That Summer (Part Two)

by Lauren Crossley

  I exhale slowly, relieved I’ve finally reached the conclusion to my story. My therapist remains silent, her eyes full of sympathy and compassion.

  “In one of our previous sessions you told me that you had contact with Cole six months ago.” She reminds me. “What happened?”

  “He found me.” I reply simply, remembering the night I woke up and found him in my bedroom. “I was living with my friend Natalie for a short period of time and he broke in one night when she was out. I woke up to find him in my bedroom with his hand over my mouth. He was threatening to take me like he did before but he was interrupted. Natalie came home early and he was forced to flee, forced to abandon his plans to take me with him. Since then the police have placed me on the witness protection programme and provided me with a new identity. They hoped it would be enough but they were wrong. They underestimate him and that’s how he’s managed to evade them for so long.”

  “You also told me that Cole said he despised you… was this when he broke into your bedroom six months ago?”

  “He looked me right in the eyes when he said it.” I divulge quietly. “I remember him telling me that he won’t rest until he makes me as miserable as I’ve made him. He said he will destroy me like I destroyed him and ruin everything. He still blames me for leaving and I believe him when he said he’s going to break me. He meant every word of it and now that I saw him in the park, it means I’ll have to run again.”

  “And how long do you think you will be able to live your life like this?” She challenges me gently.

  “Until I get tired of running.”

  “Aren’t you tired right now? Aren’t you sick of having to escape this man who has been hunting you for the past three years? Don’t you think you’re entitled to some sort of life without him ruling every decision that you make?”

  “The consequences of Cole finding me are not something I like to think about. I run because I have to and that’s how it’s always going to be.”

  I leave her office and take the same route by the park where I spotted Cole. It’s been two days since I saw him here but there’s still a twisted little part of me which longs to see him again. He’s changed so much in three years and looks far more mature than he did when we were living together. We’re both twenty-four now and the years we’ve spent apart have altered him greatly.

  It’s nearing six o’clock so I don’t suppose there will be anyone at the park. Most people are on their way home from work and the town is quiet. There’s hardly any people about which makes my journey even more dangerous. There a lot of people who would call me foolish for what I’m about to do but my answer to those people would be that they have yet to understand. Until they have lived my life and walked in my shoes, they will never know what it is like to be torn from your soulmate. They will never know what it’s like to love a man as much as you fear him.

  My heart rate increases as I approach the park, trembling with each step that takes me further. In the distance I can see a man pushing a little boy on the swings. The young child is screaming with delight and laughing uncontrollably, demanding that his father push him even higher.

  Cole.

  It’s him.

  He’s the man by the swings playing with his child, obeying his son’s every command and chuckling lightly at his enthusiasm.

  “Daddy, higher! Even more high!” The little boy squeals, giggling with delight.

  I wipe away a stray tear as I watch them together, seeking some sort of comfort from the man who I fell in love with six years ago and my nephew. Cole’s son must be around two and a half by now and the resemblance between them is incredible. He has the same dark hair as Cole and I bet the same brown eyes.

  There’s no sign of his mother so I’m guessing that this is one of the days he gets to spend with Cole. I’m glad they have each other and decide to leave them to it, providing father and son with the privacy they deserve.

  I force myself to turn around and keep on walking like I never saw them, making a vow to myself that I will never come here again.

  The sound of my phone ringing distracts me from my deep contemplation and I reach for it, glancing at the screen before I answer.

  It’s Kevin.

  We’ve been together for six months now and he still doesn’t know a thing about my past. I bumped into him one day when I was out shopping and he bombarded me with questions, wanting to know why I disappeared and what happened to me. Of course I knew I couldn’t tell him the exact truth behind the reason why I left and came up with the excuse that involved a bad break up and needing to make a fresh start.

  It turns out my old work colleague had been promoted just a few weeks after we had been out together for my twenty-first birthday and Kevin wouldn’t take no for an answer when it came to giving him my new phone number. We somehow fell into a relationship with one another after a couple of months and he’s even talked about us moving in together. Nothing has been finalised yet and I’m glad about that. I don’t feel comfortable taking that next step with him and have been delaying the inevitable for a long time. He recently told me that he never got over me, even after I vanished and he confessed that our relationship completes him.

  I wish I could say the same…

  “Hello?”

  I answer the phone, trying to sound bright and cheerful. Kevin doesn’t even know about the therapy sessions I’ve been having and that’s why I make a point of making out like everything is normal whenever I see him. I’m extremely private when it comes to my past and it’s not something I open up about with anyone.

  “Hi, baby. How are you?”

  “I’m good.” I lie, raking my fingers through my hair as I walk on. “I’m just on my way home.”

  “Listen, I want you to make sure that you get all dressed up tonight so I can pick you up around eight.”

  “We’re going out tonight?”

  “That’s right. I have a surprise for you.” He replies mysteriously, sounding excited.

  “A surprise?” I prompt him, groaning inwardly. “But it’s not my birthday or anything.”

  “I know but that doesn’t mean I can’t spoil you.”

  “Kevin, you know I don’t like surprises.”

  “You’ll like this one, I promise you.” He assures me with confidence.

  “I’m not too sure about that.”

  “Serena, I’m really sorry but I have to go.” He informs me, abruptly diverting the conversation. “There’s a crisis going on at work with this deadline we have so I might have to stay on a little late. I’ll text you when I’m on my way to pick you up and then we’ll go straight on to the restaurant which I’ve booked for us, does that sound ok?”

  “Yeah, that’s fine.” I respond absent-mindedly. “See you later.”

  “Bye, Beautiful.”

  He hangs up the phone and so do I, leaving me alone with my thoughts once more. I turn around one more time to watch Cole in the distance, remembering it all.

  I don’t know what makes me come to my following decision or what the repercussions of my choice might be. All I do know is I have to go back.

  A part of me needs to go home…

  Cole

  The time is eight o’clock by the time I’m able to drop off Liam and I can tell Fiona isn’t happy by the expression on her face when I hand him over. I refuse to apologise, struggling to understand why she thinks it’s such a crime for me to want to spend some more time with my son.

  Shared custody of my child is not my idea of being a good parent but I guess it’s what I’m stuck with for now. Recognising that my boy needs us both in his life, I would never separate him from his mother. It’s an unusual situation for us to split our access to him but it works for Liam and that’s all that matters. I’m determined I won’t make the same mistakes my own father made when I was young and made a vow to always be there for him. Days with Liam like this are precious and that’s why I always make sure I savour every moment with him before I have to take off again.

/>   “Give me a minute, will you? I want to say goodbye to him properly.”

  I glance at Fiona, warning her against coming between something so private.

  “Five minutes.” She retorts sharply, leaving us alone.

  “Come here, buddy.”

  I take a seat on the top step leading up to the house, encouraging my small son to take a seat on my lap.

  “Why daddy sad?” He enquires, watching me closely.

  “I’m not sad, kiddo. What makes you think that?”

  “You look sad.” He replies, still not convinced that I’m telling him the truth.

  “Daddy isn’t sad, Liam. Not when I’m hanging out with you anyway.”

  I force myself to smile, trying my best to pretend that everything is fine for the sake of my son.

  “Daddy and me best friends forever?” He asks, grinning at me as he take hold of my hand.

  “That’s right, little man. You’re my number one guy and you always will be.” I tell him, ruffling his dark hair playfully. “Now listen, Daddy might have to go away for a little while. I promise that I’ll phone you every night before you go to sleep and you can also expect lots of presents from me while I’m away. How does that sound?”

  “Why is daddy going?” He demands, turning cross.

  “I have to go and take care of something but I promise I’ll come back and see you soon.” I assure him, speaking firmly.

  “Ok.” He mumbles, lowering his head. “I love you, Daddy.”

  “I love you too, buddy. Now give me a great big hug before you go inside to mummy.”

  He throws his chubby little arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly.

  “Will see Daddy soon?”

  He looks up at me with those big brown eyes, pleading with me to make him that one promise.

  “That’s right.”

  I watch him climb up the steps, trailing the soft toy that I bought him a couple of months ago behind him. He stops before he goes inside, turning around to give me one last wave. He grins at me in adoration and warms my ice cold heart for the first time in years.

  I take the long walk home, deciding to make a journey to the one place on earth which provides me with some peace...

  Our old house.

  I couldn’t bring myself to stay there after she left, haunted by the memories of us being there together. I also couldn’t face putting the property on the market so I deserted it instead, leaving it abandoned and empty.

  I still come here every so often and make sure things everything is alright. I sometimes choose to take the same walk I made with her and watch the exact same sunset as it lights up the breath-taking countryside surrounding the house. It’s almost like history repeating itself except I’m alone now and so is she.

  I’ve been searching for her ever since she ran away from me that night, hunting her down like a predator would stalk its prey. It’s become an obsession, one which I can barely control and don’t know how to break. She’s still the centre of my universe even though we’re not together and I don’t think there will ever be a time when I stop aching for the girl I can’t have.

  I came pretty damn close six months ago when I managed to track her down. I found out where Serena was living and also who with. It was the friend she once told me about, the one who was high up in the police and came to arrest me. I knew I had to bide my time and waited for the other girl to go out for the night, making sure my planning was perfect.

  I took my chance and broke in, sneaking into Serena’s bedroom without thinking about the consequences. I watched her sleeping for a while, fascinated and entranced by the sight of the girl I’d been searching for. Rage consumed me as I observed her sleeping so soundly, fighting against the anger which ultimately forced me to act so impulsively.

  I was furious with her for appearing so peaceful, curled up in her warm bed without a care in the world. I envied her tranquillity and wanted to break her heart like she broke mine. There were things I needed to know, questions at the forefront of my mind about whether she still loved me or if she ever ad at all. I needed to understand what made her run from me again and what made her despise me so much that she would vanish without a word or an explanation.

  Even the birth of my own son failed to bring me true happiness. My world was empty without her and it still is. I feel like there is nothing and no one besides her who can complete me and I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this. Is it even possible for someone to carry around this much misery and sadness for an entire lifetime?

  I still wake up most nights, crying out for her until I end up yelling. She’s an addiction I cannot beat and I’m absolutely exhausted from trying to fight it. My soul feels weary and my mind is tired, weakened by the years I’ve spent hurting, suffering and tormented by the girl who chose to run. I’ll never give up and I’ll never stop looking for her.

  Ever.

  That’s why I’m leaving tomorrow, anxious to move onto a new city so I can start my search some place new. I don’t stay in the same place for too long, eager to change my location as often as I can so I’m able to keep on looking.

  I wish I could tell her that I didn’t mean what I said all those months ago in her bedroom. I flipped out and let my fury do the talking, threatening her before her friend came home early and I had to go. She was trembling with fear and I still can’t erase that image I now have of her from my mind.

  She must have moved out of her friend’s house right away because she disappeared after that fateful night. I’m always looking for Serena, travelling up and down the country in my quest to find her. That’s why I was forced to say goodbye to my son tonight and I’m aware it might be several months until I can get back here again and see him. I’ve been taking him to the local park most days, trying to spend as much time with him as I can before I have to take off again. He loves playing on the swings and the park is fairly close to where he lives with Fiona, making it even more accessible for me.

  A part of me longs to take him with me but what sort of life would that be for him? It wouldn’t be fair on Liam and even if it was, Fiona would never let me take him.

  I pull into the driveway, reaching the entrance to the grand house I once called home… the home I always had in mind for her. We were only here a short time but the memories of that summer are inexplicably strong. They pull me back, drawing me in time and time again, easing a small fraction of the pain I still carry with me.

  I cling onto the idea that she might come looking for me one day… praying for the night I’ll open my front door and find her on my doorstep. I don’t think it will ever happen but it’s all I have now. It’s all I have to hold onto.

  “Someday…” I whisper out loud, sighing deeply.

  I know I’ll find her again, even if it is years from now. I don’t know how and I don’t know where, all I have to cling onto is that one word… the one which provides me with that single flickering flame of hope.

  My hopeful someday…

  Serena

  I don’t know what brought me here or why I chose this specific moment to come back. I approach the grand house I once called home with caution, narrowing my eyes when I make out the tall silhouette of a man in the distance.

  It’s starting to get dark but I can see he’s standing right outside the main gates, staring straight ahead. It’s as though he’s entranced by what’s in front of him, captivated and enthralled by the house and all its splendour.

  I consider turning back but keep on going, feeling compelled to do so. My eyes can now make out the stranger’s dark hair and broad shoulders as I draw closer. His powerful demeanour captures my attention and I gasp when I realise who it is.

  Cole.

  He’s here.

  Trembling uncontrollably, I walk on. He’s still quite far away in the distance but I know it’s him.

  I soon come to the conclusion that I have a choice. I can simply carry on walking or I can turn around. Either way, the decision I’m about to make will chang
e my life forever.

  Cole doesn’t know I’m here yet due to the fact that he has his back to me. He’s oblivious to my presence, beguiled and entranced by the sight before him. I remember how content he seemed with his little boy in the park just a few hours before and compare it to how he appears now. He looks haunted and tormented, consumed and afflicted by the pain from this past.

  I ask myself whether I really want to disrupt his peace. Do I really want to come between the relationships he now has with his son and destroy the tranquillity of his life for the sake of my own selfish desires?

  If Cole has somehow managed to find closure and some sort of completion within himself then what right do I have to step in and ruin it? He’s obviously stopped searching for me because I haven’t had to change locations or move cities for six months now. How can I wreak havoc on his life after the years we’ve spent apart? It wouldn’t be right and I just can’t bring myself to do it to him.

  He’s the love of my life and I care more for him than I do for myself. My own torment means nothing if I know he has found an ounce of serenity and closure.

  I’m not in love with Kevin and I never will be… but that doesn’t mean we can’t make it work. I know I can get through each day and put on a show, fooling everyone but myself. I’ll act like everything is fine and keep my broken heart a secret. I’ll save my tears and cry myself to sleep at night, aching for the man I fell in love with when I was seventeen.

  The man I can never have.

  It will get easier because I’m used to pretending.

  I hesitate for a single moment before I take a deep breath, making the hardest decision of my entire life so far...

  I turn around.

  My eyes are closed in an attempt to stop my tears from falling, placing one foot in front of the other as I walk away from my soul mate. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again, I don’t really know if he has stopped searching for me. What I do know is that I have hope and no one can ever take that away from me. I will hold onto the belief that I will always have Cole, even if we do spend the rest of our lives apart. I hope we can reunite someday and recreate the memories that were made long ago, memories which were made that summer.