by Leah Matheny
He gave me some tests to do and told me he wanted to see me once more the following week to go over the results and to talk to me again. “If you need to talk to me before then, make sure you call me.”
“I will. Thank you.” I called Tamara on my way home. “Hey, are you coming over tonight or tomorrow night? I can’t remember.”
“Tonight, is that still good for you?”
“Yeah, that’s great. I’ll make us something for dinner. See you later.” I didn’t want to say anything to her yet. I wanted her to be able to concentrate on her work for the rest of the day.
I poured over all the baby pamphlets and coupons while I waited for her. I went to my spare bedroom, picturing how I would change it into a baby’s room. When she knocked at the door I ran to her, yanked her inside, and pulled her to the couch. She didn’t even get a word out before I told her I was pregnant. Like Karen, she sat there stupefied for a moment. She also thought the baby might be Kosumi’s, before I explained everything to her.
“Wow, I guess a baby is better than hair conditioner, huh?” Tamara laughed. “I’m speechless. I get to be Auntie TamTam, don’t I?”
“Of course! I’m getting so excited…I’m happy. I’ll have a piece of Honon. I feel like I have my baby back. My heart had felt so empty when I had the miscarriage. I’d lost the baby and Honon, I’d lost you and Karen, and my parents have been gone awhile…now I at least have the baby…and the two of you of course,” I smiled and patted her knee.
Tamara was smiling at me. “I can’t believe the change in you. I’m relieved. My heart was breaking for you. This baby is perfect and it’ll give you something to look forward to, something to get your mind off yourself.”
We talked about the baby for most of the night and I went to bed smiling for the first time, though I dreamed that same dream where Honon and I were happy with the baby until he took the baby and left me. I woke in the morning feeling queasy and disgruntled.
That weekend, Karen and Tamara came over. They each had a baby gift for me. The little clothes were so precious. “I want to thank you two. The support you give me…I don’t think I could do this all by myself. I love you both.” We had a group hug.
I went back to see Dr. Brown. “I must say, you look very happy.”
“I am. When I saw you last week I was still in shock with the news of the baby. But I’m ecstatic, and hopefully I’ll be able to start work again soon. My life’s going back to normal,” I patted my stomach, “with some extra joy.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear it. Your tests all came back normal. I’ll notify the Chief you’re ready to work as far as I’m concerned. I also wanted to let you know the Mammoth Police Department has contacted me. I’ll inform them also that you’ve recovered and there’s no longer a need for them to be concerned, unless you disagree. Is that all right?”
“Perfect. Thank you, Dr. Brown. Goodbye.”
I started work again a few days later. It felt wonderful to be busy again. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone I was pregnant yet because I already had enough attention finally being back.
A few days later Dr. Jacobs accosted me in an empty room again. “Hello, Danielle, I can’t tell you how good it is to see you at work again.”
I whipped around to face him at the first sound of his voice. I felt disgusted just looking at him. “Thank you. Good day.” I started to walk past him, but he stepped in my way to block me.
“You don’t have to leave so fast. I wanted to say how great you look,” he said while roaming his eyes over my body. I wanted to take a step away out of revulsion, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me back down.
“Dr. Jacobs, I don’t give a damn how you think I look.” His eyes opened wide, and when he started to grab my arm I hit his hand away from me. “I don’t want you to look at me or talk to me unless it’s in an official capacity. I will NOT take any more of your shit. DO I make myself clear?” I said, all the while poking my finger at him. I took a step around him and gave him my parting shot, “You never know…I may be wearing a wire.” I was pleased to see his body jerk at that one.
When I saw Karen later that day, we had a great laugh. “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about him anymore. You go, girl!”
Karen and I had Thanksgiving together. Tamara was with her new boyfriend’s family. They’d only been dating two weeks and he was already bringing her home to meet his parents. Karen and I hadn’t met him yet; he was another lawyer. “I know it’s mostly lawyers she meets, but she hasn’t dated a good one yet. I hope this one’s the exception.”
“Yeah, I hope so for her sake. You’d think the three of us were cursed at Huntington High. We’re all unlucky in love. Remember that nutcase, Kathy? She used to sneer at us and say we were joined at the hip? She’s probably the one that cursed us,” Karen said, choking her words out while laughing and wiggling her fingers like she was casting a spell.
The phone rang and I saw it was my sister’s number. “Hello, Cyndee, Happy Thanksgiving.” I rolled my eyes so Karen could see.
“That’s all you have to say to me? After I thought you were dead? My heart was broken, you’re my only sister. And you’ve been home all this time and haven’t had the decency to call me. I had to hear from one of my friends who saw you on the news that you were alive!” Cyndee screeched.
“I’m sorry. I went through a difficult ordeal. I’ve been recuperating and going to doctors’ appointments,” I sighed.
She went on as if I hadn’t said a thing. “And then to make Tamara your executor…how could you? You have things of mom and dad’s that I should have if you’re gone. I hope you removed her from…” I interrupted her.
“So that’s the reason for your call. I’m not changing a thing. Oh yeah, I’m doing much better now, thanks for your concern. Goodbye, Cyndee.” I hung up.
“Ha! Good for you. You should have spoken up like that a long time ago,” Karen clapped.
“Maybe, I just hope that keeps her away.”
As I went to bed, I thought about everyone in the village. I figured they wouldn’t celebrate Thanksgiving. In fact, the more I thought about it, I definitely didn’t see them celebrating an event regarding the arrival of the oje’aj.
Sitala would be so happy to know about the baby, so would Helaku. Thinking about it, I was glad to be home for all the prenatal check-ups. And, I was sure I’d be even happier during the delivery. I wondered about everyone. Has Kosumi met someone in the village he wants yet, or will he kidnap someone? Has he already? Poor Liwanu…he’ll need to kidnap someone. Those women…their fear…but they’ll have good men. I’ve been back over a month. Did Honon return yet? Is he glad I’m gone? Did they tell him I’m dead? Did they tell him the truth?
It was soon Christmas time; carols were playing on the radio and I started decorating. Going to the Christmas tree lot was a shot in the gut. I just stood still with my eyes closed, taking deep breaths. The smell of the pine trees brought back so many memories. I was picturing that ride through the forests when Honon first took me. “Ma’am, are you all right? Would you like to sit down?”
I looked at the young man. “I’m fine, just enjoying the smell.” I smiled and he looked quite relieved.
Tamara, Karen, and I had Christmas Eve dinner together. Tamara had dumped her latest boyfriend. “I don’t even want to talk about it. Men, they’re all self-centered pr…well, you know. Let’s talk about something more exciting.” She looked over at me. “When do you go in to find out the sex of our baby?”
I smiled. I liked knowing she thought of the baby as hers too. “Our baby will be well loved. I go in January 5th to find out. I’m still not sure if I want to know yet or not.”
“Yes, you do!” They both yelled and we all laughed. “I want to know what type of clothes to buy,” Karen said.
“And what about the nursery, you don’t want a generic yellow or rainbow nursery do you?” Tamara asked, all excited. “Not to mention, but I think it’s time you, we, started working on it.”
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“All right, all right, you guys win. I’d like to start calling it by name anyway.” We opened our gifts to each other. My gifts were clothes and necessities for the baby.
I sat in Dr. Whittam’s office after having the ultrasound. “Well, Danielle, you want to know the sex, correct?”
I nodded my head. “Yes I do. I can’t believe how nervous I am. I’m going to be happy with either sex.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Have you picked any boy names out?”
“It’s a boy…he’s a boy?” I squealed. She nodded. “Jack Honon Richardson,” I said, and blinked. A few names had flitted around my thoughts, but I’d never consciously picked anything. Yes, Jack Honon, I like that. “Jack is my father’s name, I told you he died not too long ago?”
“Yes, you did. And Honon? I’ve never heard that name before.”
“That’s…someone very special to me.” She probably figured Honon was the father, but I didn’t want to take a chance on anyone else knowing.
That night the girls came for dinner. I pulled them to each side of me on the couch, then took each of their hands and placed them on my stomach. “I’d like you both to meet Jack Honon Richardson.”
They both screamed.
“A boy, that’s wonderful. We’ll raise him to be a real man who knows how to treat a woman,” Tamara said. We all laughed, and at that moment, “Jack” decided to kick real hard. We actually saw the bump in my stomach. I looked at Karen and Tamara in amazement, and then I immediately started crying. They both held me while I sobbed.
“Honon should be here for this. My baby’s father should be here.” I sat up and tried to laugh. “Wow, where’d that come from?”
Karen was patting my hand. “Hey, with all those hormones shooting around in you, what’d you expect?”
Tamara was a bit more realistic. “You’re right, Dani, this is kind of bittersweet.”
I’d been getting questions about the father at work for a while. I said I’d met someone at the horse ranch I knew from the year before. If people were rude enough to ask more questions, I didn’t mind being rude by not answering and walking away. I also got comments from patients.
“How can you do this for a living knowing you’re going to have to go through this so soon? Aren’t you scared?”
I can’t tell you how many times I heard that. As expected, Dr. Jacobs would sneer at me when others weren’t around. He’d look at my growing belly and give me a dirty look, but I would just ignore him.
The months passed by and it was soon mid-April. Tamara had met and dumped another man. Karen and I had spent a lot of time together going shopping for baby supplies. With work and my lack of energy, I hadn’t gotten a whole lot done on Jack’s room. I’d removed the old furniture, painted one wall dark brown and the others beige. I was going to go for a cowboy and Indian theme.
I’d just hit my snooze alarm for the second time. I had to get up for my appointment with Dr. Whittam, but I was just so tired. So I hit the snooze on my alarm again and went back to sleep, and began dreaming of Honon.
Chapter 14
Honon’s Story
Honon couldn’t believe he’d trusted her again. She’d tricked him once on the ride that first week. Then he was stupid enough to let her trick him again, just to make a fool of him. Every time he thought of her in Liwanu’s arms, he wanted to yell, to kill. He needed to forget about Dani. She’s a liar and a puta, a whore, just like Matila. He needed to go back and marry one of the tribe’s women he was allowed to marry, do his duty as the future chief. But not yet, he couldn’t go back there yet; he wasn’t ready to face her again, to see her.
He’d been gone for over a month. Every day and night he thought of Dani. He had to get her out of his mind and figure out what he was going to do. Sometimes he felt like giving up his life with his family and living in the outside world, but then the responsibility as the future chief would come back into his mind; he couldn’t leave his people. If he stayed away he would lose honor--in fact, his father probably already felt he was dishonoring him. He had to go back; he had to go back soon…but not yet.
Two weeks later, Honon woke up in the middle of a dream where he was making love to Dani. Besides being in pain with pent-up desire, he knew something had woken him. He heard the crack of a twig not too far away and he lay still for a few moments. Slowly rising with his bow and quiver of arrows, he followed the sounds. There were bear tracks so he slowly crept forward. As the huge bear stood, Honon took aim and let his arrow fly into its heart. Before the bear could take one step, he shot another arrow within an inch of the first. The bear fell. He gutted the bear, leaving the entrails for the wolves that were near. After he packed snow inside the empty carcass, he tied it up behind his horse. Luckily, snow started coming down again; he’d be able to pull the bear back to his village and the snow would cover his tracks. If he didn’t stop, he could return by nightfall.
As Honon started back, Dani came to his mind once again. I’ll allow myself this last day to think of her, then never again…
Honon and the others were in the cave discussing how they would proceed and if they should change out of their native clothing or if they could wait. They heard someone approach and hid. From behind the rock, Honon saw the top of Dani’s head. He didn’t hear anyone else with her, so he moved to be able to see her better. She was looking around as if she was lost. The color of her hair was beautiful, such a deep red with different colors of gold making it shine. It hung long and wavy down her back in a ponytail. He wanted to see her hair loose, falling over her body. He shook his head, wondering where that thought had come from. As she lowered her pants, he knew what she intended.
He motioned for Muata and Liwanu to block her escape, then, he stood. Her skin was very white, it looked soft, and he wanted to touch it. When she stood and faced him, her mouth went slack in shock--her lips! He felt a tightening in his groin. He wanted her mouth on him and wondered at his thoughts once again. When she noticed him, he read all the changing emotions on her face: shock, fear, defiance. He wanted her. He’d deal with Liwanu later.
When Muata was holding her so close, Honon wanted to rip her out of his arms. He liked that she was strong in heart enough to try to slap him, but he couldn’t/wouldn’t let her do it. When he pulled her against him--her body, her breasts, her lips--he noticed her fuller bottom lip and it was so much more tempting up close that he had to use a lot of control not to kiss her.
Honon sensed her fear when they went through the water in the cave and was shocked to feel such protectiveness for her. The strength of his feelings was new for him. Getting her wet shirt off would help her warm up and he knew he’d have to take it off fast or she’d fight him. When he ripped it off, she started to scream and he knew that was the perfect excuse to kiss her. He’d told himself that it was to keep her quiet. Her lips were so soft, her taste was so sweet. He wanted her naked.
Dani’s strong will surprised him; she’d kept fighting him. She risked injuring herself by jumping off the horse and she continued fighting him once he got her back on. Then she tried to run away again later that day, and he’d caught her. He was able to feel the entire length of her body under his. When he started growing hard with desire, he shifted on her so as not to scare her.
He was surprised when she wanted to learn his name that night. Once she asked to go home he understood, thinking she was a clever one. Her look of defeat when she understood he wouldn’t let her go home made him feel bad for her. He didn’t want her to hurt or be sad.
The day by the stream provided an opportunity to get Dani naked because they could both use a bath. Dani’s body was exquisite. He didn’t want to move too fast, he didn’t want to scare her; he tried to act casual in the water so she couldn’t see that he lusted for her. Once he had her on the horse and he sat in front of her, he lost some of his control. He knew that pulling her arms far in front of him would press her naked body against his back. The softness of her skin as he moved his hand up her leg
was amazing. He remembered the hardness of her nipples rubbing his back, her lips and teeth as she tried to bite him. If she’d only known she was making him want her all the more. He expected she would fight, but he also knew she was attracted to him. Quite a few times he’d caught her looking at him with lust in her eyes, at other times he saw fear, and at other times anger. Dani would be a passionate woman.
Memories came of the night he promised to stand still, to not interfere and allow Liwanu to try and convince Dani to go to him. He’d agreed, hoping to stop Liwanu’s escalating anger. They’d left the village to find and bring back two women; Liwanu was to be able to have one of them (as long as the woman agreed). They didn’t force the women like they did in the older days. Honon had tried to soften Liwanu’s anger by offering his knife and horse, but Liwanu wanted Dani. He knew Dani feared Liwanu and wouldn’t go to him, but he still felt great relief when she went to him for protection. Dani had made her choice, she was his.
The afternoon Dani wanted to learn everyone’s names convinced him he’d made the right choice in picking her. She would learn and be a good wife.
She ran again. He was frantic the day she took off and hid in the tree. Knowing he would catch her didn’t ease his fear that she could get hurt, maybe by some animal, before he found her. Fear turned to anger when he realized she was in the tree; he had to teach her a lesson. He had Muata set up the campsite with the stakes in the ground even though they’d argued, Liwanu the most.
“You cannot force her, she is allowed a choice,” Liwanu growled. “I do not care if you are the chief’s son, you cannot rape her!”
“Of course I won’t rape her. But she is mine, she made her choice. I’ll not hurt her. She needs to be taught a lesson. I won’t allow her to endanger herself. She’ll be my wife, she’s my responsibility.”