I hung my head and shook it back and forth.
“Ah,” he said, staring down at his palms. “I see.”
“Ross, I—”
“No worries. Listen—” He glanced at his watch. “I gotta run. Afternoon classes and all.”
“Are you sure?” My chin began to quiver as I held back my tears.
“Yeah.” His eyes were pained and heavy, and I felt like the worst person alive. “Take care of yourself.”
“Thanks,” I said. “You too.”
He rose from his seat, grabbing his coat and walking swiftly to the door. When he pushed on the door of the café, his coat still hung in his arms. I guess he couldn’t get away from me fast enough.
Tears welled in my eyes and I knew I needed Sunny. I reached for the phone and sent her a text.
It’s done. He hates me. But I was honest.
I heard the chirp of a phone as someone approached my table.
Sunny.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, completely taken by surprise.
“I had a feeling.” She shrugged.
“About what?”
“That you might need a friend…you know, after…”
“Thanks.” Tears finally streamed down my cheeks. I needed a release; I needed to let go. “Have you been here the whole time?”
“Nah, I gave you a ten-minute head start. I passed Ross on the way in.”
“Oh.” My stomach churned. “How did he look?”
Sunny scrunched up her face. “You don’t want to know.”
“Ugh,” I said, looking up at the ceiling, willing the tears to stop. But they refused.
“Listen, I’m gonna grab us a couple of scones. We’ll have a little carb-fest and talk about Trevor.”
“Trevor?” I was genuinely confused.
“Yep.” She smiled. “I think you need to remember that this was the right choice. That he’s the right choice.”
“Okay,” I said as more tears slid down my cheeks.
“Be right back.”
She stood and I took her hand in mine, squeezing hard. “Thanks, Sun. Seriously.”
With her other hand, she smoothed down my hair and gently patted my shoulder.
“Of course, Gracie Lou. Of course.”
Chapter 25
The Libby Dinner
Claudia
Mid-March, a Saturday night
I’ve always been indifferent. Always. When Jason from down the block first kissed me on the cheek, I felt nothing. When I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend, Brad, after prom, I was blah. I didn’t care. And I certainly didn’t care what my friends thought of him or any other guy I dated.
But with Libby, that changed. All of it.
Libby changed everything. Tonight my friends were meeting Libby for the first time, and I was so excited I could hardly stand it. So now, a simple dinner with my friends had me so anxious, I was doing all the things I had laughed at other girls for doing…biting my nails, checking the time every few minutes, double-checking and confirming with everyone involved, and distracting myself—unsuccessfully—with social media.
I was sure Sunny tried really hard not to giggle when I texted her, again, making sure the six o’clock meeting time was okay for her. I could practically hear her laughing from across campus. Sunny was the romantic one. Sunny was the one who cared about this kind of stuff. Not me.
Even Grace was surprised at my change in behavior. Last night I asked her what she was wearing to dinner. Grace paused, bit her lip, and narrowed her eyes.
“What?” I asked, feeling myself getting defensive, which was standard, of course. I mean, c’mon, I was still me.
“You’re adorable.”
“Shut up, Miss I-have-a-boyfriend-now-so-I’m-all-calm-and-collected. You were a mess a few weeks ago, remember?”
Grace and her love triangle was actually kind of adorable, but I could tell she was so happy with Trevor. She’d taken Ross for coffee and let him down easy. She said he took it well, but she felt guilty. Part of me felt bad for rubbing that in her face, but it just slipped out.
“I do.” She laughed. “And I understand. I do.”
“Then, what is it? What’s the deal? Why am I so adorable?”
“Because you care. I like this side of you.” She shrugged.
“Oh.”
“If it means that much to you, I’ll figure out what sweater to wear. But I have so much laundry to do, I can’t commit to a pair of jeans yet. All depends on how crowded the laundry room is in the morning.”
“Gotcha.” I bit my lip. “I just want everything to be perfect. Is that…I don’t know, weird?”
“Not at all. You and Sunny already know Trevor. But if I was in your shoes, I’d be freaking out too—you know I would. But you gotta jump in, right?” Grace asked, referencing the special moment we shared when she figured out that Libby was more than just my friend. It had become our code for taking chances, for following our heart. That simple phrase had brought Grace and me closer.
Truth be told, during the first few weeks on campus, Sunny was our glue—she was the one Grace and I were both drawn to. She was vivacious, outgoing, and kind. Grace was the shy one, and I was the indifferent and somewhat bitchy one…not usually a match made in heaven. But our bond with Sunny somehow bonded us together. That was all changing, though.
We both still loved Sunny, and over time, I’d forgiven her for almost outing me at the party. It had taken time for me to let her in again, but I felt like tonight was the possibility of a fresh start. She would hopefully bond with Libby, and I’d forgive her completely. Maybe that was why I felt so much pressure for this night to go well. I wanted to breathe new life into our friendship, into our little sorority of three.
Even Libby had noticed the flaring of my nerves over this dinner. Last night, she’d gotten quiet when I mentioned the dinner for the third time in an hour.
“What is it?” I brushed my hand over her wrist. She was pretending to study, but I knew better. She’d been staring at the same page in her textbook for fifteen minutes.
“Are you sure about this dinner?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re kinda freaking out. And it’s freaking me out.”
“Shit, I’m sorry. I just—” I paused, noticing the fear in her eyes. “I want you guys to like each other.”
“Maybe you’re not ready…you know, to be out in public with me…like that.”
I hadn’t thought of that. Was that my problem? Was I nervous about holding hands with her or showing any type of affection while out in public, or even in front of my friends? Honestly, I couldn’t answer that. I didn’t know. So, how in the hell was I going to make Libby feel better about something I hadn’t even figured out yet? Shit.
“Maybe I’m not, you’re right…” My voice trailed off and Libby let out a defeated sigh. “But how will I know if I don’t try?”
“True.” She narrowed her eyes, trying to figure me out.
“I’m not a self-conscious person. I mean, by nature, I don’t give a shit.”
“That’s true, too.” She laughed. It was a genuine laugh, a laugh of understanding.
“But they’re my best friends. I’ve never had friends like Sunny and Grace. And you…I mean, c’mon. I’m bat-shit crazy about you. Is it so strange that I want all of you to get along?”
Libby let her guard down, the muscles in her shoulders relaxed, and she closed her textbook, reaching across the table to take my hand.
“Makes perfect sense.” Her smile was sweet and kind, just like her. “Maybe I’m just nervous. I really want them to like me.”
“They’ll love you.”
“Even Sunny?”
“Why do you say that?”
“I mean, because she was so jealous…like, when she thought I was taking you away or something.”
“Nah, she’s over it. Now that she knows about us. And that girl’s the most romantic person ever. She’ll love you.”
“Grace is shy, but you’ll love her. I’ve gotten really attached to her lately. I think you’ll bond with her immediately.”
Libby nodded her head, squeezing my hand in hers. Without another word, we went back to studying and didn’t discuss it again. Even though I was dying to. For real.
Finally, it was time for our dinner. Libby and I arrived at the small café across campus at a couple of minutes past six o’clock. Despite the crowded restaurant, my two best friends were nowhere to be found. My phone chirped with a text. It was Sunny.
S: Six thirty, right?
“Shit. Sunny got the time wrong.”
“Seriously?” Libby’s eyes widened. “Even with all of your reminders? That’s a little strange, huh?”
I was a little pissed off…and disappointed. I honestly thought Sunny and Grace would have arrived early to grab a table for everyone.
“Should we sit?” Libby asked.
“Yeah, I guess so.” I shrugged. “I’ll text her back.”
C: No, 6:00. We’re here. You’re late.
S: Just messing with you. Be there in two min.
“What a little shit,” I said, relief flooding my brain. “She was joking around, being a pain in the ass. They’ll be here soon.” My expression softened just before I watched Grace and Sunny walk through the door of the café.
“Nice,” I said. “Real nice.”
“She meant nothing by it,” Grace said, smiling at Libby and me. Sunny smirked, looking way too proud of herself.
“Just keeping you on your toes, my dear.” She winked and I pretended to slug her in the arm.
“Okay, introductions. Libby, these are my best friends, Sunny and Grace.”
“Nice to meet you,” they all said in unison.
“I’ve heard such great things,” Libby said.
“So have we. Are you hungry?” Sunny asked. “I made a reservation.”
“You did? I didn’t know they took reservations.”
“You learn something new every day,” the ever chipper Sunny said, giving me another wink as she walked to the hostess stand.
I wanted to be irritated with her, but in her own way she was helping me relax. Her silly nature was coming through, causing a nice distraction from my anxiety over this evening going well.
“McCormick, table for four.”
“Right this way.” The host led us to a corner booth in the café. Libby sat near the wall and I slid in next to her, taking her hand in my own. It felt nice. And not nearly as odd as I thought it might. She smiled at me and squeezed my fingertips in solidarity.
Grace tugged at her coat before sitting down. “I need to move to the south. Seriously. This weather is ridiculous.”
“Whatever. You’d be a fish out of water down south,” I teased.
“You think so? I think I’d do just fine. I can say y’all.”
“Oh well, in that case…” Sunny snickered.
Grace rolled her eyes.
“So, Libby, you’re from the south, right?” Sunny asked, breaking the ice. “I mean, southern Illinois at least.”
“Yep,” Libby said. “Carbondale.”
“Why didn’t you go to SIU?”
“I thought about it, but I’ve always wanted to come here. Ever since I was a kid, it’s been a dream of mine.”
“Me too,” Sunny said. “My sisters all went here. I used to visit them when I was younger. Being here for myself is just…I don’t know, it’s just awesome.”
“Exactly.”
An uncomfortable silence filled the table. Luckily our server came to take our drink orders. A table full of Diet Cokes later, we were perusing the menu of the café. Sunny, Libby, and I engaged in small talk while Grace sipped her drink and focused on the menu. Something felt off about the way Grace was acting. I knew she supported my relationship with Libby, but her actions were showing the opposite. Does she not like her?
That thought turned my stomach.
When our food arrived, the topic of conversation turned to relationships. Sunny was telling Libby all about Sawyer, how sweet and kind and wonderful he was, yada yada yada. My attention drifted to Grace, who was glancing down at her cell phone.
Was she ignoring Libby and me to text with Trevor?
I was getting annoyed. Like, really annoyed. I kicked her under the table and she flinched.
“What?” she mouthed to me.
I opened my mouth to speak, but didn’t want to draw attention away from Libby and Sunny’s conversation. So I grabbed my phone from my purse and texted her, pointing down at my phone to signal her to be ready for a message from me.
C: What’s your deal?
G: What do you mean?
C: You’re being weird. Like, quiet.
G: You know I’m shy.
C: I call bullshit. What is it?
G: Nothing. I swear.
C: Please talk to Libby. She’s nervous.
G: Sunny’s talking enough for both of us.
C: At least she’s trying…
G: That’s not fair!
She glared at me from across the table.
C: Seriously, what is it?
G: We’ll talk about it later, okay?
C: No.
G: Claude!!
C: Seriously, Grace. Spill it.
G: She’s just…she’s not what I expected.
C: Excuse me?!?!?!? What the F does that mean?
G: I don’t know!! Hard to explain!
C: Try.
“Are you two seriously on your phones?” Sunny’s voice made me jump and I shoved my phone back in my purse, giving Grace one last glare. “Get off Facebook and talk to us.”
“Sorry, I had a text.”
“Sorry.” My heart was racing and I felt sweat forming on my neck. Why in the hell did I care so much what Grace thought of Libby? I was in love with her, wasn’t that all that mattered? What the hell was she trying to say? “She’s not what I expected.” What in the hell did that mean?
Libby squeezed my hand and whispered in my ear, “You okay? Your cheeks are all red.”
“I’m fine.” I nodded, clearing my throat and giving Libby the best smile I could muster before glaring at Grace. She didn’t know it, but we were playing a game of chicken. I was going to break her. I was going to get her to look at me, to explain herself by the end of the evening. Grace avoided my eyes and pushed the lettuce of her salad around her plate, which was so odd. So fucking odd.
We said our good-byes after dinner. Sunny and Libby exchanged hugs and Grace offered a small good-bye. Libby and I walked back to her apartment in silence.
“Okay, what’s going on?” she finally asked as we approached her building. “We just had, like, a really nice dinner with your friends, and you’re acting weird. Did I do something wrong?”
“Oh my God, no. You didn’t do anything. It was Grace.”
“Oh. She’s shy, though, right?”
“Yeah, she is. But something was up.”
“Maybe you should go back to Weston and talk, find out what’s going on.” Her words came out more like a question.
“No, it’s fine.” I shook my head, linking my arm with hers. “You and Sunny got along well, huh?”
“Oh yeah. I liked her a lot.”
“Good. At least one of them didn’t act like an asshole.”
“Claudia!” Libby stopped and put her hands on her hips. “Grace wasn’t an asshole. It was fine! I had a great time.”
“Still…something’s not right. I’m telling you.”
“Listen,” she said, putting her hand out in front of her as if to silence my negative thoughts. “Either go to the dorm and talk to her or get past it and stay with me. I had a great time and I don’t want to obsess over whether or not Grace liked me. That’s not my idea of a fun evening.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, placing my hands in my pockets and bouncing up and down slightly on the balls of my feet. “I’m just—”
“Preoccupie
d. I get it. But I can’t help you. I liked meeting your friends, but I need to stay out of the drama. I’m the girlfriend, not one of the friends. Sawyer wouldn’t get involved if you and Sunny had a problem, would he?”
“Good point. I’m just…you know this is new to me.”
“I know and I get it. Go talk to Grace. If you want to come back after, text me. I’m just gonna watch a movie. No big deal.”
I kissed her on the bridge of her nose and whispered, “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. Now, get outta here. Go talk to your friend.”
A small peck on Libby’s soft lips and I was walking the two blocks to Weston Hall. My leather boots clicked furiously against the sidewalk. I couldn’t stop repeating the words of Grace’s text over and over again in my head.
She’s not what I expected.
Storming past the front desk, I climbed the stairs to the second floor, my chest heaving up and down in anger. When I reached Grace’s door, I took one deep breath and knocked. Her roommate, Marie, answered.
“She’s not here,” she said before slamming the door in my face.
Bitch.
She had to be in Sunny’s room. I could hear laughter coming from down the hall. I didn’t want to take this out on Sunny, but I had to confront Grace. I just had to or this would eat me alive.
As calmly as I could, I knocked on the door.
“Come in,” Sunny called from inside the door. I knew she wasn’t expecting me. Normally, I just walked right in and made myself comfortable. But I was anything but comfortable as I stepped into the room.
Sorority of Three: Freshman 101 Page 19