when it comes to her. This is something that I just got to do. She’s my—”

  “Your life. Yeah, I heard,” Naomi interrupted.

  “Don’t be fucking selfish,” Noah said, raising his voice. “I keep you laced; everybody knows you’re my woman. You don’t want for nothing. You don’t ever hear about me out here tricking off on none of these bitches. I’m all about you, all the time. I’m just telling you I need to focus on a friend for a little while. Not everything is about you. Just play the position I put you in and have my back on this. Stop with the jealousy shit. She’s my best friend; before all of this street shit she was there. She just needs some help.”

  Naomi was amazed at how quickly he had turned the tables. He had her feeling bad, like the scum of the earth. “Fine,” she said, conceding. “Help your friend.” She tried to walk past him, but he grabbed her and kissed her softly on the lips.

  “Thank you for understanding,” he said.

  She cut her eyes at him. “Hmm-hmm,” she said. “I’m going back to the apartment for a few days.”

  “You ain’t got to leave,” he stated.

  “Just call me when your company is gone and when shit is back to normal,” Naomi snapped.

  “You don’t want to put me in a position where I have to choose between you and her,” Noah stated firmly.

  Naomi scoffed, “Why? Because you won’t choose me?” His silence was answer enough and she stormed toward the door. “Fuck you, Noah!”

  He didn’t go after her. He knew the best thing would be to let her cool down before he tried to remedy the situation. He was conflicted. On the one hand, he felt strongly for Naomi. She had held him down when the rest of the world had forgotten about him. Some of his roughest days when he was locked away had been made brighter by her. She saw something in him when he had nothing to offer her. The belief of a woman in a man was worth more than gold, and while he wouldn’t say he was in love with her, he did care a great deal for her. Bleu, on the other hand, well … Bleu was Bleu. His Bleu. She was the girl he had spent his childhood years laughing with. The same girl who knew his mama, whom he had walked to school with, whom he had crushed on when she went from looking like a flat-chested tomboy to a blossoming young woman. She was the girl he defended when the entire hood laughed at her for her parents’ mistakes. She was the girl who mourned on his shoulder when her father died and the girl whom the entire city knew Noah would fight for whenever she needed him. They had discussed their hopes and dreams, talking about what they would do when they made it out of the hood. Bleu was his soul mate in every sense of the word. Despite the fact that they had never been together in a romantic way, she was the woman he envisioned standing beneath a white veil when he finally decided to man up and choose a wife. He loved her with every fiber of his being. Their friendship was the most valuable thing he had in his life. From the most innocent aspect to the most complex, Bleu was his very best friend. He would go to the ends of the earth for her. He had proved that before when he had done a bid for her. He would prove it again now by digging her out of this grave that she had put herself in. Even without any romantic dealings with Bleu, he was still connected to her. She was family. Their friendship transcended labels. It was deep and there were depths of it that just couldn’t be explained. Like the ocean, it was so massive that it drowned you.

  Noah walked back to the bedroom. He climbed on top of the covers and she moved her head to his chest as he watched her sleep. He was afraid to close his eyes, in fear that when he awoke she would be gone. So he stayed up all night, listening to the cadence of her breaths until the sun came and nature woke her up.

  “You’ve been up all night?” she asked as she yawned and looked up at him.

  “Yeah. Been thinking. Seeing you got me fucked up,” he admitted as she sat up and sat Indian-style across from him. “Tell me how it came to this, B?”

  “I honestly don’t know how I let it get this bad. It just started as me taking a couple pills to stay up and study for finals. Then it was meth, then coke, then…” She stopped speaking, too embarrassed to say it aloud.

  “Crack?” he finished for her. “Then H?”

  She nodded.

  “You know how fucked up I feel, knowing you was in them apartments getting high off my shit? That’s my product you smoking? My shit you shooting in your veins,” Noah said. “Makes me feel like this ain’t the right move. Like for real, Bleu. It’s messing with my head.”

  “Don’t let it. This ain’t on you. If it wasn’t you, it would be somebody else supplying the streets. Trust me. When I want to get high, I get high. It doesn’t matter who I’m copping from. I don’t put my troubles on the nigga that serves me because even if one D-boy refuses to there is always another that will. You’re in it for the money. You don’t feel guilty for getting your paper. It’s me. I chose this life,” she admitted. “Enough about me, though, boy, look at you!” She threw her hands up, motioning to all the luxury that surrounded them. “You’re living, Noah. Like really living.”

  “I do a’ight for myself,” Noah said humbly.

  “I’m proud of you,” Bleu said. “You went from pissy-smelling hallways and six hundred square feet in the projects to a mansion in Grand Blanc.” Noah heard her changing the subject, deflecting attention off herself, to speak about something else, anything else other than the elephant in the room.

  “Let me help you, Bleu,” he said.

  “It’s not your responsibility, Noah,” she replied as she shook her head. “Besides, it is not going to work. I’ve tried. Don’t you think I want to go back to the person I used to be? This wasn’t supposed to be my story. I don’t know how to shake this shit. It seems like every time I try I fail and it just gets worse.” She held out her arms. “Look at this. I’m shooting dope, Noah. I’m killing myself and the bad part is I don’t know if I want to stop. If I get clean, I have to deal with all the shit that I’ve done while high. It’s too much.” Her tears were endless. He was her priest and she was giving confession. She had put her worst fear out into the world. She had finally told someone what really prevented her from getting better.

  “It’s too much for you, but it ain’t too much for me, Bleu,” Noah said. “I don’t care if I have to lock you up in this mu’fucka, you’re not going back to the streets. You’re staying here until you kick this shit. You got to promise me one thing, though, Bleu,” he said.

  “What’s that?” she asked.


  “That you’ll trust me,” he said.

  She nodded. “I trust you.”

  Noah nodded. “Good. Now get up and go choose which room you want to sleep in. Then we’ll go shopping for some of the things you need.”

  “That girl that was here last night. That’s your girlfriend?” Bleu asked. Noah nodded. “How is she going to feel about me staying here?”

  “I’m on her shit list right now, but she’ll come around. You let me handle her,” Noah said. He shook his head as he smirked. He knew that making up with Naomi would cost him a pretty penny. She wasn’t a gold digger by far, but there was a price to pay to have a bad bitch on his arm and it went up when he pissed her off. He would have to splurge on a Chanel bag or two just to get back in her good graces. It was the cost of having a high-maintenance type of woman. Roses and apologies just didn’t do. “Hurry up so we can shake.”

  Bleu headed out of the room but stopped when she got to the doorway. She ran full speed over to Noah and hugged him tightly. He was such a good friend. He was seeing her at her worst, but he wasn’t leaving. He wasn’t running away from her, and she appreciated his loyalty. She wasn’t even loyal to herself at the moment. She couldn’t look out for herself, but she knew that he would hold her down until she was strong enough to rely on herself.

  They said nothing as he held her close and the feeling of her heart beating against his, at the same rhythm, soothed her. This was genuine love from one person to another. No matter how hard it got, or how many times she messed up, or how much she sabotaged the process, Noah wouldn’t leave her.

  Noah felt himself becoming emotional. Bleu was the only person who made him tap into that forbidden part of himself that he kept hidden. While he had always been her strength, she had always been his weakness. He couldn’t allow that this time. He had to be there for her without allowing her to distract him. He cleared his throat and pulled away, disconnecting from her. Whenever he touched her the energy he felt was so intense it left him with bated breath. “Hurry and get yourself together. I’ll be waiting.”

  She walked out and he sat on the edge of the bed, perplexed by the way Bleu made him feel. He put his hands on top of his head and blew out an anxiety-filled sigh because he knew that Bleu had just come raging back into his life like a category 5 hurricane. He just hoped that she didn’t blow down all that he had built.

  17

  When Noah pulled up to the old projects where they used to live, Bleu looked at them timidly. Memories came flooding back to her. It was as if he were asking her to go into a haunted house. In a way, he was. A lot of ghosts dwelled inside and she feared that if she was forced to enter they would come back to haunt her. It looked the same as she had remembered. Same struggle, same people, same everything. Absolutely nothing had changed. No matter how much money Noah made, he couldn’t seem to let go of his humble beginnings. Usually he and Messiah would convene at Noah’s old apartment, politic, drink, and bullshit. This time, it was Naomi who had taken refuge there after their disagreement. She wasn’t from Flint, however; she didn’t know just how dangerous his old stomping grounds were. He had allowed her to cool her top for one night, but anything longer would have him unsettled.

  “You coming in?” he asked.

  “No, um-m, I’m good right here,” she said.

  “You scared of your own people?” he asked with a frown.

  “No, I just … I’m good,” she responded.

  Noah looked skeptical and said, “I’ll be right back.”

  He was like a star as he walked through the hood, dapping up the young lieutenants in his operation and stopping for a moment to throw up a basket with the kids playing hoops with a milk crate tacked up to a tree.

  Noah made a mental note to bring a rollaway basketball hoop by when he got a chance and then made his way up to his third-floor apartment.

  He entered and found Naomi sitting on the couch with her feet propped up as she painted her toenails.

  “What you doing here?” she asked as she sucked her teeth.

  “I take it you’re still mad,” Noah stated.

  Naomi didn’t answer as she concentrated on the work of art she was doing.

  “Look. I need your help. Bleu needs clothes and I’m not good with the girl shit. Can you play nice and take her to the mall? It’ll give you a chance to get to know her,” Noah said.

  Naomi frowned. “Do I look like I want to be seen with that girl? We are on two different levels,” Naomi said unapologetically.

  “She’s down bad right now, Naomi. I’ve seen a lot of sides to you, but I would love to see you think of somebody else beside yourself. I know most of the time it’s all about you. I’ve made it that way, so it’s my fault that you’re spoiled, but you got to show me a different side. For real. A pretty face ain’t shit without a pretty heart to match.”

  “I’m not friendly, Noah. You know that,” Naomi sighed.

  “Do it for me. I’ll eat that pussy real good for you later to thank you,” Noah said as he moved closer to her, kissing her neck as she whimpered at his touch.

  “You’re not playing fair,” she whined.

  Noah smirked and pulled back. “Hurry up. She’s in the truck. We’ll be parked out front waiting for you,” he said.

  Naomi purposefully took her time getting ready. Little Miss Bleu is going to learn her place if she’s going to be around. Her ass can wait, Naomi thought. It took her an hour to shower, dress, and apply her makeup to perfection. She didn’t feel bad about it either. She stepped out of the apartment and looked like a million bucks as she strutted down the stairs. When Naomi got outside she knew Noah would have an attitude. He hated to be left waiting, but Naomi didn’t care. She had a point to prove to Bleu: I come first in his life and shit don’t move until I move.

  When she got outside and noticed Noah buying ice cream for all the kids in the neighborhood and Bleu passing it out Naomi grimaced. It was like they hadn’t even noticed that she had taken all day. Bleu’s smile was electric as she handed the soft-serve cones out. When Naomi saw Bleu offer the last cone to Noah she gritted her teeth in disdain. Noah shook his head and Bleu mushed it on his lips anyway, forcing Noah to eat some of the sweetness. They both were in fits of laughter by the time Naomi reached the truck.

  She stood with her arms crossed, one hip cocked, and her eyebrows raised in aggravation.

  “See, the wait is worth it. You coming out here looking like a million bucks,” Noah said in a jovial mood that irritated Naomi to her core. All of a sudden this nigga is carefree. She come around and he all smiles, Naomi thought bitterly.

  She gave him a tight smile as he walked over to kiss her cheek. “Bleu, this is my girl, Naomi. Naomi, this is Bleu,” he introduced them.

  Bleu waved but didn’t speak before climbing back in the truck.

  Naomi frowned. “You can move to the back,” she said as she held open the door for Bleu.

  Noah quickly diffused the situation as he tossed the keys to Naomi. “I got a few things to handle with Messiah. Can’t text and drive. I’ll take the backseat.”

  Naomi knew he was being diplomatic but she held her tongue and walked over to the driver’s side.

  The ride was filled with awkward silence as the threesome hit 75 South.

  “Where are we going?” Bleu asked.

  “I don’t shop in the city. Detroit has a better selection. Although for you I guess anything will do. You’re not into high fashion clearly,” Naomi said.

  Bleu scoffed and shook her head as she surveyed Naomi’s outfit. This bitch thinks just because she wearing every brand in the world she knows fashion. Her gaudy, tacky ass, Bleu thought. Naomi had no idea that Bleu was a fashion-scene killer. She was down on her luck, but back in L.A. she had everything from Céline to Tom Ford lacing her closet and she knew how to pair it with vintage and low-end stores so that she didn’t look like a walking label whore. She wasn’t trying to butt heads with Noah’s girlfriend, though. Bleu knew that whatever sta
tic she made with Naomi Noah would have to suffer for, so instead of creating conflict she just let the insults slide off her back. She didn’t have time for catfights. She had bigger problems. While Noah was a great distraction, she could feel the monkey beating on her back. Even in this very moment she just wanted to sneak off and score a quick high.

  “Clearly,” Bleu replied. “I’ll follow your lead. Maybe you can help me put a few looks together.”

  Naomi looked at Bleu out of the corner of her eye, surprised that the girl didn’t snap back at her. “Yeah, maybe.”

  “Just go to the Valley,” Noah said, referring to the local mall. “You on that Hollywood shit.”

  “I thought your girl was Hollywood,” Naomi said snidely.

  “No, Noah likes me regular … like the hometown Flintstone I am,” Bleu said in a low tone as she looked out of the window. “Of course you know what he likes. I mean it’s obvious you’re not from Flint, but you know what I mean. He prefers for his girls to be simple. The extra shit isn’t necessary.”

  Noah sat in the backseat, perplexed as he watched the nicest nasty exchange of words he had ever seen. Women didn’t need to fight with their hands; their words flew like bullets. He reached around the side of the passenger seat and gave Bleu’s arm a reassuring squeeze.

  The truck felt too small for the three of them. Being around Noah was one thing, but hanging out with him and his girlfriend made Bleu uncomfortable. Considering the fact that Naomi was gorgeous and had her shit together, Bleu felt insecure in her own skin. I’ll never let this bitch know that, Bleu thought. Facts were facts, however. Bleu couldn’t say anything to Naomi. She was sitting here in Naomi’s clothes accepting charity from Noah. Bleu didn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. She couldn’t touch Naomi and they both knew it.

  “So Bleu, how long have you two known each other? You have to excuse my behavior last night. He’s never mentioned you,” Naomi said as they arrived.