Without Doubt

by CJ Azevedo

  “Watch that mouth, Greyden!” my mom chastises him as she swats the back of his head.

  “Sorry, Mrs. James,” Greyden mumbles, rubbing the back of his head.

  Ava’s head snaps towards me as she stands by my side, still holding my hand. I look down at her and realize springing my mom on her like this probably wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had.

  “Mrs. James?” she asks quietly, mostly speaking through her teeth and trying to keep a smile on her face. Her lips are barely moving.

  I don’t have the words for her. I don’t know what to say to make this better because I never even thought of it being awkward for her. So I give her my best charming smile and a wink. She takes a deep breath.

  “The reason why I’m looking like this today,” I whisper. I lean down to kiss just above her ear; Ava’s eyes close for a brief second as she sucks in a deep breath that I don’t think has anything to do with my mom being here. Then I hear my mom gasp.

  “Declan James, you better tell me that you told her I was here!” My mom raises her voice a bit, but like always, it’s comical because she’s so tiny that she just sounds like a pissed off elf.

  “No, ma’am, he sure didn’t!” Ava replies good-naturedly. After she throws me under the bus, she lets go of my hand to shake my mom’s. “Hi, I’m Ava. It’s nice to meet you.”

  My mom shakes her head and sighs loudly in disappointment at me. “Call me Nancy, dear,” she says to Ava as she pushes her chair back and grabs Ava’s hand to pull her into a hug.

  Ava is tall, I’m not sure how tall, but if I had to guess, I’d say probably around 5’9” or so. She towers over my petite mother, but I kinda like seeing the two of them so friendly with one another. This is a first for me—the first girlfriend meeting mom moment. Hopefully it’s the last.

  * * * * * *

  The rest of the evening goes amazingly well. I had no doubt that my mom would love her. Ava knows no strangers; it’s one of the things I adore about her. After hanging out for a couple hours, everyone helps clean up and then heads out. Keegan and Macie leave first, and then my mom goes home shortly after. Greyden showers and then he and Luca go out; Bailey goes to bed fairly early after everybody else leaves.

  Now Ava and I are sitting out back by the pool. She’s cuddled into my side, looking up at the stars, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so content. I’m a mover, a complete busybody. It’s the main reason my dad got me into MMA when I was little. My parents had the idea that if I was properly trained on ways to release aggression, then maybe I could I use it to get out some of my energy without wrecking my mom’s orderly house all the time. It worked, somewhat. But, sitting here relaxing, holding this amazing girl, I have no desire to even twitch my foot. I’m completely content.

  “Dec?” Ava whispers as if she might stir the wildlife hiding on the outskirts of my yard.

  “Yes?” I whisper back because it seems appropriate.

  “Your mom doesn’t come across the type that would force you to be someone you’re not. Why do you change your appearance when she’s around?”

  “She’s not the type at all, you’re right. She’s always allowed Macie and me to be whomever we choose, including how we look. One day she sat me down and she wanted to talk. That’s not abnormal for her. She likes to have one-on-one chitchats all the time, and during this particular chitchat, she explained to me that I could tattoo every inch of my skin or dress in drag and she would love me all the same, but she would like for me to see myself through her eyes. I tried, but I’m a guy and I couldn’t come up with what she wanted.” I chuckle a little at the memory of my mom throwing her tiny hands up and telling me to forget it!

  Ava laughs too. “Declan, are you serious?”

  “Yeah. I didn’t know where she was going with it, so I told her to just spit out what she wanted from me.”

  “Your poor mom,” she says, shaking her head and grinning.

  “Anyway, she said that when she was pregnant with me she envisioned who I would become and what I would be like. She pictured raising a respectable surgeon like my father, a well-groomed preppy young man, not a tattooed, pierced, baggy pants-wearing fighter. So she kindly requested that I play the part, just for dinners with her. No piercings, proper clothing and combed hair.”

  “So you play the part,” Ava says, stretching languorously against me.

  “Yeah, I mean, I guess. It’s just another side of me now that I’ve been doing it for so long. I don’t feel like it’s a role or anything. It’s something that makes her happy and it doesn’t bother me at all. She never says anything when I see her unplanned and I just look like me. It’s not even a discussion; never has been.”

  “That’s sweet of you. I really like her, Dec. Once I was old enough to be self-sufficient, I didn’t have that motherly figure anymore. You can see the love that your mom has not just you and Macie, but for the guys too. I don’t think she could change that if she tried.” Ava takes in a shaky breath before continuing. “How do you think she’ll feel about me after she finds out about Harper?”

  I will never understand how Ava’s mind works. She is single-handedly the most selfless, amazing, loveable woman I have ever come across and she doesn’t see it.

  “Sunshine, she’s going to love you even more than she does right now. You have a heart the size of Texas and she’ll know it the second she understands who you are exactly. I know you need to keep Harper’s story discreet for her protection in the future, but I think it’s important for my family to know you and to know you is to know about Harper.”

  “Ok,” is all she says. Or whispers; she still hasn’t raised her voice above a whisper.

  We continue to lie there under the stars and I let my mind wander to a place it’s never entertained…a future…with a female. A smokin’ hot, irritatingly responsible, courageous, beautiful female. My Ava.

  I can’t stop thinking about her sitting at the table earlier with all the people that mean everything to me, with the exception of my father. I can’t wait for her to meet him; he’s going to absolutely adore her. I’ve never allowed my thoughts to go down the path of a future with any of the girls that I’ve “dated.” Now, looking back, I know exactly why; they were all superficial. They were a good time, and that’s about it. Ava, on the other hand, is the whole package. Her body is built to perfection and her face is that of an angel, but those aren’t even the best parts.

  “Can you stay with me tonight?” I ask, feeling her snuggle a little closer and rub her face against my chest.

  She breathes deeply before letting out a little hum. Did she just fall asleep?

  “You awake, Sunshine?” I can’t hide the amusement in my voice. I’ve never seen anyone fall asleep so quickly.

  “Mmm hmm,” she mumbles. “What did you ask?”

  I can’t stop the stupid smile on my face from the contentment of knowing she’s comfortable enough with me to fall asleep. “I asked if you can stay here with me tonight.”

  She looks up, trying to blink away her confusion. Her hair has fallen down to stray into her face; I brush it off her cheek and push it behind her ear. Ava reaches up and kisses me softly.

  Looking in my eyes, she seems to be pondering something. “Do you think that’s a good idea?” she asks. “We’ve really only been ‘together’ about three hours. That doesn’t make me look very good,” she says with a sheepish smile.

  I pull her over onto my lap so she’s straddling me and take her face in both my hands. I can’t ignore the way my body feels with the weight of her on me. Incredibly sexy. Impossibly perfect. She runs her hands up my arms to rub over my head and grips the back of my neck. I pull her face to mine and kiss her sweet lips. I press my tongue to her lips and she automatically opens for me. I glide against her in practiced measure and am rewarded with a small moan of pleasure from my girl.

  “It actually makes you look like you can’t get enough of your boyfriend. Besides, I can’t really agree with the whole ‘been together for th
ree hours’ thing. Technically, we’ve been dating for months. You’ve just been in denial,” I say just as I pull away from her delectable mouth. I know instantly she’s going to get fiery about me referring to her being in denial. I’m not going to lie—it excites me.

  “I wouldn’t say I’ve been in denial…exactly. I told you from the beginning that I was attracted to you and that you affected me. I just, I don’t know how to do this, Declan. I don’t know how to have a mature relationship with someone I care about deeply and I’m sort of terrified I’m going to screw it up. There are so many ways I can screw this up. We both saw my reaction to Rachel and that thing happens all the time with you. You have girls wanting to have your babies every single day. It sucks.” She looks down and her hair falls into her face. She pushes it behind her ears and peeks up at me. “I’m out of my element here, Dec.”

  “Wanting to have my babies? Really? You aren’t going to screw anything up. I’m new to this whole thing too, so we’re going to figure it out together, all right? You’re staying here tonight, though; I don’t want you driving this late after you’ve already fallen asleep once.” There’s no way she can argue that and it doesn’t look like she even wants to. “Hang on a sec, I’ll be right back,” I whisper across her lips after she nods her head and her hot as hell blonde waves fall back down into her face before I scoot her off of me and onto the chair.

  Even though I was madder than hell when all that shit went down last week, I couldn’t forget that it was her birthday. I knew at some point we would talk again and I wanted to get her something. Something that would make her think of me every day even if she chose Jackson (who I thought at the time was competition) or if she continued to hide parts of her life from me, which I was determined to uncover eventually. While I was in New York, I picked up a Pandora charm bracelet. The sales lady said, “Look, this bracelet here isn’t that expensive; it’s cheap really. It’s sterling silver and it has this lovely Pandora snap clasp on it and it’s less than one hundred dollars,” and I was thinking, “Sold! That’s easy enough, wrap it up lady.” I know Ava, and she would throw a fit I bought her anything extravagant. The eager saleslady seemed really excited about it. I had told her I wanted something meaningful, but I didn’t know how she would know this bracelet would do the trick, and by the time we reached the end of the showcase and she laid the bracelet out on the black velvet pad, I was really confused. It was a silver rope with a couple knot looking things on it. First of all, why the hell is this thing going to cost me a hundred bucks, and second, why the hell is she so excited about it? After I stared at it for about thirty seconds and undoubtedly didn’t give her the reaction she was hoping for, she starting pulling out trays of these colorful ball things. I looked to her and shook my head like “nope, still not registering.” After that, she starting asking personal questions about Ava. That’s when it all went downhill—everything clicked and I caught the bug. I got really fuckin’ excited about this damn bracelet, which by the way, cost no where near “less than one hundred dollars”—that was just for the plain rope thing all the balls go on.

  I grab the long, black velvet box with the red bow on it from the family room and sit back down with a very sleepy Ava. She cuddles up next to me again and without saying anything, I just slip the gift onto her lap. Her head slowly turns up to face me with her brows furrowed in honest confusion. She has no idea why I would be giving her a gift right now. Just one more thing to admire about my girl.

  “Happy Birthday, Sunshine,” I whisper to her just before her sweet lips press to mine.

  Chapter Ten

  Ava

  I wake up instantly knowing where I am. I have no disorientation, no confusion. I know I’m in Declan’s bed and that I don’t think I have ever slept so well. I was a bit nervous to go to bed with him after our heated moment in his bathroom last night, but it wasn’t awkward at all. I can always count on Declan for being straightforward.

  After I called Marla to check in with her and Harper, Declan and I went upstairs to get ready for bed. He gave me some of his clothes to change into while he took a shower. I was already in bed dozing off, trying to keep my heavy-lidded eyes on my newest addition dangling from my wrist when he crawled in next to me and pulled me over to snuggle up next to him. There was no discussion about having sex, although I really wanted to. I knew I wasn’t ready to go there yet, despite me practically attacking him earlier. Let’s jut call that a lapse in judgment driven by extreme desire for a man who has been so close for so long yet still so far away. Apparently he knew that too.

  Declan’s not in bed with me and I don’t know where he went so early, but I take the time to let everything sink in.

  I’m in Declan James’ bed…I have a boyfriend, who is Declan James…I am stupid happy right now! I finish that thought, kicking my feet and punching my hands into the mattress like a little girl who was just told she was going to Disneyland. Not my finest moment, but that’s okay with me. I rarely get to let loose and be 23 or…three, in this particular case.

  I pull all of my excitement and happiness back to a controlled level and hop out of bed. After brushing my teeth and hair, I head downstairs in Declan’s pajamas. I smell freshly brewed coffee and go straight to the kitchen.

  Inside the immaculate kitchen, which is approximately the size of my entire apartment, I find Greyden. Greyden is beautiful and has such a mystery about him. I’ve come to realize he’s a great friend to Dec. He’s very responsible, works really hard, something to do with finance, believe it or not, doesn’t have a girlfriend, and doesn’t want one. I see him with a lot of girls, Allison is the one who comes around the most when they come to the bar, but it doesn’t matter which girl is on his arm or in his lap that night, he’s always very respectful to them. Well, okay, as much as one can be to girls that give themselves in such a way I guess.

  “Good Morning!” I announce as I sit down at the breakfast bar. I must have been quiet since he snaps around at the sound of my voice.

  “Hey! How’d you sleep?” he asks sincerely before a frown overtakes his perfect features. “Never mind, don’t answer that.” Greyden quickly turns back around to start the blender.

  I laugh wholeheartedly as he shakes his head. I could have answered easily enough without the sexual innuendo he obviously expected.

  “Coffee?” he shouts over the noise.

  “Please. Where’s Dec?” I feel so much better after he showed no antipathy towards me like I feared he would.

  “He’s out on a run. He met with Bailey early this morning before she drove out to her dad’s in Gilroy, so he shouldn’t be too much longer,” he answers as he slides a cup of coffee over to me.

  Silence descends as I drink my coffee and he drinks his smoothie and works on his laptop. He wears glasses, the thick rimmed rectangle kind that one would consider nerdy, but they don’t look anywhere close to nerdy on Greyden. On Greyden, I am convinced everyone, even straight men, would consider them extremely sexy.

  “Your glasses suit you. You should wear them more often,” I say to him as I watch him working diligently.

  “And lose my badassery? Nah, I’m good.” A small smirk plays at the corner of his mouth.

  “You never know, it may actually attract a girl worth your time and not some gold-digging bimbo.”

  Greyden lets out a booming laugh and shakes his head. “Ava, it may do you some good to actually think before you speak!” He’s still laughing as he wraps his arm around my shoulders and messes up my hair.

  “And lose my smartassery? Nah, I’m good,” I tell him as seriously as possible, giving him an exaggerated wink.

  Just then, a very sweaty, very sexy Declan comes strutting into the kitchen and I can’t help having thoughts of wrapping my body around his. He’s shirtless and wearing a smile that just melts my heart. He said he would get to me and he didn’t lie. He got to me and now I can’t seem to get enough.

  Declan comes up to me on the opposite side of Greyden and gently pulls my
chair away from his friend. Greyden’s arm falls down and he gives Dec a surprised sort of look. I turn my head back around to my guy, who smiles and kisses me possessively.

  “Good morning, Sunshine.” He kisses my lips one more time before spinning around to pour his smoothie.

  “Hey! Did you find a jealous streak while you were out on your run, you ass?” Greyden asks in a confused yet amused tone. He’s glaring at Dec’s muscular back, although I’m sure he’s not at all acknowledging his muscles the way I am at the moment.

  “Nope. What was so funny?” Dec isn’t fazed at all by Greyden’s comment.

  “Greyden thinks—”

  And I’m cut off by Greyden once again laughing and trying to tell his side. “Dude, your girl just spits shit out of her mouth!” he explains around the cup that’s resting at his lips.

  “Hey!” I cry, sort of shocked that he’s talking about me as if I’m not even here.

  “I know. It’s sexy, right?” Leave it to Declan to turn this conversation right on around, making me come out on top again.

  Greyden shakes his head and laughs lightly; he’s obviously used to Declan’s antics concerning me by now.

  “So, I got a phone call this morning. And Sunshine,” he says in a fairly stern voice, “I need a yes from you.”

  I have no idea what he’s talking about. As much as I would love to be able to just say yes, I know that some of the things this man asks of me are simply impossible. “I would love to give you a yes, Dec, but I first need to know what it is you’re talking about.” If I answered yes without knowledge of the question first, I could be committing to a trip to Beliz or agreeing to move to New York with him. There’s no telling.

  Greyden is still wearing his glasses and sitting in front of his computer just watching us. I’m sure he’s anxious about what Dec’s talking about also.