by Leah Matheny
“I’d say you’re at eight plus centimeters. You look like you’re coming along fine.” He turned to Karen as he removed his exam gloves. “Karen, give me a call when she’s ready.” He patted Honon’s back and walked out.
Finally, at ten o’clock Karen said I was ready to push. She handed scrubs to Honon for him to put on and she told him to go wash his hands up to his elbows. Then she gave him gloves.
“Sit here, Honon.” She got up from her stool. “You can feel the baby’s head.” She guided his hand to me. All of a sudden his eyes got huge and he looked at me with a dimpled grin on his face. She showed him how to slowly press my skin to help stretch it, to prepare it. “If it gets stretched enough before hand, there’s less need for an episiotomy…less chance the skin will tear,” she explained. She got up to check the monitor tape again. “I don’t know what type of medical care you have back at your village, but I figure the more I can teach you, the better for Dani during her next pregnancy.”
“Please, let me get through this one first.” We all laughed.
“Well how do I know, maybe the women just squat in a field like they used to do,” Karen said.
I quickly looked at Honon. “No, they don’t do that, do they?”
He smiled and shook his head.
“Okay, Dani, it’s time to get down to business. Honon, throw your gloves over there. You and Tamara each grab one of her legs. Dani, during the next contraction I want you to start pushing.”
A half an hour later, they finally saw the head. “Dani, this is amazing! It’s hard to believe that you’re really having a baby, I mean…well you obviously are, but…you’re going to be a mama.” Tamara smiled. Honon wiped my forehead with a damp cloth. Another twenty minutes passed before the baby’s head started to emerge.
“Honon, go get gloves on again. You can help with the rest of this,” Karen said. She got off the stool so he could sit down. Dr. Taylor came in and held my leg during the next contraction.
“Well, do we have a new doctor?” Dr. Taylor asked.
“I’m teaching Honon everything I can. They’re going to live in a remote town in Alaska.” Karen looked at me and shrugged. The baby’s head came out farther on the next contraction.
“Where’s his face?” Honon yelled and the rest of us laughed.
“Look underneath. If the baby is coming out correctly, he’s facing the back,” I told him. Honon got on his knees and looked.
“Oh, there are his eyes.” He looked up at me and smiled.
“All right, Honon, scoot in closer to Dani and let me put this towel on your lap. Keep your legs closed so when the baby comes out you’ll lay him in your lap.” Karen was guiding him. She stood close behind him with her arms around his head, her hands next to his. “Dani, just give me a tiny push…a little more…a little m…there, stop, no more.”
“The head’s out!” Tamara squealed.
Karen continued, “Now we gently turn the baby’s head just a pinch and suck the fluid out of his nose and throat.”
“You’re so rough, doesn’t that hurt him?” Tamara asked.
“No, the syringe is rubber and it’s done quickly,” Karen said. She nudged Honon, “Are you ready to deliver your baby?” He nodded his head. “Okay, Dani, give me another tiny push…tiny…stop. Honon, put one hand under his head, grab one of his shoulders…gently start to turn him.” Karen’s hands were on top of Honon’s. “Give me another tiny push, Dani...and the…baby’s out.” She turned the baby on Honon’s lap. “Have his head pointing down to help the fluids drain out.” She suctioned the baby again and clamped off the umbilical cord, handing scissors to Honon, “Do you want to cut the cord?”
I sat up on my elbows and watched him cut. When he raised his eyes to me, I saw tears falling down his cheeks. “I love you, my wyhki,” he said.
“I love you too, my wyhki.” Honon lifted the baby up and set him on my stomach. “Honon, we made a baby.” A nurse came over and started vigorously rubbing Jack Honon. Honon looked at her sharply. “We want him to cry to help clear the fluid out of his lungs and get oxygen through his body,” I told him, rubbing his arm. Jack Honon soon started screaming. When the nurse took him over to the warming crib to take care of him, Honon followed her over.
Dr. Taylor walked over to Honon and clapped him on the back. “Good job, son, congratulations.” He walked over to Karen. “Why don’t you let me take care of the rest, you join your friends. Good job, Karen, and you too, Danielle. Congratulations.”
After baby Jack was cleaned and wrapped in a blanket, I was the last one to get to hold him. Over the years I’d noticed it was always that way, wives were the last ones to know and new moms were the last ones to get to hold their clean babies. Honon leaned down and kissed me. “I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight,” he whispered.
Tamara came over. “Okay, time for me to go. Thank you, Dani and Honon, for letting me be a part of this precious experience. I’ll never forget it as long as I live.” She’d been taking pictures when she could. “I’ll get the pictures printed ASAP.” She hugged us both and left. Karen stayed with us until they switched me to a regular room that had a cot for Honon and the baby bassinet was right next to my bed.
“Good job, Honon. I think you’re ready to fly solo next time,” Karen chuckled. “I already told them I wouldn’t be at work tomorrow. So I’ll see you before you’re discharged on Monday. Love you all, bye.”
I turned to Honon. “Well, you’re a father now. How do you feel?”
He sat on the edge of my bed staring at Jack Honon. “I thought the fear would be over once you delivered safely. But now…I think I’ll feel fear forever.”
I sat up and hugged him. “Come lie down beside me, Honon.” He twisted around to be on his side and held me to him. I fell asleep to him kissing my head and forehead.
We were both exhausted the next morning. Between the baby waking up and the nurses coming in and out all night long, we hardly got any sleep. “I don’t think I can take another night of this. I want to check out today.” Right after I said that a nurse walked in. “Jan, just the nurse I wanted to see. You gotta get us out of here. I can understand now why new parents are so bitchy the next day. We didn’t get any sleep. Can you push the right buttons to get us out of here by the end of the day at least?”
She laughed. “Every nurse and doctor should be a patient. It’s the best way to learn compassion. Sure, let me talk to the doctors and see what I can do for you.” Jan checked me over to make sure I was doing okay.
The next time I breast fed, Honon sat behind me on the bed so that I rested between his legs and leaned back on his chest. “Ah, what a beautiful view,” he whispered as he held Jack Honon to my breast. I had my arms wrapped around Honon’s, helping him hold our son.
I petted Jack’s hair. “Look at all that hair. I wonder if it’ll stay this dark. It looks like his is darker than yours.”
Jan came back in. “Well, isn’t that a pretty picture. That’s what I call an involved dad.” She winked at me. “Good news. Both doctors said they’d check you out of here before tonight, as long as you’re well enough and they see no complications.”
We were out of there by five o’clock. I called Karen on our way home to tell her we’d checked out already. “Oh, I wanted to see baby Jack. I’ll give you guys three days privacy before I barge in.”
I was glad to be home again. We put Jack in his bassinet, which was next to me, and we immediately went to sleep--but Jack woke us an hour later. Honon and I looked at each other and laughed. “You stay, I’ll get him,” he said. Honon changed Jack and brought him to me. Again, Honon held me while I held Jack.
“Honon, I never thought I’d be this happy. And that day you took me, never in a million years would I have thought that one day I would thank you for capturing me.” I leaned over and kissed him.
The next two weeks seemed to fly by, and we got into a routine. Even though Jack woke us up a couple of times a night, we caught up on the sleep we’d
lost in the hospital. Both Karen and Tamara stopped by on different days to see Jack. Karen thought he looked like me, and Tamara thought he looked like Honon. She gave us copies of the pictures she’d taken; there were some great pictures of Jack, and Honon set them out around the house.
I called both Karen and Tamara and told them I wanted to plan a garage sale for the weekend after next; we had to start preparing to leave. We decided to leave the day after the sale. I asked them if they wanted anything and they each picked a few things for memories. I handed Karen a shoebox of photos of my parents that I just wasn’t ready to get rid of. I kept one of the pictures to take with me and put it with one of the pictures I wanted to keep of all of us in the delivery room. I would keep them hidden. Karen and Tamara both helped me do some tagging and sorting of items.
That Friday I answered the phone, not expecting to hear Liwanu. “You’re back early. Oh, I can’t wait for you to see baby Jack. He’s adorable.”
“I am sure he is. I look forward to seeing him. Dani, I need to talk to Honon.”
I called for Honon to get the phone. His face went from happy to shock, and he slumped down on a chair. I couldn’t understand what he was saying to Liwanu, but the conversation didn’t sound good. He was rubbing his hand through his hair in frustration, so I sat down at his knees and waited for him to hang up. He finally did, and he covered his face with his hands. “Honon, please tell me what’s wrong.”
Chapter 17
Honon stood up and started pacing. “Liwanu said my father is gravely ill. I need to get back to the village as soon as possible. He wants Karen to drive me to Mammoth, he already talked to her. It’s a quicker ride to our village from Mammoth than from Bishop. He’ll stay here with you until Jack is old enough to travel.”
I walked in front of him. “You are not leaving me behind. Jack Honon and I will be going with you.”
“You can’t, I’ll be riding fast and hard. That would be too dangerous for a baby and I want Jack safe. Besides, you have things left to do here.” He was looking around. “Where are the pictures of Jack, I want to take one to show my father.” He grabbed one, as well as an ultrasound picture he kept by the nightstand.
“I don’t care about the garage sale. Please don’t leave without us. You can ride fast if you want to…Liwanu can go slower and stay with me, that way I’ll only be a day or two behind you.” Honon walked to the bedroom to gather some of his things while I started throwing some of Jack’s and my clothes into a duffle bag. “Honon, we were planning on leaving in a week anyway, what difference will it make to leave a week earlier?” I grabbed more of Jack’s things and put them in a pillow case. I also pulled down a sleeping bag and grabbed a bunch of fruit and energy bars. “What’s the difference if Liwanu is with me here or if we’re following slower behind you? I’ll be safe with Liwanu. Please…”
Honon turned to me and took hold of my shoulders, “All right, you have to promise me you won’t push yourself. Bring everything you think you might need. We’ll store everything in one of the tunnels of the entrance cave and seal it off. After I get back, I’ll hide clothes for you to change into before you arrive and any of the guards can see you. Remember, you were supposed to be in a cave all this time.”
I threw myself in his arms. “Thank you, thank you. Where will you hide the clothes?” We heard banging at the door and Honon ran to answer it; Karen ran in.
“Dani…”
I thrust two of the bags in her arms. “Take these to the car. Wait, we’ll take my car, we need the baby seat.” I threw my keys to her. Honon grabbed the rest of our bags. While I was strapping Jack in, I told Karen that she needed to drive. “I need to be able to take care of Jack.”
Honon used my cell phone to talk to Liwanu again, while I explained to Karen what was going to happen; this was it. “TamTam will have power of attorney, so everything should be okay.”
Honon got off the phone. “I told Liwanu what you wanted to do. He said he’ll help you. He also said to tell Karen he’ll come back here after he’s taken you to the village. He’ll help Karen with your things and bring the gold back to you when he returns to the village.”
“Karen, Liwanu won’t be back for a minimum of two weeks. You’re going to have to change the date of the garage sale, do you mind? If you want his help that is,” I said.
“No, I don’t mind. I can’t believe this is it. I won’t see you ever again after today.” Karen wiped at her eyes. I had a huge lump in my throat.
We weren’t even into the drive two hours when Jack Honon woke up crying. “Just keep driving and I’ll feed him in the car. Just drive carefully.” I unbuckled Jack. “Kids survived for years without seatbelts and car seats, I don’t know why I should be so nervous,” I mumbled.
After I fed and changed Jack, I put him back in his car seat. I called Tamara to tell her what was going on. She started crying, which got me crying. And Karen, knowing what was going on, started crying. I patted and rubbed her shoulder. I asked Honon again where he was going to hide the clothes.
“Don’t worry, I told Liwanu, he’ll know.”
Right before we got to Mammoth, Jack woke up again. I changed him and put him in the baby sling to feed him. That way I could walk, do what I needed to do, and he could keep feeding.
We had to take the bus down into Reds Meadow, and Karen wanted to hold Jack during the ride. “This will be the last time I get to see him, to hold him.” She gave me a quick look with teary eyes, “And my last time to see you too.” Her head dropped quickly to kiss and nuzzle Jack.
It broke my heart to see her pain. I wished she would come with us, I wanted her to be Jack’s aunt, and I wanted her there for me.
We saw Liwanu waiting for us with two horses, and Karen ran out of the bus into his arms. They were still kissing each other when we reached them. Liwanu and Honon spoke quickly, then, Honon turned to me. “I love you. You better take care of yourself and our baby or I will get very mad,” he growled before he grabbed my face and kissed me; I watched him bend to kiss his son’s head. Before I could say anything, he was on his horse and riding away. I watched him race away and was a little shocked. I’d known he was going to go on ahead, but still…
I turned to Liwanu, “Now what?”
He looked between Karen and me. “Karen, do you know how to ride a horse?”
She nodded her head, “Yes, very well.”
He looked like he was trying to figure something out. “If you rode to the cave with us, do you think you could find your way back by yourself?”
I looked at both of them. “Listen, a half of a day isn’t going to make a difference. Why don’t we rent rooms here for the night and leave first thing in the morning?” I didn’t mind giving them the time I was sure they needed--and from the looks of things, desperately wanted.
“If you’re sure you don’t mind?” Karen said.
I smiled, “Come on, you two. Let’s see if they have two rooms available. If they do, we’ll stay.” Luckily, for Karen and Liwanu, there were two available.
While Karen paid for the rooms, Liwanu took the horse back and told them that he wanted it for the next day. I told Karen to make sure our rooms weren’t next to each other. “I want to be able to get some sleep tonight.”
“Ha ha, you’ve had your man the past seven weeks,” Karen laughed.
I stopped and looked at her. “Is that what Liwanu is…your man?”
She looked shocked and she was shaking her head slowly, as if she was trying to convince herself. “He can’t be. I’m not willing to give up my life here,” she said, still shaking her head.
“Now who’s trying to convince whom?” I hugged her. “You’ll know the right thing to do.”
As Liwanu was walking back toward us, Karen dangled her key at him. He picked her up and carried her away. I looked down at my baby. “Well, Jack, I guess it’s just you and me.” I looked down at all my stuff. When I heard a sound, I looked up to see Liwanu running toward me.
“Sor
ry. Let me help you.” He grabbed my things and walked with me to my room.
“Thanks, Liwanu. Goodnight.”
He smiled and ran back to Karen.
Jack was just falling asleep after being fed and changed. I’d been trying to enjoy my beautiful baby, but my breaking heart was on Karen--on leaving her. I heard a knock at my door. Liwanu stood there. “Are you ready?”
I nodded and carried Jack while Liwanu carried the rest of my stuff out. I saw Karen holding a horse. “Only one horse?” I asked.
Liwanu tied my things to it. “Yes, Honon did not want you on a horse by yourself with Jack. And…Karen is leaving now.”
I handed my baby to Liwanu and turned to Karen--it was time to say goodbye, forever. “I’ll miss you,” I sobbed as I grabbed hold of her and she held me back just as tight. “I don’t want to let you go,” I tried to laugh as I felt Liwanu’s hand on my shoulder. “Okay, okay.” I let go and turned to get on the horse.
Karen took hold of Jack while Liwanu helped me. “I sure am going to miss you and this sweet little baby. I wanted to be a part of his life.” Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. “Goodbye, I love you both,” she said through her tears. She gave Jack kisses all over his face before she handed him to me. “Be happy, Dani.” Crying, she turned into Liwanu’s arms and cleared her throat again while wiping tears away. “Take care of those two…and yourself too. Hurry back, handsome.” And she stepped away.
Liwanu leaned down and whispered something to her. I saw Karen shake her head and wipe away a tear. He slowly nodded, kissed her forehead, then got on the horse behind me; we turned and slowly began to ride away. When I turned to wave at Karen, she was already walking away. My heart was ripping. I yelled out to her, “I love you, Karen, you’re my true sister.” She raised her hand to wave, but she didn’t look back at me. I faced forward again and wrapped the big jacket I’d worn home before around me and Jack. I didn’t look like I was carrying a baby, I just looked fat.