My Captor, My Love

by Leah Matheny

  “You know what? I think I’m hungry now” he said as he looked over at the food.

  I screeched, “What?”

  Honon didn’t say anything as he leaned over and grabbed the container of honey. “Mmm, ha’ni. I’m going to enjoy this like I never have before, though I did enjoy it greatly earlier tonight.” He rubbed some on my lips before he laid his body over mine, resting on his elbows with his legs capturing mine between his. Holding my face in his hands, he slowly licked and sucked my lips. Again, he put honey on his finger, “Open your mouth for me.”

  I slowly opened my mouth to feel him rub the honey on my tongue, and I sucked his finger clean as he removed it. I watched his pupils grow, his nostrils flared and his breathing picked up. He bent down, slowly bringing his lips to mine and ravished my mouth, holding my head still while he bent his back and forth. His body moved over mine. I didn’t know whose heart was beating stronger.

  He trailed more honey down my chin, neck and chest, following with his tongue and kisses. “Honon…Honon,” I was crying out while writhing underneath him. He spread my legs and moved down a bit, and putting honey on my nipples, he attacked the first one.

  “Ow!” I yelled, trying to wiggle away. He looked up quickly, concerned.

  “Did I hurt you? Oh, your nipples are sore. I’m so sorry, cujcuje. Please forgive me, I forgot.” He placed gentle kisses on my nipple, lightly swirling his tongue around and around. “Is this okay? Does this hurt? Tell me and I’ll stop.”

  “You’re killing me, Honon, but not with pain.” I smiled. “No, that doesn’t hurt me.”

  He grinned and continued to my other side before moving down and trailing more honey onto my stomach, into my belly button, and over to both hips. He laved me clean, nipping me along the way. Placing his elbows between my legs, he spread them apart, far. I felt honey slowly drip down my body. “Honon…”

  His eyes stared deeply into mine, then, his gaze went back down. Slowly, he brought his mouth to me, and ever so slowly his tongue moved, lapping up the honey. I couldn’t keep still; he held me down with his hands on my hips. I whimpered while he kissed and nipped both my thighs. “Honon!” I yelled. Finally, he brought his mouth back to my core and ravished me. I yelled even louder when I finally broke apart.

  As I lay panting, he placed light kisses up my body until he was at my face again. He reached up and untied my hands and I put my arms around his neck.

  “Love me, my wyhki, love me.” He kissed me, held me securely, and made sweet, slow love to me.

  Chapter 11

  We woke a few more times during the night to make love again, to eat, and another time we even ran down to the cool pool for a quick bath. When we returned, we put more wood on the fire and began caressing and kissing again. “Please don’t leave me again, Honon,” I mumbled as I fell asleep.

  Simultaneously I woke to the feel of Honon’s kisses on the back of my neck and my stomach rebelling. As soon as I opened my eyes, I lunged for the pot and threw up, and threw up, and threw up. I couldn’t stop. I figured I’d eaten too much food the night before.

  Honon panicked. “Dani, what’s wrong, what do you want me to do?”

  I could only answer with a groan. I heard him yelling outside, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying--I didn’t care. I threw up some more and became so weak that I lay down on the rug right next to the bowl, clutching my stomach and groaning when he came back over to me.

  “Mother is coming, I yelled for everyone to get her. Dani? My wyhki?” He sat on his knees next to me, looking like he was afraid to touch me. He put his hand toward me, then stopped.

  I had to jump up over the bowl again. He held my hair away from my face and the bowl. He grabbed one of the pieces of leather and tied my hair in a pony tail. Sitala announced herself and I could hear the panic in Honon’s voice.

  “Do something, Mother, now! This can’t be good for the baby. What’s wrong with her?”

  By then I was lying back down again, panting, rocking back and forth, humming and trying to settle my stomach. I wanted to tell him I was okay, but I wasn’t quite sure of that myself, plus if I’d said anything, that would’ve started me throwing up again.

  “Honon, don’t panic, sit down,” Sitala told him. She came over to me and moved some stray hairs out of my face. “Tune, you’re having a bad one today, huh?”

  I whimpered and barely nodded my head, and felt my stomach start to contract again. “Nooo,” I was up again over the bowl. There couldn’t have been much left in my stomach.

  “Mother, can’t you do anything? What can I do?”

  Sitala told him to take another bowl of mine and get water from the cold stream. “Honon,” Sitala called after him, but evidently he’d already raced away. She started to laugh.

  I was lying down again and I looked at her, “Huh?” I couldn’t say more than that.

  “Honon ran out of here naked. I wonder when he’ll notice.” She laughed some more. I was throwing up again when I heard Honon return.

  “Here’s the water, now what? Here, let me put her back on the bed.” He started to lift me up.

  “Nooo,” I groaned and started to throw up again. Nothing was coming out. “Oh no.” I wanted to cry because I knew the dry heaves had started.

  “Honon, leave her there! Now sit and listen. Huyana has one of the worst cases of morning sickness I’ve ever seen. It starts as soon as she wakes and sometime after lunch she can begin sipping broth. There’s not much any of us can do for her, except to wet the cloth in the cold water and wipe her down. She gets hot and sweats, and it’ll get worse when she starts dry heaving…and she has a hard time catching her breath. As time goes on, there’ll be longer spaces between her dry heaves. During her resting times her body will cool off, so cover her with a blanket and remove it as soon as she heaves again. Now, I’m going to leave and make some broth for her to eat later.”

  Sitala came over to me, bent down close to me and kissed me on my forehead. “Be well soon, my tune.” She leaned closer to my ear and whispered, “He never did figure out he was naked,” chuckling as she walked away.

  Honon had a hard time when I dry heaved. When I struggled for air, he would pat my back and say, “Breathe, breathe.” Afterward, he would wipe me down and place little kisses on me. “I’m sorry, my wyhki, I wish I could take this pain from you. I would take it on myself if I could.”

  Papina came with breakfast for Honon at one point. She volunteered to watch me so he could eat outside, keeping the smells away from me. He refused.

  My resting times became longer but I would still be chilled even though I had the blanket on, so Honon would snuggle up next to me. “Yes, yes, thank you,” I sighed. His body heat felt wonderful and I was able to sleep a little.

  Sitala came at lunch time with broth for me. Honon had me on the bed by then and a nice fire going. “Hello, Mother. It’s been almost an hour since she last was sick.” He turned to me, “Dani, are you ready for broth?”

  I shook my head no. “Don’t move me yet,” I whispered.

  “Honon, I have lunch for you outside. Go eat. Don’t worry, I’ll watch her,” Sitala told him.

  “No. Thank you, Mother, I’m fine.”

  I said, “Go.”

  “Go eat, Honon,” Sitala urged him again. “Don’t distress her.” As I saw him stand up to go, Sitala cleared her throat. “Honon? You may want to put some pants on first.” He looked confused, then, he looked down at himself. I choked out a little chuckle.

  He looked at me and smiled, “I don’t know, I think Dani likes me the way I am.”

  I closed my eyes with a little smile and heard him get dressed before going outside. Sitala came over to sit next to me and smiled. “Things are better with you two?”

  I nodded and smiled.

  “Good. Close your eyes, tune, just rest.” She rubbed her thumbs over my eyes brows; her touch was very relaxing. I could just hear Honon’s voice as I drifted off to sleep again.

  Afte
r a short nap, I felt a little better. “Hello, you look like you’re feeling better, are you?” Honon asked, concerned.

  “Yes, I am. I think I could hold down some broth now.”

  Honon moved over to the fire to pour some soup, “I kept it warm for you.” He helped me hold the cup while I took small sips. Slowly I finished that cup. “Would you like some more?”

  “Yes, please. I’d like to take some with me to bathe.” I sat up while he ladled me another cup. He put toiletries in a basket, wrapped me up in a blanket, and carried me to the cool pool. Luckily, no one else was there. He carried me into the water and washed my body and my hair. He never let go of me.

  “You look even better now, my wyhki. Are you feeling back to normal?” He kissed my forehead and I kissed his neck.

  “Yes, I’m just about back to normal. By the time we get back, I’ll be ready to eat a little bit.” I kissed his shoulder. “I think more than my stomach is feeling empty,” I said with a little bite to his neck.

  He looked at me in shock. “Really? Now? You’ve been so sick! No, I don’t want to make you weak again.”

  Closing my eyes, I basked in his concern. “Honon, what does wy...whki mean? That one’s a hard one to say,” I gave a little laugh.

  I was cradled in his arms and he lifted one hand to cup my face. “Wyhki means: Heart.” He looked at me expectantly. I had my arms around his neck.

  “Are you saying I’m your heart?” I closed my eyes and wished…Oh please say yes…say yes.

  He kissed me softly. “Yes. You are my heart, you have my heart. I couldn’t live without you.” He kissed me again, softly at first.

  I heard giggling and jerked myself away from Honon, but he grabbed me right back to him. I turned to see Misu and her daughter. Misu blushed, “I am sorry to interrupt you. We will return later.”

  “Misu, don’t be silly. How are you? We were just leaving. Did you want to bathe?” I was babbling. I was there with Honon, naked in full day light, making out.

  Honan saved us. “Misu, Kome, why don’t you give us five minutes to get out, and the pool will be free for you,” he smiled.

  Misu blushed deeper. “Yes, yes, we will come back.” She turned, grabbed Kome’s arm, and walked away.

  “Okay, like that wasn’t embarrassing,” I chuckled. Honon got out and dried off. Looking at him pointedly, I said, “It’s a good thing you asked them to leave for a few minutes. I think that would have shocked poor Kome for life.”

  He grinned devilishly, “Do you see something you like?”

  Oh yeah. I just smiled at him.

  He finished dressing, packed everything up, and held the blanket open for me. When I climbed out, he wrapped me up and carried me back. After he stood me by the fire and rubbed me dry, he kissed the back of my neck. “Now, what did you want back at the pool?”

  “Honon, I want you. Oh, how I want you right now. But I think I better get some solid food in my stomach.” I was starting to feel light-headed.

  He turned serious immediately, “Yes, tell me what you need.”

  We had a wonderful afternoon. We made love and talked. Honon was caring, loving, considerate, and warm…the man I knew he could be, the man I had sometimes seen on our ride to the village. Together we took a walk to get some food for dinner.

  On the way back he stopped, “Dani, who helped you last night?”

  My eyes grew big and I looked around. Nope, no one to help me. “Umm…I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.”

  Honon smiled, gave me a quick kiss, and laughed. “Trouble? I want to thank them.”

  “You do? You promise you won’t get mad at them?”

  He slowly shook his head. “I won’t get mad, I promise.” The way his eyes looked at me, anger was the furthest thing from his mind.

  When I told him who’d helped, he laughed. “I thought my mother was a part of it. I was feeling dizzy before I finished eating her stew, and when I looked at her, she had a guilty look on her face like she was up to something.” We walked on and he soon stopped again. “Last night you said your reasons were two-fold. The first was for revenge, what was the second?”

  I grabbed his face and kissed him. “You can’t guess?”

  He set the food down and picked me up so my face was level with his. I wrapped my legs around his waist. “Because you wanted my body?” He grinned and I playfully hit him and laughed.

  “Well there is that, but no, that wasn’t the reason. Honon, I wanted you to want me again.” I stared into his eyes to gauge his reaction.

  “Hmm…Dani? I’d say you succeeded.” He kissed me deeply.

  “Can’t you two keep your hands off each other?” Said Kosumi and I immediately dropped my legs away from Honon. Kosumi smiled, “It’s wonderful to see you so happy, my brother. It’s about time.”

  “Kosumi, I’m very happy now too,” I smiled.

  He laughed again. “Yes, I can see that. We’ll have to come up with a new name for you. Falling Rain doesn’t fit any longer. Hey, why don’t you two have dinner with us tonight?”

  Honon and I looked at each other, and he shook his head at Kosumi, “Thank you, but we have food here for our dinner already.”

  Kosumi walked away laughing. “Yes, I’m sure that’s the reason. Have fun.”

  We started back for home. Home. Will Honon stay with me now? I took a deep breath for courage. “Honon, where have you been sleeping? I mean, since I’m in your koca.”

  “With a friend of mine, Soka’u, One Who Tracks. Why? Did you think I was sleeping with the new woman?” Honon sounded like he might laugh.

  “No…well…I don’t know.” I shook my head to clear it. “The reason I’m asking is…I’m just wondering where you’re going to sleep from now on.” I looked away hoping I wasn’t blushing, but had a feeling I was.

  He stopped and took hold of my chin, forcing me to look at him. “My wyhki, I’ll sleep in your arms for the rest of my life, if you’ll let me.”

  My face broke into a huge grin, “Let you, oh, Honon, yes, yes, yes!” I jumped back into his arms and kissed him.

  Later on, Honon brought the few things he had back from Soka’u’s. As he was putting them on the shelf, I asked him, “Does this mean you believe me, that the baby is yours?” He stood for a minute with his back toward me. Slowly he turned toward me with his head down. Oh no. “Honon?”

  He brought his eyes to mine. “Dani, I love you. I only want to think of our future together, I don’t want to look back. I forgive you for anything you may have done. I’ll accept this baby as my own.”

  My jaw dropped open. “You don’t believe me? You don’t believe your friends and your brother?”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “What I believe doesn’t matter. We’ll put that all behind us and not think of it anymore.”

  I moved back from him. “But, how…how can you trust me if that’s what you think? How can this work between us?”

  He took a step toward me and took hold of my hands. “Because we love each other, and now that I claim you, the others will know and respect that.”

  Dazed, I shook my head. “I need to sit down. I can’t believe this. I…I don’t know what to think.”

  He sat next to me, but I leaned back to look at him…trying to figure him out. Claim me, huh. “This really hurts, Honon. I love you…I want a future with you, but this really hurts,” I said softly.

  He pulled me onto his lap and placed my head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry if I’m hurting you. I thought you would be pleased if I stopped thinking on the past. I don’t know what I can tell you to make you feel better, except that you and this baby will always be my wyhki, my heart.” He kissed the top of my head, down to my forehead, and down to my nose. As he reached my mouth, he slowly laid me back on the bed. Honon showed me how much he loved me.

  Afterward, as I lay in his arms, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

  Honon wasn’t as panicked the next morning with me being sick. In the afternoon, I asked him ab
out the winter caves. I didn’t want to tell him Liwanu had told me he would take me. “Honon, I heard about the winter caves. Where are they? What are they?”

  He took my hand, “Come, I’ll show you.”

  We walked in the direction of the pools, but veered off to the left. We reached a small entrance. A couple of feet back to the left I saw a small room, like where they smoke the meat. We walked through another opening into a large, maybe thirty-by-fifty-foot room. “This is a room where people gather to cook and talk. See the vents in the ceiling that lead outside to let smoke out?” He pointed to holes in the ceiling. “Do you see those four drapes? Those cover the entrances to smaller rooms where people sleep.”

  I could see where the ceiling was blackened from previous smoke. “But, why are there only four rooms? How does everybody fit?” I asked.

  “Not everybody needs or wants to sleep in the caves. Also, we have three other caves like this in different spots. With the weather getting colder, we’ll start to pack mud on the outside of our kocas, filling in all the gaps to keep the cold air out and the warm air in. It’s usually the very old, the very young, or the sick who end up sleeping in the caves. They need the extra warmth.” We walked back out again.

  “There’s never been a collapse?” Thoughts of a cave-in and my claustrophobia flitted around my mind. He shook his head.

  “I think I’d feel a little nervous staying in there, I’d rather put up with the cold weather.” I looked toward a pool with lots of steam rising from it. “Is that the real hot pool, the one you can’t swim in?”

  “Yes. And see the building next to it?” Honon asked.

  I had meant to ask him about that next. The shape was more like a normal building, with a flat roof. “Yes, it’s not very tall. What is it?”

  “It’s our sweat lodge. It’s placed partially over the water so the steam fills the room up. Since steam rises, we kept the roof low. After our baby is born, I can take you in there sometime if you like. It’s very relaxing.”