Andy would call and leave messages for her on the answering machine. He seemed to know when she would be away, because amazingly he never called when she was there. Maybe that was fateful intervention. His messages were kind, eloquent words, telling her this or that, and wishing her well, or luck in something that she knew Roddy had shared with him. They were always long messages, telling her what he’d been doing, but never asking to see her or for her to call him. Just a message, hoping that she was well, that he was thinking of her. She did listen to them but she couldn’t give in and call him.
~ ~ ~
In April 1993, Beth’s Pappy passed away. It was a sad time. It was one of those things you expect but hurts just the same. It had been fourteen years since they lost Nana. He died, peacefully, in his sleep at eighty-seven years old. He had lived with Mom and Pops since Nana passed away. His health had deteriorated in the last few months, so maybe it was true what they say sometimes; ‘it’s a blessing’. Pops took it really hard. Pappy had been with him for a long time.
Roddy came to the funeral, Beth knew he would, and she was glad. She also knew that he told Andy because he sent flowers. The card read only; ‘Fondly, with many memories, Andy,’ not to draw attention. But of course she knew who it was. He didn’t call and Beth was most appreciative.
Pops talked about selling the house and moving to a condo and traveling. He said he didn’t want to wait until it was too late to enjoy the woman he loved so dearly.
~ ~ ~
July 28, 1993 ~ “Golden Eye’s Journey Back to Life” was the title of the article. I started not to read it, but I did. I had to. This was another of those occasions Norton Edwards contacted me to talk, to take part in the interview for the story. I politely declined, I couldn’t do it. So I knew the article was coming.
It was a sad article, with a good ending. Andy was better. It had to be hard for him to talk about what he felt and went through. It was emotional for me to read. It left me drained after reading it. He talked at length about Drew, and how sad he was losing him. His doctor stated, “exhaustion” as the cause for his illness. There had been reports of drugs, and alcohol, but the article indicated what I already knew, that wasn’t the case.
The pictures gave my heart such a jolt. He looked so much better than the last time I saw him and that was good. But he also looked beautiful and I wanted to miss him, so badly, but I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t allow that pain again. He talked about us in the article but it was brief, a respect for my privacy, and very gracious on his part.
~ ~ ~
The Traveler guys together again… it finally happened. Roddy told Beth that after all this time they decided to do a “Reunion Tour” rather than an album. Beth knew that an album would evolve from the tour in the form of live recordings from the shows.
How could they not, so much talent, so many wanting fans.
They were playing only a few of the bigger cities. Orlando was on their schedule in September. She and Rick had been casually seeing each other for seven months.
“Do you want to go to the show?” he asked her after talking to Kimmy about it.
Beth didn’t say anything at first; she experienced so many emotions, causing hesitation in her reply.
Rick continued, “Weren’t you Traveler’s biggest fan for like a zillion years?” He laughed, “Come on, we’ll just slip in, enjoy some music, and slip out. It’ll be fun to hear them all together.”
He convinced her, and promised that they wouldn’t visit or anything, they’d “just go”. She worried that someone would see her. Not Andy, just someone who recognized her, and then the word would get out, and it would be back to that privacy thing. She had been so lucky, in all the time that had passed no one called and said, “You’re on the cover of… with Rick…”
Kimmy and Lane would be going, and Roddy got them the tickets, agreeing not to share that they would be there. Always Beth’s ‘knight in shining armor’.
~ ~ ~
Beth hadn’t been to a real concert in a very long time. She’d been with Rick to many shows he’d done in the time they’d been seeing each other, but nothing big since she came home from Corpus Christi. The seats would be great, not anything special. They would be able to see good, hear great, but there was no chance of them being seen.
The closer it got to going the more apprehensive she felt, questioning whether it was right to go. And then there was Kimmy.
“Don’t go if you don’t want to Beth, but don’t let Andy be the reason.” she said, no holds barred, point-blank, from the hip, but, that’s Kimmy.
“I just don’t know what it will feel like.” She knew it sounded like she was whining as soon as she said the words.
“It’ll feel like a friggin’ Traveler concert. Oh for Pete’s sake Beth, I’ll call Rick and tell him we aren’t going if you’re gonna be a mess about it. It’s supposed to be something fun.”
“No.” she said, firmly. “No, I’ll go.”
“That’s my girl!”
The day before the concert Kimmy stopped by to see Beth at work.
“Hey there!” Beth said excitedly. “What brings you to my neck of the woods today?”
“A present!” Kimmy replied and dropped a box in Beth’s lap and sat on the corner of the desk to wait.
“What’s the occasion?” Beth asked as she ripped into the box.
“Just something fun,” Kimmy said as Beth peered into the box and let loose a loud laugh.
“Oh my gosh!” She pulled a shoulder length blonde-bob wig from the box and immediately pulled it on.
“Sexy,” Kimmy laughed. “I just thought maybe you’d feel more comfortable if you didn’t look like Beth Morgan.
“But who will I look like now?” Beth laughed.
“Some hot blonde chick out for a good time!” Kimmy quipped.
“I love you!”
“I know,” Kimmy laughed.
When it was time to pick her up, Rick came to the door; they were meeting Kimmy and Lane at their house. He knocked and when she opened the door he stood, his mouth gaping, and then laughed.
“Wow,” he said. He pulled her into his arms for a hug, “You make a beautiful blonde. Let’s go have some fun!”
‘Maybe he likes me better as a blonde!’ Beth laughed to herself.
Rick had taken it slow with her for almost eight months. He wanted more from their relationship, but he felt Beth holding on to the past. So he kept things friendly, and waited and hoped, not doing anything to jeopardize what they had.
~ ~ ~
It was a sold-out show; a full house with an excited crowd. Traveler opened with a cover of an old Thin Lizzy song – “The Boys Are Back in Town” - followed some of their older hits; “Traveler”, “Timeless”, “Forbidden Place”. They played a lot of the older stuff from when Scott and Dane were both still with the band, and then the newest stuff with them all together. What Beth didn’t hear was, “In My World”, “Makin’ Sweet”, or “In Your Eyes”, songs that Beth was relieved not to hear. It seemed there was a whole block of time missing from their collection. Maybe the thought of that time, the memories, hurt Andy in some way and they decided not to go there, even though some of the songs were big hits.
She knew Mark knew they were there, but he swore he wouldn’t say anything. It was a fun night and they left having had a good time. Beth was glad she went.
159
Rock and Roll Never Forgets
Chapter Twenty
In October 1993, Beth was preparing for the biggest function in her Cancer Foundation career. She worked with a wonderful committee of people to pull it off. Months of preparation, great ideas and a lot of hard work went into it. They’d planned a tropical theme. She thought of the postcards people sent, she thought about how much she had missed her Nana and came up with “Wish You Were Here”. It was a $250 a plate luau of coconut shrimp and grouper. Vince was a huge help. They were on the phone everyday planning menus, lining up caterers who would donate or provide w
hat they needed at a much reduced rate. There were a lot of local dignitaries coming and the program they prepared would be awesome.
Saturday came and it was a great affair. After the meal there were cocktails and a silent auction. This part was open to anyone, and it appeared that everyone had a great time. They worked hard for months getting donations for the auction and calculated that they would end up clearing over $30,000.
To Beth’s surprise, Andy was there. He showed up for the auction and cocktails, not the dinner. She knew he was there. She could feel him in the room before she saw him. It amazed her that after all this time that could still happen. She was in the middle of a group of people, talking, laughing, when she felt her skin heat. Her heart jumped, she looked up. He was watching her from across the room. He looked so handsome. He was leaning against the wall with a drink in his hand. She saw the shirt he wore and her heart stopped. ‘Did he really still have it?’
He wore the tropical print shirt she had made for him so many years ago. She let him be alone there for a while, maybe out of selfishness, maybe because she had to. Rick was with a group of people and when she caught his eye he winked. He knew. Finally, Beth made her way to where Andy stood and said hello. It was the first time she had really seen him in two years, and he was more beautiful than ever. She didn’t know if she’d be able to breathe or not.
“Hi,” she said casually.
“Hey,” he said. “Beth, you look amazing.” She wore a long lavender and bright yellow tropical floral print, strapless dress. He leaned in to kiss her cheek. “I’m happy to see you.”
Not Bethy, Beth. It sounded so different, so formal. She hugged him and his arms around her sent a shiver up her spine, or maybe it was a tingle, or maybe it was that jolt. She could feel eyes on them from every corner of the room.
“It’s good to see you too,” she pushed back from him. The feel of his arms around her sent alarm up her spine. “You look good. Better,” she said.
“I wondered if we’d ever share a pleasant conversation again,” he laughed an ironic laugh as he said it.
“Me too,” Beth said, giving him a sideways, sly glance.
“You OK?” he asked in almost a whisper.
She waited a few seconds to answer, partly for effect, but mostly because she was unsure what she would say. And then, “Yeah,” she laughed, nervously. “I wasn’t for a very long time, but it just made me tired. I was tired of being tired. So, I’m over it now.” She took a sip of the wine in her glass. Her throat suddenly felt like the Sahara Desert.
A very long time passed, he reached and casually moved a strand of hair from her eyes like it was the most natural thing he’d ever done and then quickly pulled his hand away. For some reason she felt like she had to reach to move it as well, maybe to brush away the touch, the feeling that he left there.
“I’m glad,” he said finally. “I hated thinking that you weren’t. I hated it, but I felt helpless. Can we sit?”
“I’m here with…” But he cut her off before she finished.
“I know, Rick. How is he?” He looked down at the floor.
“He’s well. You should go say ‘Hello’. I know he’d like to see you.”
“I’ll do that.” He paused, “It’s a great party. I came in after dinner.”
Was he trying to make conversation? That seemed so odd after all of those endless conversations, all the nights that they talked for hours on end… now they were struggling with small talk.
“I know,” Beth said.
“Can I call you? I won’t pressure you; I just want to talk.”
“Andy, I just…”
“Beth, just talk; we used to be so good at that.” He looked at her. A moment passed, and he looked down again. “Just a phone call.” It was a pleading request and it hurt.
“Andy, I don’t know if I have that much energy. I said I was OK, I didn’t say it didn’t still hurt.”
That speck on the floor captivated him, or he just couldn’t look at her.
“I understand.” He looked up, the look lingered, and finally they were eye to eye.
Oh God, that look… those eyes that peer into my soul. I caved.
“I’ll be home after eleven, alone. You can call me then.” She turned away without another word, and didn’t look back. She had to get back to her guests, to her date.
She tried not to watch him, but she did, out of the corner of her eye until he left. He made the rounds, she saw him talk to Rick. She could see the whispering going on among the other guests. She knew it would come when she saw him there. He made a very generous donation in Nana’s name before he left.
Rick came to her rescue after he was gone. He put his arm around her shoulder and squeezed but said nothing. Not the touch of a lover, the strength of a good friend. They finished out the evening and headed home. In the car Beth felt the need to say something but couldn’t form the words. Rick reached over and patted her leg.
“He was very cordial. I anticipated fifty questions but there were none. He just asked how I was doing. It was a pleasant exchange.” He looked over at her as he drove. “You gonna talk to him?”
She looked at him, still seeking the words she wanted, but Rick answered his own question. “You should Beth.”
“I am,” she said finally. “I don’t know why, but I am.”
“I know why…”
Rick knew then the friendship he hoped would grow into something more had no chance. He knew where her heart was.
When they got to the condo he walked her to the door, made sure she was in and hugged her; no good night kiss. “You know how to reach me. You call me,” he said.
She changed, got ready for bed, and waited. It was almost midnight when the phone rang.
“Hey,” he said when she answered. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“Agreeing to do this, I know it wasn’t an easy decision.”
She wanted to say something, but nothing came out. What happened to that easy conversation they used to share?
“I want to tell you again, the event was great, you did an awesome job. I’m so proud of you. I’m really glad I was there, glad Roddy mentioned it.”
Roddy, her good friend, the one constant in her life all those years; ‘that life’ she thought. “Roddy told you,” she said.
“Yeah, it wasn’t like he picked up the phone, called and said, ‘Hey Andy, Beth is hosting this Cancer Foundation thing and you should show up’ or anything like that. We were talking and he mentioned it. He keeps me posted on stuff like that. He’s just so damned proud of you Bethy, how far you’ve gone with this. He told me you were doing great things with them and I felt like I could help out. For one thing, I know why you do it. I loved Nana too,” he said. “And,” he said, after a long pause, “I thought, if I could just see you…”
“Andy, don’t,” she sighed.
“I won’t Bethy. I just needed to see you. That’s all. Are you happy?”
“I don’t know Andy; I was so happy for so long, then so miserable, I don’t know if I’m happy or not.”
There was a long, awkward silence and then, “Rick?” Andy finally said.
“Don’t Andy.”
“Is he…?”
“Don’t, please. He’s a good friend, we go out,” she interrupted before he could finish the question. She didn’t want to get into that conversation with him. “We get together. I can laugh with him.” She hesitated, “I didn’t do that for so long. After everything that happened, I hid. And then, I submerged in school and books to keep my brain occupied. I stayed so busy there was no time to laugh. I ran into him a few months ago. He was playing at a bar in town and a group of us went. I stayed to talk to him. We had coffee after the show and we just decided to get together.”
“It was good to see you, even if it was just for the few minutes we shared,” and then he said; “I miss you, Bethy, so much.”
“Andy, please,” she pleaded.
“No pressure, just telling you.�
� He paused a moment, and then said; “I want to tell you something, give you a head’s up I guess. I have a solo album coming out soon.”
“That’s great. I heard. How’s it going?” she asked and her desire to know was genuine.
“Good, I love the work. I love the music even more. I think it’s some of my best work.” There was excitement in his voice now, the old Andy. “It’s not Traveler, Bethy, it’s me, very personal, very emotional. A lot of it will strike you, and I thought you should know.”
“What do you mean?” It was getting late and she was tired.
“There are some lyrics,” he hesitated, “you will know it’s you I’m referring to. Some stuff from letters you wrote, messages you left, conversations we’ve shared. I read every letter you sent, over and over. I listened and re-played the messages. I saved them all. Some of the thoughts came from them. Some came from my heart. I knew there was something there and I just locked myself up and wrote… words and music… It was part of my healing process, the digging out of that hole. I just wanted to let you know.”
October 4, 1993 ~ To know that he read my letters, to know he had heard those messages, to know he knew my heart. I felt tears move to the corner of my eyes. All this time…
“Why?” she asked.
“Because it’s about you, about us.”
“No more ‘us’, Andy.”
“I know, but you’ll see what I mean. I’ll have Roddy get a demo tape to you for a listen, but I need to ask a favor.”
Rock and Roll Never Forgets (The Rock and Roll Trilogy) Page 18