by Leah Matheny
“Yeah, you’re right. TamTam, do I still have my house?”
She smiled. “Yes you do. I had access to your accounts and I’ve been making payments. I kept hoping you were okay. I thought I would at least keep it for you until the middle of winter, I wasn’t sure you’d be able to survive a winter out there. I made the payments on your car too.”
“You’re the best, thanks. Now, I think I’d like to go to bed.” I was beyond exhausted. I cried myself to sleep that night.
I smelled coffee and my nose led me to Tamara in her kitchen; she also had fresh pastries. “Here, have some coffee and eat one of these. I just got off the phone with Karen. She said they’re still short-staffed, so you should be able get your job back. Now, do you want your job back? If so, when? Do you want to go back home right away? Do you want to stay here for a while longer?”
I interrupted her, “Slow down, I haven’t thought that far ahead yet. I guess if you’re going to tell the police that I’m going to see a specialist, I shouldn’t hang around here too much longer.” I sat and thought a little bit. “No, I don’t want to go back to work right away, but I think it would be for the best. It’ll keep my mind occupied.” I started to feel queasy and I pushed the coffee and food away.
“What’s wrong? Do you want something else to eat? How about if I scramble you some eggs?”
The thought of eggs made me want to throw up so I covered my mouth with my fingers. “Nope…just give me a minute.” I took some deep breaths. “Okay, I’m good. Let me give Karen a quick call. When should I tell her to expect me at my koca?”
“Your what?” She looked at me like I was nuts.
“What? What’d I say?”
“You asked me when you should tell Karen you’d be at your coka?”
I sat down and felt my heart break a little bit. “Yeah, koca…it means home or house. Damn.”
“Dani, do you think you should talk to a counselor? Maybe they could give you some advice on how to get over this. You’ve been through a traumatic thing, and it wasn’t just one event or one night, you were gone almost three months.”
“No, if I’m still having trouble down the road, I’ll think about it then. I told you and I’ll be telling Karen, I really don’t want to tell anyone else. I promised Sitala and the others I wouldn’t betray them.”
“Okay, we can leave as soon as I talk to the police if you want. Let me go into town to buy you some clothes that fit and I’ll drop by the police station. You call Karen.”
When I called Karen, I couldn’t talk for five minutes because she was crying so hard. “I promise I’m okay. We’ll be home tonight, so you can come over after your shift if you want to.” I also asked her to secure a job for me.
While I was changing into the clothes Tamara had bought me, she told me the police wanted to see me. “Maybe so the police aren’t out there looking for some kidnappers, you should tell them the last thing you remember was falling and hitting your head.”
“What if they want to talk to my so-called specialist?” I asked her.
“So go ahead and get a head x-ray, or get a copy of someone else’s and send it to them. Just so you know, as your lawyer, I’m not telling you to do anything illegal.” She winked at me.
The visit to the police station took longer than we anticipated and the captain kept looking at me like he didn’t believe me. Tamara finally told them we were through and that she was taking me to the hospital where I’d previously worked. The captain wanted the doctor’s name and he made a point of saying he’d be in contact with both of us. We were also bombarded with questions from obnoxious reporters; there were a few more of them that time. Tamara and a couple of policemen kept them away from me.
Driving through Bishop, we once again stopped at Schatt’s Bakery for lunch and I only got half a sandwich, but I could barely finish it.
My house was cold when we walked in so we turned on the heater and headed to Taps Restaurant to eat while the homestead warmed up. I was glad to wait. I wasn’t ready to go completely in and walk around yet. I wasn’t sure why.
“Do you want me to stay the night? I don’t want to be pushy,” Tamara asked.
“No, I’ll be okay. Karen will be coming by tonight, and I’m sure you have your own things to do. Thanks so much for all your help, TamTam, love you,” I said while I gave her a big hug.
When she left, I just wandered around my home, my koca. It seemed so big, so empty. I wondered if Papina was worried we hadn’t returned yet. I wondered where Kosumi and Liwanu were on their trip back. I wondered if Honon had returned to the village yet. I wondered when I would stop wondering about them.
Karen arrived early with some groceries. “Hi, I wasn’t sure if you’d had time to shop yet.” She set the food down and gave me a big hug.
“Quite honestly, food hadn’t even crossed my mind. Thank you.” I sat and looked at her. “I can’t tell you how many times I thought of you, how many times I wanted to talk to you. It’s so good to see you again.” We held on to each other tightly.
Her eyes welled up. “My heart broke thinking I’d never see you again.” She wiped her eyes. “But you’re back. No more tears,” she said. “I want to hear what happened to you, then, we’ll put these past months away and go on with our lives.” She kissed me on the cheek and helped me put the groceries away.
“But before you get started with your story, I wanted to let you know you’re a mini-celebrity. You were on the news. Your face wasn’t shown because you had a jacket over your head, but your name, disappearance, and sudden reappearance are out there.”
I swallowed at that one. “Maybe I’ll just lock myself away for about a week. Interest in me should all be over by then.”
“Let’s hope so. Now regarding work, they want you back but you have to have a complete physical and psych evaluation before they’ll let you start. You have vacation and sick days coming…they want you to take them before you come back, they said two weeks. They also said they hope the press dies down before you come back. They don’t want reporters storming the hospital trying to get an interview with you.”
“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. It’s a good thing I have money saved up, money left over from mom and dad.” Though, I would have preferred to have them alive, there with me.
“And another thing…girl, you are so skinny! Maybe you could model on the side if you need extra money.”
I chuckled. “Maybe I should. I have to buy some new clothes, nothing fits. Now shut up and I’ll tell you what happened.” As expected, she was astonished at my story.
“You poor baby, you were going to be a mama? Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve hardly eaten anything.” She was hugging me.
“Yeah...my stomach’s just upset right now. Besides, I’ll be going in for a full physical so that should put your mind at ease. I’m just not sure how I’m going to handle the psych eval. I can’t tell them what happened, and if I claim short-term amnesia I doubt they’ll give me my job back.”
“Let’s worry about that when the time comes. Don’t worry, everything will work out. Now, tell me about this hunky Luinu.”
I laughed. “Liwanu. He’s this big bear of a man. He kind of reminds me of a lion with a thorn in his paw. If you do something nice for him he’ll be your friend for life. I just don’t think he has many friends, definitely no women friends. I don’t know why but I think the two of you would be perfect for each other. He’d be someone you could trust one hundred percent, and he’s so gentle. After your two lousy ex-husbands you deserve someone like Liwanu.”
I looked at the time. “Hey, it’s getting late. You have another early shift tomorrow, right?”
“Yep. You gonna be all right?” She stood up and stretched.
“Yes, now go and get some sleep. Call me when your work week is over. Maybe I’ll stop by and see you when I go get checked out.” I hugged her goodbye.
It felt good getting into my own bed that night. The clean, white sheets with the smell of fabric so
ftener brought me comfort. And when I first woke up the next morning, I almost felt like everything had been a dream--for about five seconds.
Tamara came over later that night with dinner and all my paperwork and bills that she’d been taking care of. “Here’s a document that removes me from power of attorney, so you can control your assets again. I already put in a change of address so your mail starts coming to you. I didn’t cancel your phone, I just dropped all the bells and whistles and internet to lower the cost. That way you’ll be able to have your same number. That should cover everything. I thought I’d call your sister for you. When she found out you were missing, she contacted a lawyer to try to take control of your assets. She was furious when she found out you gave the power to me. She is not a happy woman.”
“You can say that again. I’ll wait to call her. I don’t have the strength to deal with her right now.” I told Tamara about needing to have a psych evaluation. “I don’t want to tell anyone else about the village.”
“You do know it’ll be under patient-doctor privilege? You could always tell the doctor the truth, but change the names and places…you know, to protect the innocent.”
“That’s a good idea. I’ll do that.”
“I also want to let you know the media has been contacting me for a statement and I also saw you on the news. Maybe you should hang low for about a week until something new spikes their interest.”
“I’d already thought of that. I’ll call the store to deliver my food, and I’ll leave just to go to my doctor appointments.”
Tamara was looking off into space. “You know, I can’t stop thinking about what you went through. It’s too bad you didn’t have your camera. It’d be great to see everything and everyone you’re talking about. But I guess your memories are going to be hard enough to get over without having things to remind you.”
“I know. I was thinking about taking some of the hair conditioner Honon used, the smell reminded me so much of him after he left me. But I thought the same thing…it isn’t going to be easy. I do want to go back next spring to get the necklace, that’s too special to leave behind.”
“I don’t blame you. We’ll go back as soon as the pack station is running again. I’m gonna go now and let you rest. I’m glad to see you eating more.”
After my stomach settled down, I got out of bed. I figured I’d eaten too much the night before. I made the two doctor appointments and the earliest they could get me in was two days later. Good, more days for the reporters to move on to something else. I spoke with my bank manager and faxed the paperwork Tamara had given me. I ordered groceries and some clothing online. All I had to do was sit and think. Great, just what I wanna do.
I tried TV, but Tamara had turned that off so I called to have cable hooked up again. I tried to read, but half way through a page I’d be thinking about Honon. The two weeks I had to wait before I could go back to work were sure going to pass by slowly. Luckily, Karen was coming over later to keep me company.
I left early for my doctors’ appointments so I could go up to see Karen and everyone else. The nurses and doctors were great, saying how happy they were to see me and not asking me any questions. “I’ve missed you all and I can’t wait to get back to work.” I hoped my smile looked real.
“We’ve missed you, Danielle,” Dr. Jacobs said. The smile left my face and I turned to look at him. I couldn’t believe I ever found him attractive. I saw nothing masculine about him, he looked so…soft.
“Thank you,” I said curtly before turning around again, and I saw a couple of the nurses raise their eyebrows. Someone asked in a whisper what that was all about. I hugged Karen, “Well, I have to be off to my appointment now. I’ll talk to you later.”
I sat in my doctor’s waiting room for the customary twenty minutes before I was called in. “Danielle, how are you today?”
“Hello, Dr. Whittam. I’m doing okay.”
“I heard a little of what happened to you and I’ve been ordered by the Chief to give you the full treatment. They want to make sure you’re healthy before you go back to work.”
“Go ahead and start your tests.” I told her about the miscarriage and led her to believe I was pregnant before the horse ride and that I just didn’t know it. She noticed the weight loss and I told her my stomach was still upset a lot. “But, I guess that’s something I’ll deal with in my next appointment.”
She asked me about physical experiences I’d been through, conditions I was in, injuries I may have received, and what I’d had to eat. I kept my story as vague as possible. During the exam she stopped to look at me. “You said you had a miscarriage?”
“Yes, I had horrible cramping and lost a lot of blood. I figure I was a little over five weeks along. I didn’t see what came out of me, but a woman with me told me I’d miscarried. She had medical knowledge, she was a midwife.” I’d later found out their “village midwife” had been with me.
She finished examining me. “Danielle, I need to take some blood to run a number of tests. Plus, I’d like to do an ultrasound on you. Just to make sure everything’s okay.”
I sat, freezing in the paper gown, until the ultrasound tech came in. She took a long time checking me out and making lots of notes. “What’s going on? What do you see?” Just then Dr. Whittam came in. She stood and looked over the notes and at the screen before taking over for the technician. “Dr. Whittam, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” She helped me sit up. “Nothing, that is, if you don’t mind being a little over ten weeks pregnant.”
I had just jumped off the table, but I sat back down, grasping tightly to the edge of the bed, and immediately thought the baby was Kosumi’s. “Wait, how far along?”
“I’d say ten-and-a-half weeks. Your baby should be due the 24th of May. From the looks of things, I’d say you were pregnant with twins and one of them spontaneously aborted. They were obviously fraternal twins, each having their own sack. It’s not common for this to happen, but it does.”
Ten-and-a-half weeks…I haven’t been home a week yet... I was with Kosumi a week ago...this is Honon’s baby. Oh dear Lord, I’m all alone and I’m going to have Honon’s baby. What am I going to do? My heart sped up in panic.
“Danielle…Danielle…hello?” She waved her hand in front of my eyes and felt for my pulse. I could only look at her, with my mouth hanging open, shaking my head in wonder.
“Are you all right? Here, lie back down. Do you want this baby? Were you raped?”
“No! No I wasn’t…it happened before. I’m okay, this is just a shock.” I tried to smile as I wiped tears out of my eyes. I would have a memento after all. “Yes…I want my baby, very much.” I felt my heart settle down and a smile grew on my face.
She crossed the room to get me vitamins and all the baby pamphlets and charts. “Well, at least I won’t have to explain the delivery process to you. And at least now you know your queasy stomach isn’t due to something emotional. Congratulations, Danielle. Make an appointment to come back in another two weeks. Because of the twin miscarriage, I want to watch you carefully for a while.”
After she left the room, the nurse came in to take vials of my blood. “I hear congratulations are in order, Ms. Richardson. I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of you.”
I still had an hour to wait for my next appointment, so I went back up to see Karen. “Karen, is there an empty room? I need to talk to you.”
“What’s wrong? You have that deer-in-the-headlights look about you,” she said as she grabbed my arm.
“Just find a damn empty room!” I tried not to yell.
Her jaw dropped open and then she pulled me down the hall and shoved me in a room. I sat down on the closest chair. “Okay, spill, what’s wrong?” She said with her hands on her hips.
“I’m pregnant.”
She was quiet and blinked a couple of times. “What…how?” Karen said, and I looked at her like, “Here’s your sign.”
She lightly hit my arm as she sat down next
to me. “I know how. I mean…I thought you had a miscarriage. Did they make a mistake? No…is it the brother’s?”
“No, evidently I was pregnant with fraternal twins and one of them miscarried. I still have the other. I’m due the 24th of May.” I started to laugh, and the laugh turned into a cry. Then I was laughing again. “At least now I know why I’ve been crying so much.”
“Wow, I need a minute here. Are you okay with this? Do you want the baby? You’ll never be able to forget him now.”
“I know. But I want this baby more than anything. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget Honon anyway. I know I’ll always be comparing other men to him. If not for his inability to trust, I’d still be there. Karen, you would love life there. You’re so into nature. You have no pretenses, just like them. And…there are no cars, you’d love to not have to deal with traffic anymore.”
“That sounds like heaven to me. But, sugar, who’re you trying to convince? Do you want to go back? Could you?”
“If Honon walked in today and said he believed me, that he was sorry…yes, I’d go back in a heartbeat. And I’d drag you along with me for Liwanu.” We laughed.
I washed the tears off my face and headed to my next appointment. I’d seen Dr. Brown around, but I didn’t know him. He seemed nice enough. Not stuffy, but casual. I told him just the basics of what had happened to me, saying that I was with some families who lived in the mountains. I told him of my pregnancy, that it wasn’t a result of rape, and that I loved the father.
“And your amnesia?” He asked me.
“That wasn’t true. I just didn’t want the police to go looking for the families, innocent people would get hurt. It’s all over…I just want to get on with my life.”