His voice was so hard that it seemed to cut deep into her and she flinched away from him instinctively. ‘I...out to dinner.’
‘By yourself? Or were you with someone?’ He laughed deeply, bending so that he could stare insolently into her face. ‘You don’t need to answer that question, Laura. Obviously you were with someone. Who?’
She took a deep breath, fighting to remain calm in the face of his hostility. ‘Domingo asked me to have—’
‘Domingo? You were with him? Have you no shame at all, Laura? Or did you do it deliberately to shame me?’ His fingers were suddenly hard around her wrist, his face dark with anger. Laura pulled against his hold, glaring up at him although she could feel the pain of the accusation right through her.
‘I had dinner with Domingo. Is that a crime, Luis?’
He ignored her question in a way that fuelled her temper, his arrogance over-riding it. ‘Dinner? It must have been a very long meal. Or did dinner stretch to something more? Is that why you are so late, querida?‘
She refused to rise despite her growing anger, refused to dignify the suggestion by repudiating it. ‘Domingo asked me to have dinner with him and drove us to Sanlúcar. Unfortunately, his car broke down on the way back and that is the reason why I am so late. Now if you will excuse me, Luis, I am very tired.’ She walked past him but got no further than a couple of steps before he spoke.
‘And how did you pass the time until help arrived?’ His eyes skimmed her with icy contempt, his cheekbones edged with a thin line of red that hinted at the fury he was controlling. ‘Was it a long and boring wait, or did you and Domingo find some pleasant way to fill the hours?’
A cold hand gripped her heart but she faced him proudly. ‘I won’t even dignify that with an answer, Luis.’
‘Why not? Because you are afraid that I would know that you were lying by your voice? Why did you accept Domingo’s invitation, mi esposa? For the promised dinner or because you had other...appetites which needed feeding?’
She wasn’t aware of taking those few steps back towards him, wasn’t aware of raising her hand. It was only when she felt the stinging of her palm as flesh struck flesh that she realised what she had done. For a moment she stared at the white patch on his lean cheek, watched while it slowly turned red, then spun on her heel and ran up the stairs with a sob. She fled into the bedroom and threw herself face down on the bed then rolled over with a sharp gasp of alarm as the door bounced open with a force that set it straining against its hinges.
‘You take me for a fool, Laura, or try to. And that is a dangerous mistake. I understood how you were feeling this morning and that is why I changed my plans and came home tonight, but obviously I could have saved myself the trouble. Your...needs had already been satisfied.
She felt ill at the contemptuous mockery in his voice. Did he really believe that she and Domingo had... She couldn’t bring herself to even think it, let alone do it! Yet as she sat up and swung her feet off the bed she could see the truth on Luis’s face and the pain and anger swamped her.
‘And what about your needs, Luis? Have they been satisfied? How convenient it must have been for you to discover Mercedes was in Amsterdam also. Or was it just a fortunate coincidence? Perhaps you and she arranged it. After all, you said yourself that once a person has tasted desire it becomes an addiction.’
His face was like thunder, his body stiff with suppressed rage as he slowly closed the door and came towards the bed. ‘You have the nerve to say that, to try to assuage your guilt by accusing me?’
She shrugged with a forced indifference. ‘If the cap fits, as the saying goes. Maybe you have something similar in your own language, darling.’
Her legs were trembling when she stood up but she walked over to the mirror and started to pull the pins out of her hair, letting it slide around her shoulders. She picked up the brush then held it in her hands as she looked at Luis through the mirror. ‘I don’t think there is anything else to say.’
He smiled but it was a mere travesty of amusement. ‘Don’t you? Mercedes was in Amsterdam on business for her father. I do not intend to allow you to sully her reputation to save your own.’
‘Of course not! Nothing must ever be said about pure sweet Mercedes! Aren’t you sorry that she isn’t your wife, Luis?’
‘I have regretted our marriage many times, Laura, but never more so than tonight!’ His voice was flat, his face so cold that she could hardly bear to look at it. He turned to walk from the room but suddenly Laura knew she couldn’t leave things like this. Anger and hurt were two emotions that had blighted their relationship for so long now—too long, in fact. She had to think about the child she was carrying. She couldn’t bring it into the world to live with parents who could barely speak to one another.
‘Luis, please listen to me. I...Domingo and I just went for dinner. There was nothing more than that to the evening. He was upset over a relationship which had broken up and when he...’ She swallowed down the bile of the words. ‘When he found out from his sister that you were staying on in Amsterdam he called round to see if I would lend him a shoulder to cry on. The car broke down, that is why I am late, but nothing...nothing...happened between us!’
He glanced back at her, one dark brow raised in arrogant disbelief. ‘And you really expect me to believe that?’
‘Yes!’ She controlled the urge to shout back at him and spoke quietly. ‘You have no reason not to believe me, Luis, and you know that. But if you have any doubts then phone Domingo and let him verify my story.’
‘And give him the satisfaction of realising that I am willing to go crawling to him just to hear that my wife has kept her marriage vows! I think not, Laura.’
‘But it is the way to rid yourself of all these stupid doubts! Why won’t you just accept that I am telling you the truth, Luis?’
His hand gripped the edge of the door, turning white from the pressure he was exerting. When he looked at her, Laura could see the anger lying rawly in his eyes. ‘Because I will never, ever believe another thing you tell me after the way you misled me before our marriage.’
‘I made a mistake, Luis! Am I to be punished for the rest of my life because of it?’
‘If that is what it takes, yes! But do not think that I shall overlook any further “mistakes”, mi esposa. If this evening’s jaunt with Domingo was a taste of what you are planning for the future then you would be well advised to think again. You are my wife and you will remain my wife. There will be no liaisons, no pleasant little dalliances with other men. I shall not countenance such actions!’
‘But it will be all right if you have your liaisons, your dalliances? Is that right, Luis? There will be one rule for you and one for me?’ She laughed with a faint hysteria then bit her lip to control it. ‘What a hypocrite you are, Luis! It doesn’t matter what you and Mercedes get up to as long as I know my place!’
He was beside her in a trice, his hands gripping her shoulders as he half lifted her off her feet and glared with fury into her face. ‘I have heard enough, more than enough! You are in danger of pushing me too far, Laura, and you wouldn’t like the consequences.’
‘I don’t like what has happened so far, so how could things turn out worse than this?’ A sob escaped from her lips but she held the others back from following it as she stared at him with tear-soaked eyes. ‘This is no life, Luis. Not for you or me or...or the b...’
‘This is all there is. Never doubt that! And it is more than you can expect if there is any repeat of tonight.’ He removed his hands from her shoulders as though he found the feel of her somehow repugnant. ‘If I ever learn that you have done such a thing again with Domingo or anyone else then you will quickly regret it, Laura. I will not allow you to make a fool of me!’
He strode from the room and after a few seconds Laura heard the sound of a car door slamming and an engine roaring as he shot down the drive. She walked slowly to the window to watch the gleam of its tail-lights until they disappeared into the night and the di
stance between her and Luis had never seemed more insurmountable.
This should have been one of the happiest nights of their lives, the discovery that they were going to have a child. But until she was sure how Luis felt about the idea then she couldn’t tell him. She didn’t think she could bear to hear him say that he didn’t want their child because of his hatred for her.
CHAPTER NINE
WHERE had Luis been all night?
The question drummed inside her head as Laura stepped down into the hall. It was barely seven in the morning but she’d been unable to stay in the room any longer. After Luis had left she had undressed and got into bed then lain awake hour after hour listening for the sound of him returning, but to no avail. By the time she finally fell asleep just as dawn was breaking he still hadn’t returned and her heart was heavy with worry in case something had happened to him. He had been in such a temper when he’d driven off. It would have been only to easy for him to have...
The thought died in an instant, relief like a warm tide when she walked out on to the terrace and saw him standing staring out towards the fields. He was still wearing the same clothes he’d worn last night, the beige suit creased now, the toning cream shirt less than crisp. His dark hair was windblown across his forehead, his jaw darkly shadowed with beard, but to Laura’s eyes he looked just marvellous. She stepped forward, relief making her eyes glow with warmth as she traced his muscular figure to reassure herself that he was all right.
‘Where have you been? I was worried about you.’ Her hand lightly touched his arm, the gesture quite spontaneous and unconsidered.
He glanced down at her hand then deliberately moved away so that it fell from his arm. ‘How touching. However, where I have been is my business not yours. I am not accountable to you for my whereabouts, Laura.’
She couldn’t bear it! Couldn’t bear this constant hostility, the harsh words that told her how little he cared when she loved him so much. With a tiny whimper of distress she pushed past him and hurried down the steps but she’d got no more than a few yards when Luis caught her arm and stopped her. ‘Laura, I...’
‘What? Want to show me again how little you care that I was worried about you? Don’t bother, Luis. You’ve made your contempt for me and my feelings more than plain.’
She pulled against his restraining hold but although he didn’t hold her arm tightly, he refused to let her go. He sighed roughly, ‘Sometimes I cannot believe that I am saying these things to you, Laura. I never imagined that one day what we once had could turn to this.’
‘Neither did I, Luis.’ She laughed shakily, more affected by what he had said than she knew was wise. ‘I loved you so much when we married. I thought that I had suddenly reached out and been given a slice of heaven but it couldn’t last, could it. It was too wonderful for that.’
He stiffened at her words, his hand falling from her arm as he turned away. Laura’s heart ached at the mixture of emotions she saw in his face. She was hurting, but was he also? Yet he would never admit it to her or even to himself. That damnable pride of his was too strong to ever let him do such a thing.
The realisation made her linger when common sense told her to go. Surely it was worth one last attempt to try to bridge this gap between them? There was the baby to think about, after all—their child. That could be the bond that would heal the rift if only she could start the healing process by making Luis listen to what she had to tell him.
‘I never meant to deceive you, Luis. I’ve told you that so many times but you have never believed me. No!’ She was the one who stopped him when he uttered a rough curse and turned away. ‘Every time I try to explain you walk off and it’s not fair to either of us! You have cast me as some sort of scarlet woman and that’s not true.’ Her fingers fastened tighter around his arm as she stepped directly in front of him to block his path.
‘I do not wish to discuss this. You know my views.’
‘You do not wish to discuss it? This isn’t the Dark Ages, Luis. You aren’t the lord and master no matter that half the people in this town treat you that way!’ Her eyes were stormy, her face flushed as she glared into his set face. ‘I was eighteen years old and in my first year at university. My father had just remarried and moved to Australia. He...he was killed there a few months later in a road accident and it felt as though the bottom had fallen out of my world. I’d never felt so lonely in the whole of my life.’
‘Enough! I do not want to hear this, Laura.’ His voice was hard, his eyes glacial but suddenly she didn’t care any longer. Whatever happened now couldn’t be any worse than what had happened so far.
‘Well, I’m afraid this time you are going to hear it.’ When he made a move to step around her she sidestepped and made him stop again. ‘If you don’t want to stand here and listen then I shall follow you into the house and if one of the servants overhears my sordid little tale then you only have yourself to blame!’
She was shaking so hard that she thought she was going to collapse but she forced herself to stand in front of him and ignore the burning anger in his eyes that would have made many a man think twice or three times about a course of action. But she was fighting not only for her own future but that of her child as well, and that gave her the strength. ‘I met Martin at the university. He was in his final year, reading psychology. He was warm, friendly and full of fun. We started going out together and it wasn’t long before I convinced myself I was in love with him.’ She gave a light, brittle laugh. ‘I needed someone so much just then that it wasn’t difficult. We...we slept together just once, that’s all, Luis.’
‘Dios! Do you imagine that I want to hear this? Do you?’ All of a sudden he was holding her, his fingers bruising as they bit into her flesh. Laura strove for calm knowing that the last thing she must do was allow this to deteriorate into yet another argument.
‘No, I’m sure you don’t. I don’t want to tell it to you, Luis, but it has to be told. You have to understand!’ She swallowed down the pain, keeping her voice calm as though by that way she could soothe him into listening to her tale. ‘I thought...imagined that sleeping with Martin signalled some kind of commitment between us but I was so wrong it was laughable almost. After that night he didn’t ring or call around to see me for almost a week and every time I tried to contact him he was unavailable. Finally, I ended up waiting outside the lecture hall for him one day.’ She gave a faint smile, her eyes clouded as the memories of that painful time returned. ‘He wasn’t pleased to see me. That’s an understatement. If he could have avoided me he would have done but I refused to be fobbed off any longer. I made him tell me what was wrong, why he hadn’t phoned or tried to see me and in the end he admitted what his reasons were. He didn’t want to get too involved with anyone, he said. If he had known that I...that I had been a virgin before that night we spent together then he would never have allowed it to happen.’
She tossed her hair back as the breeze blew it across her cheek, unaware now of the biting grip of Luis’s hands upon her. ‘It was almost funny really; there was I imagining that night was proof of how much he loved me and the commitment we were making to one another, while to poor Martin it had all turned out to be some awful nightmare. After that, well, I swore that I would never allow anything like that to ever happen again. I had learned my lesson and it was a bitterly painful one, Luis. One I could never forget.’
She looked up at him, studying the hard implacable lines of his handsome face while she prayed that this time he would understand. ‘There were never other men, Luis. Just that one unhappy mistake.’
There was silence for a moment and she held her breath. Then slowly Luis let his hands fall to his sides and walked around her.
‘Luis!’ There was an ache in her voice, a plea for him to stop, but he carried on walking. Laura clenched her hands, her whole body rigid. ‘Doesn’t what I have told you make any difference?’
He stopped then and glanced back, his face blank. ‘It might have done if you had told me before we
married. Now it is of little consequence.’ He smiled coldly. ‘You cannot imagine how worried I was about our wedding-night. I was so afraid of hurting you, querida, because I believed that you were a virgin. Then, at first, when you seemed to overcome the discomfort and find pleasure in our loving I was so proud. My lovemaking was giving you joy and fulfilment! But then suddenly I realised how mistaken I was; you weren’t untouched and innocent at all. It had all been a pretence. You weren’t a virgin but merely pretending to be one.’
‘No! It wasn’t like that, Luis! I had...had made love just that one time and years before. There was discomfort but I forgot about it because your loving was everything I could have dreamed it would be. But it wasn’t an act. I loved you! Surely the fact that I told you the truth proves that?’
‘All it proves is that you have a noisy conscience.’ He laughed with bitter contempt. ‘You couldn’t live with the lies any longer, and why should you do so? We were married then; you had achieved what you had set out to. You just expected me to listen to your tale then forgive and forget what you had done, but that is something I shall never do!’
He carried on up the steps to the terrace but this time Laura made no attempt to stop him. There was no point, when nothing would change his opinion of her.
She had no idea how long she stood there, her head full of the bitter scene that had followed her confession. She had never anticipated that his anger would change to hatred as it had done. Yet was it really any wonder? What she had done must seem to him to have been totally premeditated. She had hurt him, yet there was no way that she could make up for it when he was determined to keep her at bay. She had done it all out of love yet that didn’t make it any better. The fact that Luis might have understood if she had told him the truth before their marriage was the cross she would always have to bear.
It was only when she heard the sound of Luis’s car going down the drive that she finally roused herself. She went back to the terrace, forcing a smile when she found Pilar there laying the table. The girl jumped nervously when Laura suddenly appeared.
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