by CJ Azevedo
“Seriously Ava, please wait! I just remembered something and I need you to not go in there without me, please,” he says anxiously, looking up at me from the bottom of the stairs as the doorbell rings again.
“Uhh, ohhh-kaaay, I’ll wait right here, promise,” I tell him as I walk back and sit on the top step.
“Thank you,” he says, obviously relieved, and goes to open the door to collect our food. In the meantime, my mind is spinning and I’m freaking out about why I can’t go in the room without him. Did he lie to me? Has he had someone over here, in our bed, since I’ve been gone? Did she leave her things behind and he forgot to get rid of them or did he just forget to double check? Crap, please don’t let that be it.
Just as he opens the door for the food, I spring to my feet on nervous energy, trying hard not to lose it as the thought settles and begins to strangle my blissful, peaceful thoughts of my future with my family. “Declan, I swear, if you have another woman’s shit up there I will castrate you!” I scream at him, all the ferocity of my ugly conclusions exploding and billowing from my mouth.
Antonio, the sweet delivery boy who is always requested by Dec because he’s too shy to speak to me other than what’s absolutely necessary, swings his head up from the receipt he has out for Dec to sign just as Declan spins around at my outburst.
I’m sure my face is bright red, I can feel it, though Declan doesn’t deny my accusation. He doesn’t confirm it either, instead he ignores me, signs the receipt, and slips a tip to Antonio. Antonio bows his head a bit and asks Declan if he’ll be all right and if I’m really crazy. Dec gently but firmly cuffs him on the shoulder and assures him, “Nah, I’m good, man, she’s not crazy, she’s just madly in love with me,” then thanks him and grabs the food before closing the door.
Declan comes up the stairs and walks right past me without saying a word. I’m still fuming and also fearing what’s on the other side of that bedroom door. Once he clears the doorway to set the food down, I notice my blanket on the back of the sofa in the sitting area that I curled up in every night before bed, no matter the weather. It’s my favorite. As I stand there frozen, he returns and picks me up, cradling me to his chest.
“I didn’t lie to you and I sure as shit wouldn’t have another woman in our home, baby.” He kisses me soundly as he walks me into our room. I knew when I left that I didn’t grab all of my things, but it wasn’t anything that I couldn’t just replace, so I never worried about it. Never worrying about it meant never thinking about it, which in turn leaves me dumbfounded that he hasn’t touched anything that I’ve left here months ago, exactly where I left it.
My book of useless information is lying open-faced on the back of the sofa next to my blanket, there’s some jewelry laid out on top of the dresser, my house shoes are at the foot of the bed and the State hoodie that Declan gave me is strewn across the back of the chair by the window. If I were to walk into the bathroom right now, I know what else I would find and my mind is boggled at the thought of my obsessively clean man being unable to touch my things until I returned home. It’s heartbreaking to me that it took me this long to realize that he’s on my side. We’re partners and that’s not changing.
I slowly spin around to find him sucking on the corner of his bottom lip, hands shoved in his pockets, eyes squinted. The air in my lungs swooshes out of me. It has been one hell of a day, not at all how I expected it to go, but that’s more than okay with me. Without removing his hands, Declan stalks towards me, a man on a mission and I am about to be accomplished.
He presses his body against mine but doesn’t stop. I can feel his body heat begin to blend with mine. This is not my loving Declan, full of beautiful passion and pure happiness from just moments before. No. This man is going to take not only what he wants but what he needs. And if I’m being honest with myself, I need him to do exactly that. He gently guides me, with the sheer force of his weight alone, to the bed behind me. His forehead is against mine; eyelashes, noses and lips all touching in some form and when the back of my knees hit the bed, his hands are quick to reach between us to unbutton my jeans. My lower belly flinches at the brush of his fingers on my skin beneath my shirt. My hands glide up his firm, heated body, gliding over the ridges of his abdomen and begin unbuttoning his shirt. We finish at the same time and both shove the articles of clothing off the bodies that we’re each in desperation to get to.
We stand there staring at each other. We’re consumed in this moment, in the meaning of the moment. My nerves are like live wires sparking inside my heated body. I have gone months without this man’s touch and I don’t think I can handle it a minute longer.
I reach for his face to bring his lips back to mine, needing desperately to continue tasting him when he catches my wrists firmly and slowly shakes his head no. I was right; he needs to do this. Sex has always been equally participated between us; it has never been dominated by one or the other. By the look in Declan’s darker than ever before eyes, things tell me that’s about to change.
Declan slowly drags my shirt up and over my head while his calloused fingertips follow it and gently scrape my highly sensitive skin along the way. He tosses my shirt over his shoulder without breaking eye contact with me and I can feel my body begin to quiver under the intensity of his gaze. I continue to stand there as per instructed and he steps a half a step closer to reach around me to unclasp my white satin bra. I learned a while back that Declan has a few preferences; white satin and no panties. I’m obliging him on both tonight.
Other than a few brushes of his fingers while removing my bra, he doesn’t touch me. Once I’m completely naked and standing proud for his viewing pleasure, he walks over and neatly places my bra on the back of the sofa before returning to stand in front of me. He stops about three feet away, way too far away. I am hot, my body is clenching and aching and I’m breathing too heavily for my own good. I wet my lips, which seem to keep going dry on me, and Dec just stands there. I can see his arousal in his slacks and he doesn’t hide.
After a moment it seems that he’s figured out his puzzle or has come up with his game plan because he undoes his belt buckle while our gazes are connected. I can see in his eyes that he has a plan for me and if his eyes are telling me anything at all at this point, it’s most likely going to be overwhelming. Once his buckle is released, he thumbs the button on his slacks and a small moan escapes my lips, my heart rate taking off at the sight of him undressing in front of me without allowing me to touch. It’s cruel and unusual punishment.
His pants and boxer briefs slide down his long, muscular legs until they pool on the carpet. I may have missed his legs just about as much as anything else, especially the way they feel when they’re so forceful when wrapped around me. I really want to be pinned to the bed by those legs right now, not just standing here practically salivating over them. He reaches me in three long strides and I force my hands to remain at my sides instead of touching him, exploring his nakedness and reclaiming what’s mine.
Declan’s firm, naked body is close but not close enough, he’s still not touching me. He leans in to my ear and I hear his lips quietly part, then he gently exhales. Oh. My. The tip of his nose barely brushes the side of my face right in front of my ear, once again exhaling, only this time allowing a small moan of his own.
When his hands touch the tops of my thighs, it takes all that I have to keep from taking what’s mine. I may have a heart attack playing this game with him. I bite down on the inside of my cheeks and close my eyes tightly when his hands begin to travel upwards towards the apex of my thighs.
“I know this is tough for you, Sunshine, so you can close your eyes if you need to. But it’s my face you see behind those eyelids or they stay open. Understand?” he says in a low, harsh whisper.
I nod my acceptance, because really, who the hell else would I see right now? I open my eyes to see Declan right in front of me; I knew he was there, I could feel his warm breath across my face. When my eyes focus, he leans in and kisses me thor
oughly. Still keeping to the rules, my hands stay clenched tightly into fists by my sides but my mouth has free rein and I allow myself to indulge.
Declan breaks the kiss too soon for my liking. “Get on the bed, Ava,” he demands in a gruff tone.
I didn’t have a problem with his demand or even how he said it, it actually turned me on even more than I already was, but I can’t have him not calling me Sunshine tonight. “Please don’t call me Ava tonight,” I say quietly, my eyes pleading earnestly for him to comply.
He seems to consider my request with confusion across his beautiful face before it clears up and a small smile appears for the first time since we entered the bedroom. “All right, Sunshine, now please, get on the bed,” he tells me in a stern but friendly voice.
I climb onto the bed and just before I lie down Declan speaks up again.
“On your stomach, Sunshine.”
Um, okay. On my stomach. I settle down on my stomach and I can feel him moving along the top of the bed, then he’s straddling me, his thick, muscled thighs on either side of my hips. It’s about time. He grabs my wrists and brings them up above my head then trails his fingers lightly down to my shoulders. He lies down along my back, his hard length pressing into my lower back just as his mouth reaches my ear.
“You will never leave us again, Sunshine, no matter what crosses our path. We are a team; we figure shit out together, not in separate houses.” He moves his mouth to the back of my neck and my eyes flutter closed. I can’t respond to that right now. He reaches between my shoulder blades before he continues while his fingers trace the swell of the sides of my breasts. “You say you don’t need a contract or a judge but I need something, Sunshine,” he whispers softly before his tongue traces my spine halfway down my back. “I need assurance that you’re in this as much as I am.”
After rewetting his tongue, he drags it over to my side just above my hip, where he gently bites me, shooting a bolt of pleasure straight to my aching core. I grip the pillow that’s beneath my head tightly and bite the inside of my bottom lip until it’s painful. My breathing is erratic and I’m not sure how much longer I can take this.
“We don’t have to do it legally. I understand your views on it, but you have to give me something here, baby,” he says even quieter as he continues down my body, his hard muscles sliding over my smooth bare skin. His hand reaches between my thighs as he slides off and lies next to me.
I can feel him there, staring at me. My breathing is out of control, I feel like I might lose complete restraint and cave to the impending orgasm that’s threatening to let loose at any moment.
“Sunshine?” His voice, deep and low, is vibrating across the bed and reaching all the way to my quivering core.
My eyes pop open and I gaze into the eyes of the man that is the love of my life. I trust him completely, with everything and every part of me. If I didn’t, we would be going back to court, not to bed. If I can sign away my rights to Harper I can give him what he needs to feel secure in this relationship. But this is something that can definitely be talked about tomorrow. Not right at this very highly anticipated moment.
“Please, Dec,” I whimper on the crest of my orgasm, “I’m yours, right now I need you,” I say in way of answering him without having to explain too much.
Declan flips me over and climbs on top of me. He brushes my hair slowly and gently out of my face with both of his hands while kissing me slowly. “You’re mine,” he whispers harshly, in between devastatingly teasing kisses.
“I’m yours,” I answer without hesitation.
Without notice, Declan thrusts into me and the rush is unbearable. I let out a breathy gasp as my back arches and my breasts press into Declan’s firm chest. His face is hard as he enters me again and again, unapologetically, driving home his point of who we are, who I am to him, and who’s controlling this relationship tonight. He is, of course.
It doesn’t take either of us long to reach our breaking points and when we do, we’re in the moment together. Declan has my face in his hands again, holding me as still as he can so our eyes can meet and our gazes won’t break from one another.
* * * * * *
It’s somewhere around midnight and we just got out of the shower. The food we ordered earlier sits cold and discarded on the coffee table in the sitting area. Declan’s wearing pajama bottoms that hang loosely on his hips and I watch him set the food out along with the plasticwear while I slip on a nightie that was left here all those months ago.
Declan straightens and turns around when he hears me enter the room. He stops and his eyes flicker from my wet hair down to my bare toes before making a low, guttural noise deep in his throat. I laugh and shake my head as I make my way to him.
“No way, my sweet man, I need food, and sleep.” I kiss him softly when he wraps his arms low around my waist.
“Give me a minute and I’ll go heat up your pasta for you,” he says with a smile on his face, a smile that melts my heart every time he gives it to me.
“That’s okay, I’ll just eat it cold. I know you don’t care, and I’m so hungry it’s not going to make any difference to me tonight,” I say to him as I sit down on the sofa and pull the takeout container onto my lap.
Declan sits down right next to me, our thighs touching, and drapes my favorite blanket across the back of my shoulders before grabbing his container. “This is really happening then, right?” Declan asks softly before taking a bite of his food. Gone is my domineering Declan. In his place is my loving man.
I fork in a mouthful of pasta as he speaks and I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion, not really sure what he’s asking.
“We’re a family again, right? There’s no more your house/my house, it’s just this house—our house. When Harper gets here in about,” he looks over at the clock ticking away on the wall to the left of us, “eight hours, we can tell her that Mommy is home from helping Aunt Marla and isn’t leaving again.” He looks at me earnestly. “Right?”
We sit in silence and eat our cold dinner while Declan continues to stare at me with his inquisitive eyes. I try to find the right words to explain to him exactly where I’m at and what I’m feeling. I need to think of way to make him see that we are in all ways that matter, married. To me anyway. After I fill up with enough cold pasta, I place my takeout tray on the coffee table and wipe my lips and hands before tucking away the napkin. Dec does the same thing, then sits back into the sofa. I crawl up his body slowly, swinging one leg over his lap to rest next to his hip so I’m straddling him. My fingers find each other and lace up at the nape of his neck.
“Declan James, we never stopped being a family if you ask me. Or Harper, apparently.”
Dec lets a small, guilty smile appear at the corner of his lips
“Have you ever fully grasped my argument? My reason for fighting for her?” I stare down into his unique eyes and I can see them searching mine, searching down deep for something, for what I’m not quite sure yet.
“I get it, baby, I really do, and I couldn’t prouder of you for it. You don’t know how thankful I am that although I didn’t get to raise Harper her first couple years, I’m so happy you did,” he says before kissing me.
If I don’t stop him now, I’m going to get lost again. I pull back and place my hands on his face and stroke my thumbs along his cheekbones. “Dec, I have been so lost these last few months without you. It was like I finally got the family of my dreams, the family that I had dreamed of my whole life—not just you and Harper, but the whole lot,” I drag in a shaky breath and push on, “and then it was taken from me in the blink of an eye. I lost your parents and Macie, the guys, I lost my home and Mr. Olson, the cranky bastard that always grumbles instead of saying hello when I take Harper out for a walk. I lost everyone, Declan. That hurt so badly. But you wouldn’t believe the amount of pain losing you alone caused me. I felt like…” I trail off, looking away while trying to trap in the tears. I’m so tired of crying.
“Like you couldn’t breathe?” D
eclan finishes for me as he dabs the corners of my eyes with the pads of his thumbs.
I chew on my bottom lip and nod without looking at him. He turns my head to him and sucks my lip into his mouth, effectively stopping me from chewing on it.
“Me either, Sunshine, me either” he says remotely with his face resting next to mine.
“This is it for me, Dec. I honestly don’t think I’ll survive another heartbreak regarding you. Consider yourself married, babe,” I tell him with a smile, trying with all my might to replace the tears that still want to fall.
“Yeah?” Declan asks in a whisper, disbelief written all over his face.
I nod my answer and he kisses me slowly and softly while his fingers trace a languid trail up and down my arms, eliciting a small, pleasurable moan to escape into his mouth. We kiss, just kiss, sensually for a few minutes until he releases me and turns my body so we’re both lying down on the sofa, my back to his front. His fingers trail through my now almost dry hair and he’s almost put me to sleep when he begins speaking lowly.
“Tell me about work,” he says.
A smile spreads across my face instantly, because if there is any light to be shown though the darkest hell of the last few months, it’s my job. “My work. Dec, my work is unbelievable. If I had any idea that I could have been doing this instead of working at the bar… it would have been this, hands down. I never thought I could enjoy it this much. I mean, I knew why I wanted to go into psychology, but I had no idea the satisfaction I would get out of it every day.” I can’t contain my excitement. I haven’t been able to gush about my new career to him. He’s never asked like this. I would get the occasional “how’s work?”, but that didn’t invite all the over the top emotions that I desperately wanted to share with him.
Declan tightened his arms around me. “That’s great. What’s your favorite part about it?”
I wonder if he knows how much him asking me this means to me—I bet he does.