by Leigh Bale
“Jared! How are you?”
A burly, sweaty man greeted them at the door.
“Hi, Sam,” Jared said with a half smile.
“And Megan Rocklin. Well, I’ll be. You’re looking good.” Sam swayed slightly, smelling of heavy liquor.
Megan wasn’t surprised. Sam worked on a pumper truck crew. He was good at his job and normally kind and gregarious. But every time they had a company party like this, he got mean, rotten drunk. And right now, Megan wanted to avoid the guy.
“Hello.” Without thinking about it, she sidled closer to Jared. Only afterward did she recognize what she’d done and that it was an unconscious effort to maintain safety. But why she would evade Sam by seeking Jared’s silent protection was beyond her. It didn’t seem right, and yet it felt so natural.
Sam glanced between the two of them and staggered. Although the evening was early, he was obviously inebriated and slurred his words. “Did you two come here together?”
Jared rested his hand on Megan’s arm, and she took comfort from his presence. “Yes, as a matter of fact, we did.”
Sam lifted his glass to Megan and grinned. “Well, let’s see. Blaine’s been dead about a year now. So, off with the old and on with the new, right?”
Megan tensed. A hard lump rose in her throat, and she felt as though her heart had dropped to her stomach. Out of her peripheral vision, she caught Jared’s tight expression. He didn’t like this situation, either. She didn’t fight him when he deftly pulled her around and placed himself at the fore.
“Excuse us, will you?” Jared said.
He didn’t wait for Sam’s response but led Megan into the ballroom. Sam’s barking laughter grated behind them, but Jared kept on going. Megan followed right behind, grateful to get away.
“I’m sorry about that,” Jared whispered for her ears alone as they stood in the doorway and took in the lay of the land.
Yeah, she was, too. She knew this was a bad idea to come here with Jared. Everyone might be thinking the same thing. That she’d forgotten all about Blaine. That she was ready to move on. But she wasn’t. Not at all.
“It’s all right. But thanks for getting us out of there.” Her body was trembling as she pulled away from him to greet several Minoa hotshots. Good old friends she could rely on. Megan was grateful to see them but wondered for the umpteenth time if coming here tonight was a mistake.
“Hi, Megan.” Tessa hailed her with a wave of her hand.
Megan immediately hugged the other woman. “Tessa! It’s so good to see a friendly face.”
After a moment, Tessa drew back and brushed her fingertips against the dainty beads on Megan’s dress. “This is lovely. You sure look nice tonight. Doesn’t she, Jared?”
Standing close by, he cleared his throat and nodded. “Absolutely stunning.”
Megan’s face flushed with heat. His praise pleased her enormously. “Thanks, both of you. And your dress is beautiful, too.”
Megan admired Tessa’s black silk and smiled, trying to be pleasant.
Tessa brushed a hand against the shimmery skirt of her gown. “It’s quite different from the usual garb I wear, right?”
Megan nodded. “Definitely. I’m used to seeing you in your work boots and yellow Nomex fire shirt.”
The two women laughed.
Megan jerked when Zach swept up behind them and put his arms around both ladies. “Hey, you two. Tonight should be fun. I see lots of beautiful women here, present company at the top of the list.”
Tessa swatted playfully at her brother. “Just because you didn’t bring a date doesn’t give you an excuse to latch onto us. We’re taken, so you can’t misbehave.”
“I never misbehave. Much,” he snickered.
Dressed in a suit and no tie, Zach looked rather casual compared to Jared and the other men in the room. But his boyish smile was so open and friendly that Megan figured the guy could get away with almost anything. Zach was handsome and laid-back, and Megan couldn’t understand why he didn’t have a dozen babes following him everywhere. It was only a matter of time before some sweet young lady latched on to him.
Ignoring her brother, Tessa leaned closer to Megan. “Sean told me Jared was bringing a date tonight, and I hoped it was you. I’m so glad to see you out again. Now, if we can just set this guy up with some girl, our problems would be solved.” She jerked a thumb at her brother.
Zach opened his arms wide, an innocent expression on his face. “What can I say? You can’t mess with perfection. But I’ll find someone one day. I’m patient.”
“And the sooner, the better,” Tessa teased.
Zach pulled his sister close for a tight hug and kissed her on the cheek as he tickled her ribs. “Ah, you love me, sis. Admit it.”
Tessa chuckled, but Megan just smiled at their antics. They were fun and easy to be around, and it felt so natural. As though she belonged here—with Jared by her side. Did her comfort with this man and the other hotshots mean she was being disloyal to Blaine?
“Sean is over there. Come and sit with us,” Tessa suggested, bringing Megan out of her thoughts. Tessa indicated a table near the dance floor, where Sean was sitting in deep conversation with Brian Dandridge.
“Yeah, Tim and Connie are at our table, too. We should be a happy crowd tonight,” Zach said.
As they headed over, Jared and Megan were engulfed by coworkers and their spouses. Employees from the regional office were there, too, everyone catching up on old news and sharing a laugh or two. Both Jared and Megan had to fend off inquiries as to how serious their relationship was.
“Well, Jared Marshall. It’s been years.” A tall, raw-boned man with a headful of shocking red hair smiled and thrust out a hand.
“Walt Hampton. How are you doing?” Jared shook the man’s hand.
“I’m good. And you?”
“The same.” Jared introduced Megan to the man.
Walt eyed her curled hairdo. “Why, she’s lovely, Jared. You found a beauty, that’s for sure.”
Megan smiled, feeling charmed by the man’s words. “Thank you.”
Walt took her hand and leaned near. “I worked with Jared in Colorado. Back then, he was married to that harpy, Sharon. I’m sure glad to see he’s got someone better now. He deserves to be happy.”
Megan’s face flooded with heat. The mention of Jared’s ex-wife felt too personal, especially after what he’d told her on their drive into Reno. She’d heard the hurt in his voice when he’d said that Sharon didn’t want his children. And for some odd reason, it made Megan angry at the woman. Jared was a nice man. He deserved to be happily married. He deserved to be a father.
“Megan and I are just friends, Walt,” Jared said.
Walt slapped him on the back. “Sure you are. That’s how all the best marriages start out. With friendship.”
Megan blinked, realizing Walt was right. But this was one friendship that would never progress to romance. She would see to that.
They talked a few minutes more, then got interrupted by someone else. Jared spent most of his time deflecting personal questions and innuendos. Not once did Megan lose her composure. She tried to face it all with grace and charm, but inside, she was a nervous wreck.
Finally they were asked to sit down for dinner. Gratefully, Megan headed for her seat. As they walked to their table, Jared rested his hand at the small of her back. She was once again surprised by the intimacy of the gesture. It’d been a long time since a man had been solicitous of her. She was conflicted and couldn’t make sense of her emotions tonight.
“Does it feel odd to be here with me tonight?” Jared asked Megan quietly as they ate their roasted chicken.
“A little,” she confessed.
She glanced up and caught several people looking at them, their heads bent close together as though t
hey were discussing them.
“How are you holding up?” he said.
“I’m fine. I knew what I might be getting myself into when I agreed to come here with you. It’s okay. Stop worrying. I’m fine.”
“That’s a very kind answer. You’re a spirited lady, and I appreciate you being here,” he said.
Before Megan could digest his words, he reached out and squeezed her hand. The contact was electric. Nor did it go unnoticed by Connie. A warm glow filled the woman’s eyes, but she didn’t say anything. Thank goodness.
Megan pulled her hand away and clutched her fingers together in her lap.
The assistant forest supervisor stood up at the podium and tapped the microphone to get their attention.
“Good evening, everyone. We’re glad you all could make it out tonight.”
He went on to welcome Jim Gardner, the forest supervisor and guest of honor. Jim sat with his wife at the front table and smiled. A number of people took the mic and made jokes at Jim’s expense. They dimmed the lights and showed a slide presentation that included Jim getting dumped in the creek, supervising a forest fire and other various activities from his career with the Forest Service. One slide flashed overhead showing Jim at a parade. He stood on the back of a Forest Service pumper truck. A handsome young man stood next to him, wearing a Smokey the Bear outfit, holding the bear head beneath his arm as he smiled wide for the camera.
Megan gave a little gasp.
“Are you okay?” Jared whispered.
Megan didn’t answer. She gripped folds of her dress and bit her bottom lip. The man standing next to the forest supervisor was Blaine.
No one else seemed to think much of it as the next slide flashed onto the screen, but Megan felt a coldness sweep over her. She sat very still and quiet. Smiling and nodding at the appropriate times. Polite and reasonable. But it still hurt. She couldn’t help but feel the pain of losing her husband again and again. She’d let down her guard, and then Blaine had appeared out of nowhere on the screen. A constant reminder of all that Megan and her children had lost. A reminder that she should never have agreed to come here tonight.
As soon as the slide presentation was over with, they said some hasty farewells and Jared whisked her out of there. He seemed to know that she’d had enough for one evening. Megan was beyond grateful for his considerate insight. The last thing she wanted to do was wait until everyone was leaving and be put through another barrage of questions and innuendos.
They stood silently outside, waiting for the valet to retrieve Jared’s vehicle. Megan folded her arms and huddled beneath her light sweater. She felt lost and forlorn. No longer comfortable and happy to be here.
A few minutes later, they were inside Jared’s truck. He flipped on the headlights and pulled away from the convention center. The whoosh of warm air from the heater filled the void.
“I’m sorry, Megan.”
She didn’t look at him. “For what?”
“For bringing you here. I know some people made some foolish comments tonight, yet you seemed very accepting,” he said.
“Don’t be. People ask stupid questions all the time, but I don’t think they meant any harm. They knew Blaine. His work was a big part of his life. It hurts to think of him being gone, but I can’t begrudge reminders of him. Besides, it was time to get out and show people that I’m still alive.” She glanced his way, trying to believe what she said. But in her heart of hearts, she was in shock and wanted nothing more than to run away.
“I saw the picture of Blaine in the Smokey the Bear costume,” Jared said.
Megan laughed, but it sounded hollow to her ears. “Yes, he loved parades. I’ve got a cute picture of him wearing the bear costume and holding both of our kids in his arms. Now and then, I get it out and show it to June and Caleb. They love it. I don’t want to forget him. Not ever. So, I was glad to see his picture there tonight, doing what he loved.”
She was trying to convince herself she was really fine with everything, but her body trembled with the loss. She figured it was part of the grieving process. Something she had to deal with. On the one hand, it was good to see that her beloved husband hadn’t been forgotten, but it was also sad and difficult to think of him never coming back. It was hard to move on without him, but she realized she had to.
“You have an amazing perspective,” Jared said.
She gave a croaking laugh. “Not really. Don’t get me wrong. Losing Blaine still hurts. A lot. But I’m also happy to know he isn’t forgotten by everyone, least of all me and his kids.”
* * *
Jared didn’t know what to say. He didn’t regret this evening—for the most part he’d had a wonderful time. But he also felt dumb and foolish. Because no matter how much he kept telling himself he wasn’t looking for love, deep inside, he wished Megan could make room in her heart for him. And from what she’d just said, maybe she could never let go of Blaine, and Jared didn’t stand a chance with her.
He couldn’t compete with the memory of her dead husband, and he didn’t want a repeat of what had happened with his ex-wife. He would never marry again, unless he was positive the woman loved him unconditionally for who he was and not for what she wanted him to be.
Yet despite all that, was he crazy to want something to happen between them? The only way to see if it might work between them was to put himself forward and find out. It would take a giant leap of trust, but he realized he had to take it or live forever with his regrets.
Megan didn’t speak again for quite a while, and they settled into a comfortable silence. Both of them seemed lost in their own thoughts. By the time Jared dropped her off at her house, it was late. The porch light was on, the house dark.
Killing the engine, Jared hopped out of the truck and walked around to open Megan’s door for her. He escorted her up to her front porch. Standing on the second step, she paused there, meeting his eyes. The pale moonlight bathed her beautiful face in golden light. He felt mesmerized. Lost in the beauty of her dark eyes.
He stepped closer, and it was a few moments before he realized that he’d taken her into his arms. She didn’t pull away as he kissed her. Softly. A light caress. For a few profound seconds, she melted against his chest, pliant in his arms. Then she stiffened and pulled away.
“Jared, I can’t.” She glanced at him as though he were a mirage and she couldn’t remember how she got here.
Jared almost groaned out loud. She’d just told him that she would never forget her husband, but he’d kissed her anyway. Stupid thing to do. And he wouldn’t be surprised if she never spoke to him again.
“I’m sorry, Megan. I guess I violated the terms of our no-date agreement.”
He stepped back, feeling awkward. He’d forgotten who he was and who she was and what they’d both been through. For a few blissful hours, he knew Megan had been happy and enjoyed herself. And he’d been happy as well, able to forget the heartache of his past. But now, it all came rushing back like a drenching rain.
She murmured something indistinct beneath her breath. A mingled sound of embarrassment and appeasement.
“I better get inside now,” she said.
She turned to leave. He thought he should just shut up, turn around and get inside his truck and leave. But something held him in place. Something he didn’t understand. He’d caught numerous glimpses of what it could be like with Megan. A glimpse of happiness. Maybe, just maybe...
“Megan,” he called to her, and she turned.
“Yes?”
He took a deep breath to settle his nerves. To give him courage for what he was about to do. “How would you and the kids like to go with me to the park next Monday evening?” he asked quickly, before he lost the courage.
She lifted her brows in a wary frown. “The park?”
“Yeah, with me.”
She tense
d. He knew she was taken off guard by his question. That she didn’t necessarily like it.
“Um, I don’t think so.”
His heart dropped. For a flickering moment, a lance of pain filled his chest. He knew he shouldn’t take her rejection personally, but he couldn’t seem to help it. He hunched his shoulders and slid his hands into his pants pockets.
She looked at him, and he saw something in her eyes. A look of empathy and regret. As though she could see inside of him and understood the sadness he felt there.
“Would...would it just be you, me and my kids?” she asked. “No other firefighters will be there with us?”
“No, it’d just be us.”
“What did you have in mind?” she said.
A spark flickered inside of him. “I thought we’d have a picnic in the park. There wouldn’t be anyone else there to deal with. Just us having fun together.”
He held his breath, wanting her to say yes, but hoping she made it easier on both of them and said no. It was just the park, after all. Not much could happen with her kids tagging along. And yet, he wasn’t sure he was up to this. It’d taken a ton of courage just to ask her out. But now, he didn’t know if he wanted this.
“Hmm. I’ve never been on a date with my kids before,” she said.
He chuckled. “Well, I’ve got a surprise for them. Someone I’d like them to meet. If you’ll trust me, I think they’ll like it a lot.”
“So, someone else is coming along with us, too?”
He lifted one shoulder. “Kind of, but it’s not a person. It’ll be fun. No pressure. Just a simple outing.”
“I don’t know.” Her breath left her in a rush. He could tell she wanted to say yes, but something held her back. As though if she said yes, she’d be rowing out into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and throwing away both oars.
“I’ll bring the picnic. You don’t need to worry about a thing except showing up. You’ll have a night off from cooking. Just come and have a fun time,” he urged, gaining more confidence. Hoping she’d say yes.