“It’s not too bad. We’ll just keep it clean. You know the drill.” He started cleaning up, but then stopped and looked up at me. “Kate, you know I would have done anything to save him. I never would have left him if I thought there was a chance I could save him.”
“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see,” I said shortly. I didn’t like that he was giving up so easily on Garrick. I knew in my heart that he was still alive. There was no way he would leave me. He spent months stalking me and I could always feel when he was around, and I felt empty when he was gone. I didn’t feel that emptiness yet and until I did, I wouldn’t accept that he was dead.
“Kate, I know you want to believe that he’s still alive, but you need to prepare yourself for the fact that he didn’t make it out. It would have been nearly impossible for anyone to survive that fire.”
“But he’s not just anyone.” I stood and paced the room, my anger growing every minute that Hunter tried to convince me that Garrick was dead. “I can’t believe that you not only left him behind, but that you’re giving up on him so easily. He’s a fighter by nature. There’s no way something like a knife would stop him.”
“Alright, Kate. We won’t give up yet,” he said as if he was resigned to play along.
“Think whatever you want, Hunter. I don’t care if you believe me or not. I’m telling you, he’s not gone yet. I always know when he’s around and I’m telling you that I don’t feel the emptiness around me. He’s still out there fighting for his life and you’re walking away. But Derek’s right. He knows how to take care of himself and when he gets better, he’ll be looking for me at Reed Security.”
Hunter nodded and took a step back as Rob exited the bathroom, clean and dressed in clean clothes. They must have gotten clothes for everyone.
“Shower’s all yours.”
“Thanks.”
Hunter stalked off to the bathroom and I slipped under the covers. I needed to get some sleep so that when we got back to Reed Security, I could be prepared for Garrick.
✯✯✯✯✯
“The fire department said the building is a total loss. It’s going to take some time for them to dig through the wreckage and look for..bodies,” Sebastian said hesitantly as we all sat in the conference room back at Reed Security. “Until we can identify Jensen’s body, I want you to stay with Derek’s team at our safe house,” Sebastian said, looking at me.
“Garrick is going to come looking for me. You have to let him know where I am.”
Sebastian looked questioningly at Hunter who just shook his head. “Uh, Kate..”
“I know. None of you think he survived, but I’m telling you that he’s still alive. I know it.”
“Kate, I’ve seen the wreckage. There’s no way anyone got out of there alive.”
I was tired of repeating myself to these guys. They didn’t know Garrick the way I did and while I freaked out after I saw the building going up in flames, when I had a chance to stop and really think about it, I knew he was still alive and that he would come for me.
“What about my clinic?”
“Cole got another doctor filling in for you. From what the staff says, he’s fitting in well and doing a good job.”
“What did you tell the staff about me?”
“Family emergency,” Sebastian supplied. “You don’t know how long you’ll be gone because it’s an ongoing health issue with your mother.”
“Well, at least I don’t have to worry about that.”
“In the meantime, Hunter will take you home so you can pack a bag. As soon as we hear more from the fire investigator, we’ll let you know.”
“Thank you, Sebastian.”
I stood and followed Hunter to the door and down to the SUV. He took me home to pack a bag and while I was there, I saw a few of Garrick’s t-shirts that he had left behind. I grabbed them and shoved them in my bag, knowing they would help me feel closer to him until he came back to me.
The ride to the safe house was awkward at best. No one believed me that Garrick was alive and they kept shooting me worried glances, like I was going off the deep end. When we arrived, Hunter showed me to my room and I hid in there the rest of the night. For the next week, I only came out for meals, spending the rest of my days watching out the window for any sign of Garrick. I knew that he would be coming once he found out where I was. It was silly to think that he would show up this soon. With the injury to his chest, he would most likely be recovering in a hospital for the better part of a week, but I still watched every day.
By the end of the second week, I still hadn’t seen any sign of Garrick and I was starting to get a little nervous. Maybe he wasn’t doing as well as I hoped. It was possible that he suffered complications from his injuries. I wanted to go to him and look at him myself, but nobody knew where he was. Deciding that I’d had enough waiting around, I went in search of Hunter. He was sitting at the kitchen table working on a laptop.
“Hunter, I need to talk to you.”
He closed his laptop and gave me his full attention. “What’s up?”
“I need you to do me a favor and look for Garrick.”
“Kate…” He shook his head and looked away.
“I know what you think, but I’m asking you to look for him for me. I know he’s out there somewhere and he could be suffering complications from his injuries. I just need to know how he is.”
He stood and started pacing the kitchen, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck. “You need to stop this, Kate. This is crazy. I know you want to believe that he’s alive and out there trying to get back to you, but he’s not,” he yelled. “I want him back as much as you, but I can’t take any more of this shit! He died in that building and you need to face the facts.”
“I can still feel him. He isn’t gone,” I insisted.
“You can feel him?” he said incredulously. “Do you know how insane that sounds? You’re a medical professional. Look at this from a medical standpoint. He was stabbed in the chest and coughing up blood, which means his lungs were compromised. He was in a building that was on fire and he wouldn’t have been able to breathe very well as it was. It was obvious he was in a lot of pain, so moving around on his own would have been next to impossible. The building collapsed as we were getting out, so what are the chances that he miraculously got up on his own under those conditions and made a run to a different exit and made it out?”
I was silent as my eyes welled with unshed tears. Deep down I knew that it was next to impossible, but how could he not be out there? I still felt him. As a doctor, a feeling meant absolutely nothing. I dealt in things I could explain medically, things that could be easily quantified. A feeling didn’t mean anything to someone like me, but it was still there and I felt it as sure as I knew that I had gone to school and gotten my medical degree. But maybe Hunter was right. Maybe I was setting myself up for a horrible heartbreak, but until they gave me proof that he was gone, I wouldn’t back down.
Hunter stepped toward me as I let the tears slowly slip down my face. He ran his hands up and down my arms in a soothing manner. “I know how hard this is and trust me, there’s not a second of the day that I’m not kicking myself for letting him stay behind or not being able to save him,” he said with a slight croak. “He was like a brother to me and I wish more than anything that I could have him back. But wishing that he was still out there isn’t going to make this any easier.”
I stepped back from him and bit back the tears. “I won’t give up yet. No matter what you say, I won’t believe it until we put him in the ground.”
I turned on my heel and walked away. If I stayed, he would just try to tell me how wrong I was and I didn’t need to hear that right now.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Garrick! Don’t go back in there. Stay with me,” I begged him as he tried to go back into the fire to finish Jensen.
“I have to do this, Kate. We’ll never be safe if I don’t kill him.”
“Please, if you love me, you won’
t go back in there,” I cried. He wrapped a hand around the back of my neck and pulled me in close to him.
“I love you and that’s why I have to do this. I want it all with you and we won’t get that if I walk away now. I’m going to finish this and then we’re going to grow old together. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I never do. Go with Hunter. I promise I’ll find you when this is all over.”
He kissed me hard and then turned back to Jensen. Hunter dragged me down the staircase, but when I heard something crash, I knew we had to go back.
“Wait! Hunter, he needs our help. We have to go back.”
“No,” Hunter said fiercely. “I promised him I’d get you out and that’s what I’m going to do.”
I yanked my arm out of his grasp and ran back up the stairs. “I won’t leave him,” I shouted. I ran back through the door just as a knife was plunged into Garrick’s chest. I watched in horror as he collapsed to the ground. The fire was spreading quickly and I knew that I had to get to him fast if I had a chance of getting him out. Hunter sprinted past me and jumped over rubble to get to Garrick. Tripping and stumbling my way over, I shakily placed a hand on Garrick’s chest, feeling the uneven rhythm. He didn’t have long.
“Hang on. We’ll get you out of here,” I urged him.
“No.” He took my hand in his as his eyes glazed over. His breathing took on a ragged tone and blood trickled down his face. “Please leave me. I promise I’ll find you. Go with Hunter and I’ll find you again one day. It won’t be right away, but I promise I’ll come for you.”
“Please don’t ask that of me. I can’t walk away,” I cried.
“I need you to do this, but I’ll see you again. It won’t be for a while, but I will come for you. Just keep believing in me.”
I could tell it was getting harder for him to speak now and I had to go before it was too late to get out. Leaning over him, I kissed him one last time, my tears mingling with his, and I stood and walked away. The fire spread around me, but I was calm, knowing that he would always be there to protect me. I glanced back, but he was gone. Hunter pulled me down the stairs and this time, we made it outside just as the building collapsed.
I took deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart. Sweat poured from my face and chills took over my body as I came down from the nightmare. Or was it Garrick trying to tell me that he was alive? I ran to the window and looked outside, sure that I could feel his gaze on me this very moment, but I couldn’t see anything. It was irrational, but I needed to talk to Hunter right now and tell him about my dream. Maybe that would convince him that he needed to look for Garrick. It had been four weeks since the fire. Surely he would be able to find out something about him. I ran downstairs and stopped in my tracks when I saw Sebastian standing in the living room of the safe house. The only reason he would come is if he had news.
“What is it?” I asked as I ran into the room. Sebastian looked over at me with a pained expression.
“Kate, maybe you should sit down.”
“No, just tell me. Did you find Garrick?”
“We did.”
I sighed in relief and smiled at him, but it faded as Sebastian hung his head.
“The coroner was able to identify a few of the bodies. One belonged to Jensen. There was another body found near his. Dental records confirm that the remains belong to Hudson McGuire. They match the dental records the military has. We would have gotten this news sooner, but the military wanted to be sure it was him, so they did their own autopsy of the body.”
My mouth was suddenly very dry and I couldn’t find the words to say. I looked to Hunter, but he looked just as devastated as I felt. I started shaking my head rapidly from side to side as my eyes blurred. I didn’t even feel them sliding down my face. There was just a burning pain in my chest that made me feel like my whole body was on fire.
“No. He made it out of there,” I shouted. “He didn’t die in that fire.”
“He had the gun still. The autopsy showed that he put a bullet in his head before the fire got to him. He didn’t suffer,” Sebastian said.
It was like I was back there the night that it happened. I could see him being stabbed and I could see him staring at me as Hunter pulled me away. Why had I left him? I should have tried harder. I should have fought for him. I leaned against the wall to hold myself up as the pain washed over me. I had done this to him. If I hadn’t pushed him away, if I hadn’t been so stubborn, things might have turned out differently. He might have fought harder for me. I wiped my tears as cold creeped into my body and drained all feelings of life from me. I slowly raised my eyes and looked at Sebastian.
“I want to go home now.” That was the only place I knew I would feel close to Garrick.
“Kate, maybe you should take a few days and-”
“No.” I swallowed hard and fought back the nausea. “There’s no point in staying. You said yourself that Jensen is dead. I can go home now.”
Hunter walked over to me and tried to pull me into his arms, but I didn’t want his comfort. This was all his fault. I took a few steps toward Sebastian.
“Don’t come near me. You’re worse than he ever was. He may have killed people for a living, but they were evil people. He died because you wouldn’t save him. I hate you,” I whispered. I turned and walked out the door, hoping like hell that Sebastian would take me home. I would walk if I had to because there was no way I could stand to be with Hunter for another minute.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Are you going to his funeral?” Cole asked as he sat in my kitchen.
“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I?”
“I just thought it might be too hard for you.”
“Somebody has to be there for him.”
“Hunter will be there, along with all the people at Reed Security. They may not have worked with him, but he meant something to Hunter and they all want to support him.”
“Hunter. Right. He was such a good friend that he left Garrick for dead.”
Cole sighed and ran a hand over his face. “You have to stop blaming Hunter for his decision. Garrick would have done anything to protect you, including telling Hunter to leave him behind. Hunter probably would have stayed if it weren’t for his promise to Garrick.”
“So this is my fault?”
“No, I’m saying that Hunter had a choice to make and he chose to respect his friend’s wishes. You can’t blame him for that.”
“We aren’t going to see eye to eye on this, so why don’t we just change the subject?”
“Fine. Are you planning the funeral?”
“No. Sebastian asked if he could do it. He said the military wouldn’t give him a funeral and he wanted to pay his respects to Garrick for his service.”
Cole nodded in understanding. “That’s very generous of him considering all Knight did.”
“What do you mean ‘all he did’?”
“Well, he held Maggie at knifepoint and destroyed the Reed Security building. I would say Sebastian is being very generous.”
I couldn’t really argue with that. He had a point. Still, it felt wrong that all these people were going to Garrick’s funeral, pretending like they actually gave a shit about him.
“Alex and I can pick you up tomorrow morning. We can all go together. I know this is hard for you.”
“I appreciate that, especially since you didn’t like him.”
“I didn’t like his life choices, but I know that he loved you.”
I felt so lost and the ache in my chest grew more painful every day. I didn’t know what I was going to do from here. I had a clinic to run, but no desire to go back to work. For the first time in my life, I didn’t want to put my career above everything else. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide from the world for a while.
“Kate.” Cole was looking at me, his face full of concern.
“Huh?”
“I’ve been talking to you. Did you hear me?”
I didn’t wait for him to leave. I headed up to my room and crawled under the covers, not wanting tomorrow to come, because when it did, I knew I would have to say goodbye to Garrick forever.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Have you ever been to a military funeral? I suggest you go sometime. Look at the widow as she’s handed the flag that her husband earned with his life. You can watch his kids staring at the casket, not understanding why their father isn’t coming home.”
Sebastian had arranged for a flag to be placed over Garrick’s casket in honor of his service in the military. The men and women from Reed Security were all dressed in their military dress uniforms and standing at attention. There were other men in military uniforms, but I had no idea who they were. A bugle played Taps and I closed my eyes as I let the sound wash over me. With every melancholy note, my chest tightened more and more. I imagined all the men and women that had earned flags over the years by giving their lives in service of their country. When I opened my eyes as the song came to an end, I saw Hunter and Sebastian step forward and begin to fold the flag. Cole had told me they planned to give me Garrick’s flag. He had no other family and Hunter insisted that I should have it. It felt tainted somehow because he died fighting the man that had made him who he was in the end.
My heart pounded wildly in my chest as Hunter walked toward me with the folded flag. Spots filled my vision and I felt like I might pass out. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t take that flag and admit that he was gone. I swallowed hard to keep my sobs from breaking free and Cole gripped my hand hard.
Knight: A Reed Security Romance (Reed Security Series Book 4) Page 20