Losing Enough

by Helen Boswell

  It’s late morning, and the sun immediately fries me as soon as I step onto the walk. Connor had told me that the clubhouse was a block or so east of here, and I take a second to get my bearings before heading left.

  His neighborhood is super quiet, the houses all stucco-walled ghosts with empty windows for dead eyes. In actuality, I know that I’m not seeing anyone outside because it’s over a hundred degrees out as opposed to whatever everyone has their air conditioning set to. That, and probably most people here have jobs that they need to go to. Still, it feels a little creepy.

  “Alexis.”

  My heart leaps in my chest as I hear Connor call out my name. But his voice is scratchy, like he’s been yelling for hours when he’s only been gone for less than thirty minutes.

  I whip around, and a gaping hole forms in my gut when I see the man walking toward me from across the street. I knew they were identical twins, but I’m still not prepared to see someone who looks so much like Connor.

  Cruz.

  He’s even dressed like Connor does most of the time in a simple dark t-shirt and jeans, though he’s wearing cowboy boots, which I can’t see Connor ever doing. And there’s a severe quality to his face that is so not Connor, like his features have been hollowed out by some darkness from his past. His frame is skinnier, lankier. His hair is longer and greasier, darker (probably because of the grease). His eyes glimmer as he closes in on me, and maybe I’ve watched too many movies in the past week because the thought automatically pops into my head. He’s like one of those supervillains from an alternate universe. Like the anti-Connor.

  “Hey, baby.” Even though his lips look so much like Connor’s – dammit, I must stop thinking like this – they turn up in a distinct leer.

  I back away from him, noticing the gun that he’s openly carrying in his belt. I force myself to breathe evenly, try to keep my cool, but I’m actually freaking out inside.

  “What do you want?” I take another step back. And another. I’m only four houses away from Connor’s, but I’m wearing flip flops. Even if I did manage to outrun him, I’d have to dig out the code and punch it in before I could get inside.

  I wouldn’t make it. I’d never be able to get there before Cruz, let alone get inside safely. Not even if I’d had a key instead of a code.

  My heart sinks at the realization, but I somehow dig out some new resolve at the same time. I need to take a stand, talk to him and bide some time until someone drives by that I can flag down. Someone has to drive by soon, right? Cruz isn’t answering me – he’s just eating me up with his eyes in a way that’s making my skin crawl.

  “How did you get past the security guards?” I demand.

  I notice a For Sale sign in front of the house where he came from. We’re on the other side of the street from Connor’s, and I’m guessing that Cruz has probably been lying in wait inside this empty house for a while. I can totally picture him breaking in and waiting until he had the opportunity to get to Connor. Or get to me.

  And now that he has me, now what?

  He coughs out a brittle laugh. “Those underpaid cop wannabees? They didn’t need very much convincing.”

  I swallow hard as he takes another step toward me, and I take a step back like we’re doing some terrible dance routine.

  “What do you want?” I repeat, hating the fact that my voice breaks at the end.

  His eyes narrow into slits. “I need to convince my little brother of something, and I thought I could pass the message through you.”

  Pass a message through me? What the hell is that supposed to mean, that he’s going to leave me for dead or something for Connor to find? The panic explodes to fill me, and I whirl around and run. The clubhouse. There will be other people there. I might not even need the code. I can draw attention to Cruz once I get there.

  I sprint down the street, but I don’t get very far before Cruz grabs me from behind. I open my mouth to yell, but he clamps a hand over it, pinning my arms to my sides with his other arm. I grit my teeth and buck against him as hard as I can, try to stomp on his foot with my heel, but all that happens is that I lose my flip flop and sear the bottom of my foot on the sun-baked asphalt.

  He may be lankier than Connor, but he’s incredibly strong, his arms like iron restraints thwarting my attempts to break free, and my kicks and jabs don’t deter him. His breath fills my nostrils, and it’s smoky and rancid, like burning plastic.

  “Shhh. Don’t fight me, baby,” he whispers in my ear. “I’m not gonna hurt you. I just gotta tell you something, and then I’ll leave. Comprendes?”

  I blink back the moisture forming in my eyes as I try to nod my head to let him know I understand. He doesn’t seem to realize how hard he’s holding me though. Not that he would care.

  “You tell Connor that if he doesn’t agree to help me, my associates won’t help out your father as agreed.”

  My dad? Oh my God. I squeeze my eyes shut, choking against the stench that’s rolling off of him.

  “See, it turns out that I have friends here, and they’ve been watching you and your family. Your daddy’s been making some bad decisions this summer, but it only got worse when your momma landed herself in the hospital. Lucky for him that my friends cut him a sweet monetary deal. An all-expense vacation, if you know what I mean, and he gets the whole year to pay them back.”

  I tear away from him enough to violently shake my head back and forth. I don’t understand everything he’s saying to me, but I understand enough. No. He’s full of shit. There’s no way Dad would have involved himself with the criminals that Cruz must be talking about.

  “If Connor doesn’t give me what I asked for, then I go to my friends and tell them to renege on the deal. And trust me.” He presses his cheek against mine, and this time, I do retch. “You don’t want them to do that.”

  He lets go of me, and I’m in such a hurry to get the hell away from him that I pitch forward. I catch myself on the asphalt with my hands but not before I skid on my knees. He walks around to stand in front of me, and I lift my head and glare at him.

  “Go fuck yourself, Cruz.”

  “I’d rather you do it, baby.”

  He laughs, and the sound is so much like Connor when he’s happy and lets himself go that my tears finally spill over and run down my cheeks.

  Cruz drops down into a crouch, and I make myself meet his gaze and hold the eye contact. I’m pretty sure that what I can smell on his breath is the smoke from hard drugs of some kind, that he’s high, and that’s why he’s so strong. That this is why the look in his eyes isn’t totally sane.

  “Tell my brother, bitch.”

  My throat is closed up, my lips dry and my heart in pieces as I fight to say the words.

  “I’ll tell him,” I whisper.

  27

  Connor

  I meet Neil at a different restaurant this time, giving major pause when I see that he’s not alone. He’s in a booth with Maya, and they’re sitting across the table from one another and leaning in close like they’re partners in crime. Looks like she got over her reservations of working with Neil, which is good. What’s not good is having Maya involved in this any more than she already is.

  Neil’s dressed up like a biker today in a black leather riding jacket and black jeans, a total contrast to Maya in her light blue off-the-shoulder evening dress. He spots me first, gives me a curt nod, and Maya follows with a tight smile. She slides over in the booth for me, and I sit after a brief hesitation.

  “How are you, gorgeous?” I say, but there’s too much heaviness in the air around us for it to be like it usually is. She looks as great as always, but her face has a hardness to it that I haven’t seen in her before.

  “Your brother is either going to get himself killed or arrested,” she says with venom. “And even if neither of those things happen, we need to take him out before he smears your good name all over this city.”

  Maya can be cool and controlled, especially when she’s out on the floor, but I�
��ve never seen her like this. Not so direct. Not so harsh. Or maybe I did get a glimpse of it that time she asked me to get her cigarettes, when she asked me about what I was doing with Alex.

  I look at Neil, who stares back at me with his standard expression of complete neutrality. He shrugs. “Mrs. Coplin is a smart lady. I’d listen to what she has to say.”

  Interesting. He’s having Maya break the news. Or maybe she’s the one who came across whatever information they’re about to tell me. I almost call him on that but stop myself at the last second. He’s right. Maya is a smart lady, and I’ve always known it. I focus all of my attention on her and listen.

  “Your brother,” she says, almost spitting out the word, “has been making a nuisance of himself with all of the wrong individuals.”

  She looks around, casting a quick glance over her shoulder, even though we’re in the corner booth in the back of the restaurant. Neil has a vantage point to see the rest of the restaurant, and I follow his line of sight to a guy dressed like a tourist in a Vegas t-shirt, shorts, and ball cap. He’s facing away from us and looking out into the gaming area, and I wouldn’t have picked him out of the crowd if I hadn’t been looking for him. I’m guessing this is one of Neil’s people that he has looking out for Cruz. And apparently watching out for us, too.

  Maya leans in close to me. “There are people that you don’t cross in this city. You know this. You’re one of the good ones, Connor, or maybe you’ve just been lucky in being able to keep your nose clean and stay away from all of that. But if Cruz keeps doing what he’s doing…” She trails off, her palms up in the air before they fold neatly in her nap.

  I get it. Vegas is a mix of people with varying and extreme levels of power. I’m at one extreme, haven’t wanted any of that, have only wanted to do my own thing while figuring out my next move in life, but Cruz is a totally different story.

  “So you’ve identified who he’s gotten mixed up with then?” I ask. I don’t want to know specific names, and I doubt Maya would ever tell me. But if he’s getting involved with the organized crime sector, I’m going to have to put an end to that right now. And if this is the case, I might have an idea of how to get Cruz the fuck out of my city.

  She nods. “There’s a consortium. All of them have legit connections to the gambling industry, but Neil and I know that at least some of them are involved in racketeering, setting up illegal gambling via other channels, that sort of thing.”

  Neil speaks up from across the table. “And I know a guy who knows a guy.” He gives me a humorless smile. “This person is in the collection business for the consortium, and he tells my guy that Cruz has been poking his nose into that area.” He leans forward. “These guys who collect are some really bad motherfuckers. But maybe that’s why your brother feels like he’d be right at home with them.”

  Maya presses her lips together, stares down at her hands. “You understand that it’s better if you don’t know any more than that, Connor.”

  Not going to argue that point. And I’m not totally blindsided by this, either. I already knew Maya has been building her own connections in the city for the past few years, but I wasn’t totally sure of the nature of them. And I do understand. I understand that my brother’s trying to edge in on a racketeering scheme that undoubtedly has links to organized crime. And that he’s way over his fucking head. I’m grateful for about the millionth time that I chose to change my name so there isn’t an overly obvious connection between me and Cruz for people who’ve never met me face-to-face.

  “I don’t need to know more than that.” I glance between them. “Will you two be all right working together for a couple of more days?”

  Maya laughs, and it has a hard edge to it. “Of course we’ll be all right. Turns out Neil and I have more in common than I thought.”

  She digs out a cigarette from her purse, but the restaurant is one of the places in the casino where she can’t smoke, and she drops her hand and frowns.

  “Let’s go for a walk,” I suggest.

  Maya nods and signs off on the check, and we slide out of the booth, Neil waiting until she and I are standing before pushing the table back and squeezing through. Maya slips her hand through my arm like she always does, putting the cigarette between her lips. Neil appears on the other side of her, a lighter in hand.

  “Thank you, darling,” she mutters as he lights it. She draws and exhales, her gaze connecting with mine with some unease in it for the first time since I got here. “Before you fill us in on your plan, I need to tell you something else. I’m out after this trip, Connor. I’m done. My business back home is a giant mess because of some poor decisions.” She blows out smoke as she simultaneously sighs. “Not all on my part, but I had a very bad business manager and didn’t realize what was going on for several years. It’s been a really good ride, honey. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

  I suspected something was going on, with her mood shifts, bagging out on the games, and the phone calls, but I don’t know what to say to this. She does seem uncomfortable about it, but she’s also calm, like she’s updating me on the regular news of her day. She squeezes my arm and glances over at my business partner. “I’ve already told Neil this, and he’s kindly offered to go after my old manager, who’s conveniently fled the country, by the way. But that still wouldn’t get me out of this mess.”

  “Maya…” I discard the formalities again because in this moment, she’s just Maya and I’m just me. But she has it all wrong. I couldn’t have done any of this without her, wouldn’t have even considered doing what I do if Maya hadn’t given me the opportunity. “You’ve been incredible,” I say, and it’s an understatement. “If there’s anything I can do…”

  She waves a hand dismissively. “No. If I’m struck with inspiration, I’ll let you know, but you have your own problems to deal with at the moment. So, what do you propose to do about Cruz?”

  The three of us stop outside the hotel’s ticket office, like we’re conferring upon shows we want to see, and I lay out the details of my plan. Neil and Maya take turn asking questions until I’m pretty sure we get it all the way right. It’s a gamble, but we all agree that aside from getting someone to put a bullet in Cruz’s head – not an option – it’s the best plan that I have.

  Neil’s gaze bores into mine, his mouth set in a hard line. “You want to take one of my guys with you for backup?

  “No. I have to do this alone. But there is one more thing before I go.” I huff out a breath, raking my hand through my hair. “I’m going to give my girlfriend your phone number. Cruz made a point of telling me that he knows about her. If something happens while I’m gone, I want her to be able to call you.”

  I’m in a hurry, and the words come out without me thinking. My girlfriend. It doesn’t feel strange to say it, though.

  There’s Elle I have to worry about, too, but she’s almost always around people. But more importantly, no matter how resentful Cruz is toward Elle for leaving him in New Mexico, I know he loves her. And I can’t kill Cruz outright or have him killed because he’s my twin brother.

  Maya interrupts my thoughts with a sharp look. “Is this the girl from the high roller room?”

  I nod. “Yeah. Her name is Alexis Lin. She’ll probably be spending most of her time with my cousin, but I need to be sure she has someone else she can turn to if she needs to, you know?”

  Neil gives me a chin-up nod. “You got it, man. I’ll personally make sure she’s covered.”

  Maya says abruptly, “You can count on me, too.”

  You can’t protect the people you love all of the time. It’s what I told Alex when her mom went into the hospital, and it seemed so clear-cut at the time. Everything is easier when you distance yourself from it. I knew I could count on Neil, but I’m surprised by Maya’s gesture. But I’m appreciative. She slides her hand free of my arm and surprises me a second time by getting on her toes and planting a kiss on my cheek.

  “Good luck, honey. We’ll be thinking
of you.”

  I give her a quick squeeze before letting go, and Neil gives me a bone-crushing handshake. I need to get on the road right now if I’m going to make it there by dark, and I don’t have the option of even stopping by my house. I also can’t risk Cruz finding out where I’m going and ideally, don’t want him to even know that I’m leaving town.

  I take out my car keys and hold them out to Neil. “How do you feel about trading cars with me for a few days?”

  He grins at me and digs his keys out of his pocket. “The Audi? You got it. But I didn’t take the car today. If you don’t mind riding the Ducati for eight hours, she’s yours.”

  I bark a laugh. “I don’t mind one bit. Don’t scratch up the car.”

  He shrugs out of the jacket and hands it to me – it winds up fitting me all right. “Don’t scratch up the bike. It’s all gassed up. Helmet is locked on it.”

  Perfect.

  I walk away, feeling a sharp pang in my chest as I think about Alex all by herself at my house. Waiting for me to get back. I need to give her Neil’s cell number so she has it. But I’ll call her when I’m on the road, tell her just enough so she knows I won’t be around for a couple of days, and make sure Elle picks her up.

  I’ll explain everything to both of them when I get back. When all is said and done.

  It’s time for me to go back home.

  28

  Alex

  Cruz is either an apparition or a waking nightmare, I can’t decide. One minute he’s there, and the next thing I know I’m standing by myself in the middle of the street staring at the place where he used to be.

  I try to breathe, but the air feels too thin to properly move into my lungs. I’m not going crazy. Cruz was actually here. He was in my face, and I can’t move because I’m shaking so hard.