“Liar,” slurred a redhead sitting at his feet. “We started an hour ago.”
Max rolled his eyes. “Seriously, join us.”
“Um…so, what are you playing?” I asked, taking a seat with Sunny at the foot of Max’s bed.
“Never Have I Ever,” said the redhead.
“Or just ‘I Never,’” Max corrected.
“Oh, I’ve heard of this,” Sunny said with wide eyes. “You say something you’ve never done. And anyone else in the room who has done it, drinks.”
“Sounds easy enough,” I said. “Whose turn is it?”
“Here’s an easy one to get you started,” Max said. “I’ve never pissed on the side of a building.”
“Dude, seriously? What the hell? I just did it last night,” slurred Patrick, one of the pledges.
“I have standards, man,” Max said with a laugh.
I glanced around the room to see a handful of guys drink from their beer. A chuckle left my lips. This could be interesting.
“Okay, okay,” I said. “I’ve never gone streaking.”
When Sunny drank from her cup, I erupted in laughter. “Seriously, Sun?”
She nodded. “Graduation party. I’m not proud of it. Okay, my turn. Um…never have I ever cheated on an exam.”
My beer remained untouched as I watched most of the room drink.
Idiots.
If there was one thing I knew, it was never to cheat. My parents had hammered a sense of pride into me since I was young. You presented your own work—good or bad. I couldn’t even imagine trying to cheat on a college exam. Have some pride, people!
Around and around the room went. We all took turns being the “beer bitch,” refilling everyone’s cups. After my cup had been refilled three times, I was feeling good, and having more fun with Sunny than I’d had in a long time. The questions were getting more and more sexual as the game progressed and I was kind of proud that Sunny and I didn’t have to drink too often. No threesomes, no S&M shit, no walks of shame back to our dorm.
When it was Sunny’s turn once again, she looked me dead in the eye, took a deep breath, and said, “Never have I ever…” She paused. The room fell silent.
“C’mon,” the redhead said, rolling her eyes. “Say it, already.”
“Kissed a girl.”
Adrenaline shot through my abdomen as Sunny’s eyes never broke from my own. She knew. There was no going back now. We were playing an emotional game of chicken. Would I drink? Would I admit it? Come out in front of a group of people?
How could she do this to me? Like this?
Fuck that shit. I was taking back control. I tipped my cup back and took a sip, swallowing hard as my stomach threatened to toss the amber liquid right back up. My pulse raced as I stared at Sunny, my brow low in defiance. Catcalls came from around the room.
“Dude, are you two gonna make out?” the building pisser yelled.
“Shut up,” I shot back, staring him down. I was interrupted by Sunny’s voice.
“Never have I ever…had feelings…”
Are you fucking kidding me?
Sweat built on the back of my neck as I turned back to face her, my hands tightened around the plastic cup. Sunny’s lower lip trembled as she stared me down.
Game on.
Our eyes locked. I narrowed mine and she blinked rapidly. She knew she was going too far. She swallowed hard and finished the question.
“…for a…”—another pause—“friend.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Max yelled, lifting his cup into the air and wrapping his arm around Sunny’s shoulder. Several others laughed as they guzzled from their cups.
“Okay, my turn,” the redhead snipped.
“Nice, Sun,” I whispered through clenched teeth, glaring at her. “Real nice.”
A large sigh left Sunny’s lips as her eyes flooded with tears. She reached for my hand, but it was too late; I was on my feet and storming the hell out of that room. The drunk idiots from the room began to whoop and holler behind me.
I needed air. I needed to escape.
My best friend almost outed me in front of a group of strangers. What the fuck?
“Claude, wait—” she said, grabbing my hand just as I stepped out onto the deck, breathing in the ice-cold air. I yanked my hand away, as if hers were on fire.
“Leave me alone!”
“No, I—I’m sorry. Talk to me!”
“How could you do that?” I said, pointing back at the apartment.
“What?”
“You set me up in there! Put me on the fucking spot!”
“I didn’t set you up!” she screamed, her eyes wide and defensive.
“What the fuck do you call it? You put me on the spot in a room full of people. And if you hadn’t changed that second question, who knows what would’ve happened! How could you?”
“I’m drunk. I’m sorry, I just—”
“I don’t fucking care, Sunny. You knew. And instead of asking me, you put me on display for all those assholes to see. That was my choice to make, not yours. What kind of friend are you?”
“I know, I’m so sorry. I just—I’ve wanted to ask you for weeks. And I finally got the guts. Liquid courage, I guess.”
“Whatever. That was fucked up. Seriously. You could’ve just asked me. Privately.”
“I was too scared.”
“And I’m not? Are you kidding me right now? Do you have any idea how messed up my life is right now?”
“No.” She shook her head, tears streaming down her reddened cheeks.
“Well, secret’s out, I guess. Now you know.”
“I didn’t mean to—” Sunny paused, took a deep breath, opening her mouth to speak, but no words came out of her mouth. Instead she started to sob, an ugly cry that I’d never heard from her before.
“I’m so sorry.” She wept, pressing the back of her hand to her mouth. “You’re right. I’m the worst friend ever. I’m so sorry, Claude.”
Despite my anger, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. I knew it was an act of desperation on her part. But it was unacceptable. The thought of her pushing things further made my skin crawl. I was still figuring out who I was. I didn’t need anyone forcing me out of the closet. I had to do it when I was ready.
“Let’s be clear,” I said before clearing my throat. Sunny clutched my sweater between her fists. “I’m still pissed right now. But I can’t just let you cry.”
“I know. I wish I could take it back.” She wiped her tears with the back of her hand.
“I know you do. But you can’t.”
We stood in the freezing winter air, Sunny still clutching the wool of my sweater.
“Libby?” she asked, her voice soft and nonthreatening.
“Yeah.” A sigh left my lips.
“I would’ve been happy for you. You could’ve told me. You know that, right?”
“Part of me knows that.”
“Part of you?” Her voice held no accusation—just surprise.
My arms fell to my sides and I stepped back. I needed her to see my face. I needed her to understand the confusion that swam in my head, the emotions that I couldn’t quite harness within myself.
“Well, yeah—Sunny, you don’t get it. My life is totally upside down right now. And Libby…she’s the only thing that makes any sense.”
“But I’m your best friend. Did you seriously think I would judge you or something?”
“No…yes…I don’t know!” I threw my arms up in exasperation.
“Does Grace know?” she asked, and I could tell she was hoping I’d say no. But my hesitation betrayed me. “Oh my God, she does. She knew and I didn’t? What kind of asshole do you think I am?”
“She figured it out…just like you did.”
“She didn’t say anything to me…” Her voice trailed off.
“Thank God. If I can’t trust my best friends with secrets, I’m really up shit creek!”
“A while ago, I thought maybe you two…
you know, had feelings or something, and I said something to Grace. She didn’t seem to think so. So I thought maybe I was just reading too much into things. And then when you didn’t tell me anything, but were with Libby all the freaking time, I started to get jealous. Like really jealous. I didn’t want to lose you.”
“I didn’t want to lose you. That’s why I didn’t tell you. And Grace…she really did figure it out all on her own. We had this weird moment…speaking in code. And she got it. I didn’t have to say a word.”
“Oh.”
“I’ve tried to tell you so many times. I have—it’s not about you, though, Sun. This is about me. About who I really am.”
“And who is that?” Sunny asked, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.
“I have no fucking idea. But I know that I’m in love…for the first time. Like ever. And it’s fucking scary, ya know?”
“Wow,” she said. Although Sunny was a hopeless romantic, she’d yet to fall in love. To feel the depths of emotion that I felt for Libby.
I nodded. “That’s what Libby is for me. She’s changed everything. And it’s scary as hell.”
“I can only imagine,” Sunny said, her voice soft and serious. “Can you ever forgive me?”
“Of course. But I need some time.”
“Okay.”
“I’m just going to tell myself that you wouldn’t have done that sober.”
“I swear, I wouldn’t. I…I didn’t think. I just had to know.”
“The secret’s out, I guess.”
“How do you feel?”
“Kinda good. Relieved. Like, really relieved. I wanted to tell you. You have to know that. I just didn’t know how.”
She nodded, a lone tear slipping down her cheek. “I do. I promise. And I’m so sorry.”
“I know, Sun.” I nodded. “I know.”
“And I love you. Who you date, who you love, how you feel about yourself…it doesn’t change anything. Not for me. You’re my best friend. You’re my sister. And I love you for you.”
“Good Lord,” I said, looking up at the sky, willing my tear ducts to stop working overtime. “That’s all I needed. That’s it.”
“Well, it’s true. I meant it.”
“Thanks.”
A long pause hung in the air between us.
“Are we okay?” Sunny whispered.
“I’m still mad at you. But, yeah…we will be. Eventually.”
“I’m not going anywhere. And I’ll apologize every day if it helps. I’m on your side. Don’t ever doubt that.”
“Thanks,” I said, tears finally making their way from my eyes and spilling down my cheeks in relief. “I’ll try not to.”
Chapter 20
Superhero
Grace
February, five days before Valentine’s Day
Ever since I had allowed Claudia to convince me to jump into the deep end of the dating pool, I’d been worried about Valentine’s Day. Ross and I had been on several dates. Trevor and I had too. I liked them both. A lot. And I wasn’t ready to choose.
But that didn’t stop me from agonizing over it during lunch with Sunny and Claudia.
“You don’t have to.” Sunny rolled her eyes and bit into her sandwich.
“Be nice,” Claudia said, nudging her in the arm. “She’s new to all this.”
“Okay, sorry. But seriously, you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re dating.”
“You say that, but what if you found out Sawyer was seeing someone else,” Claudia asked.
Sunny froze, her hands balled into fists on the cafeteria table.
“That’s what I thought.” Claudia chuckled. “Ease up. She doesn’t want to hurt either of them.”
“I really don’t.”
“Okay, so let’s figure this out,” Sunny said, her eyes softening. “Who’s the better match?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you have anything in common with them? Music? Movies? That kind of stuff?”
“Yeah, um…Trevor and I both like comic book stuff. Like superheroes. Superman—”
“All guys like superheroes.”
“Not true. Ross doesn’t.”
“Okay, sorry, all American guys like superheroes.”
“That raises a good point,” Claudia chimed in. “When does Ross go back to Scotland?”
“I can’t punish him for being an exchange student.”
“I’m not saying that. But if he leaves in May, that doesn’t give you much time, ya know?”
“True,” Sunny agreed.
“Hmm, yeah, I think he’s done at the end of the semester. So, Trevor then?”
“Well, so far it’s two-oh and Trevor’s in the lead.”
“But Ross is just so…so…”
“So?” my friends asked in unison, waiting for me to finish my thought.
“Exactly.” Propping my chin in the palm of my hand, I stared at the beige cafeteria walls. Claudia muffled a laugh behind her hand.
“Then that’s your answer.” Sunny’s words were matter-of-fact.
“I’m confused.”
“You’re into Ross,” Sunny said. “It doesn’t matter that you don’t have as much in common, or that he’s leaving soon. He’s the one you like most.”
“No, that’s not true, I—”
“It’s the accent,” Claudia said. “You can’t resist a guy with an accent.”
“True.” I nodded.
“But if he didn’t have one?”
“Ugh…I don’t know!”
“The accent? Really, Grace?” Sunny leaned back in her chair, her arms crossed in front of her chest.
“No, no. He’s sweet, too. Like really sweet.”
Claudia waved her hands, as if to clear the air. “Okay, rapid-fire questions. Give me one answer. No changing them either.”
“Okay.” I nodded.
“Who gives you butterflies?”
“Ross.”
“Who’s better looking?”
“Trevor.”
“Who makes you laugh?”
“Trevor.”
“Who makes your heart race?”
“Ross.”
“Better smile?”
“Trevor.”
“Better taste in movies?”
“Trevor.”
“Who do you like more?” Claudia didn’t hesitate with her final question. And I shocked myself with the answer.
“Ross.” I gasped, placing my hand over my mouth. “Oh my God.”
Claudia raised her glass and winked. “You’re welcome.”
“Holy crap.” My eyes widened at the realization.
“See! I told you,” Sunny exclaimed, looking awfully proud of herself. “Having things in common and liking the same stuff is great. But it all comes down to chemistry. And you have more with Ross. Clearly.”
“Wow.” I sat, dumbfounded, staring off into space.
“You know you don’t have to end things yet, Gracie. You can see how it goes.”
I shook my head. “No. I can’t. That’s not fair to him.” The moment I finished my sentence, my cell pinged with a text message. I flipped it over and groaned.
“What is it?” Claudia asked.
“Trevor. He’s telling me to check my mailbox.”
“Uh-oh,” Sunny said through gritted teeth. “Do you think he got you a present or something?”
“Flowers? Candy? Something Valentines-ish?” Claudia’s words made my stomach flip uncomfortably in my abdomen.
“I think I’m gonna puke.”
“That seems fitting,” she teased. “C’mon. Let’s get the mail. Jump in, remember?”
“Yeah, all right.”
The walk to our mailboxes was pure agony as my brain spun around and around trying to figure out what Trevor could have possibly dropped off for me. No matter the answer, I was consumed with guilt. How did you break up with a guy after they’d just left you a present? A Valentine’s Day present?
The cold metal of my mailbox taunted me
as I slid the key in and felt it stick in the lock. I twisted and turned the key, hoping to dislodge it, but it was no use.
“Are you kidding me right now?”
“That’s the wrong key, Grace.”
“What?”
“Oh man, this is all messing with your head, isn’t it?” Sunny asked, rubbing my back.
“I guess so.” I shrugged.
“Here, let me try.” Sunny pressed all her weight against the mailboxes in front of her while pulling on my key. Her face turned the color of a fire engine before the key finally popped out.
“Thanks,” I said sheepishly as she placed the proper key into the mailbox and opened it with little effort.
The tiny door opened to reveal a little slip of paper. It was a “you’ve received a package” note. A month ago, I’d received one of these things when Ross left some of his mother’s shortbread. This time, the package was from Trevor.
When I handed the slip to the raven-haired girl behind the desk, her eyes widened. “I was hoping you’d pick this up while I was working.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“Um…okay.”
She placed the gift wrapped in a bright red bow in my hands and I gasped. It was a wooden picture frame with an engraved message, Not all superheroes wear capes. Inside the frame was a picture of Trevor and me from a pledge meeting last semester. One I didn’t even remember being taken. One that melted my heart and confused the crap out of my brain.
“My stomach just flipped,” I said, my eyes pleading with Claudia for an answer. Her eyes narrowed in confusion until I flipped the frame around for her and Sunny, showing them the picture and engraved message.
“Wow,” she said. “Nerdy, but…cute?”
“Really cute,” Sunny added with a dreamy look in her eyes.
“I know,” I said, pressing the frame to my chest.
“What now?” Claudia asked.
“I have no idea, but I can’t let go of Trevor. Not yet. I know it’s selfish, but—”
“No, it isn’t. You and Ross aren’t a couple or anything yet. Just see how it goes. You’ll be fine.”
Sorority of Three: Freshman 101 Page 14