Rock and Roll Never Forgets (The Rock and Roll Trilogy)

by Barbara Stewart

  Andy looked over his shoulder, to get a good look at her. She had lost too much weight, and it concerned him, but he said nothing. He poured them each some of the wine. “Merlot,” he said as he handed her a glass.

  ‘Not his favorite, Chenin Blanc; Merlot, my favorite,’ Beth thought.

  She thanked him, thinking he looked very tired. He’d pulled his hair in that ponytail that hung down his back, and he had on jeans and a tan pullover shirt. The color of the shirt only enhanced the color of his skin and eyes, making him look so beautiful to her that her heart skipped a beat. They moved from the kitchen to the living room. Andy chose his seat in the rocking chair, a safe place. That made it easier. There was still no conversation.

  He leaned forward finally, elbows on his knees, arms crossed, head bowed. He didn’t look at her, choosing instead, to focus on a spot on the floor that Beth couldn’t see as he said; “I’m sorry, Bethy.”

  She sat and looked at him, quietly for a moment, then asked; “What for?”

  He looked up. “I’m not sure,” his eyes met hers and she noticed again a weariness that wasn’t normal for him, that spark and vibrancy were missing. “I don’t know what happened. Midlife crisis?” he added with a weak chuckle and half-smile.

  “I think thirty-four might be a bit young to use that one,” she said.

  There was a long silence again, although his eyes never left hers, and finally he asked, “You OK?”

  “Yeah,” she replied too quickly, followed by a long pause. “I think I finally am. Trying to settle things in my mind, it has taken some time.”

  He got a cracker and some cheese, but it seemed he needed something in his hands more than his stomach. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “Do you hate me?”

  Beth thought a minute, took a sip of the wine, and hoped that the gesture would give her the courage to go on. “Not anymore,” she told him. Again his eyes and hers met.

  He laughed a tired, sad laugh, looking away, focusing again on that imaginary spot on the floor. After a moment he said; “So you did.”

  She sat the glass down, because she could feel her hands tremble. She looked at him, and replied, as calmly as she could, “Yeah, for a while, I did.” She could feel her insides begin to quiver, but she couldn’t let him know. ‘Be strong Beth!’ She repeated it to herself over and over in her mind.

  Andy rose and walked to the window, he stood there a while looking out. Then he went to the sofa where she sat. He didn’t say anything; he just sat down there, beside her.

  After a while he reached for her hand, but she jerked it away, crossing her arms across her chest as if it would keep her safe. “Bethy, I’m such an ass, can you forgive me?” he asked, it was almost a whisper.

  There was a long pause before she responded, “I don’t know Andy, it still hurts. A lot,” she added softly.

  The clock on the wall ticked away the minutes. It was a soft ticking sound, there were no words spoken. And then, Andy Stevens did something she had never seen him do. He leaned back into the sofa, laid his head back, and cried.

  She wasn’t sure how to react. His emotion was so real that she just let him cry. She wouldn’t. No matter what, she would not cry, she couldn’t. She couldn’t show that weakness, couldn’t let her guard down, or she would fall apart. It wasn’t gut-wrenching sobs, just tears, and when his tears were gone he rose, went into the bathroom and washed his face. He came back and sat down. The room was quiet for a long time. Beth got up and poured them some more wine. She thought they both needed it, she knew she did.

  “Thanks,” he said finally, breaking the long silence. “I apologize. I think it’s been a long time coming.” Beth still said nothing. She felt incredibly numb. “I screwed up, in a big way, and I don’t know if we can fix it. I hope we can.” He looked at her, but she didn’t acknowledge his comment, He wanted to reach out to her, he wanted to touch her, but he didn’t want to push her. “Say something Bethy, please. Your silence is killing me.”

  But she was too afraid. “I don’t know what to say Andy. I’m scared, terrified,” she finally said.

  “Me too.”

  “What the hell are you afraid of?” she asked, sharply, turning so that she was facing him. The tone of her own voice surprised her. There was a long quiet pause. Finally he looked, peered into her yes.

  ‘Oh God, those eyes,’ she thought, and had to look down.

  “I’m afraid you think we’re done, broken, and not worth another chance. I messed up. I let a good thing slip away because it scared me. We were good, really good, Bethy. It was comfortable and that scared me, and scared led to stupid. I panicked. I ran. I screwed up.” He paused, maybe to get the courage to continue.

  “When I saw Claire, ran into her in the bar that night, I don’t know what happened. We had a drink. We talked. I knew being with her wouldn’t be a good thing, it never was. It wouldn’t be permanent. It was an escape. She used me, I used her.” He stopped and looked away, ashamed. And then, “She was there and it was an easy out for me in a moment of panic.”

  Beth took time to process what he told her. “Why did you panic? Why did you feel the need to escape?” she asked, in that whisper of a voice. “You could have talked to me, you should have. I deserved that. What did you want? Did you want me to be mad at you? To scream, or yell…? Or did you just want to hurt me? What did you want?”

  She got up, wine glass in hand, and paced, emotions she wasn’t ready for erupted from inside. Andy sat quietly, waiting, and then suddenly, in a loud, sharp voice she asked; “What the hell did you want?” When he didn’t answer, she asked again, louder; “What, Andy. What?” Still, he said nothing. “What do you want now?” she paused, trying unsuccessfully, to hold back the tears that had already started making their way down her cheeks. “Why are you here?” she asked, yelling now.

  Finally he looked up at her, his eyes full of hurt and sadness, he said, “I want you…”

  Three words. Plain and simple. That was all. ‘I want you.’ She heard them again in her head, and she broke. It came in a maddening flood. She laughed a sarcastic laugh and said, “You want me?”

  She sat the wine glass down abruptly, sending wine spilling over the rim, then reached for the zipper on her jeans, and jerked to lower it. She ripped the t-shirt over her head, flinging it his direction. She never wore a bra, so she was bare to him. He rose, silently, picked up the shirt and walked toward her as she started to shimmy out of the jeans.

  “Stop, please,” he said calmly.

  Beth started to sob. She said she wouldn’t, but she did. It was the wine. It was the time. It was all the months of pent-up emotions that she had never really let loose. He held the shirt to her bare chest.

  “Put this back on,” he said, tugging her jeans back up over her hips.

  She shouted, as she was striking out, hitting his chest, but he held her close as she did. “Isn’t this what you want?”

  “No,” he said quietly, “not at all.”

  Her body shook with sobs. She thought that she must have finally gone totally, completely mad. Andy pulled the shirt back over her head and she shoved him away. She went to the sofa, hurt, embarrassed and a million other emotions that overwhelmed her, and curled up and cried. Andy went to the kitchen and put the food away, put the cork back in the wine bottle and came back to where she was sitting.

  She was crying so hard she could barely breathe. She lay with her face in her hands, sobbing. All those months that she wouldn’t cry came in a flood. Saying nothing, he sat beside her and pulled her to him. With her head on his lap she cried until she finally fell asleep.

  Later, when she awoke, the room was dark; the only light was the one over the stove. Andy had eased off the sofa and was sitting on the floor softly stroking her hair.

  “Hey,” he whispered.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  There was a horrible throb in her head from crying. She sat up. He put his hand on her leg to stop her, rose and reached to the end table and
handed her two aspirin and a glass of water. He sat down beside her but said nothing. After she took the aspirin, he turned her toward him and held her, and she remembered the feel of his arms around her, and again she cried.

  ‘How could there be tears left?’ She wondered, ‘but there

  were and they came in a flood.’

  “How did we get here?” she mumbled, and then suddenly he pulled her into him. His lips were on hers and she said no more. He kissed her again, and again, and again. He kissed her eyes, her lips, her hair; he pulled her closer to him, and wrapped her in his arms. Finally, he pulled her to her feet and they went to the bedroom. They tumbled on the bed, but only slept. Beth wrapped in Andy’s arms.

  They spent the weekend cooped up, locked inside and talked and talked, and talked. For three days they talked, yelled, cried, and they made love. It went on like that until they finally worked it out. There wasn’t much sleep. They covered a lot of territory in that time.

  It was difficult, and as much as Beth didn’t want to know, Andy told her everything about Claire and the short time he was with her. He decided that he needed to come completely clean. He told her why it didn’t work before and why he went back, knowing it wouldn’t work again. It was hard for them both. Harder for Beth, but she needed to hear it. She experienced so many emotions. In the end it was the best thing, a cleansing; a purging of sorts.

  He explained to her that he felt like she needed more than he was ready to give. “Deserved more,” he said. All Beth knew was she needed to be with him.

  March 26, 1982 ~ Us. Andy and me. Me and Andy. I didn’t need any more than that. I had never, in all the time we had been together, talked about commitment in the way of marriage or family. I only needed commitment from his heart to mine.

  First, they called Roddy. He was happy for his friends. He’d hoped all along that they would figure it out and work through their troubles. He knew they were meant to be together from the beginning of their relationship. It pleased Phyllis when they called her. As long as they were happy together, she was happy. They did not call; they went to Beth’s family to tell them. They weren’t as pleased. Especially Pops, he worried, and he said so. He told Andy so. Beth told him about her heart, about her soul and that with Andy was where she wanted to be, needed to be. And finally, with much hesitation, he gave them his blessing.

  Their hearts came back to each other, and they were a couple again. They fell into that familiar routine, and the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months. They worked together to grow stronger. It became a comfortable life together, a comfortable routine. She was happy being with Andy. That was her life.

  105

  Rock and Roll Never Forgets

  Chapter Fourteen

  Progression… Another year and it all continued at a crazy pace. The hype by the media over Andy’s indiscretion, and then his reunion with Beth had finally died down and they were settling back into their life as a couple.

  There was much anticipation over the release of the new album. The song, “To Hell and Back” was released, and topped the BillBoard charts. The sixth album also called To Hell and Back, was almost complete. It would be released in March. The record label was pressuring them to tour. Roddy, working for their record company now, worked very hard with all involved to keep the guys home for a while. They’d worked so hard for so long, one album after another for several years. They needed a break.

  Roddy was still very much a part of the band, no longer just with Andy. It saddened Beth that they had yet to reconcile. She knew with time they would work out their differences. She still talked to Roddy almost daily, and he was there to support all the band’s needs.

  They were all burned out, resistant to tour. Mostly they were just ready for a break. It seemed they were all ready to settle down. They were getting older, finding different paths, likes, wants and needs. Not that there was dissension in any way; this was a good thing.

  There were changes taking place personally for the guys. Relationships that became steady, and settling. Family that brought new life into their work lives.

  Nathan was ready to stay home with Dina and spend more time with Megan. She was a busy girl, involved in many activities; these were important times in her life. Time had passed much too quickly, and Nathan was afraid he would miss something good. Megan was a beautiful girl with her mother’s good looks, and Nathan’s tall frame. She started acting in school plays. She had good genes and everyone saw a future for her in the industry.

  With each day that passed Andy and Beth grew together. They settled into the routine that was their life together, and they were enjoying it. Beth continued to adjust to the life they shared because she loved him so much. Andy tried to make it as normal as possible but with the schedules the band kept it was still a circus at times. They were happy, and that was really all Beth needed.

  She began doing volunteer work for the Cancer Foundation when she was home. It was something she became passionate about, a cause that meant something to her after Nana passed away. It kept her busy, mind and time, when she chose not to travel. Dina’s advice to her stayed forefront in her mind. She tried to continue a life that meant something to her and not just get lost in Andy’s. She learned she needed that diversion at times, other people, and an outside force. The fact that she was Andy Stevens’ girlfriend was a plus - something positive for a change. Andy and the guys did a song called “From the Heart” for the album and it would be released as the next single. They were donating all proceeds from that to the Cancer Foundation in Nana’s name.

  After the album was complete Andy and Beth took a bit of a respite and traveled. It was fun travel, not touring travel for a change. They spent a week at the chalet in Colorado with Kimmy and Lane in February, and did some skiing. The ‘Florida girl’ was getting pretty good at it. She loved it there, and it was different this time; it was a nice couple’s weekend. They ate popcorn, watched movies and played poker with beer bottle caps, can pull tabs, and wine corks saved from many previous trips. It was just fun. Usually that was a very hectic, busy place. Everyone wanted to come along to play, and while there was definitely room, it just wasn’t relaxing like the cottage in Eleuthera. They both loved the island. It was peaceful and they could relax, there was no pressure to make someone else comfortable. On Eleuthera it was just them and Beth liked it that way the best.

  ~ ~ ~

  Through the years Beth was lucky enough to experience many other bands and performers, because of Traveler’s connections: some they toured with, some they were able to sneak in a side trip to so they could be guests. And they were able to get to see them up close and personal. Journey, Sammy Hagar, Bryan Adams, The Rolling Stones, The Police, Van Halen, Blondie, all of Beth’s favorites. It was very exciting; all of it.

  Andy surprised her with a trip to Ireland – a real vacation. They stayed at Bed and Breakfasts, toured castles as well as day trips to see the lush green rolling hills and countryside. The big surprise was a visit to see their favorite group, Thin Lizzy, in Dublin. Andy met Phil Lynott, the group’s lead singer, in 1976 and they stayed in touch. Phil invited them and Andy made the arrangements for their trip. Phil had VIP tickets for them. It was one of the perks of their lifestyle.

  ~ ~ ~

  These were times filled with excitement. They were spending a lot of time in Corpus Christi, a couple of hours south of Galveston, on house-hunting excursions, looking at bigger homes on the water. Andy was in the process of selling the house in Galveston and Beth would move in once they found the right place. After six years they both decided it was time, they were ready.

  Exciting too, was the wedding being planned for Lane and Kimmy. He proposed on New Year’s Eve as the ball dropped. There would be a Christmas wedding next year.

  But even more exciting, Andy received a nomination for an Academy Award. In January of the previous year Franklin Newman the writer and director of the movie, Time Goes By, approached him to write a song for his latest m
ovie. Franklin was a huge Traveler fan and wanted to work with Andy.

  The song was the title track for the movie. But this wasn’t the group, not the Traveler guys. It was Andy, solo. This was a first for him. He was hesitant to go it alone because of his devotion to the guys. But after hearing what Andy came up with everyone agreed, that a lone piano with just Andy was definitely the way to go. It was a beautiful song.

  The movie was a box office hit, and stayed at number one for many weeks, the highest grossing movie of the year. It was a beautiful story that took a young man through the awkward stages of youth, through falling in love and then finding out he had a rare terminal illness with no form of treatment. It was a major tear-jerker, and surprising that Franklin went with no-name stars, and it was still a blockbuster.

  The movie cleaned up on nominations; Best Director, Best Actor, Supporting Actor, Best Actress, Best Screenplay, Best Picture, and Andy for Best Original Song. The song went to number one on BillBoard the second week they started playing it and stayed there for twelve weeks.

  When they notified Andy of the nomination it was exciting. There had been talk that it would be, but the verification was pure elation, satisfaction. They would be going to Los Angeles in March for the big event. With the timing of the album’s release it would be a business trip as well. Andy decided he’d take two dates, Phyllis and Beth. “A beautiful woman on each arm,” he said.

  January 26, 1984 ~ I listen and wonder how it couldn’t be the winner? Andy’s style with the song, his passion, focused on the emotion of the words rather than just singing them. You can feel the messages so strongly. He wrote it while we were apart and told me that was where those feelings came from.