The Cosy Canal Boat Dream: A funny, feel-good romantic comedy you won’t be able to put down!

by Christie Barlow

  ‘What are you two whispering about?’ Gilly looked amused as she placed the chalk box back on the kitchen shelf. ‘You two are acting very cloak and dagger.’

  ‘That’s the judge,’ mouthed Bea, pointing in the direction of the kitchen door.

  Gilly raised her eyebrows, ‘The snooty one?’

  Both Bea and Nell nodded.

  ‘Why do you say that?’ Nell asked in wonderment.

  ‘She’s just made a flippant comment about a greasy spoon café after she spotted the sign I’d just written on the specials board about the bacon butties.’

  ‘Oh God, we are doomed!’ Bea exclaimed.

  ‘Don’t panic! We have everything she’s ordered. Except for the coffee,’ Nell assured her friend.

  ‘We have coffee,’ Gilly waggled the jar of instant by the kettle.

  She specifically said, ‘None of that instant rubbish.’

  Nell rolled her eyes, ‘Mum, sneak out the back door and run over to The Waterfront and bring back a coffee.’

  ‘I’m on it,’ she said, thrusting her arms into her coat and scooting out the back way towards the pub.

  ‘Is that cheating?’ Nell asked, shrugging her shoulders.

  ‘Needs must. We have everything else. And here’s the order for the gentleman in the opposite corner,’ said Bea, placing the ticket on the counter, ‘He would like a full English, granary toast and a scone to take home for his wife.’

  ‘Aw how lovely. What’s she ordered?’ Nell asked, casting her eyes over the order pad.

  ‘A champagne breakfast, dessert, a fresh strawberry tarte, and speciality cheese and biscuits.’

  Nell raised her eyebrows, ‘Jeez! Where is she going to put all that?’

  ‘That’s exactly what I thought and asked her if she was expecting company.’

  ‘Oh God, you didn’t?’

  ‘I did and the poor man in the corner was chuckling under his breath.’

  Nell fell about laughing and Bea swiped her arm playfully, ‘Never mind laughing, is the champagne cold?’

  ‘Yes, it’s in the bottom of the fridge along with the salmon.’

  ‘Phew.’

  Gilly promptly appeared and placed the coffee on the worktop.

  Nell quickly poured it into one of their mugs, ‘Mum, take this through to her with the biggest smile you have.’

  ‘Will do,’ she said, planting a wide smile on her face and walking out of the kitchen door.

  ‘Let’s get this show on the road,’ Nell said, swiping her hands together.

  Bea’s expression suddenly hardened as she began to concentrate on preparing the fresh food. For the next ten minutes, Nell and Bea worked in silence while Gilly served behind the front counter.

  Nell exhaled sharply and caught Bea’s eye, ‘I think we’re ready.’

  Bea nodded, picking up the plate and the champagne flute before she walked into the deli.

  ‘Enjoy your breakfast,’ Bea said politely, with a smile, as she placed the food down on the table alongside the glass. The woman tapped away on her mobile phone and didn’t even make eye contact with her.

  How rude, Bea thought to herself, before turning to the man in the corner who was reading his magazine, ‘Your order is just coming,’ Bea said, warmly, as the man gave her a smile.

  ‘Excuse me,’ the woman clicked her fingers. Immediately Bea spun round. ‘My glass appears to be empty.’

  ‘I’m just bringing the champagne for you now,’ Bea forced a smile and did everything in her power not to curtsey.

  A frantic Bea returned to the kitchen.

  ‘You need to go and pour the champagne and the full English is now ready for table five, along with his coffee. I’m just toasting the bread.’

  ‘Who does she think she is?’ Bea’s face was like thunder.

  ‘Take deep breaths, it will soon be over. We’ve dealt with worse.’

  ‘Have we, when?’ Bea questioned, taking the bottle out of the fridge.

  ‘Actually, I don’t think we have! But on the plus side, it’s character-building.’

  ‘I don’t need my character building. Manners cost nothing.’

  ‘Very true. Do you want me to go and serve her?’ Nell suggested.

  Bea shook her head, ‘No way, she’s not getting the better of me.’

  ‘Good girl, now stay calm for the baby’s sake.’

  ‘And smile,’ Bea winked at Nell as she walked back through the door in an entirely professional manner.

  After pouring the champagne, she returned to the kitchen and grabbed the man’s breakfast and coffee. ‘Enjoy your breakfast. I’ve put you an extra sausage and piece of bacon on for you and your toast is just coming.’

  ‘Very kind of you and this …’ he said taking a sip of his drink, ‘is a very nice cup of coffee.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Bea answered, thinking what a lovely man he was.

  When Bea returned to the kitchen once more, Nell was spying around the door, ‘Get in there,’ Bea laughed, shooing her back into the kitchen.

  ‘Toast is ready.’

  ‘My cheeks are actually aching from all this smiling!’ Bea said, taking the toast from Nell, who thrust her hands in the sink and began to wash the pots.

  ‘The strawberry tart and cheese and biscuits are all under the glass dome when she’s ready.’

  ‘Thanks, Nell. What would I do without you?’

  ‘Hang on in there, she’ll be gone in twenty minutes or so,’ she said, looking up, her face brightening. ‘I’ve already prepared her bill so we don’t get flustered at the till.’

  ‘You’re simply the best.’

  While Bea and Nell busied themselves in the kitchen, Gilly served a steady stream of customers and for the next ten minutes the boaters got wind of bacon barms for a pound and they were flying out of the deli.

  ‘Good morning, Fred,’ Gilly said cheerfully when he walked into the deli.

  He tilted his cap.

  ‘What can I get for you?’

  ‘The board outside, bacon baps, any left?’

  ‘There is, just the one?’

  ‘Two please,’ he answered, ‘and brown sauce on both.’

  ‘To take out?’

  He nodded.

  ‘Coming right up,’ Gilly smiled, popping back into the kitchen.

  The woman in the corner of the deli, who was sipping her champagne, glanced over and gave Fred a look of disdain as he slapped a two-pound coin on the counter and shuffled his feet while he waited.

  The moment Fred left the shop the woman clicked her fingers again. This time Gilly slipped over towards her. ‘Can I have the bill please?’

  ‘Certainly, madam, but what about the rest of the food you ordered?’

  ‘Box it up for me.’

  ‘Of course, right away,’ she said, turning back into the kitchen.

  Within five minutes, all three of them stood in the deli window and scrutinised the woman as she tottered up the towpath on her Jimmy Choos, clutching her notepad.

  ‘Don’t hurry back,’ Nell muttered under breath.

  ‘How do you think we’ve done?’

  ‘I’ve no idea, but she’s going to catch pneumonia from that icy persona of hers if she doesn’t watch out.’

  They all chuckled.

  ‘Shall I put the kettle on?’ Gilly asked. ‘I think we could do with a cuppa.’

  ‘You read my mind,’ Nell said flinging a tea towel over her shoulder.

  ‘I’ll go and check on the gentleman in the corner,’ Bea said, relieved that the woman had finally gone.

  ‘How was your breakfast?’ she asked as the man laid down his knife and fork on the empty plate.

  ‘That’s the best fry-up I’ve had in a long time, but don’t tell the missus!’ he grinned, wrapping his scarf around his neck. ‘I’m meant to be watching the cholesterol levels.’

  ‘I promise,’ Bea said brightly, warming towards the old man. ‘Can I get you anything else?’

  ‘Only the bill please.’
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  If only more customers were like him, Bea thought to herself, as she gathered up the empty plates and disappeared back into the kitchen.

  When she returned with the man’s bill he was waiting by the counter with his boating magazine tucked under his arm as he grappled with his money.

  ‘Here’s the scone for your wife,’ she said, placing the paper bag on to the counter. ‘Would you like some clotted cream and jam to go with it?’

  ‘Strawberry is her favourite, thank you, very kind. And you, my dear girl, deserve a medal.’

  ‘What for?’ Bea asked holding his gaze.

  ‘That woman. She would test the patience of a saint.’

  Bea smiled and handed over his change. ‘You have a lovely day.’

  He nodded and walked out of the door.

  As soon as the door closed behind him, all three of them heaved a huge sigh of relief.

  ‘Urgh! What a horrible woman she was.’ Bea stated, ‘I think I need a drink – an alcoholic drink.’

  ‘You can’t, you’re pregnant! But you can have this,’ Nell laughed, handing her a mug of tea.

  Suddenly, there was a loud knocking on the window and all of them jumped out of their skin. They spun round to see Guy standing there, beaming back at them.

  He opened the door and Sam waited patiently outside, his tail thumping on the ground. ‘What’s up with you ladies? You look frazzled. Bad morning?!’

  ‘Yes!’ All three replied in agreement.

  ‘We’ve just had the judge from hell,’ Nell rolled her eyes.

  ‘Come again?’

  ‘The Melting Pot has been entered for Delicatessen of the Year and the judge has just darkened our day, but this one did amazing,’ she added, rubbing Bea’s arm.

  ‘Oh, interesting! So, I take it you all charmed the socks off her?’

  ‘Jimmy Choos, more like! It’s safe to say she had a heart of ice, but fingers crossed,’ Bea answered.

  Guy crossed his fingers too.

  ‘And what can we do for you?’

  He glanced back over his shoulder towards the chalk board outside, ‘That sign has tickled my taste buds. Any chance of a couple of those bacon baps? I’m starving! And a coffee?’

  ‘But none of that instant rubbish,’ both Nell and Bea said together, then laughed.

  Guy raised his eyebrows, ‘Eh?’

  ‘In joke, don’t worry about it! Gilly you take a break. I’ll get the bacon baps and the coffee.’ Bea and Gilly slid past Nell into the kitchen.

  Nell stood on the other side of the counter and caught a whiff of an inherently spicy masculine fragrance, Guy’s aftershave. It was a lot stronger than Ollie ever wore, but it suited him. For a brief moment she closed her eyes and inhaled.

  His face flickered with amusement, ‘You okay?’

  ‘Sorry,’ she said, feeling a little embarrassed. Pull yourself together, Nell, were the words whirling around in her head.

  ‘No need to be sorry. There’s another reason. I’ve nipped in.’

  ‘Oh! Which is?’ she asked, thankful he’d changed the subject so quickly.

  ‘I’ve put together a financial plan for you, outlining the potential costs of the picture house. Let me cook you dinner tonight and I’ll go through it with you.’

  ‘Cook?’ she said, ‘Tonight? That sounds lovely. What time?’

  ‘Say seven?’ his eyes twinkled as he held her gaze.

  ‘Perfect.’ Nell’s lips twitched with a smile. ‘Shall I bring a bottle?’

  ‘Sounds like an excellent plan.’

  As soon as the door to the deli closed behind Guy, Nell felt a warm fuzzy feeling inside. She folded her arms, leant on the counter and stared around the room. She could remember how excited Bea had been when she’d opened up The Melting Pot for the very first time. She’d worked so hard transforming the place and Nell had been with her every step of the way. Working here for the past two years had given Nell the confidence and experience she needed to run her own business: everything from stock-taking, working the till and customer service. Nell knew if she was successful in winning the auction, she would make the Old Picture House a success.

  Chapter 18

  ‘Damn, blast.’ Guy shouted, flustered. Why the heck had he uttered those words ‘I’ll cook for you, Nell.’

  The last hour had been a complete disaster for Guy. He’d decided to prepare the meal for Nell in Ed’s kitchen, instead of the annexe, for two reasons; one it was bigger, and two he could chat away to Ed at the same time. As plans went it wasn’t the best one he’d ever come up with. He hadn’t spoken two words to Ed in the last half an hour who was lying on the settee listening to the slamming of cupboard doors and the banging of pans coming from the kitchen. Even Sam had vacated the kitchen and was now curled up on the floor in front of the fire.

  ‘Ouch, that’s hot. Oh God.’ Guy felt his cheeks flush. The kitchen had gone from an average temperature of seventeen degrees to boiling as Guy threw open the kitchen window and was thankful for the blast of cool air. Smoke from the sizzling venison had activated the smoke alarm and Sam had begun to howl at the high-pitched din.

  ‘What the hell are you doing in there, mate?’ Ed asked, from the comfort of his settee as he reached for a biscuit from the plate on the coffee table.

  ‘Just teething problems,’ Guy answered frowning and wiping his brow with a tea towel while trying to follow the recipe on YouTube. How do they make it look so easy? They aren’t sweating cobs or swiping tea towels at the smoke detector. They look cool, calm and collected, unlike Guy who’d just caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He was losing the will to live.

  He took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. The woman, who was called Gloria, cracked open two eggs and dropped them into the mixing bowl. Guy mirrored her actions only to witness half the broken eggshell sliding into his bowl. Damn again. As he was trying to scrape the shell from the bowl without any success, Gloria was already measuring out the flour.

  ‘Slow down, you are going too fast,’ he bellowed at her, but she just smiled back at him. ‘And your smile is beginning to get on my nerves.’

  ‘Who are you talking to?’ Ed shouted towards the kitchen, but there was no answer.

  Guy decided to leave the shell. What’s a bit of eggshell between friends? ‘No harm done,’ he muttered to himself. He followed the next instruction, only to find when he tore open the bag of flour it mushroomed out into a huge snowstorm in front of his face, split all the way to the bottom and spilt out on to the table.

  ‘Right that’s it, I’ve had enough,’ he cried, switching off his iPad and cringing at his pathetic attempt to make venison pie. He made a mental note never to offer to cook for anyone again. He wasn’t cut for out for this.

  There was a slam of the fridge door and Guy marched into the living room muttering. His face was flushed and his t-shirt covered in flour. He raked a hand through his hair and took a huge gulp of his beer.

  Ed tried to hide his smile by avoiding his glare.

  ‘You don’t have to go to all this trouble for my sake. A simple omelette or a pizza would have done.’ Ed looked up at his brother, ‘Actually, anything is welcome after that hospital food. I never want to see another creamed potato as long as I live,’ he chuckled to himself.

  Guy sighed, ‘It wasn’t for you. I can still make you an omelette,’ Guy stopped in his tracks, ‘Oh actually, I can’t. I’ve just used the last of the eggs.’

  Ed had never seen his brother looking so stressed before. ‘Joking apart, I’d help you out but, you know, I’m convalescing.’

  Before Guy could say anything there was a knock on the annexe door.

  ‘What’s the time?’ Guy asked, quickly checking his phone.

  ‘Just before seven.’

  Guy groaned, ‘That’ll be Nell and look at the state of me.’

  Ed’s eyes narrowed at Guy, ‘You aren’t by any chance trying to impress the lovely Nell, are you?’

  Guy felt Ed eyeing him with uncer
tainty. ‘You do know Nell is not only lovely but really lovely and has been through a very difficult time. Look, all I’m saying is …’ There was another knock on the door. ‘Tread carefully. Does she know why you are here?’

  Guy shook his head, ‘She knows half the reason. I’m here to look after you.’

  ‘You need to be straight with her, she’s worth her weight in gold that one.’ Ed’s tone was firm, ‘Go and answer the door. Don’t leave the poor lass waiting on the step.’

  Guy didn’t need to be told twice, but panic hit him as he hurried to open it. Ed was right, he needed to be straight with Nell about why he was really here, and sooner rather than later. He should have been straight with her from the start and felt bad about lying to her but if he told her the truth now he wasn’t sure if it would ruin everything.

  Guy took a deep breath and swung open the door, ‘Hi.’

  Nell’s face broke into a grin, ‘Hi yourself,’ she eyed him up and down, ‘You appear to be covered in …’

  ‘Flour, don’t ask.’

  ‘Okay! I won’t!’ she answered holding a bottle of wine up in front of him, ‘I thought if you were cooking then it was only polite to bring the wine. What are we having?’ laughed Nell nervously.

  ‘It’s a surprise,’ he said, opening the door, and it really was. He had no idea what he was going to feed her now. Nell slid past him and hung her coat on the hook in the hallway

  ‘Ed’s through there. Go through, he’d love to see you. I’m just going to clean myself up.’

  Nell walked into the living room. Sam lifted his head and thumped his tail on the floor. ‘Am I not worth getting up for, Sam?’ Nell joked, ‘And hello to you, Ed, how are you?’ she settled in the armchair after placing the bottle of wine on the coffee table.

  ‘I mustn’t grumble, they treated me well in hospital but I have to admit I like my home comforts.’

  ‘I can imagine.’

  ‘And how are you? What have I missed?’ asked Ed.

  ‘All good here. It’s been fairly quiet,’ Nell answered, wondering where to start, ‘I was knocked over by a red setter and met a man called Guy whose dog decided to swim across the marina to a narrowboat on the other side. Then there was the rescue of Sam, followed by the Old Picture House going up for sale, the deli has been nominated for Deli of the Year, Sam decided to swim back out to the same boat and rescue a man who’d collapsed, then we’ve had the judge from hell and …