by Leah Matheny
“I would like to take her back with me.” That’s all he said, and he began eating again. I figured that was the end of the discussion so I told them about my schedule change. “Sunday will probably be my last day.”
Honon nodded, “Good.”
They both began talking about Liwanu leaving. He said he wouldn’t stop by because he wanted to leave so early. “I will be back in two months.”
Karen arrived as we were eating ice cream. “Hi, I made a plate of food for you,” I said as I started to get up to get it for her.
“No, thanks. I’m not really that hungry. I ate a little at work.”
Liwanu stood up and went over to talk to Honon. Afterward, he walked over to me. “Take care of Jack Honon. I wish you well with the delivery. I will see you soon, dear sister.” He kissed my cheek.
I gave him a big hug. “You take care of yourself, have a safe journey. Tell Sitala I’ve missed her and I can’t wait to see her again, with her and Wuyi’s grandson. Now, you have all our phone numbers for when you return to Bishop?”
He nodded. Karen came over and grabbed Liwanu’s arm. “Let’s go to my place, big boy.” And she tugged him away.
Honon grabbed his ice cream. “Come, let’s go to bed.” I started to take his ice cream so I could put it away, but he stopped me. “No, I want to take it with us. Not that I’m tired of honey, but I thought this ice cream might taste better off your body than this spoon.” He led me toward the bedroom.
I looked at my clock and saw that I’d slept late and heard Honon bringing a tray of food in to me. “Are you hungry, cujcuje?’
I was famished. I asked him what he wanted to do for the day.
“You work tomorrow, right?” He nuzzled my neck and I nodded. “Then I want to stay in bed with you all day.”
So we did.
When I saw Karen at work, she seemed okay. I asked her how she and Liwanu had done with the goodbyes, and she answered like it was no big deal. Trish came by to say that she had the rest of my schedule covered, so I was working my last day. Karen hugged me goodbye.
“I’ll miss working with you. It won’t be the same,” she said with a little smile. I nodded. I couldn’t say anything or else I would cry, and Karen gave me a look of understanding. “I’ll see you later, sugar, it’s not goodbye yet.”
When I got home, I told Honon about my doctor appointment for the following day. “Since I only have a month to go, I’ll have an appointment every Monday until Jack Honon arrives. Do you want to come with me?”
“Of course I want to come with you. I want to see the machine you use so I can see our baby moving.” He looked excited.
“Great. I’ll see what I can do.” While he was working on dinner--he’d become very proficient at spaghetti and meatballs--I called Tamara. I gave her an update, letting her know Liwanu was gone. “TamTam, maybe you can give Karen a call and you two can go out or something. She’s acting like Liwanu leaving is no big deal…but I think it is. I don’t think she wants to admit that she may have feelings for him.”
Tamara agreed with me and said she’d call Karen right after we hung up.
I introduced Honon to Dr. Whittam. “This is my husband, Jack Honon’s father.” I couldn’t remove the huge grin from my face. Honon was amazed to hear the heartbeat so loud and clear. “Dr. Whittam, could I have another ultrasound? I know I don’t need one, but Honon would really like to see.”
“No problem. I’ll get it set up for you.”
While we were waiting, Honon lowered the blanket and stared in awe at my stomach; he leaned down to kiss it before covering me back up and kissing my nose. “Have I told you I love you today? I love you and Jack Honon,” he said with his eyes moving back and forth between mine. I hoped Jack Honon would have Honon’s eyes--the gorgeous, marbled green color and the intensity.
The technician knocked and came in. Honon moved down by my feet while she set up. Honon’s amazement at hearing the heartbeat was nothing compared to seeing the ultrasound. He kept pointing at the monitor every time he recognized a body part. We saw the baby sucking his thumb. The technician took lots of pictures and handed them to Honon. While she was putting everything away, Honon just sat in a chair flipping from one picture to the next, smiling and shaking his head in wonder. I got dressed and walked over to him.
“Pretty amazing, isn’t it?” I said with my eyebrows raised.
He pulled me down into his lap and kissed me with tenderness. “My wife, the mother, mus’e, of my son, I love you with all my wyhki.”
“Mus’e means mother?” I asked him and he nodded.
The days passed by quickly. Every other day I took Honon someplace new. On Tuesday I took him to the San Diego Zoo and on Thursday we went to Sea World. I loved to watch his expressions. Every once in awhile he would catch me watching him and he’d put his stone face on, but it would soon turn into wonderment again. I took him to the La Brea Tar Pits and the Los Angeles Museum of Science and History. Sometimes I got tired and he would just pick me up and carry me along.
On our way home from my next check-up, I took him to the Brea mall. He couldn’t believe the excess. “Do people really need so much? Will you miss your possessions?” He asked.
I shook my head. “No, I’ll only miss Karen and Tamara. Nothing else is important to me. I’ll have you and I’ll have our baby.”
Tamara called me over the weekend wanting to know how I was doing, and I asked her about Karen. She said she’d tried three times, and Karen always told her she was tired after her shift or she was working overtime.
The following Tuesday I took Honon to Disneyland. We had to stop and rest quite a bit, but I was glad we went. “Dani, I thought Sea World had many people, but we can barely walk around here. I feel like I can’t breathe.” I was able to go on some of the slower rides with him. I made him go on the Matterhorn by himself and he got off the ride with his stone face. When I asked him what he thought, he would only grunt. I guessed he didn’t like it and I tried not to laugh at him.
I got a cinnamon candy apple for him and a caramel apple for me; he liked mine better so we traded. We sat for a while, people watching while we ate. After that, we headed back to go on a couple more rides. We ate dinner at the Blue Bayou Restaurant inside the Pirates of the Caribbean. I’d always wanted to eat there, and that was my last chance. Even though I knew the “fireflies” were fake, it still felt romantic.
Again, Honon carried me out of the park. People did tend to move aside and give up space, but still there were those who didn’t seem to care or have a clue there were other people in the world besides themselves. And there were those who stood back in awe, staring at Honon--women mainly, women of all ages. There were girls who couldn’t have been older than eight who giggled, and grey haired ladies whose mouths hung open.
I sighed as I leaned back against Honon in the tub that night. “Okay, I’m done. I can’t play tour director anymore. Do you mind if we just take it easy until Jack Honon is born?”
He moved our heads so we were looking at each other. “I didn’t need to see all that. I thought it made you happy to show me.”
I sat up and twisted a little better to see him. “You didn’t have fun?”
He chuckled and pulled me back against him. “Yes, my wyhki, I had fun. I found everything very interesting. But you are more important to me. I don’t want you to exhaust yourself.”
“Okay. I love you.” I sighed again and let him wash me.
Every day I was getting more and more uncomfortable. I was having a hard time sleeping. The next check-up was exciting. “You’re at three centimeters. You should have the baby this week,” Dr. Whittam told us. We went up to see Karen so I could tell her, plus I hadn’t seen her since the Sunday after Liwanu left.
“You’re at three centimeters? Great! If I’m not working when the big day comes, you make sure you call me. I want to be the nurse to help you,” she said with a big hug.
When we got home, I packed my hospital bag. We put the b
ag in the car and got the baby car seat installed.
The last week went by slowly. I was extremely uncomfortable and very grumpy. When Honon was nice to me, I’d get mad at him and accuse him of patronizing me. I started crying again, a lot. Honon took everything in stride, and even that made me mad.
On Saturday morning I was craving tacos. Honon looked shocked. “I’ve made you eggs. You want tacos for breakfast?”
I started getting dressed. “Yes, I want tacos…tacos with sour cream on them.” I was practically salivating just thinking about it. We got in the car and went driving down Imperial Highway.
“Where are we going?” He asked me and I told him we had to go just a little bit further. When we went through the drive-thru, I looked at Honon, “Do you want anything?”
He looked baffled. “Okay, you order something for me?”
I ordered four classic tacos with sour cream, a macho burrito, a medium coke and a medium root beer. When I got the order I pulled over to check the bag. “You always have to check your order. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve driven away, only to get home and my order is wrong.” And sure enough, “See! They forgot to put sour cream on the tacos.” I parked, grabbed the bag and got out of the car. As I took one step I felt something funny and looked down. “Honon! My water broke!”
Honon jumped out of the car and ran around to me, grabbing ahold of my stomach. I looked at my car seat; it was dry. “What do you want me to do?” Honon looked all around.
“We’re fine, we have hours yet. Here, take this bag in and tell them I want my sour cream. I need to eat for energy for the hours ahead.” While Honon went inside, I sat down in the car. I grabbed my Uggs and pulled each one off to pour the water out of them; their name was very appropriate after that. I saw a couple standing near, watching me. The woman yelled out asking if I was okay or needed any help. I waved and said I was fine. Honon was back out in a flash and we headed back home so I could change.
I called Dr. Whittam and the hospital to let them know I’d be coming in. Luckily Karen was home when I called her. “Karen, today’s a day off for you?”
With a yawn, she said it was.
“Well, sorry to do this to you, but my water just broke.”
She screamed so loud Honon heard her from a couple of yards away. “Yes…yes, I’ll meet you there. I’ll call Tamara for you. You just relax and drive slowly,” she said.
I laughed. “Yes, mom. I’ll see you there.” We headed straight for the hospital and I ate while driving. “Honon, you better eat now. It’s going to be a long day and probably night, unless you want to go down and get something from the cafeteria.” He reluctantly opened the burrito. “Here, these other two tacos are for you too.”
By the time we finished checking into the hospital, Karen was already upstairs. “I called Tamara, she said she’d get here ASAP,” Karen said as she wheeled me into a room. I put the hospital gown on and got into bed. Honon just sat in the chair, shaking one leg nervously. “I’ll go wash up, put some scrubs on, and be right back,” Karen said.
I looked around the room I’d been in so many times before to work. The hospital tried to make it look comfortable, like a bedroom with paint, wallpaper, and curtains. But there was no mistaking what it really was, a hospital room with equipment and monitors and the promise of pain. I looked over and saw the bassinet that Jack Honon would be in before long, and I couldn’t wait. I was nervous, knowing what was coming; but I was more excited to hold my baby.
I turned to Honon and saw how nervous he was. “Honon, come here and sit beside me.” I hugged him. “It’ll all be okay. The baby’s in the correct position…we’re in a hospital.” He picked me up so I was sitting on his lap.
He ran his hand through his hair and grimaced. “I can’t stop thinking about what happened to Kaliska and our baby.” His voice caught in his throat.
“Do you know what happened, why they died?” He shook his head. “Well, you’ll be here with me the whole time. You’ll know everything that’s going on, so you don’t have to guess or wonder.”
Karen came back in. “Okay, time to put the monitors on.” She explained to Honon what she was doing and what the monitors did. Just then Dr. Jacobs came in the room while putting gloves on.
“Well, well…good to see you, Danielle. Let’s see how far…” I stopped him.
“You get the hell out of my room, NOW. You will come nowhere near me. Do you hear me!”
Honon stood up and started stalking toward him. Dr. Jacobs backed up with his hands out in front of him as if he could stop Honon. He didn’t.
“Now, Danielle, I’m the doctor on call, the only one available right now.” He looked at Honon. “Get him away from me or I’ll call security.”
“You’ll call security, I’m calling security. You don’t step in this room until I’m out of it, understand!” I turned to Karen. “Karen, call security, now. I want this on record that Jacobs isn’t allowed anywhere near me, or my baby.”
Honon continued to stalk toward Dr. Jacobs. “My wife asked you to leave,” Honon growled. Jacobs ran out of the room.
“Someone from security will be here in a minute,” Karen said. She continued to get me all hooked up.
“What did he do to you?” Honon asked me.
“Nothing, I’m okay now.” I smiled at him and took a deep breath to help me relax.
“Dani, you hate that man. What did he do to you?” Honon asked again in a voice that meant he would demand an answer.
I sighed, “Before I ever met you he used to harass me. He was rude and he tried to kiss me when I told him to keep away. And he threatened my job when I said I’d tell the supervisors if he wouldn’t leave me alone. After I came back home, after you, he came on to me again. I was stronger by then, I made it clear he had to stay away from me, and he has…until just now.”
Honon just nodded his head and leaned down to kiss me. “You were stronger after your time with me?” He whispered in my ear.
“Yes,” I whispered back. “You’re the only one I would let force kisses on me.”
“Okay, lovebirds, break it up. Let me check you to see how far along you are,” Karen said. “Oh, only five centimeters and…I’d say about ninety percent effaced. You have some time yet. Have you felt any contractions yet?”
“Not really, just some twinges.”
Someone knocked and Karen opened the door to a security man. We told him to not allow Dr. Jacobs anywhere near my baby or me, and we wanted the request on record. I didn’t care who found out about it. Let him explain. The security man said it would be done; he’d have Dr. Jacobs sign a form acknowledging our request. “Great! Now I don’t have to worry about him anymore.”
Tamara walked in as the security guy walked out. “Dani! Hi, Honon, aren’t you both just so excited!” She hugged both of us. We all talked, wondering who the baby would look like. I loved hearing Jack Honon’s heartbeat in the background on the fetal monitor.
A couple of hours passed and Karen checked me again. No change. “Do you want me to go see Dr. Taylor, he can prescribe you pitocin? That’ll get you going.”
“No, not yet. I’d like to go without meds as long as possible. Karen, why don’t you bring a cot in here so you can lie down? This is obviously going to take a long time.”
“Are you kidding? I’m too pumped up to be tired.” She did leave the room, though, and came back with cards. We taught Honon how to play poker, but he was too concerned about me to be really distracted by the game. I was uncomfortable and kept moving around, so the monitors had to be repositioned a couple of times. I eventually started to feel some contractions, but nothing to pant over yet.
Finally at three o’clock things started to move. The contractions would stop me from talking or make me gasp. At five o’clock I was starting to groan. “Dani, do you want the epidural now? If you wait too much longer, it’ll be too late,” Karen told me, and I nodded. Honon was rubbing my back.
I looked at Honon. “You don’t min
d that I’m not going to be brave, do you?” I had explained the epidural and how it worked to him earlier.
“Why should you be in pain if you don’t have to? You have a choice now. In the future, in the village, you won’t have this choice.” He smiled and kissed my forehead.
Karen came back and checked me again. “You’re a hundred percent effaced and I’d say almost seven centimeters. You’re coming along.” She attached the baby’s heart monitor to his head and took the external monitor off me.
The anesthesiologist showed up and got me hooked up. Within a couple of minutes, my legs were like rubber. Karen watched the monitor to track my contractions; luckily, I could barely feel them and Honon looked less tense since I wasn’t in pain. Tamara would exclaim every time she saw the monitor spike, “Ooo, look at that, you’re having another big one!” At least I knew the epidural didn’t slow the contractions down.
Dr. Taylor came in around seven. “Hello, Danielle, Karen.” He walked over to Honon to shake his hand. “I’m Dr. Taylor, you must be the father.” He also introduced himself to Tamara. “Is everything all right in here?” We told him it was.
“Dr. Taylor. I’d like Karen to deliver the baby and for Honon to help her. Would you mind just being here in a supervisory capacity?” I asked. I’d thought earlier about Honon actually helping, but I didn’t say anything to him. He was nervous enough as it was.
Dr. Taylor smiled. “No problem. Karen’s delivered enough on her own already when doctors weren’t available, you too as a matter of fact.” He walked over to look at the monitor tapes. “Danielle, do you mind if I check you, though, just for peace of mind?”
“Go ahead.” I smiled at Honon to let him know I was okay with it. He didn’t seem like he would get upset, probably because I was so relaxed. Dr. Taylor was the grandfatherly type with white hair and a paunch belly, a very nice man who I’d worked with for years.