Once back at the hotel, I told Cole that I wanted the room to myself so I could shower and change. The truth is I also wanted some space so I could be alone with my thoughts. I knew I had to try and process everything I had been told this afternoon and was pretty certain I wouldn’t be able to do that with Cole around.
He was reluctant when it came to leaving me alone but acquiesced when I became more and more persistent. I was desperate to spend some time alone so I could try and figure a way out of our complex situation, a legal way out that is and urged him to do the same thing.
It’s been three hours since I last saw Cole and during that time I’ve managed to take a small nap and enjoy a relaxing soak in the bath. I was told to be ready for half past eight and I can only assume that he will be back for us to go out for the meal we discussed earlier.
I panicked when I realised that I hadn’t brought that many clothes with me and I was sure I would struggle to find something suitable for a restaurant or somewhere nice. However, I soon came across a white sundress I didn’t know I had packed amongst my belongings. It was really cheap due to the fact that it was on sale when I bought it and I’ve only had it on a few times.
I stand in front of the full-length mirror in the bathroom and slip the dress on over my head. I’ve just washed my hair and then tried my best to style it by using a hairdryer. I’ve never been one for pampering myself or using beauty products, mainly because we never had enough money when I was growing up but now… now I want to make the effort.
I try to imagine that I’m going on a real date. When I close my eyes and try to block out the hotel’s surroundings, it’s almost like I’m back at home. I can pretend that I’m just a normal girl who is getting ready to go out and spend the evening with her boyfriend… a girl who is carefree and happy.
I’m startled by a knock at the door and take one last look at myself in the mirror, smoothing down my dress before I go and answer it. I make sure to look through the peephole before I open it, realising how paranoid this makes me.
“Wow…” Cole exhales slowly, allowing his heated gaze to take in my outfit. “You look incredible… you’re… you look beautiful.”
“Thank you.” I reply, feeling timid and self-conscious all of a sudden. “I’ve had this dress for a long time but I’ve never worn it before now.”
“I’m glad you haven’t. I don’t want anyone else to see you in this except me. This is for my eyes only, you understand?”
He takes a step towards me, circling his arms around my waist. His eyes are filled with lust and I can’t help the arousal which this stirs up inside of me.
“I guess this means that we can’t go out now? We have to stay indoors forever?” I joke, smiling up at him in a playful manner.
“I guess so.” He responds evasively, still distracted by the sundress I’m wearing. “I really don’t want to let you out of my sight if you’re going to be wearing this.”
“Come on.” I urge him, pulling on his hand as I attempt to leave. “I’m far too hungry to be having this conversation and we can discuss the dress later.”
Cole chuckles before he groans, allowing me to drag him out of the room and down the hallway.
The restaurant is lovely and the food is delicious. It’s like nothing I’ve ever tasted and I can now see how it’s possible to become accustomed to such fine things. I’ve never lived my life like this and I’m not sure if Cole has either.
It’s almost like we’re playing a game, pretending to participate in something which neither one of us can explain. Here we are sitting in this fine restaurant, eating exquisite food and staying in a luxurious hotel but none of it is real. The reality of the situation is that we’re hiding from the truth, we’re on the run and no amount of splendour is going to change that.
“What’s wrong?” Cole asks, forcing me out of my deep contemplation.
“Nothing.” I lie. “I guess I’m just thinking about things.”
“Like what?”
“What you told me about earlier on today.” I reveal, glancing at him warily.
“Would you care to elaborate?” He enquires politely, raising his eyebrow at me across the table.
“I need to know if you hurt Jonathan because it reminded you of what nearly happened with your mum.”
I exhale slowly and await his reply, trying to block out the intrusive memory of that day. It only happened a weeks ago but in some bizarre and complex way, it feels like a lifetime has passed since that time.
“You could say that.” He retorts curtly, clenching one of his fists which rests on the table. “It took me right back to that day when I caught that sick son of a bitch all over my mum and I just flipped. I couldn’t control my anger and that’s why I hurt Jonathan so badly.”
Hearing Cole admit this is enough to consume me with guilt. I almost feel responsible for the downward spiral he’s embarked on since he transferred to my school and none of this might have happened if it weren’t for me.
“What happened to the man your mum was dating after the hospital?” I ask him, leaning forward in my seat.
“He was in there for a while, slowly recovering from his injuries and the police came to interview him. They would have charged him if my mum had been willing to go through with it but she changed her mind at the last second when it came to pressing charges against him.”
“She didn’t want to press charges?” I gasp, sounding incredulous.
“She said she couldn’t do it to him.”
“So she stayed?”
“For a little while but she soon moved onto someone else and forgot all about him.”
“Oh, I see.” I murmur softly, sympathising with Cole. “I don’t know what to say…”
“You’re worth ten of her, Serena. You don’t have to say anything.” He retorts sharply, closing the conversation altogether.
We take a stroll along the river once we’ve had our meal, gazing at the moonlight which dances off the surface of the water. A part of me still yearns for a time when it can be like this forever, when we can be free from persecution, condemnation and guilt for our feelings for one another.
I know it’s not possible for us to be together how we want to be. There’s not one person who would condone the type of relationship we long to have and I don’t know how two single people are expected to take on the world or why we should have to in the first place.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.” Cole whispers, coming to a standstill as he implores me to open up to him.
“I have so many thoughts inside my head right now, I wouldn’t know where to start.” I admit, smiling at him weakly.
“I know the feeling.”
There’s a momentary silence between us as I turn away from him, placing my hands on the cold concrete of the wall in front of me. We’re standing on a bridge which overlooks the water and the only sound to be heard besides our breathing is the rippling of the water beneath us.
“You know I’ll never forget this, don’t you? You know I’ll never forget us.”
“What are you talking about? What made you say that?” Cole snaps, turning me around to face him.
“Nothing, it’s just… I wanted you to know.”
“Why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye to me?” He demands, shaking me roughly as his anger increases.
“N-no, I’m not.” I stammer. “I just wanted you to know that I’ll never forget this.”
“It still sounds like you’re trying to tell me something.” He persists, relentless in his quest to find out the truth behind my statement.
“The only thing I want you to know is that I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
I reach up and touch his cheek, begging him with my eyes to trust me.
“Despite everything?”
“Despite everything.” I conclude, fighting against the doubts which threaten to consume me.
“You promise?”
He looks so vulnerable, craving my assurance more than anything els
e. He’s asking me to make him promises I cannot keep and I don’t know how I can help him or ease his pain.
“I promise you.” I say, moistening my lips before I kiss him.
I ask Cole to give me some space once we get back to the hotel. We say goodnight and go to our separate rooms so we can spend our first night apart since we left. He was reluctant but finally agreed when I told him that I needed some time alone so I could think things through.
I must have been asleep for a couple of hours when I hear a gentle knocking at my door. I sit up in bed, breathing heavily as my heart races.
“Serena? Serena, open the door.” Cole whispers, knocking more impatiently.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, scrambling out of bed as I head towards the door.
“Let me in. Please.” He begs me, trying the handle as he attempts to open it himself.
“What’s wrong?” I persist, wondering what on earth has happened for him to come and wake me like this in the middle of the night.
“I can’t do it.” He murmurs softly. “I can’t be apart from you. Please let me in.”
“But you promised me I could have this space.” I argue, panicking at the thought of us being alone together for an entire night.
“And what about what I need? I need you.” He insists, challenging me harshly.
He tries the handle once more as his frustration increases and I soon realise that I no longer have a choice, I have to let him in before he loses it.
I unlock the door with trembling hands and take my time when it comes to opening the door. I have no idea what state he’s going to be in and need a few more seconds to prepare myself for what I’m about to face.
I noticeably gasp when I take in his appearance because he looks so awful. His hair is a mess and standing on end as though he’s been tugging his fingers through it. He has dark circles underneath his eyes from lack of sleep and I can smell alcohol on him so I know he’s been drinking.
“Are you drunk?” I snap harshly.
“No. Well… maybe just a little bit.” He answers, slurring his words a little as he talks.
“Why have you been drinking?” I demand, blocking the doorway so he can’t get inside.
“Because I felt like it.”
“Been to any more strip clubs?”
I know my question sounds extremely bitter and more than a little envious but the thought of Cole watching half naked women take their clothes off still makes me feel nauseous. It’s one of the first places he ran to when he found out the truth about our father and I can’t just forget that overnight. It still hurts and I’m pretty sure it will do for a very long time.
“I was hoping you could put on a show for me instead.” He says, taking a step closer towards me.
His eyes are alight with lust as he closes the distance between us and wraps his strong arms around my waist.
“Stop it.” I plead with him, pushing my hands against his chest.
“Why? Why should I stop it?!” He demands angrily. “Give me one good reason.”
“The fact that we’re related.” I reply coldly, trying my best to remain detached and distant.
“You don’t think I know that? You think I actually care? I never have and I’m not about to start now.”
“How can you not care? How is that even possible?”
“Because above all else I still love you. I fell in love with you and nothing in this world has the power to change that. How am I supposed to keep that to myself and love you like a sister when every single instinct in my body is screaming at me to do the opposite?”
“You don’t think I feel the same way? You don’t think this is killing me like it’s killing you?” I cry, falling against his chest as my tears start to fall.
He cradles me in his arms, rocking me back and forth in a soothing manner.
“You don’t want me anymore.” He murmurs, somewhat inaudibly. “You don’t want me like you used to and I see that now.”
“How can you say that to me when you know how difficult this has been for me? You know I still love you, Cole.”
He pushes me aside so he can make his way inside the hotel room and slams the door shut behind him.
“Then prove it.” He snarls. “Prove it to me right now, Green.”
“H-how?” I stammer, frightened of hearing his answer.
“You know how.”
He takes hold of my arms and walks me backwards, directing me until we reach the bed and I fall back on it. He grabs a fistful of my t-shirt in his hands and yanks it over my head, exposing my bare breasts to him in an instant. I try covering myself but he prevents me from doing so by pinning my wrists to the bed on either side of me.
“Cole, we can’t do this.” I whimper.
I’m dangerously close to surrendering myself to him but realise that once I make that choice, once I go ahead with that decision… I can never take it back.
“Don’t hide yourself from me... ever.” He warns, glowering at me in fury.
“Please… I… we can’t.”
“We can.” He insists, speaking forcefully. “We can do whatever the hell we please. No one is here to stop us or tell us that we can’t.”
“But I’ll know that we did it. I won’t be able to live with myself or the guilt from knowing what we’ve done.”
“And what’s the alternative? You really want to spend a lifetime together without this being a part of it? I can’t have a platonic relationship with you, Serena. I want you more than anything and I crave what we had before we knew. Let me show you, baby. Let me show you how incredible we can be.”
He kisses me softly, hesitating for a moment before lowering his lips towards me again. I moan gently, melting beneath his touch as one of his hands makes its way to my breast. My legs wrap around his waist as I arch my back, demanding more from his intoxicating caresses.
“Mine.” He growls. “You’re all mine.”
“I always have been.” I whisper, gazing up at him with sincerity and trust.
“You always will be.” He vows, stroking his thumb across the sensitive skin around my nipple.
Cole removes his own T-shirt and closes the small space between our bodies. I can feel his heartbeat against mine and the warmth from his skin makes me feel safe like a warm blanket. His mouth trails kisses down my neck and across my collarbone, grazing my skin with his jawline as it is no longer smooth.
I try to ignore the remaining hint of alcohol on his breath, hoping that it is not the reason behind his desire or his urgent need for us to do this.
My shorts are the next item of clothing to be discarded and then Cole’s jeans, leaving us both half clothed and more aroused than I ever thought possible. My soul yearns for him, needing this connection so I can feel alive, hungry for his stimulation so I can feed off the exhilaration that it brings me.
Cole’s sensual kisses continue, moving over my breasts and down my stomach as they make a direct line towards my hips. My breathing accelerates when his fingers slip beneath the material of my panties, pushing them to the side so he can taste my arousal and excitement.
“God, I’ve missed this.” He confesses, speaking with reverence. “I miss how you taste.”
I moan loudly, closing my eyes as I delight in the indescribable sensations my body is experiencing.
“Please…” I implore him, nearing the edge of my sexual awakening.
“Please what?” He taunts me. “What do you want me to do, Serena?”
“I want you to taste me.”
He immediately does as I ask and an elicit cry escapes my lips as soon as his tongue makes contact with me. I can feel how desperate he is… almost frantic when it comes to his quest to bring me pleasure and receive it himself. His fingers open me gently, exposing myself to him in a brazen and audacious way. My eyes close as my thighs begin to tremble, locked in an addictive whirlwind of lust, sensuality and sexual freedom.
“You can’t deny me this, Serena. You can’t keep yourself from me again.”
“I won’t.” I wail, whimpering with the utmost desire and desperation.
“You really mean that?” He asks, daring me to defy him.
His eyes sparkle as he grins up at me mischievously. He’s clearly aware that he’s won. He’s now confident that he’s the one in control. He’s the one who has won this battle and I’m powerless to stop him.
He continues to drag me towards the same precipice, over and over and over again. He knows exactly what he’s doing and somehow manages to control my body and how I react to every single one of his caresses.
He refuses to provide me with a release, pulling back each and every time I come close to reaching my climax. He’s toying with me and it’s beyond infuriating. The pain from my pent up frustration is unbearable and I swear that I’m close to tears by the time he has finished his merciless act. He’s evoking my most private and sensual passions, almost creating a different person entirely, someone I don’t even recognise as being myself.
“Are you ready?” He asks, slowly moving up the length of my body until we’re face to face.
His hands support his weight on either side of me, steadying himself above my small frame as his lips draw closer to mine.
“I… I think so.” I stammer, struggling to conceal how nervous I am.
“You are.” He groans, moving his hand between my legs so he can feel my arousal. “You’re so ready for me, Serena.”
I moan and arch my back, silently begging him for more.
“What about the pill?” I remind him. “I’m not on it.”
“I wish you were but there’s nothing we can do about that now.” He sighs wearily, closing his eyes for a moment. “This is happening and there’s no turning back now. I can’t do this anymore.”
“I can’t get pregnant, Cole. Ever.”
I speak firmly, needing him to realise just how serious I am about this. We’re still so young and neither one of us could deal with the responsibility or commitment that comes with a baby but that’s not the main issue or the real problem. It’s something I can’t even bring myself to think about, let alone face because I can’t help imagining all the horrifying difficulties and abnormalities that could happen if I were to accidentally get pregnant by Cole.
That Summer (Part Two) Page 6