“Everyone will be so captivated by your beauty that no one will remember. Bethy…” He took a deep breath.
That look…
“Andy, don’t,” she said, “We have to go.” She pulled away from him and turned around to regain her composure.
‘Deep breaths, in and out… in and out… in and out…’ She was trying to calm herself.
“Sit down a minute. Please,” he said and went to the phone and made a call. “Yes, Andy Stevens. Please let Mr. Beamer know that we’ll be just a minute longer. Thank you.”
He sat beside her and took her hand and held it. “I have to get my head right before we walk out that door.”
“What do you mean?”
“Bethy,” he said her name, and she heard him take a big deep breath. “I’m having a really hard time right now. Give me just a minute.”
She said nothing. She just sat with him holding her hand in his lap. It seemed a very long time passed before either of them moved.
Finally he let go of her hand, “OK,” he said, rising. “We better go.” And before Beth knew it was coming, he pulled her into his arms. It wasn’t rough, but it was startling. He kissed her, and it was that kind of kiss, that breath-taking kind of kiss.
Oh God, I prayed, please don’t let me lose it. Give me the strength I need to get through this night…
“Let’s go.” He took another big breath, grabbed her hand and hurried them out of the room.
When they arrived, the limo took them to a back entrance. Roddy made arrangements so they didn’t have to make the big entrance’ no red carpet, no press. Beth was more than relieved.
As they entered the theatre she was like a giddy, young girl all over again. It reminded Andy of the first time they shared that experience and how happy she was. And then, it reminded him of the one time that he came that they didn’t share, and how badly he missed her then.
They went to their seats. Andy had the end seat, Beth was in the second and Roddy to her other side. She looked around and saw many familiar faces, but also a good many new faces that she didn’t recognize. It had been a very long time since she had been in this environment.
Once Beth was in her seat she saw Andy turn and wave hello to someone and then heard a familiar voice.
Rick Snyder, how many years has it been?
“Beth, hey!” He yelled, “Oh my gosh, what a surprise this is. It’s been a long time!”
Beth started to rise to hug him. “Don’t,” he said. “Please sit.” He took her hands and leaned to kiss her cheeks, then turned and shook hands with Andy.
“You look great Beth!” There was a pause, followed by that ‘What do I say now?’ look.
“I heard about everything. I’ve wanted to call, but I didn’t know how it was so I talked to Roddy a couple of times instead. He has kept me up to date. You look great, really great; beautiful!”
“Roddy told me,” Beth answered. “Thanks. I have more good days than bad. This is a good one,” she smiled. “It’s so good to see you again.”
“You, too, Andy. Good luck. You deserve it, man, no competition in my mind. That song is stirring.” He looked at Beth again, winked, and then said; “You guys take care.” He took Beth’s hands again, kissed them, and said, “Beth, my prayers are with you and yours.”
‘That wasn’t so bad,’ Beth thought. He didn’t poke or pry about why she was there, and he didn’t say he was ‘sorry.’ Andy spoke with several other people and then took his seat.
He leaned and whispered in Beth’s ear, “A rose between two thorns,” and laughed. He took her hand and held it in his lap.
The awards began. Several times she saw the camera. She tried not to look, but she thought about Pops and Carlee and she smiled.
Andy was performing during the ceremonies and after a while he left them to go to the stage area. There was a grand piano in the middle of the stage and Andy walked out to roaring applause. He sat down and when he began to play Roddy took Beth’s hand to hold it. It was a sweet gesture from her good friend.
As Andy sang “Yesterday, Today and Forever”, Beth listened. She really listened this time. She’d heard it before. She thought it was a beautiful song. It struck her that he had mellowed and with the years his voice only got richer, smoother. It felt like velvet when you listened. Sure, still his ‘Rock Star’ ponytail but his singing style had mellowed. As she listened to the words she closed her eyes. Andy was playing the piano and behind him in tuxedos were a group of violinists accompanying him. It was so beautiful. He was singing about a love that would “outlast time.”
Yesterday you were mine
We shared a love
That would outlast time.
You loved me
You shared your heart,
Our love was meant to be.
You shared your life, your love with me.
She suddenly felt tears rush to her eyes. It hit her all of a sudden that he was singing to her, about them. She hadn’t paid attention to that fact with all that had been going on. She squeezed Roddy’s hand thinking the gesture might keep the tears from coming. She couldn’t cry.
“Roddy, pinch me,” she said softly.
He squeezed her hand instead.
“Harder,” she whispered.
And he tightened the grip; “I know,” was all he said.
She leaned toward him and put her head on his shoulder. “Oh my-gosh, I didn’t know until now,” she whispered. “I never heard it like this before. Didn’t realize…”
He took her hand in his left, put his right arm lovingly around her shoulders and pulled her closer.
Andy finished and received a standing ovation.
The Song of the Year was the next award, and as they recapped the nominations, Andy waited back stage. Amy Grant and Vince Gill were reading the list.
That Grammy nomination meant far more to Beth than Andy. But she was so proud of him that he wanted to win it because of her, happy that she was there with him to share the whole experience.
“And the winner for Song of the Year…” Amy tore into the envelope. “Andy Stevens!” She shouted, “Yesterday, Today and Forever!”
He walked back out on the stage, Amy hugged him and Vince shook his hand. He walked to the podium and looked out over the audience. Beth told herself he was looking at Roddy, but she knew who he was looking at. He took a minute to begin as the crowd applauded.
“Thank you.” He looked down and took a breath, “Thank you from my heart for liking what I love to do. They all come from my head, but that one came from deep, very deep in my heart. This one’s for you.” He raised the statue and blew that familiar kiss.
That’s all he said, all he needed to. She knew what he meant. Her family would know what he meant.
He didn’t come back to his seat for a while. Roddy explained that he was getting some press obligations over with so that they could make a quick escape when the ceremonies were over. He didn’t say anything when he returned. He took Beth’s hand and held it in his, the rest of the evening.
When it was over the three of them exited through the same back way they had entered, to a waiting limo. Once in, Andy took out his phone and dialed.
“Hello,” he said casually. “Hang on,” he handed it to Beth.
“Hello?”
“Mama, I saw you!”
“Hello sweet girl! Why aren’t you in bed, it’s so late!”
“Daddy and Aunt Kimmy let me stay up so I could see you! I miss you.”
“Oh Carlee, I miss you, too,” and all the emotions of the evening and the sound of her sweet child’s voice brought the tears to her eyes. “Tell Aunt Kimmy to get you in bed and I’ll be there tomorrow to tuck you in. I love you so much sweet girl. Let Daddy have the phone, OK?”
“Hey,” he said. “We saw you. Carlee had a nap after supper. She wanted to see you on TV so bad. I thought it’d be OK. You looked pretty Beth. Are you feeling alright?”
It struck me at that moment the difference between thes
e two men; ‘Pretty’ to John, ‘Beautiful and delectable’ to Andy.
“Thank you. Yeah, pretty much. Tired, but I’m OK, don’t worry.” She knew he would anyway. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night, honey. Wait, OK?” Andy was reaching for the phone.
“Thanks John, Roddy and I had the best looking date in the place. She’s fine. We’ll get her home safe.”
~ ~ ~
John had seen them on TV. He had seen their faces and it was an image he couldn’t get out of his mind. He knew they had all seen it. He heard the emotion in Andy’s voice as he sang; it was so strong. John listened this time and he had heard the words differently as well. He heard the love in Andy’s voice during his acceptance speech, and he had seen that vision of him back in his seat, holding Beth’s hand in his lap. It wasn’t just a friendly gesture. He saw the look on Andy’s face. He was a man sharing a moment with the woman he loved. The woman he loved. He knew Beth’s heart and he hurt.
~ ~ ~
In the limo, Beth leaned back into the seat. Roddy was across from her. He picked her feet up and put them in his lap. He slipped her shoes off and started to gently rub, and Beth fell asleep. It was about a twenty-minute ride to the hotel. When they arrived, she woke, her feet still in Roddy’s lap, her head on Andy’s shoulder. It was around 9:30 West coast time.
As they rode up in the elevator Roddy said; “I had dinner sent to your room Beth. I’ll see you in the morning.” He kissed her cheek and left them in the hallway as he entered his room.
Andy put the key card in his door, Beth hadn’t taken a purse. They entered through the door to his room.
“Something smells good,” she said. “I didn’t realize how hungry I was! I’m gonna go change, I’ll be right back.”
“No, Beth,” he said. “Wait, please wait.”
She turned to look at him; “Don’t change. Not yet, I want to look at you. Let’s just have dinner.”
He turned the TV on to one of the music channels and found classical music. No words, just soft, lulling music. It had been a long evening, and she sat the whole time, so he put the inflatable donut on the chair and Beth sat down. They shared a wonderful meal, and a glass of wine. They chatted like old friends about the evening.
“Andy,” she said finally. “Thank you.” It came out awkward, and she added, “For the song…”
He leaned back in the chair, but said nothing. He took a sip of the wine, holding the glass by the stem, he lightly swirled it. Looking at her, he was taking it all in. “Be still a minute, I want this picture engrained in my memory.” After a minute he said, “No, my love, thank you.”
When they’d finished the meal, he came to her chair, reached for her hand and she rose. He was so quiet, so in thought. They headed to the sitting area. She went toward the sofa but he stopped her, pulling her gently into his arms.
“Bethy,” it was a breathy whisper. He pulled her closer and she moved into him. He took her hand and their fingers twined together. She felt the warmth, inhaled the smell of him, melted into his arms, and let the cares of the world, her world, her illness, everything… drift away like butterflies in the spring.
He hummed the tune in her ear as they began to move slowly to the music. He kissed the top of her head, a gesture that brought her to tears.
“Don’t,” he said. “Please don’t cry. Just let me be here. Let me hold you for a while, no pressure, no tears.” He held her back to look at her. “OK?” But she still she cried.
When the music was over he took her hand and they went to the sofa. She sat, pulling her feet up under her. What did she care if that dress wrinkled? Andy put his feet on the coffee table and pulled her closer.
This is wrong, but how could it be when it feels so right. How could it?
Sometime later, Andy rose and went to his room. He carried the phone from his room to Beth’s. He pushed the carts with the remains of their dinner into the hall and turned lights off as he returned to the sofa. He left a dim lamp on a table close to the door lit, casting a soft golden glow over everything in the room.
“Bethy…”
She prayed once more, ‘Oh God, give me strength…’
She looked at him, but could not speak. He sat down beside her again, reached toward her and framed her face with a light touch.
‘God, please give me strength,’ she prayed again.
He pulled her into his arms, on his lap, and kissed her. She returned the kiss.
Such passion I have never felt. Not from Andy or anyone else.
“Just let me lie with you,” he said, softly. “Sleep, Bethy, just let me hold you. I won’t ask for more.”
She remembered all those years ago when he had said those same words to her and the tears continued.
‘God please…’ she kept praying.
She couldn’t speak, but as if in another body, she saw herself rise from the sofa; holding his hand, she walked with him to the bed. She sat as Andy removed his shirt and shoes. Leaving his pants on, he pulled her to her feet. He unzipped her dress and she stepped out of it letting it drop to the floor as he held the shirt for her to slip into.
It doesn’t feel wrong.
They lay there in the dark for some time, Beth in Andy’s arms. His hand, so light on her back, finally made its way to her bottom. He lightly, lovingly, touched, explored, and caressed the place where the mole had been. It was so sweet, so tender. He wanted to know. In all this time, John had hardly even looked at it, but John had never explored her body the way Andy had. She felt tears on her skin that were not her own. Then he wrapped her tighter in his embrace and once again, she spent a night wrapped in his arms. They both cried for the past, and maybe for the future.
~ ~ ~
In the dim light of morning she slipped out of his arms and rose. She stood by the bed for a very long time looking at the sleeping man that she loved more than life. She smelled him on the shirt, remembered the night before, and it took her breath away. It felt so good, and it hurt more than anything she had ever felt before.
She quietly went to Andy’s room with the phone and called for room service to bring a carafe of coffee. All those years, didn’t she know that he would want it when he woke? She told them to bring it to his door so that the knock would not wake him. A short time later she put the tray of coffee on the bedside table. She sat in the middle of the king sized bed she shared with him the night before, and scooted beside him. Her hands went to his back, lightly rubbing, and then she lay down and wrapped her arm around him and kissed his back. He rolled over and pulled her to him.
“Hey,” he said kissing her.
“Hey back to you. How ‘bout some java, Joe?”
“How well you know me.”
She sat up, poured two cups, and sat Indian style, beside him. Andy slid up against the headboard. “What time is it?” he asked pushing the hair back out of his face, sipping the coffee.
“Just after eight.” Beth wrapped her hands around the cup as if the warmth was necessary. She held it tightly to steady her nerves.
“Been awake long?” He rubbed sleep from his eyes and sipped what he always called the ‘elixir of the Gods’.
“Just long enough to get a really good look at you before we go home.”
“Bethy…” and he reached for her. She sat the coffee aside and slid down and into his arms, her head on his chest.
He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. “Bethy,” he said again.
Lying in his arms, her mind was racing. She had obligations at home. She loved John, she loved Carlee, but at that moment all she could think of was that life was too short, this life. She thought about Pops. She thought about her mom and Kimmy.
What would they think?
She thought about all those years before and the ones since. Her heart and her mind were in different places. She felt guilty because she didn’t feel guilty. The feel of Andy’s arms around her made her forget all the pain, physical and mental, and she didn’t know what she was going to do. He
r heart was breaking. Her love for him was overpowering every rational thought she had.
“Bethy,” he said once more. She pushed back to get a better look at him, but said nothing. “We don’t have to leave.” He pulled her back into his arms, and there was a long, awkward silence.
“Thank you,” she said caressing his cheek. “Thank you for all of this. I feel happy for the first time in months.”
“No, thank you. Thank you for letting me be here with you, and for being here with me. When I think of all the time we’ve spent apart.” He hesitated, “God, what did I do to us?”
“It doesn’t matter now,” she said, sadly.
“It does, Bethy. It matters.”
“We were so good for so long, and then we weren’t. And then we were and then we weren’t,” she said and laughed.
“And now we are,” he said. “We are really good, Bethy.”
There was a long gap of speechless time, and finally Beth said, “I love you Andy, and for whatever length of time ‘always’ is, I always will.”
“Bethy, I love you so much” he said wrapping her tightly in his embrace.
“But there’s more to it now. It’s not just me. It’s not just us anymore.”
“So what do we do?” he asked pleadingly.
~ ~ ~
John lay awake all night. In the morning he made some calls for work, called Liz, and went into Carlee’s room. She was sound asleep. He watched her chest rise and fall with each breath she took. “I love you sweet girl,” he whispered and placed a kiss on her forehead and left the room.
He put his bags in the trunk of his car and waited for Liz to arrive. He was off to Atlanta for a business trip the he had quickly set up in order to be away when Beth came home. He wasn’t ready to face his own fears.
~ ~ ~
It was after eight that evening when Beth arrived home, Andy at her side. They found Beth’s mom there and Liz explained John’s absence. But Beth knew. She suspected that Liz did, too. She went and looked in on her sleeping angel. Liz had bathed and tucked her in. Beth sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her back, kissed her forehead, and breathed in the scent of her, then dimmed the light.
Rock and Roll Never Forgets (The Rock and Roll Trilogy) Page 27