Simple Beginnings

by Janelle Stalder

  I had known Gage was going to be there, and had been irrationally nervous to see him. It was silly really. We’d been attached at the hip since we were four until I’d moved away when I was ten. There should have been no reason to be nervous to see him, but I had been. I’d hadn’t seen him in four years and wasn’t sure how it would be between us.

  To say it had been different would have been a drastic understatement. Gage was no longer the sweet boy I’d remembered. He’d sat there, surrounded by the other football players, his eyes glassy from the red plastic cup of cheap beer he’d held in his hand, and preoccupied by the half-naked girl perched on his lap. He looked and acted just like the rest of them. It had literally made me feel physically sick watching him from across the back deck.

  He’d looked the same, just a bit older. His blonde, wavy hair had been longer, framing his face in an almost angelic way, at odds with the way he was acting at that moment. Those brown eyes I used to find such comfort in no longer had all the answers I was looking for. No, they’d been empty and cold when they’d finally met mine across the wide space. There was no smile on his face to show off the dimples I’d loved even at the age of four. He was taller. Even though he was sitting down I could tell that much. His shoulders were wider, the rest of him lean and built like the typical quarterback that he was.

  I’d spun around right then and given Jaiden some excuse as to why I had to leave, and then bolted down the street to Nan’s. It had taken me a good twenty minutes in the dark of the night out in the country to get back, and I’d spent the entire time crying. I couldn’t even understand what it was exactly I was crying about. I just remembered being utterly disappointed and upset about the entire scene. I hadn’t seen nor spoken a word to him since.

  He’d clearly become the kind of guy I hated – the kind that was good looking and knew it. They were the worst in my opinion. He was probably used to having girls hang all over him and become all tongue-tied by his mere presence. Well I wasn’t that kind of girl, and I had no plans to become one. Without looking, my hand patted the seat beside me until I found my phone and I quickly called Olivia back.

  “Hey,” she answered immediately. “Everything okay?”

  “Scratch what I said before,” I said, ignoring her question. “Bring Rannon.”

  Two

  Gage

  “Boy, what are you standing there smiling like that for?” Nan said from behind me.

  I kept my back to her, my eyes glued to what was outside the window. I didn’t know how she could see I was smiling, but the grin only widened as I sensed Nan walk up behind me when I didn’t answer right away.

  “Oh, Ella’s here,” she said happily. “It’s about time. Why don’t you go see if she needs help bringing in her bags? She’s bound to have a million.”

  Putting down the hand towel I’d picked up to dry off my hands a good five minutes ago, I finally forced myself to turn around, pulling my eyes away from the little city car parked outside. “I have to go work Tut before I leave,” I said. The old horse had bad hips and needed to be exercised every day if Nan wanted him to stick around longer. “I’m sure Ella can manage by herself.”

  She just waved me off, not bothering to look at me as she went back to kneading the dough she was working on. “Go on then,” she said.

  I walked up behind her and gave her a kiss on the cheek so she wouldn’t stay cross with me. Nan could never stay mad when I was sweet with her, and I always made a point to be sweet with her. I loved Nan more than I loved my own Grandmother, who hadn’t seen me or my brothers in over ten years. She’d been taking care of me since I was in kindergarten. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for this woman.

  “I’ll come say bye before I leave,” I said as I walked out the kitchen and headed to the back door.

  “You’d better!” she called after me.

  I would rather have avoided Ella for as long as I could, but I knew Nan would never let that happen. It was best to get it over with quickly. Just not too quick. First I’d go work with Tut, and then I’d come back and deal with seeing Ells again. Hopefully by that time my heart would have stopped beating so damn quickly, and I’d be able to hide how nervous I was to see her. If anyone could see through me it was Ella Page. I had to get myself together.

  The loud snort that sounded as soon as I entered the old barn told me I’d been expected, and was clearly late in the humble opinion of the grey gelding staring at me from his stall.

  “Well, good evening to you too, King Tut,” I greeted as I walked over to him. His nose stuck out further, nudging at my hand when I finally reached him. I gave the white diamond patch a good pat before turning to get his saddle. “Ready for a good run, are we?”

  His snorted reply made me smile. I don’t care what anyone else says, horses were the smartest animals I’d ever worked with. I swore Tut answered me anytime we had these private conversations. My older brother, Cam, constantly made fun of me whenever he caught me talking to the animal, but I knew Tut understood what I said to him. We had a connection, he and I. Sometimes I thought he understood me better than the humans I hung around with.

  I stepped into the stall to ready him for a quick ride. He stood obediently still as I flung the saddle blanket over his back, making sure it was smooth and in the right spot, before lifting the saddle itself.

  “So, she’s back,” I told him. “I haven’t spoken to her yet, but I saw her drive in.”

  Tut nodded his head in my direction.

  “Yeah, I don’t know how this is going to work,” I murmured. “I doubt Nan even told her I would be working here too. Knowing that owner of yours, she conveniently forgot to mention it.”

  I’d never said anything to Ella’s grandma, and I doubted Ella had either, but I knew Nan had noticed how we’d simply stopped being friends since we’d grown up. I couldn’t even explain the why of it, it just had happened that way. I could still remember the last time I had seen her. It had been at one of the Wenton twins’ parties, and she’d shown up with Jaiden Crossen. No one had expected her to be there. And as quickly as she’d appeared, she’d disappeared again even quicker.

  I still remembered how I’d looked around for her for a good hour before finally giving up. Cam had teased me about it until my fist met his jaw. Then he knew to shut up, even though he still had that smirk on his face when he’d held up his hands in defeat and backed away.

  I hadn’t seen her since. That one glimpse had been the only thing I had kept with me of her for the last four years. She’d looked so different and yet achingly the same. Her blonde hair had been longer, wavier, and framed her round face perfectly. I hadn’t been able to see from where I’d been sitting, but I knew those same freckles I used to stare at when we’d lie out in the field together when we were younger still decorated the tiny nose on her face.

  She’d been wearing make-up, very little compared to the other girls that had been at the party, but enough to make those baby blues pop out even from where I’d sat. She’d also been wearing the prettiest, shortest dress I’d ever seen her wear, showing off long, tanned legs to die for. Jealousy had struck me instantly as soon as I’d realized who it was that was standing there watching me. I hadn’t wanted any other guy there looking at those legs like I knew they would be.

  When I’d seen the look in her eyes, everything inside me had shut down. I didn’t need to hear her speak to know that she was disappointed. I’d pulled the girl sitting with me – I couldn’t even remember now who it had been, to be honest – closer to me and had looked away. I didn’t need her opinion or disappointment right then. I’d had enough on my plate to deal with without having to face what Ella Page thought of the new me.

  That is, until she’d gone and left the party. Then I would have done anything to have spoken to her, even if it had been just to hear how little she thought of me. I never got my chance that night though, nor any night since. While I knew she still visited Nan often, she never came to another gathering with her old friends
again.

  “Probably for the best,” I mused out loud, receiving a stomp of a hoof in response. “She wouldn’t have liked me much back then anyway. Right, old Tut?” He snorted.

  I hadn’t even liked me much back then. Fourteen to eighteen had been a rough ride for me. I’d smartened up now, but it had taken years of messing up for me to do that. If I was being honest with myself, I’d have to admit that things had started to go downhill when Ella moved away. She’d been my escape from all the arguments at home. That one person who could make me laugh and smile no matter what.

  When her family had moved two hours away, I’d known right then I’d hardly ever get to see her. At ten years old, there would have been no way for me to go to Bloomfield. None of my brothers had been old enough to drive then, and my parents were so wrapped up in their own problems, they never would have cared that their youngest son had lost his best friend.

  It was shortly after that my parents got divorced. I would have said I’d been sad about it, except I really hadn’t been. Sure, it had sucked royally to move away with Mom and not be able to see Dad as often, but I preferred them being apart and happy than miserable and together. Living in a house with just Mom and my two older brothers had been a breeze in comparison to the way we’d lived before. Everyone had gotten along, and most importantly my mother had seemed genuinely happy. It had been the first time in my short ten years that I could ever remember seeing her laugh so much.

  Unfortunately it hadn’t lasted long. When I’d hit grade seven was when Mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer. By the end of grade eight she was gone. Nothing could have ripped me apart more than losing the one woman in my life that I relied on completely. She hadn’t just been my mother, she’d been my friend. The person I could go to for comfort, advice, love, help – anything.

  We’d had no choice but to return to live with our father. It had burned even more to know that I wasn’t returning to Ella. The one person that could have made losing my mother hurt less wasn’t around for me. It was then that I had spiralled into a shit load of trouble. My father and brothers had tried to knock some sense into me but I hadn’t wanted to hear it.

  Looking back, I felt like such an ass knowing what a little shit I’d been to deal with for the rest of my family. It wasn’t until my eldest brother, Chris, broke down and told me I wasn’t the only one who’d lost a mother that I realized just how selfish I’d been. It wasn’t like I hadn’t really thought of it before. Obviously I knew we’d all lost Mom, I just hadn’t realized how hard it was for them to deal with my antics on top of that loss. My mom would have been so disappointed in me, which was the real kick in the stomach for me.

  By the end of grade twelve I’d done my best to smarten up and get all my school credits so I could actually make something of myself. Now I was focused on working in hopes that I’d be able to afford college in the fall. Nan wasn’t paying much. I wouldn’t have made her pay me at all if she hadn’t insisted. It didn’t matter either way. I also worked over at the box factory with Cam on the night shift, so I was pocketing some easy cash there. It was probably the most boring, monotonous job in the entire world, but it paid well and that was all that mattered to me at the moment.

  Tut nudged me with his large body, telling me to hurry it along. I grabbed his reins and decided there would be no more trips down memory lane for the evening. I had to get him out there and back so I could go grab a couple of hours of sleep before my shift, otherwise I’d be dead on my feet.

  There was nothing like a good hour of riding. If I hadn’t been so beat , I would have ridden longer, but I knew I was pushing it as it was. Tut seemed in particularly good spirits as we trotted back to the barn. He was moving smoothly, none of the stiffness that sometimes overcame him now that he was getting a bit older.

  I jumped down, and took his reins to lead him back to his stall for a good rub down, making sure to take my time with it. Okay, maybe I was stalling a bit, but I couldn’t help it. Nan was going to expect me to go in and say goodbye before I left like I always did, and then I’d have to see her.

  It was sort of strange really, when you thought about it, to be so nervous to see someone who had been the closest person to you for so many years. We’d been through so much together, and yet Ella was essentially a stranger now. It didn’t feel like I was about to reconnect with my old friend, it felt like I was meeting her for the first time.

  I had a pretty good suspicion that any guy meeting Ella Page for the first time would be nervous. Or maybe I was just more so because my feelings were, and always had been, confusing when it came to her. No girl knotted me up like Ella. It was why I’d found it so easy to fool around with all the other girls in high school. None of them touched me, none affected me the way Ella Page did. If I didn’t know any better, I would have said that I’d lost my four year old heart to her right there in kindergarten when we’d decided that we were going to be the best of friends – forever.

  I chuckled under my breath as I started to brush out Tut’s mane. It was funny how quickly and completely things could change. I wasn’t sure if I was in love with Ella, or simply loved her like a friend, I just knew she was different. It was hard to pinpoint since I didn’t even really know her anymore. She could be a completely different person now that she was older for all I knew. It wasn’t like I’d heard many things about her over the years.

  The only person she’d stayed in touch with had been Jaiden, and Jaiden rarely spoke of her around me. And there had been no way I was coming out and asking about her, because I knew Jaiden would make more of it than it was. Okay, there were a few times I possibly might have asked about her when I’d had too much to drink, but I think Jaiden always chalked that up to the alcohol speaking.

  Nan never really spoke much about her either, other than little things here and there. I’d never ask her to expand on anything, too afraid of Nan’s ability to hear more than what you were saying. One always had to be careful around her. The wisdom in that old lady rivalled the Dalai Lama and Buddha combined, in my opinion. She looked old and innocent, always baking pies and smiling sweetly, but that brain of hers never stopped, and it was way more perceptive than most people’s.

  Tut snorted, butting me with his head.

  “I know, I know,” I said. Even he knew I had to go up there at some point. There was only so much I could do in the stables before it just became painfully obvious to everyone I was avoiding going to the house. Even the damn horse was on my case. I grabbed him some fresh hay and made sure the stable door was shut. He might be old and lazy, but leave his gate open and he’d be out in the fields in a flash.

  Taking a deep breath, I faced his accusing brown eyes and felt my chest tighten in both anxiety and anticipation. No matter how nervous I was, I was also excited to be able to see her again up close. I’d only been able to see the back of her head from the kitchen window when she’d been in the car still. It didn’t matter though, I knew just from the way her shoulders had stiffened and her hands had gripped the wheel that she wasn’t happy to see my truck parked there.

  I also might have known that was her usual spot and had purposely parked there just to bug her. Teasing Ella had been my favourite pastime when we were younger. I guess old habits die hard.

  I hadn’t seen her fully yet though, not since grade nine, and even then she’d taken my breath away. As far as I was concerned, Ella had never gone through an awkward stage like most people did. Ella had always been beautiful. Even at four years old I had recognized that.

  I looked back up at Tut, realizing I was still standing there like a fool. If I didn’t know any better, I would have sworn he’d just rolled his eyes at me.

  “Okay, okay, I’m out of here. See you tomorrow, big man,” I said, patting his nose. Every step out of the barn was a war between the desire to run at the house or to run to the truck. The house won out as I climbed the steps of the back porch. Two voices trailed out of the screen door, both giving me the warm feeling of home. It was
n’t something I had felt in a long time, and I found myself having to take a moment before entering the house. I just prayed I could keep it together long enough to say hi, bye, and get out of there without making a complete ass of myself.

  Three

  Ella

  Nan had insisted I unpack before we sat down and chatted in the kitchen. I wasn’t stupid. She was just trying to buy herself some time because she knew she was seconds away from hearing me complain about the other person that was somewhere on the property. Being the nice granddaughter that I was, I agreed and headed up to my bedroom to put away the clothes I had brought for the summer.

  My eyes lingered longingly on the bikini I had planned to flaunt at the lake. There would be no time to really put it to good use around here, sadly. Working on the farm was just that – work. By the end of the day I was always too exhausted to do much else but eat dinner and head to bed. With a big sigh, I pushed the drawer shut and headed back down to the kitchen to find out exactly what the hell was going on.

  Nan had her back to me when I entered, her arm working furiously at whatever batter she was whisking away at. I took a deep breath, savoring the smell of freshly baked goods. It was one of the plus sides of staying at the farm. My hips would probably disagree with that, but my stomach was all for it. Just the scent of freshly baked pie had it grumbling in appreciation.

  “Goodness, someone sounds like she hasn’t eaten in days,” Nan teased.

  I pulled out a chair at the table and sat down, resting my chin on my laced hands. “I can’t be held responsible for the way my body reacts to your home cooking,” I replied. “No one is immune to your magical ways, woman. Even if they’ve just eaten a five course meal.”

  She chuckled. “I’m glad you think so.”

  Nan knew how much everyone loved her cooking. She won most of the cooking competitions at the summer fair every year, much to the other ladies’ disappointment. People lined up for her food. I’d always thought she could have opened a bakery or restaurant and made good money at it, but she always insisted her heart was on the farm. It was all she’d ever wanted to do.