Bootscootin' and Cozy Cash Mysteries Boxed Set (Books 1-6)

by Scott, D. D.

  Even she couldn’t keep a straight face long enough to be mad at him anymore.

  “That asshole didn’t retire. Calling it that would operate under the assumption he’d worked first,” Roxy said, flopping around on the table like a seal out of water.

  “Like anyone would hire him anyway after Sienna and her mother got the word out,” Roxy continued her rant. “And of course I did my civic duty and protected my public by confirming their horror stories.”

  Jules still wasn’t quite sure how she would manage all the catering requests Sienna and Evan’s wedding had gotten Sweet Destiny. And the bakery itself was booming. She’d already gone from a staff of five to sixteen and was considering taking over the building next to hers when the tenant’s lease was up in late spring.

  “You’ll handle the album release party just fine,” Audrey said, who of the three seemed the one most in need of their retreat weekend.

  Jules was worried about her. Her energy level seemed low for her normal, bubbly, perfectly positive outlook. That bit of sweet sugar that always showed through her personality, regardless of the situation, seemed a tad low.

  Maybe Sweet Destiny wasn’t the only entity with buns in the oven. Not that she’d dare bring it up, especially in front of Roxy. If Audrey had something to tell them, she would, when she was ready.

  Regardless of what had her in such a funk, Jules and Roxy didn’t have that much sweetness in either of them combined. But what they lacked, Audrey more than contained and utilized to all of their advantages. The three of them had always been and would always be the perfect blend.

  “And speaking of handling, I hear you’ve convinced Sienna to model for Raeve’s new collections and possibly be its permanent spokes model,” Jules said, hardly able to wait for Roxy’s reaction.

  That was a twist of fate Jules never thought would happen. But against all odds, the two of them had really clicked when Roxy came to Sienna’s rescue filling in for Jacques as her wedding stylist.

  Audrey winked at Jules, and flagged her thumb toward Roxy, who had narrowed her twinkling eyes, giving both of them a look screaming ‘bite-me-bitches’.

  “All right. Go ahead. Bust my balls. But I’ve been forced to suck up my reservations for the good of my empire,” Roxy said, then directed her masseuse to work harder on a spot between her shoulder blades.

  “We all know Sienna looks fabulous in my designs. And I suppose this kind of modeling could help her career in a more positive light. And you can both just stick the ‘I told you so’s’. Or here let me have my masseuse assist you both in sticking it.”

  “I wouldn’t think of saying I told you so to anything about Sienna,” Jules said, looking at Audrey who also had that ‘who me’ expression plastered on her face along with an eat crap grin. “I’ve certainly had my moments with her. But I still think she’s got some redeemable goodness in her somewhere. Maybe Raeve, and you Roxy, will bring them out of her.”

  “That’s kind of scary. Not the Raeve thing, but the Roxy as personal savior angle,” Audrey said, getting a towel tossed onto her head from Roxy’s massage table.

  “Well, lucky for me, I’ll be so busy producing for the shopping channel deal Audrey’s about to wrap up, she’s going to have to take Sienna under her angelic wings,” Roxy said, taking in a deep breath of satisfaction.

  “Audrey, is that true? You’ve about closed the deal for bringing Raeve into the home shopping world?”

  Jules swore she had her nose so far buried in breads, cookies, cupcakes and event planning, she was behind on the important things going on in her friends’ lives. Something she’d definitely be getting a grip on.

  “I think I got ‘er done,” Audrey said, the warm pink glow, usually a given on her face, making a reappearance with the news of her new deal.

  “That’s fantastic. You’re amazing. The best marketing guru I know. Once you get all that going, I might be ready to talk to you about taking Sweet Destiny online.”

  And Jules was ready to consider it. Once she’d expanded her space and added the extra staff, she could take it on, liking the idea of becoming an online dessert emporium as well as a walk-in sweet shop and catering company.

  “I’m your go-to-gal for the home shopping mecca. But it’s good you’re not quite ready yet. My iPad’s full right now. With Roxy’s collection going QVC, and the campaign I’ve just signed on to do for Cody and Tulip’s market, I’m swamped,” Audrey said, dropping her head down into the space in the massage table cut-out for just that purpose.

  “Cody is thrilled to have you on board for the market. And you know Tulip is ecstatic,” Jules said, almost laughing out loud just thinking about Tulip running the market for Cody, finally making good on the whole aphrodisiac produce idea.

  “Oh, and I thought of the name and slogan for the market,” Audrey said, looking up from the massage, her face either flush from rejuvenation or from what she about to say.

  “This ought to be good,” Roxy said, motioning her masseuse to back off until she’d heard this.

  “Weiss’ Produce and Penis Foods: We’ve got a passion for produce and a head up on the competition”

  Audrey relayed the pitch in between giggles she couldn’t suppress.

  “You aren’t seriously using the penis food part are you?” Jules said laughing right along with her. “Go ahead, Roxy, start cackling. I see your head bouncing up and down on the table.”

  Roxy burst through her silence and laughed ‘til she cried. “I love it.”

  “I might go with Weiss’ Produce and Aphrodisiacs. We’ll see. But the slogan’s a keeper. Don’t you think?” Audrey asked, still exuding orneriness right beside her one-of-a-kind business acumen.

  “It is good. And I know Cody and Tulip will get a kick out of it,” Jules said, never one to not be willing to step outside the box a bit. “I’ll run it by Cody when I call the diner here in a little while.”

  “So how are things working out there with Cody’s dad back?” Audrey said, all kidding aside, her sweet sincere nature once again firmly in place.

  “Good. Cody’s dad is staying on the wagon and seems like he has his act together. And I know Midge, Grams and Cody are glad to have him back and sober,” Jules said, feeling her body relax under the weight and warmth of the body wrap and salt glow her therapist was beginning.

  She looked from side-to-side, relishing the sanctuary she felt, flanked by the two women who’d been like sisters to her since their first Central Park playdate at the age of five.

  Here they were, over thirty years later, still there for each other, still sharing life’s up and downs, still cheering each other onto wherever their destinies took them.

  And destiny had been so kind to Jules. Serendipity had serenaded her, and she’d kept the song in her heart. She’d found the love of a lifetime and stomped out her fears to build a life with her Stetson-wearing man.

  With Cody running the diner and Aunt Tulip and Grams peddling his produce as Nashville’s answer to aphrodisiac remedies, Jules life would never be dull, desolate or dried up.

  Her life, like her bakery, was built on and sustained by decadent, delicious desires and chocolate dreams.

  THE END

  The Kama Sutra Company

  Here’s something sexy, sassy, smart and sweet for all my D. D. Scott-ville fans, welcome to one of my favorite online boutiques http://www.kamasutra.com! Oh, and of course it’s Aunt Tulip’s favorite little shop too! So if you’re interested in Tulip’s Lover’s Paintbox Chocolate Body Paint, the Weekender Kit or any of the other beyond fabulous aphrodisiacs she encourages her patients to try, you’re in the right shop. KamaSutra, like their tagline says, has been “Making love Better since 1969”!!! And here’s a wee bit more from their brochures:

  “Inspired by ‘The Kama Sutra,’ the most renowned book on the art of making love, The Kama Sutra Company has created products for over thirty-five years, initiating millions of lovers into the art of making love better. Whether you choose a product
that tingles, soothes and seduces, or refreshes and renews, you can be sure if it’s Kama Sutra it will incite your senses and bring a richer, more rewarding intimacy into your life.”

  Buckles Me Baby

  Book Three of the Bootscootin’ Series

  Chapter One

  Audrey Holtz opened the foil-like pouch and removed the test stick. This was the third stick for the day, used exactly four hours apart to maximize the accuracy the package promised. And it so better be accurate.

  She reset the kitchen timer, no longer finding its egg shape the quirky fun, eclectic design element it was advertised to be.

  Removing the cap from the stick, she latched onto the thumb grip. A tremor ricocheted through her palm to her fingertips.

  By now — after living on the lamb for several months — she was used to frayed nerves, but not for this reason.

  With the absorbent tip pointed down in her urine stream, she peed the five seconds required per the instruction sheet. And only five seconds. She’d always been damn good at following directions.

  Replacing the cap over the wet tip that now contained the chemical composition of her future, she laid the stick on the bathroom counter’s flat surface, praying her own egg hadn’t also been tipped.

  In two minutes, she’d know if Damian, her dream man - who had made it clear he had no intentions of becoming a dream dad - would either be tickled with relief…or on his beloved tractor headed to Tijuana.

  The blue line appeared in the control window indicating the test had worked. Not that that was any sort of consolation. All kinds of her parts were apparently working.

  To ensure her reproductive competency, and thus officially destroy her barely-hanging-on sanity, Audrey had to see the plus or minus sign one more time.

  Being irregular, in menstrual-speak, was another definite detriment, above and beyond her new life’s propensity for remaining anything-but-regular. How the hell was she supposed to pinpoint a pregnancy when she couldn’t pinpoint her ovulation cycle?

  That was like asking her to pinpoint who the hell she was now, compared to who’d she’d been up ‘til six months ago. Her life was like an episode of the game show To Tell the Truth where the hosts ask “would the real so-and-so please stand-up”.

  In addition to her “handlers” worst nightmares, she was supposed to be a fertility specialist’s worst type of patient too…not that that kind of expertise appeared necessary according to the results of test sticks one and two.

  With the timer revealing a minute until the fate of her fertilization would show in the stick’s result area, Audrey went over what she did know.

  Yes. She had the urinary frequency of a prima donna of the throne. But that could be attributed to one-too-many red eyes from her favorite coffee shop.

  Yes. She’d been a bit tired lately, but certainly not enough to get her down anymore than she already was from her primetime-worthy family saga. She had damn-good reasons to be exhausted. Besides, she had too much to do to cater to fatigue or her worse-than-Corleone clan.

  No. She hadn’t had one episode of nausea - the most valid argument against impending pregnancy.

  Hell, if it weren’t for her discolored areolas, she wouldn’t be peeing on sticks. But those things had not only drastically darkened around her nipples, they’d also increased to an alarming diameter. And her breasts had taken on a new level of tender achiness, pain enough to send her to the pharmacy for a home pregnancy test triple pack.

  The test sticks, God love ‘em, were quick.

  Just like the directions touted, they were as easy as one-two-pee, although Audrey still held out hope that hers was the three percent not accurate.

  The test claimed to be more reliable the closer to “P-day” she was. But she had no clue when her P-day — aka Period Day - should have been.

  With the stress she’d been under lately, all forms of regularity had vanished.

  So she’d waited, per the testing guide, for the longest number of days she’d cycled in the last six months. Then, she’d gotten out the sticks.

  When she’d read false-positives were much less common than false negatives, meaning her two-time positive results indicated she was more than likely pregnant, her hopes for error were damn near gone.

  So much for the fact that the two previous plus signs were faint, almost non-existent, ultra light shades of blue. And she refused to use the term ‘baby blue’.

  The only way the pluses could appear period, pun intended, was if her body contained hCG, the hormone a developing placenta produces during pregnancy. The darker the plus sign, per the info sheet stuffed in the box, the higher the hCG and the further along she was.

  Although her pluses had been faint, the fact they were there about caused her to faint.

  She could be anywhere from six to twelve days pregnant, with an embryo already implanted in her uterus.

  Did she have an intuition she was pregnant, that “feeling” that many women say they have within moments of conception? Did she think she had a bun in her oven before her kitchen timer dinged and the first two blue pluses lit up the result screens? Not so much. But that changed when her areolas had taken-on a life plum-full of gusto.

  The timer went off for the last time, and Audrey meant the last time. She threw the damn thing into the bathroom trash basket, convinced it was the wrong kinda oven aid.

  She blinked, took a deep breath, remained seated on her throne then opened her eyes to reality.

  Blue plus number three.

  Shit!

  Damian was soooo going to wish he’d kept riding his John Deere instead of her.

  Audrey grabbed her Kindle from the bathroom reading rack and pressed a couple buttons to open-up her new copy of “What To Expect When You’re Expecting”, not sure if it was a good or bad omen that she’d downloaded the book from Amazon just that morning.

  ‘Course she’d probably jinxed the results by buying the book to begin with. But that was her. She didn’t like, actually refused to accept, not being prepared for life’s bumps in the road.

  Well…that used to be what she was about. But since she’d arrived in Music City, she’d been travelling very strange, almost surreal roads. A baby bump would now be yet another major detour.

  She skimmed the first few pages of the book, deciding she could skip chapter one’s preconception planning. Apparently that information was now pointless. Damian’s sperm had already met her egg, evidently felt comfortable there, and opted to move in.

  She headed straight for chapter two’s section on ‘What You May Be Wondering About’.

  ‘Cause yeah, she had lots to wonder about.

  And speaking of wondering, she wasn’t the only one stewing about these stick results. Roxy and Jules, her two beyond BFFs were probably dying, right along with her, waiting for her news.

  She called Jules’ cell first, not quite ready for Roxy’s sure-to-be-had outburst.

  Jules’ phone didn’t even ring the entire first attempt before she picked-up.

  “What’s it say, Audie?” She asked, followed by a silence that Audrey couldn’t acknowledge as a pregnant pause, cause yeah, at this point, that was just way too personal of a description for the awkward lack of conversation now between them.

  “It’s positive…again. We’re definitely pregnant,” she said, not sure what to expect Jules’ reaction to be, except she knew it would be nothing but coated in kindness, unlike Roxy’s, which would be based out of nothing but a good heart and love for her friend, but clouded with ripe emotion too.

  “Well, I guess we should have known better than to let you two flirt with fertility,” Jules said, her soft voice full of angst while still attempting to sweeten the blow. “After all, Damian is a boxer guy, not a brief man. And as a result, his testicles are properly cooled and enjoy plenty of breathing room, which, according to, you know who, only adds to his potency.”

  You know who meant Jules’ Aunt Tulip, Nashville’s new Sex Therapist and Aphrodisiac Queen, who alway
s seemed to end up right on the money with her crazy, love nest theories.

  So, yeah, Audrey sighed, still staring at the stick, while listening to Jules try to comfort her, it looked like her boxer guy was quite potent.

  Even though after making love, she and Damian were careful not to lay around too long to prevent the sperm from getting a good start up her uterus, the suckers must have been sprinters and made a mad dash.

  Damn if they also hadn’t had sex several mornings before getting out of bed plus partook in more than a couple “nooners”, right when his sperm count would have been at its daily high. Not smart.

  Did they use protection? No. Also not smart.

  Why not?

  They were happy to be in a monogamous relationship and were both perfectly healthy.

  Besides, Audrey’s Ob-Gyn had told her on several occasions that she’d have a difficult time conceiving. Her uterus was tipped just like her mother’s had been. And since daughter-like-mother also couldn’t have a regular cycle to save herself, Audrey was supposedly a fertility specialist’s prime candidate.

  During each yearly exam odyssey, her doctor warned that it would more than likely take at least six months to a year of actively trying before she could become pregnant. And being as her biological clock was ticking at above noise ordinance levels, the good doc had told her she’d best be thinking about getting on it if that’s what she wanted.

  Audrey pinched the bridge of her nose, warding off the numbness settling inside her sinus cavity. The only clocks winding down were (1) her damn egg timer which had earned itself a new home in the waste basket and (2) her patience while now living a Fed-protected, false identity.

  Guess she wouldn’t have to worry about getting it on in the bedroom anymore. Hell, Damian would be running for any other room in the house. Her sexy nighties were about to be replaced by nursing gowns and full-body pillows. Their steamy DVDs would be useless - the Kama Sutra positions demonstrated way too difficult with her big ‘ole belly in the way.