Simple Beginnings

by Janelle Stalder

  “Good evening,” he said with a smile that instantly had me on alert. I narrowed my eyes.

  “Hey,” I replied. Catching the eye of Lucy, the bartender, I held up one finger and she nodded in return. The good thing about being a regular somewhere is they just knew what you wanted without you having to actually say it.

  “How was work?”

  I looked over at him to answer but my eyes got stuck on an image behind him. Ella was sitting in a booth with her friends, those killer lips stretched wide into a smile as she laughed at something one of them was saying. Her eyes sparkled as she sipped on a pint in front of her. I could feel every muscle in my body tensing, unable to hide it.

  Jake casually glanced over his shoulder. Clearly he was well aware of who was sitting there and how I might react. His grin suddenly made sense.

  “Who’s the freak with your girl?” he asked.

  “She’s not my girl,” I shot out instinctively. His eyebrows shot up but he didn’t say anything. Lucy, bless her soul, chose that moment to place a tall, refreshing glass of beer in front of me, from which I instantly took a giant chug. The cool liquid dripped down my throat. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, my eyes going back to the booth, unable to help myself.

  “He’s some friend from where she lives now,” I answered.

  Jake nodded slowly. “Friend? Or boyfriend?”

  I shrugged, forcing myself to look away. “Does it matter? Either way, it seems like there is something between them.”

  Jake hummed under his breath, motioning to Lucy to bring him a drink. “I would think,” he said slowly, “that it would matter to you. After all, a friend or a boyfriend is quite the difference.”

  “Ella and I are just friends, Jake. I don’t need to know every other guy she decides to be friends with too.”

  “Ah, we’re still going with the just friends bit, huh?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He chuckled. “Sure you don’t. Because that murderous, jealous look in your eyes every time you look over at her just shouts friends, right?” He patted me on the back, walking away to join another group of our friends, leaving me to nurse my beer alone at the bar.

  I needed to pull myself together. Seeing her here – drinking – with another guy – was not helping with my mood. Who was I trying to kid thinking I could just act like a friend when it came to Ella? God, what would have happened if neither of us had moved away when we were younger?

  What if we had grown up and gone to high school together and I’d had to just sit back and watch Ella date other guys for years? It would have killed me. I might deny it out loud, but I couldn’t lie to myself. I would have ended up beating any guy who dared to touch her. Maybe she would have just thought I was acting the big brother persona, but I would have known differently.

  Watching her now was proof enough that I wouldn’t have been able to handle standing back and watching her through her dating phases. Every instinct in me was demanding I walk over there and scoop her out of the booth, away from both those guys and every other one in here.

  The back of my neck broke out into a cold sweat as I fought the urge. Tension filled every ounce of my body. I couldn’t just stand here and pretend she wasn’t over there, only a short distance away, sitting with another guy. Chugging back the rest of my drink, I turned to find Cam, only to see that he was already watching me. The knowing, sympathetic look in his eyes should have pissed me off, but for once I was thankful that he already knew what was going on in my head. He motioned with his chin toward the door and I nodded, turning to head back out without glancing her way again. If I didn’t figure out what the hell was going on in my head when it came to that girl soon, I was likely to explode.

  The night air was cool against my skin as I ran. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, not that I needed it. I knew our property like the back of my hand and could probably run it with my eyes closed.

  No matter how hard I’d tried, I just couldn’t manage to shut off my thoughts for the night and fall asleep. Ella Page was definitely affecting my sleeping habits. Pushing myself harder, the sound of my breathing the only thing around me except for the crickets keeping me company, I did my best to wipe my mind. Focusing on the burning in my muscles, I ran until my lungs burned and my legs ached, and then ran some more.

  Pushing my body had always been my way of dealing with stress. It was an outlet. A much better one than the others I had turned to after Mom passed. Drinking and having meaningless sex with girls wasn’t how I wanted to deal with things anymore. Especially when my problem right now was a certain girl who appeared to be a constant in my life, whether I liked it or not. I doubted sleeping with someone else would help erase her image or the fire that burned inside of me every time I pictured her face.

  Every ounce of me wanted to grab her and never let her go. I wanted to know what she tasted like, what she felt like, how my name sounded on her lips during moments of passion. I wanted to memorize the feel of her, acquaint myself with every inch of her creamy skin, every dip and rise, every freckle.

  I gave myself a firm mental shake. This was not working. I was only making things worse the more I thought about her. The fact that she might have a boyfriend and be with him right now was driving me insane, urging me to push myself harder.

  I ran until I saw the wall separating our properties and started to slow down. I’d rest for a bit before running back. Walking up to the stone structure, I lifted off my t-shirt and bunched it into a make-shift pillow as I hoisted myself up and stretched out along with wall. Closing my eyes, I let the feel of the breeze cool me off, the night sounds filter around me, and simply relaxed, blanking my mind.

  “Is there something wrong with your bed?”

  My eyes snapped open, my head turning slightly to stare at Ella standing not far from me. Her mouth was pulled up in a small grin, almost as though she were nervous or shy. My initial response was to mention that it didn’t have her in it, but I quickly stopped myself from voicing that.

  I sat up slowly, rolling my shoulders. “I just needed to get out and run for a bit,” I replied instead.

  She took a couple of steps closer, her hands fidgeting. “You only do that when something is upsetting you.” She paused. I simply sat there, taking her in. Imagining her throughout my run was nothing compared to having the real thing in front of me. I let my eyes drift over every inch of her, soaking her in and how she made my body react. She was here. Not somewhere else with him – here. With me. She cleared her throat when I didn’t fill in the silence between us. “Is everything okay, Gage?”

  Before I knew it, I found myself shaking my head no. I couldn’t say the words, but I didn’t want to lie and say everything was okay when it wasn’t. It really wasn’t. I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anything in my entire life. Probably had since we’d first become friends in kindergarten. My soul had picked hers out and held on, never noticing or wanting anyone but her. I was so far from okay, I didn’t know what to do about it.

  Ella stood watching me curiously as I twisted so I sat with my legs dangling over the side of the wall. How did I tell her how I felt and not scare her away? She had come back here hating me, and then finally allowed us to be friends again, and I was about to ruin that with some proclamation of feelings. The last thing I needed was for her to distance herself again.

  I rubbed a hand down my face. Ella walked closer until her hip rested against the wall beside me.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

  I chuckled softly. “Do I want to talk about it?” I sighed. “Yes. And no.”

  She laughed. “That sounds confusing.”

  “You have no idea.” I looked over at her. “Shouldn’t you be with your boyfriend? I’m sure he’d be worried if he woke up and you weren’t there.”

  “Who, Rannon?” She snorted. “He’s not my boyfriend. We’re just friends.”

  A heavy weight lifted off my chest and for the fi
rst time that day I felt like I could breathe a little easier.

  “Plus, Nan would never let a boy sleep in the same bed as me under her roof. If she had it her way, she would put them out in the barn.”

  We both laughed. Oh how I loved Nan. I was going to have to tell her in the morning, just because. My eyes drifted over her face, from those blue eyes that were darker now in the night light, to those lips that had me craving them like an addict. Once I stopped there I couldn’t look away. I wanted to kiss her more than I wanted anything else in the entire world.

  “So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” she said, breaking the silence.

  The only thing wrong at that moment was that she was still too far away from me. I shook my head slowly, lifting my gaze to meet hers. “I’d rather show you,” I said hoarsely.

  Nineteen

  Ella

  I didn’t think it was possible for my heart to beat any faster than it had already been the moment I spotted him lying on the wall that separated our properties. If I hadn’t known the reason for it beating so fast, I would have been concerned I was about to go into cardiac arrest.

  Coming out here had been a long shot. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, the entire time I’d walked in this direction I had hoped he’d be here. From the moment I saw him out of the corner of my eye walk out of the bar without even coming over to say hello, my mind had strayed from nothing but thoughts of Gage. Where was he going? Where had he been? Why didn’t he come and say hi? Why did he seem so upset as he stood at the bar?

  I had done my best not to look his way, determined not to show how instantly my body reacted whenever he walked into a room. As soon as he and Cam showed up it was as though some sort of intangible string between us existed and threatened to pull me toward him. How I knew he was there, I don’t know, but I did. It had taken everything I had not to look or go to him.

  Olivia had given me a knowing look, but didn’t say anything. I suspected she was awake when I snuck out of my room before walking this way. Still she hadn’t said anything, pretending to be asleep as I tiptoed out into the hall and down the stairs. Both boys were snoring in the family room so I highly doubted either heard me leave.

  I don’t know why I was trying to do it in secret. It wasn’t as if I owed anyone an explanation for my actions. I was well past the age when I needed to justify myself if I wanted to go for a walk …at two in the morning. Okay, it would have seemed strange to just about anyone. I just couldn’t admit to them that I was going out in hopes of running into my neighbour. It sounded desperate and silly.

  But that was what I was doing, wasn’t it? I had trekked across my grandmother’s property in search of a boy I had told myself repeatedly not to fall for. And yet here I was. Standing in front of him, knowing that clearly something was bothering him, trying my best to seem casual and hide the way my hands shook uncontrollably. I had been all set to hear what he had to say and offer my advice until the words “I’d rather show you” left his mouth.

  My entire body had begun to shake now and I felt rooted to the spot where I leaned against the wall. I hadn’t missed the way Gage’s eyes had focused on my mouth, but I’d started to convince myself it was just my imagination, or I wasn’t seeing this correctly because of the dim lighting. Now I couldn’t deny the heat in his eyes as he pushed himself off the wall and came to stand in front of me.

  My breath lodged in my throat. I had to remind myself to breath normally as his hands landed on my hips, lifting me as though I weighed nothing, and depositing me on the wall. Before I could react, he stepped in between my legs, leaving little room between us. I licked at my dry lips, wondering if I should say something to put a stop to this. Friends didn’t act this way toward each other. If we were going to continue to insist we were just friends, one of us had to be the voice of reason.

  Unfortunately I didn’t seem to have a voice at all, never mind one that could be called reasonable in any sense of the word. My hands had gripped onto his waist just above the low hanging pants he wore, the heat of his skin shooting up my arms to warm me in a way I had never felt before. There were things happening to my body right now that I didn’t know how to process, and nothing had really happened yet.

  You would think I’d never been alone with a guy before the way every nerve, every hair, every inch of skin tingled in anticipation for what was to come. My entire body was in tune with Gage, waiting for and wanting his touch. I’d been kissed plenty of times by other boys, but none had me feeling this way. None had made me shiver the way Gage did as his hand slid up my neck to my cheek, his fingers splaying behind my ear and into my hair in a way that already made me feel owned.

  His hold was gentle yet firm as he tilted my head back so we were looking at each other. He was looking at me as though it was the first time, as if he were memorizing every inch of me in some sort of fear that he would never be able to look at me this way again. My fingers tightened on his skin instinctively. He breathed in deeply and my heart kicked up a notch into higher gear knowing that my simple touch affected him.

  “You are by far the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known,” he whispered. “Even at the age of four I knew there would be no one else in this life that could compare to you.”

  “I doubt that,” I said back, smiling. “I’m pretty sure all you thought about when we first met was how much you wanted to pull at my pigtails.”

  He chuckled darkly, causing another shiver to run down my spine. “Oh I’m sure I thought that as well. But only because I knew I had to touch you in any way possible or else I’d never be the same. You’ve had me bewitched my whole life, Ella Page. There’s never been anyone else that could hold my heart the way you do.”

  I wanted to reply to that, but words seemed to elude me as he leaned in slowly. My lips parted in anticipation. At the last moment he turned his head, running his nose across my cheek, dipping so that his lips landed just beneath my ear instead. I closed my eyes as he continued to slowly make his way down my neck, placing soft, wet kisses on every inch of it.

  His tongue snaked out to glide across my collarbone before his lips returned to show the same treatment to the other side of my neck. My breathing had increased to the point where I was almost embarrassed. I panted in his ear while he seemed completely in control of himself. It wasn’t fair. His tongue flicked out again to capture my earlobe before he nipped it, making me jump.

  His breath heated my ear as he laughed softly, his lips brushing against me as he spoke. “Tell me you want me to kiss you,” he whispered.

  My hands clenched around him. He groaned so softly I wasn’t even sure I’d heard it properly.

  “Please, Ella. Tell me you want this too, or else I’ll back off now and we can go back to pretending we’re just friends.”

  Our heads pulled back so our eyes could meet.

  “Pretend? Are we not friends, Gage?” I asked.

  His eyes glanced down at my lips and back up. The hunger there made me want to clench my thighs together, except I couldn’t move with him standing in between them.

  “Of course I’m your friend,” he replied. “I want to be so much more than that as well though. I want to be everything to you the way you’re everything to me.”

  Boldly, I let my hands start to glide upwards, my fingertips feeling the hard ridges of muscle in his stomach. Gage closed his eyes, sucking in a breath.

  “We haven’t even seen each other in years before now,” I pointed out.

  He shook his head, his eyes still remaining closed as I slowly explored his bare chest. I kept going until my hands loosely wrapped around the back of his neck.

  His eyes popped open, the brown of them seeming even darker as they burned with heat. “It doesn’t matter how much time goes by, you’ll always be mine.” He moved suddenly, his head dropping forward until his mouth was only a breath away from mine. I froze. “Say I can kiss you,” he whispered against my lips.

  I didn’t reply, I simply closed what little dista
nce existed between us, pressing my lips firmly against his. He hesitated for only a second, before a deep animalistic sound came from the back of his throat. One of his hands gripped the back of my head, pulling me closer, the other squeezed my hip. He pressed his mouth against mine harder, branding me, owning me, ruining me for anyone else. The feel of his lips against mine was even better than I had imagined. And I had imagined. Even after everything I’d heard about him from Jaiden, I couldn’t help but always wonder what it would be like to be with Gage Hunter like this. Now I knew. I wasn’t sure if it would be something I’d be able to forget, and that scared me.

  This kiss alone would have been enough to cause any other kiss to pale in comparison, but then he deepened it, obliterating any rational thought in my mind. His tongue teased the seam of my lips until I opened to him. He swooped in, his taste and feel filling me as my tongue met his with the same amount of passion. I couldn’t move, my head held firmly in his grasp, his body wedged against mine. The fact that I was completely at his mercy as his mouth ravaged mine only increased the pleasure racing through my body.

  The hand on my hip pulled me closer to the edge of the wall and against him. The hard ridge of his excitement was unmistakable beneath the fabric of his pants. I only wore thin cotton shorts myself. I moaned as he pressed against me, my hands tightening in the strands of hair I’d wrapped around my fingers at some point during the kiss.

  His tongue continued to explore my mouth, his lips moving effortlessly against mine. He sucked on my tongue, bit at my lips, did everything I could have ever dreamed of a guy doing while kissing me, except he was so much better than any dream I’d ever had. My brain was still trying to come to terms with the fact that it was Gage Hunter kissing me this way. I’d convinced myself for so long that I wanted nothing to do with him and had no feelings for my ex-best friend, and now all of that had been blown to pieces. I wasn’t sure how I’d ever be able to walk away from what was between us now that I’d had a taste of him.