“Will do.”
Sunny laughed as she helped me put my coat on and led me out of the apartment.
“Do you think he’ll call?” I asked her, smoothing down her hair as I spoke.
Sunny looked back toward the bathroom and smiled. “Definitely.”
• • •
The next morning, I woke up with the biggest headache I’d ever had. It felt like I’d slept with my head on a rock. Seriously, it was brutal.
My roommate, Marie, was out of town, thank God. She wasn’t the nicest girl on the floor and was known for being pretty antisocial. She’d gone home to visit her boyfriend again, and had left me in the room alone. Or so I thought. When I sat up, I saw Claudia had stayed with me. All night. Didn’t expect that at all.
“Good morning,” she said, looking up from her Kindle. “I have some ibuprofen on your desk. And crackers. How ya feeling?”
“I’ve been better,” I said with a weak smile. “You stayed with me?”
“Well, yeah,” she said, looking perplexed. Maybe Claudia had no idea just how distant she had been the last few months. “You know Sunny’s terrible with puke. So I took one for the team.” She winked at me and gestured to the garbage can that sat next to my bed. Luckily, it was empty.
“I have to pee,” I said.
“That doesn’t surprise me. You got up once during the night and ran into the wall. Your right shoulder might be sore today.”
I moved my right arm and sure enough, it hurt…a lot. “Ow, shit.”
“If you ice it, it’ll be fine.”
“I hope so.”
“Don’t you have a date tonight with that Scottish guy? What’s his name, Seamus? Haggis?” she teased.
“Ross,” I said, rubbing my forehead before guzzling down two Advil.
“That’s right. Just like Friends.”
“Yeah, but he’s nothing like that guy. He’s really sweet. A gentleman.”
“So is Trevor.”
Trevor, Trevor, Trevor.
“Oh…my…God,” I said as the previous night’s events went crashing through my overwhelmed brain.
“Now, before you freak out, let me just tell you…that guy’s a keeper. He sat in the bathroom with you for hours. He wouldn’t let anyone in there to pee. He made them go down the hall. All he cared about was making you comfortable.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. I’m Team Trevor for sure,” she said with a laugh.
“Team Trevor?”
“Well, yeah. You’ve got Trevor and Ross. You’re in your own little love triangle, Gracie.”
“Oh, whatever,” I said, brushing her off.
“I’m serious. They both like you, obviously. And my vote goes to Trevor. Any guy who takes care of you while you’re puking is a keeper. Your tolerance is shit.”
I had to resist the urge to be sarcastic and say something like, “How would you know? You avoided us all night!” But I didn’t want to seem ungrateful for her staying with me. She was trying; I had to give her that. So I let that comment slide. To be honest, I usually let comments like that slide. I wasn’t exactly the queen of confrontation.
“Take a shower.” Claudia passed me my shower caddy and flip-flops. “I’ll be in my room if you need anything.”
“Thanks. Hey, what time is it?”
“Almost noon.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Ross will be here in, like, two hours!” I said, picking up my pace and walking quickly down the hall to the showers.
“Come by later,” Claudia said, closing my door behind her.
“Seriously, Claude, thanks for taking care of me last night.”
She shrugged. “Trevor did all the hard work. I just slept in Marie’s bed.”
“Whatever. Thank you.”
“Sure. Of course,” Claudia said with a relaxed smile. A smile I hadn’t seen in weeks.
“Nice to see you smiling again,” I said before turning to walk to the bathroom.
“I know,” she said softly before walking the other way.
“Claude…”
She turned back around. “Yeah?”
“I’m here. If you ever want to talk.”
“I know, thanks.” She gave me a closed-mouth smile, turned, and walked back to her room.
It was one forty-five and I had fifteen minutes before the adorable Ross would arrive for our date. I was finishing my makeup and trying to calm my stomach that still hadn’t recovered from the previous night. I’d been sipping Sprite since I returned to my room after my shower. It was helping a little bit, but I really hoped Ross didn’t have anything major planned for our day together.
I sat on my bed, staring at the clock, wishing the next fifteen minutes would go by quickly so I could settle the thumping of my heart. The phone rang and I hopped up, assuming it was Ross.
“Hello?”
“Grace, hey…it’s Trevor.”
Oh crap.
“Hey,” I said, feeling guilty, like I was cheating on Ross somehow. Was I? No, of course not!
“How are you? Feeling better?” he asked. His voice was calm and soothing.
Butterflies bounced around in my stomach. “Yeah, thanks. And thanks for helping me last night. You didn’t have to do that.”
“Are you kidding? I would never have left you alone. Not my style.”
“Well, it meant a lot to me.”
“Listen, um…not sure if you have plans tonight, but I thought we could have a do-over. One without beer, that is. Maybe watch a movie? Order a pizza?”
Ugh. Why does he have to be so sweet? No wonder Claudia is Team Trevor.
“Geez, I’m sorry. I, uh, I have plans already. But if I didn’t, ya know, I would totally do that.”
“Sure,” he said.
I could hear the disappointment in his voice, but I couldn’t tell him I had a date with an exchange student. I wanted to sound as casual as possible, not quite ready to give up on Trevor just yet.
“Another time?” I suggested. “Like, maybe next weekend or something?”
“We’ll all be home. Winter break, remember?”
“Oh, crap. Well, maybe we can—”
“It’s okay,” he said. “Maybe when we get back next month.”
“Definitely.”
The phone beeped and I knew it was Ross calling from downstairs.
“Listen, I’d better run. But thanks for calling.”
I hated rushing him off the phone. He probably thought I was blowing him off, and I didn’t want him to think that. I was Grace McCarrion; I didn’t lead guys on, and I didn’t blow them off. This was all way too new for me. I was completely out of my element and I didn’t have Sunny or Claudia to guide me through it. They were busy studying for exams.
He sighed. “Sure, um…good luck on finals. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, Trevor. See you soon.”
“Yeah, ’bye.”
I hung up the phone and my heart sank to my feet. I really liked Trevor, but was worried that without even meaning to, I’d somehow committed to Team Ross. Not that hanging out with a polite, handsome Scottish exchange student was anything to complain about.
When I clicked over to the other line, no one was there.
Crap. He must think I’m not here. No!
I grabbed my coat and purse and ran to the front desk of the dorm. Luckily Ross was still there, sitting on a bench in the lobby. His face relaxed when he saw me approaching.
“I’m so, so sorry,” I said, panting. “I was on the phone and—”
“No problem. Ya ready?” he asked, standing and kissing me on the cheek.
“Yes,” I said with a confident nod. “Where are we going?”
He gave me a boyish grin. “Ice skating.”
Oh crap. This day is going to kill me.
Ross studied my face. Although I was attempting to look casual and calm, he obviously saw the look of sheer dread. “What’s the matter?”
“I, um…I don’t skate.”
“Like…at all?”
I shook my head while I pursed my lips.
“I’ll teach you. It’ll be fun,” he said, offering me his arm.
As I linked mine with his, I realized that I could get very used to his polite nature. I could get used to walking arm and arm with him. But the harsh reality was that he was only here until May. Was it silly of me to pursue something with someone who would leave me behind in just a few short months? I pushed that thought aside and hopped on the bus with Ross.
When we arrived at the ice rink, it was dead. There was almost no one there.
“Where is everyone?” he asked, looking surprised.
“Studying for finals.”
“Ah, well, more ice for us.”
When our skates were on, I hobbled to the ice and relied on Ross to pull me around the rink.
“Have you seen the Rocky movies?” I asked.
“With, um, Sly Stallone, right?”
“Yeah.”
“No, I haven’t. Sorry.”
“Oh, well, this is just like the first film. Rocky takes his girlfriend, Adrienne, to—” I froze. I said the g word. Holy crap on a cracker.
“He takes her where?” Ross said. The word hadn’t fazed him. Thank God.
“He takes her to the ice rink and teaches her to skate. Except he doesn’t wear skates, he jogs alongside her in his sneakers.”
“Should I take them off?” he asked as he skated backward, holding my hands in his.
“No, of course not,” I said with a laugh. “It just reminds me of that scene. It’s…romantic.”
“That was the goal,” Ross said with a wink. “You’re getting the hang of it, by the way. You’re a natural.”
“Yeah, right,” I said. “So, tell me about your family. Are you going home for winter break?”
“Unfortunately, no. I have to live in temporary housing over break. Too expensive to make the trip for just a few weeks.”
“Wait,” I said, coming to a stop. “You’re spending Christmas alone?”
“Yeah.” Ross shrugged. “No big deal.”
The impulsive part of me wanted to invite him to my house, to have Christmas dinner with my family. But would that be weird? I lived three hours north of campus. How would he get to my house? Would I drive down and pick him up? Would he take a train? Would my parents care? Would it be the most awkward Christmas ever?
“Grace,” he said, waving his hand in front of my face. “Are you all right?”
“Oh, yeah, sorry, just trying not to fall,” I lied.
I went back to pondering the whole Ross-not-having-a-place-to-go-for-Christmas Situation, but tried not to seem distracted at the same time, but it was nearly impossible. Because of that, I think the rest of our skating date was not nearly as exciting as Ross had hoped.
When we arrived back at Weston, Ross said, “Well, um, I hope you had a good time with me.”
“Of course I did. Why would you think I didn’t?”
“You just seem distracted,” he said, pursing his lips.
“Oh crap, I’m sorry. When you said you weren’t going home for break, you know for the holidays, it made me feel bad.”
“Oh,” he said with a sigh of relief. “No, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”
“Are you sure? I mean, I only live a few hours north, and—”
“Oh, I couldn’t do that, Grace.”
“Here,” I said. “Can I have your phone for a sec?”
“Sure,” he said, handing me the phone. I quickly added my number to his contact list.
“This is my home number. Call me if you change your mind, okay? No one should be alone for Christmas.”
And there, right in front of the dorm, we shared another kiss. This time, my stomach flipped, the butterflies swarmed, and his lips against mine gave me goose bumps. When Ross’s tongue entered my mouth, caressing mine gently, I submitted to it, tilting my head slightly to give him better access. His hand drifted to the back of my head, and he held me close as we kissed. Then he pulled his mouth away, and pressed his forehead to mine.
“I’m going to miss you,” he whispered.
“Think about my offer.”
“You’re amazing, you know that?” He placed his hand on my cheek. “Merry Christmas, Grace.”
“Merry Christmas.”
I drifted into my dorm, knowing that for at least the time being, I was definitely Team Ross.
Or Trevor. No, Ross.
Definitely Ross.
Chapter 15
Good Night, Not Good-bye
Claudia
December, the Sunday night before finals
“I’m going to miss you,” I said, lying with Libby on her bed, gazing dreamily at the Christmas lights that dangled from the ceiling.
“Me too. So much,” Libby said. “We’re finally, like, together and…now we have to be apart. So unfair.”
“I know.” I placed a kiss on her forehead, weaving my fingers with hers and looking up at the twinkling lights. “How far is the drive, do you think?”
“Should we Google it?” Libby asked, her voice getting lighter. We’d both hinted at seeing each other during break, but this was all so new, we were probably both trying to prove how strong we could be to the other.
“No, we can figure it out. Okay, so how long’s the drive to Carbondale?”
“About three hours…south.”
“Ugh, okay,” I said. “Mine is about two hours northwest. So, five?”
“Wow, that’s, um…a long way.”
“Considering neither of us has a car? Yeah,” I said, feeling the hopelessness of the situation consume me.
“We can Skype,” Libby said, leaning up on her elbow, attempting to be optimistic. “And you know I’ll be texting you constantly.”
“What else is new?” I teased, pushing a curl from her face.
“Seriously, though,” she said, looking nervous. “It’s going to be okay, right?”
“Oh my God, are you serious? Of course!” I pushed her down to the bed and explored her neck with my lips. She sighed and tilted her head to the side, allowing me to move from her neck to her ear—her favorite spot.
We were still getting to know each other with our clothes completely on. That was the neat thing about two women being involved—neither of us had a penis ordering us to get ’er done. We were fine with going slow. Fine just making out, connecting, kissing, and talking for hours.
“I have to ask you something.”
“Okay,” I said, halting my kisses and leaning back to look her in the eye.
“Your friends.” She bit her lip, looking nervous. “I haven’t met them.”
“That’s not a question,” I said, stalling.
She laughed, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Why haven’t I met them? When you first told me about them, it sounded like you three were so close. You against the world.”
“I—I’m not ready to tell them. Not yet.”
“Oh.”
“It’s not you, Lib. I swear. You’re the only one who knows the real me. I feel like a fraud.”
“You’re the only one who can change that.”
Tension loomed in the air. I knew that Libby had come out to her parents two years ago while still in high school. She was living as a lesbian on campus and wasn’t afraid for people to know it.
I was the opposite. Before I met her, I thought I was a woman incapable of love. Incapable of feeling anything sexual or passionate for another human being—indifferent, detached.
Libby had changed that. She changed everything.
“I know, I just…I need time, I guess.”
“Do you think they won’t understand?”
“No, that’s not it. But I know it’ll change things. And I guess I’m not ready for that part.” I shrugged.
“But you’re with me all the time. They’re going to get the wrong idea if they haven’t already.”
“What do you mean?�
�
“They’ll think that I’m replacing them. That you’re finding new friends. I don’t want you to lose them over a misunderstanding,” she said.
“How did your friends take it when you came out?”
“A few of them said they already knew. They were just waiting for me to realize it. I had one friend who dropped me, but it was no big loss.”
“Sunny and Grace would be an enormous loss. I’ve only known them since August, but they’re my sisters. Is that weird?”
“Not at all,” Libby said, shaking her head and running her fingers through my hair. “You’ll know when it’s the right time. I won’t push you, okay?”
“Thanks. I promise to tell them soon.”
“Okay,” she said, kissing me lightly on the lips, her top lip tickling mine like a feather. She knew that drove me crazy.
I flipped her to her back, letting my hands roam under her sweater for the first time. Her skin was warm and soft. “You’re so beautiful,” I said between kisses. “And I’m so lucky.”
Libby pulled away. “Are you kidding me? I’m the lucky one. I had this crush on a straight girl from my Spanish class. Quite easily one of the most beautiful girls on campus. And now, that girl’s with me. It’s a freaking dream come true,” she said with a laugh.
“Are you kidding me, Miss You-changed-my-life-forever? You’re the dream. You.”
We kissed again under the Christmas lights before falling asleep, our arms wrapped around each other, our legs entwined, our lives entwined.
Chapter 16
The Lost Boy
Sunny
Late January, the first day of second-semester classes
Second semester was going to kick my ass. I knew it.
I was all bundled up and ready for class, hoping not to run into anyone I knew looking like that little kid from A Christmas Story. Not Ralphie, the other one.
Yep, I was still crabby. This cloud of bitterness hadn’t left me yet, and for good reason. I had a list of grievances:
1. Xander called me like eight times over break. I ignored them all, but secretly, I was so bored that I wanted to meet up with him at least three of those times. What is wrong with me?
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