Rock and Roll Never Forgets (The Rock and Roll Trilogy)

by Barbara Stewart

  They talked every night, no matter where he was. Andy liked to hear about whatever was going on in her life, and she loved to share it with him. They talked about everything; work, her family, and all about Andy’s travels. Beth loved hearing about the life they were learning to share. It had been two weeks since she had seen him because of the travel, and she missed him more and more.

  In early November, on a Thursday night, the phone rang. She rolled over to answer it. A quick glance at the clock said it was 1:20, earlier than usual but thinking it would be Andy she snuggled in and answered.

  “Hello…” she said.

  “Beth, it’s Pops.”

  Hearing Pops’ voice, she sat bolt upright in the bed. A call from him in the middle of the night couldn’t be a good thing.

  “It’s Nana, Beth. They’ve taken her to the hospital… 911… ambulance…” he mumbled. She heard the emotion in his voice and felt tears well up in her eyes. “They are calling us all there,” he said, his voice heavy with emotion.

  November 4, 1979 ~ Hanging up, I suddenly felt so very alone.

  Numbly and quickly she dressed and drove to the hospital. It took thirty minutes, and when she pulled up Pops and Pappy were sitting on the curb outside the Emergency Room waiting. The others were all inside.

  “What happened?” she asked, dreading the answer as she lowered to the curb to sit down.

  Pops put his arms around her and pulled her to him. “She’s gone Beth.”

  “Gone? What? Why?” she mumbled, but there was no answer to give then.

  Gone? A sob clogged my throat, but no tears came. Nana was gone. Pappy would be alone now, and my Pops was crying.

  She slid an arm around Pappy, laying her head on his shoulder, he cried, too. She let the tears run down her cheeks and started making mental notes. Her family was so close. She knew this was would be very difficult.

  The next hours were a blur. In a daze, she kept busy, calling family and friends and trying to comfort her family.

  It was mid-afternoon when she finally arrived home, drained mentally and physically, her heart held a light spot, knowing that there would be a message from Andy wondering where she had been when he called. She needed to tell him, and talking with him would give her some peace. But the message wasn’t waiting.

  She checked the clock, they were in Spokane, Washington, and it would have been around noon there. Instead of dialing Roddy like normal, she dialed the hotel where she knew they were staying. She needed him. He’d shared a code word to reach him in an emergency. She always knew where he would be, but had always gone through Roddy to reach him due to his weird hours.

  She dialed the hotel and asked for ‘Peter Pan’s’ room.

  “Hello?” It was a woman’s sleepy voice that answered. Beth knew, right away, they misdirected her call. She apologized, but as she hung up, she heard the voice say, “Hey, Andy, wrong number.”

  Numb. She replaced the phone in the cradle and suddenly, sobs shook her body. The tears that did not come earlier came in a rush now. It was only a few seconds later that the phone rang. She let it go to the machine. She didn’t have the strength to do anything more.

  “Bethy, it’s me, pick up.” She heard Andy’s voice. “Bethy, please, it’s not what you…”

  But she knew she couldn’t talk to him. The bottom had finally dropped out. She picked up the phone, then hung it up, disconnecting the call and left it off the hook. She stretched across the bed and cried herself into a deep, heavy sleep of exhaustion. Sometime later Kimmy was standing in her room trying to wake her. Ethan, her oldest brother called her because they couldn’t reach Beth.

  She felt like a Mack truck hit her. Kimmy sat on the side of the bed, gently rubbing Beth’s back, such a comforting gesture between two friends.

  “Hey,” she said, and then picked up the phone and called Ethan to let him know Beth was OK.

  “He called me. Andy knew it was you, he called the desk and they told him someone called and asked for ‘Peter Pan’. He knew it was you,” she said again. “He said he tried and tried to call and finally when he couldn’t reach you, he called me.”

  Kimmy crawled in the bed beside her and said in a soothing voice, “I’m sorry honey, so sorry. I didn’t ask, I figured you would tell me, when you were ready, but maybe it’s not what you think.”

  “Sorry? About Nana or Andy,” Beth asked, sarcastically, and regretted it immediately. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t called for.”

  “You never have to say you’re sorry to me, my friend,” Kimmy replied, still rubbing her back.

  Beth had a sick headache. Kimmy reached to the bedside table and handed her some aspirin. She wrapped her arms around Beth and allowed her to cry out the rest of what she’d been holding back.

  As she did, Kimmy told her more about the conversation she’d had with Andy. “He tried to explain to me, I told him it wasn’t my business. He really wants to talk to you. He said it's all a misunderstanding, Beth. He wants to explain.” She paused, and then added, “I told him about Nana.”

  The phone rang. Beth shook her head ‘no’ when Kimmy reached to answer it, but she picked it up anyway. “Hello? Andy,” she said and looked at Beth. Still shaking her head ‘no,’ Kimmy told him, “I don’t think now’s a good time. She’s really just not herself. It’s not a good time.”

  He was asking her for help, but Kimmy stood firm. “No, maybe later, I have to do what Beth needs right now. I’m sorry,” she told him sadly, and hung up. The phone rang again a few minutes later. This time it was Mark, he begged her to put Beth on the phone. Kimmy asked, and finally Beth agreed.

  “Beth, I am sorry about Nana.” He paused, “We all are. I need to…”

  “No Mark, please don’t, not now anyway, I have to get through this. I need to go and be with my family. Not now.”

  “Beth…” but she hung up before he could say any more.

  “Please don’t answer if it rings again. I need to get a shower and get to my Pops,” Beth told Kimmy as she left the room. The water seemed to rejuvenate her.

  ‘Maybe, just maybe, I can get through this,’ she thought.

  “Yes sir, I’ll get her there,” Kimmy was on the phone as Beth returned to the room.

  “It’s Pops. He wants you at the house. They’re done at the Funeral Home. I’ll drive.” Beth felt very blessed that she was with her, that she was her friend.

  The next day was like a foggy dream, nothing seemed real. It went by so fast, yet it seemed to drag on endlessly at the same time. She spent every moment possible with her family. They needed each other. People came and went. Flowers and food arrived throughout the day. Nana was well-known and loved in her community. She’d lived there her entire life, and at seventy-four she knew a great many people. There would be a wake Sunday afternoon and a funeral on Monday.

  As they made preparations, answers came, too. The backache that Nana had complained about for some time, but didn’t explore, wasn’t just a pain that she thought came with age. She had cancer in her spine that had spread to her organs. It went undetected because she just thought the aches and pains at her age were a fact of life, and didn’t seek treatment. The last week or two she thought she had a mild case of the flu and didn’t do anything about that either. This surprised no one because she never complained, but it made dealing with their loss even more difficult. Everyone went through the ‘what ifs’. But ‘what if’ had passed.

  November 6, 1979 ~ Shoulda, coulda, woulda… When I arrived home each evening from being with my family the answering machine was full. Friends and co-workers called with their condolences, along with several hang-ups that I was sure were Andy, “needing to explain.” I didn’t talk to anyone about Andy and me, but I’m sure the fact that I didn’t even mention of his name had them all wondering.

  On Sunday, after the visitation, everyone gathered at Nana and Pappy’s house. Their home was always what the family called ‘home base.’ All things important seemed to need to happen there. Bet
h wandered the house, seeing Nana in every inch of every room. There was a knock at the door. Her mom answered it and Beth heard her talking. It seemed a familiar voice, and then Liz went to Beth and put her arm around her, and whispered in her ear.

  “There’s someone here for you,” she said motioning toward the door.

  Beth walked into the living room to find Roddy there. She looked to Kimmy, knowing she had told him. Roddy walked to Beth, saying nothing, he hugged her.

  “Let’s go outside for a walk,” Beth suggested.

  They walked quietly for a while. Finally, Roddy took her hand and they stopped. “I’m really very sorry for your loss, Beth.” Wrapping an arm around her, he squeezed her in a warm embrace.

  Beth put her head on his shoulder and they started to walk again. “Thank you, Roddy.” The sting of tears burned her eyes. “It won’t be the same without her.”

  “Andy wants to come, but he didn’t want to just show up without you being OK with it.”

  Beth didn’t say anything at first, and then finally told him, “It’ll make him feel better, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. It could get wild if he is here, the media and all.”

  Knowing her real fear, Roddy spoke. “Beth, it’s not what you think.”

  “How do you know what I think?” she asked sharply.

  “A sleepy sounding female voice answers the phone in Andy’s room, and your suspicion is that he was with her, that’s what I think you think.” He knew she was hurting inside.

  She turned to look at him. Roddy was her friend too. She’d grown to trust and love him. “Yes, that’s what I think,” she admitted.

  “That’s not how it was.” Roddy said; “Will you let me explain?”

  They turned back toward the house and started walking. He took her hand again. “Talk,” she told him, knowing he would be honest.

  “They needed to let loose. There was a party. Andy doesn’t usually get into that, and you know it. It ended up in his room. The hours and their schedule, they just needed to let go. Dane had some girls there to party with. It was late and people had passed out here and there to sleep,” he explained.

  “The girl who answered was just there, if you had asked for him she’d have handed him the phone. She wasn’t with Andy. She was with Dane, another one of his flings. She just answered a ringing phone.”

  Roddy’s explanation wasn’t like he was scolding her for over-reacting, and his words didn’t come across like he was defending Andy. He was stating the facts. Beth listened, but still felt unsure, uneasy. In her mind she had already planned for this to happen. This new way of life wasn’t really something she ever imagined for herself.

  “I don’t know Roddy,” she hesitated. “I just don’t know.” They walked a little further, in silence. He put his arm around her shoulder again, but said nothing to push or persuade.

  “I’ll be home tonight,” she said, finally. “I’ll answer the phone.” As he hugged her, she realized how much he meant to her, and she felt very thankful that he was part of her life. When they returned, Roddy went in and Beth introduced him to everyone. He expressed his sympathy, hugged Beth again, and left.

  At 10:40 that night the phone rang, she expected it. Beth figured it was Andy. She stood, straight and strong and picked up the phone, believing there couldn’t be tears left, but she had to fight to hold them back. Her mind wandered all evening. She tried to think and plan how the conversation would go, over and over in her mind. She felt so insecure, not believing she was really capable of handling that kind of lifestyle with him.

  It wasn’t Andy. It was Phyllis Stevens.

  “Oh, darlin’, I am so sorry about your Nana. Andy called me a while ago and told me. Is there anything I can do?”

  She was so surprised to hear Phyllis’s voice that emotions she wasn’t prepared for overwhelmed her. The tears came in a flood.

  “It means so much to me that you called.” Sobbing she said, “I’m sorry.”

  “Oh Beth, no ‘sorry’, I know what happened. Andy told me. I know this is all so different for you. It’s difficult. It’s been that way for me as well.” She began to explain, her voice motherly and soothing.

  “My home is under constant watch. It’s not just media, it’s curious fans who have discovered his roots. A friend comes by, a strange car is in my driveway, and they think maybe it’s Andy and they camp out across the street only to find one of my friends slipping out after coffee or cards. I wonder sometimes if I will ever get used to it.”

  She paused and Beth blew her nose. “Beth, Andy loves you. That’s not easy for him,” she said. “He is a loner. Listen to him before you make any kind of decisions. Let him talk to you. Let him tell you what he needs to tell you. And you tell him what you need to tell him.”

  Beth cried even harder at Phyllis’ words. There was a knock at the door. “Hang on,” she told Phyllis. Putting the phone down, again blowing her nose, she looked out the peephole and saw Andy. Standing there, hands in his pockets, he looked very apprehensive. Without saying a word she opened the door and went back to the phone.

  “Thank you Phyllis. I can’t tell you how special your call is to me - how much it means. Hang on, there is someone here you may want to speak to,” Beth said and handed Andy the phone.

  “Hey, I couldn’t be anywhere else. I’ll call you later. I love you, too.” Beth heard him say, and he blew a kiss into the phone and hung up. Beth turned away, looking out the window, not knowing what to say. Andy sat on the sofa. For several minutes it was quiet.

  “The funeral is tomorrow morning at ten,” she said, finally.

  “I know,” followed by more silence. “Bethy come sit with me.”

  “No, I really just need some fresh air.” Andy followed her out the door. They walked to the pool and he pulled two lounge chairs together. It was a cool evening. There was a bright, almost full moon. They sat in silence for a long time. Finally he turned to Beth, reached over, and took her hand.

  “Bethy, I am so sorry about Nana,” he started. “I know what she meant to you. I know what she came to mean to me. I’ll always remember the opportunities I’ve had to be with all of you and the great times we shared. She was a very special lady.” He thought for a minute, and then added, “It was obvious that she loved you very much.”

  Beth wiped her eyes, “I’m the only granddaughter, all boys but me…” she mumbled and began to sob.

  He scooted closer and took her hands in his and brought them to his lips. “I’m sorrier about this misunderstanding between us. Let me talk to you, please, Bethy.”

  She nodded and he began, “I know this relationship is hard, this lifestyle isn’t for everyone, and you have given far more than I have. You’ve handled this with more poise and grace than anyone could imagine. I know it’s a struggle and I’ve forgotten along the way that I had to work at it in the beginning. I'm very sorry for that.”

  “I don’t usually get into that whole party thing. You’ve been with me enough to know that. But I did this time. I was ready - mental meltdown… partying sounded good to me. It was no big deal. Some music, some rum, some women…” He paused, “Yeah, they were there, but that doesn’t mean you can’t trust me.”

  “It’s me I don’t trust,” she said between sobs. “I don’t trust me to handle this relationship. It terrifies me.”

  Taking her hands again, he was very quiet. Looking very deep into her eyes he finally spoke. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.” Beth could feel the hurt in his voice as he spoke.

  She looked at him and tried to pull her hands free, but he held firmer. “Tell me what you mean, Bethy.”

  Suddenly, she was just exhausted. “No, not now, I just want to go to bed.”

  He let go, they rose, and walked toward the apartment. Andy closed and locked the door behind them. Beth slipped into a big t-shirt, saying nothing, she crawled into bed.

  Andy came into the room with a glass of milk. He’d mixed in just a little chocolate syrup. He sat on
the edge of the bed and told her, “My mom always brought me a glass of chocolate milk when I’d had a bad day and she wanted to make sure I’d sleep.”

  He paused a minute, in thought. “The last time she did it was the day Dad died. He’d been so sick in the end, she never left his side. I stayed pretty close to home so I was there if she needed me. Here was this incredible woman who’d just lost her husband and she wanted to make sure I slept.” He sat, quietly remembering for a moment. “Drink up. It’ll help.”

  Beth took the glass and sipped, he gently tipped up the bottom of the glass and she finished it. He pulled out his shirttail to wipe her mouth, leaving her smiling at the gesture as she snuggled into the covers.

  “Where will you be?” she whispered.

  “I’ll be here. I won’t come to your bed. I know you’re troubled by all of this. But I won’t leave, I’ll be right here.” He leaned and kissed her forehead. “Good night, Bethy.”

  Around four, she rolled over and looked, but the bed was empty. The apartment was dark. Beth walked to the living room and found Andy sprawled on the sofa. She pulled the loose cushions from behind him to give him more room, and lightly tossed a blanket over him. He had opened the windows and it was cool in the room.

  He stirred, leaning up on his elbow. “Hey,” he said, sleep heavy in his voice.

  “Hey, back to you,” Beth said. “You comfortable?”

  “No, come here,” he said as he scooted back into the sofa where the cushions had been. She walked over and sat on the edge. He eased her down, pulled the blanket over them and wrapped his arms around her. Spooning her, he said, “Now, I’m comfortable, what about you?”

  “Mmm hmm,” she murmured and fell back asleep.

  Monday morning when she awoke it was around 7:30. She slipped off the sofa and into the kitchen to start some coffee. She needed it, and she knew Andy would want some. She walked into the closet in her room, thinking about what to wear. Her hand brushed the black evening dress from the Grammy Awards and she began to cry. She slid to the floor and hugged her knees, as tears turned into sobs. She sat like that for a while. Finally, Andy came looking, and found her there. He didn’t say anything, just sat on the floor behind her, scooted close and wrapped his body around her. He sweetly kissed the top of her head as he held her.