“Claude, what are you doing here? Aren’t you staying at Libby’s?”
Grace’s cheeks flushed and she stared down at the carpet, playing with the fibers.
“Maybe. I need to talk to Grace first.”
“Is everything okay?” Sunny glanced down at Grace, turning her head, urging Grace to make eye contact. But my auburn-haired friend just ignored us both, staring down at her feet.
“Ask Grace. Apparently she has a problem with Libby.”
Grace pushed herself off the carpet into a standing position. “I didn’t say that!” She crossed her arms in front of her chest.
“Oh, that’s right…you said,” I held up my cell phone, reading her text, mocking her with a whiny tone of voice. “She’s just…she’s not what I expected.”
“Claudia!” Sunny screeched, walking in between Grace and me. I was seething, practically baring my teeth at Grace who glanced around the room, looking for an escape. But she knew she was trapped.
“Read it for yourself,” I snapped, shoving my phone into Sunny’s hands.
“Grace, what…what’s going on?”
“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Grace muttered under her breath.
“What is there to say?” Sunny asked, trying so hard to be the voice of reason as my lungs heaved in my chest, my fingertips dug into my hip bone.
“It’s nothing,” Grace insisted.
“Didn’t you see how she was acting all through dinner?” I asked Sunny. “She was totally rude to Libby!”
“I didn’t really. I mean, I was busy talking to Libby, so I didn’t… I’m sorry, Claude.”
“I’m not pissed at you.”
“No, just me,” Grace said, narrowing her eyes at me.
“Exactly,” I snapped, tilting my head, challenging her with my glare. “So, what is it?”
“I told you, it’s nothing.”
“What were you expecting? What, was she too blonde for you, Grace? Too shy? Too feminine?”
“No! God, how could you say that?”
“I don’t know, maybe because you acted like a total asshole? If you have a problem with my girlfriend, just say it. Say it now or I’ll never forgive you for tonight. Not ever.”
“Claudia!” Her eyes were wide as saucers as she stared at me, her hands shaking.
“Everyone calm down, okay? Grace, just…you know, tell her. Tell her whatever it is that’s bothering you.”
“It wasn’t true. I just—”
“What? What wasn’t true?” I asked incredulously. I had lost my patience entirely.
“I lied. She’s awesome. I just… I panicked. I didn’t know…” Her words trailed off and she bit her lip as her eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t know I’d feel like that…seeing you with a girl. It was just…weird, okay? I didn’t know what to do, what to say. It freaked me out.”
“Oh.”
I didn’t expect that. I’d taken her text literally. I’d never considered the fact that Grace might be uncomfortable with my sexuality. She’d always been so supportive.
“What happened to jumping…together?” My voice cracked and I swallowed hard as I fought back the tears that were welling in my eyes. My hands dropped to my sides in defeat.
“I meant what I said, Claude. I did. But you know, it all became real tonight…or something.”
“Are you embarrassed of me?” A lone tear slid down my cheek.
“No, no!” She lifted her hand in protest. “I swear it.”
“Then what—”
“You know I love you. You know I want you to be happy. But before tonight, Libby wasn’t real, ya know? Not for Sunny or for me. She was just an idea, a concept, a possibility. She wasn’t real. She wasn’t sitting across from me, eating a panini and holding hands with my best friend.”
“And I wasn’t really gay.” Grace avoided my prying eyes, but I wasn’t going to back down. I wasn’t going to let her off the hook. “Was I?”
Grace shook her head, fresh tears rolling down her red cheeks.
My heart sank.
I knew Grace and I were different. I knew that when I first met her months ago. We didn’t connect right away; we didn’t mesh. Sunny was our glue, but I thought we didn’t need our glue anymore. I thought we were connected all on our own. I guess I was wrong.
“I gotta go,” I said, wiping my eyes and turning to leave.
Sunny grabbed my hand. “No, Claude, please. Don’t go. We’ll figure this out. Won’t we, Grace?”
“I want to,” Grace said, her words soft.
“I can’t. Not right now.”
And I walked out of the room. When I closed the door, I heard Grace collapse into tears. But I kept walking. I couldn’t worry about her. Not now. I needed Libby. I needed the comforting arms of my girlfriend. And I needed to get the hell out of Weston Hall.
Chapter 26
Regrets
Grace
March, the third Wednesday
Everyone’s probably had one of those moments, the ones you’d do anything to fix. To take back. To re-do. Unfortunately, with my shy personality, those moments were a dime a dozen in my life.
However, a few weeks ago I learned that there are levels of regret. And I’d reached rock bottom.
I missed Claudia so much it hurt. My stomach flipped every single time I thought of the friendship I’d screwed up by not supporting her when it was most important.
I was all talk. I told her we’d jump together, that I believed in her, and she had trusted me. Then I broke that trust. I broke her faith in me. I broke our friendship.
Today was the day that I was going to try to fix it all. Of course, I’d sent e-mails, texts, and cards to Libby’s apartment, hoping to reach Claudia. She was avoiding Weston Hall at all costs. So much so that her roommate was worried about her. Sunny and I did our best to reassure her that Claudia would be back eventually. She was just needed elsewhere at the moment. In other words, until Grace McCarrion got her shit together and gave her an apology she deserved.
How did you fix something that was real and true? I revealed my true colors—I was uncomfortable watching them hold hands. I was uncomfortable watching my friend with her girlfriend. And I couldn’t avoid that any longer. I had to face it. I had to put my money where my mouth was.
And today was that day.
I braved the bitter cold of mid-March, following her home from Spanish class. I waited outside the building until I saw them. They said their quick good-byes with a peck on the cheek. Claudia went one way and Libby another. This was my chance.
I followed her, making sure I was at least fifty feet behind. I had to make sure she was headed to the apartment. After a few blocks, I was confident I could talk to her alone. I’d have my chance to make things right…or at least start the process.
Trevor knew all about everything, and about what I was doing on this cold Wednesday morning. My cell phone chirped when I was just steps away from Libby’s building. The text simply read:
Good luck. It’ll be okay.
He was so sweet. I felt terrible that I was starting a relationship with Trevor this way—I wasn’t myself. I was, in many ways, in a state of mourning. I missed Claudia more than I could have imagined, as if a part of me was missing. Like we were divorcing, like she’d taken her friendship away and I had no say in the matter. It was a punch in the gut…only I knew I was the one whose fist had thrown the first punch.
After placing my cell back in my bag, I pressed the button to Libby’s apartment.
“Hello?” I heard the familiar voice.
“Hi, um…it’s me. It’s Grace.”
There was a pause. “Hey.”
“Can I…um, can I come up?”
There was no response, but the door opened with a buzz. Quickly, I sprinted up to the third floor, knocking on the door as quickly as I could.
“Hey,” Libby said, her blonde curls pulled up tight in a bun. “I’m not sure you should be here. If Claudia found out…”
�
�I know, just…please hear me out, okay?”
“Sure.” She pursed her lips and took a step back, gesturing for me to enter the apartment.
“Listen, I’m so sorry, Libby. Really sorry.”
“I know. I’ve seen all the notes. You really don’t owe me anything, though. It’s Claudia who’s hurting.”
“I know. And I am too.”
Libby sighed.
“Please help me,” I continued. “I need her to forgive me.”
A sardonic laugh left Libby’s lips. Her cheeks grew red. “I think we both know how stubborn she is. I don’t know how much I can help, to tell you the truth.”
“I know, I know. But I have a plan. And I need you to help me see it through. I’ll do just about anything for your forgiveness, as well.”
“You don’t need my forgiveness. I mean, I’ve tried telling Claudia that what happened wasn’t too big of a deal.”
“Really?” I asked, feeling hopeful and a little relieved.
“Yeah, but I’m kind of used to it. I came out in high school, so I’ve had years to adjust to people acting weird whenever I’d bring a girl home with me. You were uncomfortable, that’s all.”
“So…what did she say?”
“She didn’t want to hear it. But neither did I when it first happened to me. I mean, it hurts. It hurts a lot. More than you can probably imagine.”
Punch in the freaking gut. But I deserved it.
“Did you and your friend get past it?” I pressed.
She simply shook her head, and a chill ran down my spine.
“Please, Libby. I’m begging you, please help me.”
“I’ll do my best. What did you have in mind?”
• • •
Hours later, thanks to both Libby and Sunny, I found myself back at the exact same café where I’d screwed up weeks ago. It was time for my re-do. Time to prove to Claudia that I could put my money where my mouth was. That I deserved her friendship after all.
Sunny and I waited at the table as the clock struck six o’clock.
“They’ll be here,” Sunny reassured me. “Don’t worry.”
“I know,” I said, staring at the door. I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking, though. No matter how much reassurance she offered, I was terrified. But I needed to do this. This needed to happen.
“There they are,” I said when I spotted them. They walked through the door, hand in hand, all bundled up in their winter coats and scarves. Claudia caught a glimpse of me and glared at Libby, looking betrayed. Libby ran her hand down Claudia’s arm and nodded. Claudia shook her head again and again. And I knew that was my cue.
I jumped out of my chair and walked to them, my heart pounding so hard in my chest. When I was just a few feet from them, Claudia crossed her arms in front of her chest and pursed her lips together so tight, they puckered in anger.
“What’s the deal, Grace?”
“Please don’t blame Libby. I begged her to help me.”
“I don’t blame her. I blame you. You should know that by now.”
Ouch.
“I do. Please…just hear me out.”
“Fine. You have one minute to explain, and then we’re outta here.”
“No, we’re not.” Libby stepped up and placed her arm around Claudia. “My friend Grace has invited us to dinner. And I’m not going anywhere. Come on, Claude, listen to what she has to say.”
Claudia rolled her eyes, moving her hands to her hips. “Fine, whatever.”
“I’m asking for a re-do,” I said, my eyes begging. “I screwed up last time. I panicked because I was uncomfortable. But that’s my problem. It’s not yours.”
I paused, waiting for Claudia to respond quickly with some snide remark. But she didn’t. She hung on my words and I knew it was safe to continue. Libby’s lips curled into a satisfied smile. It was working!
“You’re worth it to me, Claude. You’re worth getting over my stuff. Because your happiness means more than me being comfortable.”
“I can’t be friends with someone who sees me the way you do.” She shook her head and her eyes moistened.
“That’s the thing. You don’t know how I see you. But if you’ll come sit down, I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you all the wonderful things I see in you. Please, Claude.”
“I don’t know,” she said, biting her lip.
“C’mon,” Libby whispered.
“You said we’d jump together. Was that just a lie?” A tear slid down her cheek. Hurt plastered on her beautiful face.
Reaching out, I took Libby’s hand in one hand, then took Claudia’s in the other. I put their hands together, threading their fingers together, clutching their hands with mine. Claudia sighed as she looked down at our hands.
“I want you to be happy. Both of you. And I’ll be the friend you deserve. I just need one more chance. Please give me another chance to jump with you.”
“Fine, okay,” Claudia said, looking up at the ceiling.
I could feel her resolve breaking down. Relief filled me from head to toe as we joined Sunny at the table.
“Same table and everything,” Claudia observed. “Nice work.”
Sunny giggled, a hesitant smile on her face.
“You were in on this too, huh?” Claudia asked, turning her attention to Sunny.
Sunny nodded. “We both miss you. We miss us.”
Claudia took a seat across from Sunny, and Libby and I sat on the edge. A new seating arrangement, a fresh start at a dinner between friends. “Well, Grace here was just about to list all the fabulous things about me. Weren’t you, Grace?”
“Yep.”
“All right, then, let’s hear it.”
Deep down, I knew I was already forgiven with those words. But that didn’t mean I was about to rest on my laurels. No way. This was my chance to get my friend back, to get my sister back. And to start fresh, completely.
“You’re the strongest person I know. You live how you want to live and you don’t let anyone stop you. I admire that about you.”
A small smile tugged at Claudia’s lips. “What else?”
“You’re loyal. You didn’t just defend yourself a few weeks ago, you defended Libby. You confronted me right then and there. You demanded to be heard. I wish I could be like that. It took me weeks to get the balls to see you face-to-face. But you’re not afraid. You’re so brave.”
Claudia’s face froze as she stared at me in awe. She whispered, “Do you mean that?”
“Every word,” I said, tears trickling down my cheeks.
“For weeks now, I’ve been wondering if I overreacted. Like maybe I should’ve given you a free pass or something. But I just…I just couldn’t. It hurt too much.”
Vigorously, I shook my head from side to side. “No. This was my fault, not yours.”
“Okay,” she said with a nod, extending her open hand across the table. I took it and squeezed. “Dinner’s on you, by the way.”
The four of us laughed. Claudia and I each wiped our tears.
“You got it.”
Thank God for re-dos.
Chapter 27
Pulling out the Rug
Claudia
Early April, Spring Break!
The best thing that could have ever happened during spring break happened. And the worst.
It all started the day my parents picked me up from campus to take me home for spring break. Mom and Dad argued the entire drive home. I had my earbuds, so I was able to drown them out for the majority of the ride, but I could hear my mother insisting that I was, in fact, old enough and responsible enough to drive myself to and from campus.
My father didn’t agree. He didn’t own a car until he was a married man, so to him, for his eighteen-year-old daughter to have her own vehicle to maintain while away at college was baffling to him. I’d never put much stock into having my own car, so I ignored them, assuming it would end eventually.
But then we pulled into the driveway. And there it was.
My mom
’s Toyota was sitting in the driveway, which seemed odd, especially since the weather was still pretty bitter in the Chicago-land area. When she opened the garage door with her remote, another car was sitting in her spot in the garage.
“Um, Mom?” I said, confused.
“Surprise!” Mom said, a smug look upon her heart-shaped face. She knew their little production during the car ride threw me off completely. The last thing in the world I was expecting to see was a car of my own.
I yanked my earbuds out and stared at my parents, mouth agape. “Are you serious?”
My dad nodded. “We trust you. Happy birthday…a little bit early.”
My birthday was in May. I was tempted to say this was the best gift they’d ever given me.
“I can’t believe it.”
“You can drive it back to campus and keep it there for the rest of the year. I’ve already called your dorm. A pass is waiting for you at the front desk.”
“Oh my God.”
“Claudia, don’t take the Lord’s name—”
“Sorry, I just… Wow. Thank you both so, so much.”
“Just be careful. No tickets!” Dad grumbled. “Be smart.”
“Yes, sir.” I nodded.
The very first thing I did when we walked through the door of the house was to text Libby a picture of my new car…asking her if she’d like a ride back to campus at the end of break.
“Already on the phone? Claudia, enough. Spend some time with the family.” My mother’s Lebanese accent was heavy, yet elegant.
“Sorry! I can’t help it, I’m excited.” I pulled her in for a hug and a peck on the cheek.
Her cheeks puffed as she smiled. “This makes you happy, yes?”
“Absolutely.”
“Good. Last time you were home, you were so sad.”
Because I missed Libby…more than I had ever imagined.
“Maybe this time will be better,” she added.
I understood her message loud and clear. I’d made my parents uncomfortable with my constant pouting. They didn’t get to see very much of me, and I was spoiling the time they had with me.
Sorority of Three: Freshman 101 Page 20