by S. Poirier
“Wait! Snitch, let me do it. I want to call him.” June reaches out and grabs my arm. I yank myself free and walk across the room to the door. “Please, Snitch. I need to talk to him.” My voice is hardly above a whisper as a lump of emotions gather in my throat making it hard to swallow.
He sighs heavily into the phone. “Max, I can’t, I promised him that I wouldn’t. He’s my friend and I won’t go back on my word. Catch knew quitting wouldn’t sit well with Timer. He’s only trying to keep you safe. That’s why he left.”
“Well, hell-of-a-lot-of-good that did, Timer got to me anyway, so all of this is pointless. And he should have left that decision up to me,” I yell. Sage needs to stop protecting me. I don’t care what kind of trouble he’s in with Timer. He stuck through it with me when he could have very well turned me over. I want to be with him.
“I know this is going to be hard for you, but Max, I need you to trust me.” I chuckle. He’s right; trusting him is not an easy task. Even Sage at one point had his guard up when it came to Snitch. “I’m going to talk to Catch. But he’s going to want to run. Max, he’s going to want to scoop you up again and run with you.”
“No. I won’t run anymore. I want my life back. I have to have roots, structure. He knows why that’s important to me. So, you tell him that if he comes here and offers his hand to me again I won’t take it this time.” As much as I want to see him, be with him, I don’t want to spend our time together on the run.
“Alright, I’ll pass on the message and then I’ll be in touch. Keep that phone close.” He pauses long enough to make me think the call was dropped, or that he just hung up on me. “Is there anything else you want me to tell him, Max?” There’s sincerity in his voice and it tugs at my heartstrings.
There are a lot of things, so many fucking things. But I just go with the one thing I’m feeling the most. “Tell him that I miss him.”
“You got it,” he says, and then ends the call and I’m left feeling like I lost Sage all over again. It was my one chance to get to him, my one chance to hear his voice again. Yeah, it was a fat chance, but I had to try. Now my chest aches and all I want to do is to start screaming and punch something.
I can’t stop pacing the length of June’s small living room. I’m gripping the phone so tightly my fingers are starting to go numb. June’s sitting on the couch watching me while she flips through a celebrity trash mag.
It’s been over two hours since I talked to Snitch and I’m starting to panic. I stop by her front window and look out onto the main street. It’s busy with the normal car and foot traffic, nothing looks out of place. But why would it? These people know how to hide. I won’t know they’ve snagged me until I’m in Timer’s possession.
“Why hasn’t he called?” I mumble as I start pacing again. My heart is hammering the inside of my chest, and I’m starting to feel closed in. My breaths are coming faster and my chest is heavy with the weight of the situation.
“Chill, Max. You need to calm down before you drive yourself into a panic attack. If he said he would be in touch, then he’ll be in touch. The man has always called when he said he would.” She licks the tip of her finger and flips another page. Her calm attitude doesn’t help me calm down; actually it makes me want to throw something at her.
“June, if he doesn’t call soon I’m going to have to leave. If Timer wants me, he’ll find me. I don’t have Catch to help keep me hidden. When he finds me I don’t want you to be anywhere near me.” I run my free hand through my hair and yank on my scalp. “I can’t sit here anymore. I need to…I don’t know…I…”
The little phone vibrates in my hand and I fumble with it almost dropping it on the floor. My hands are shaking as I swipe my finger across the screen. “Tell me something good, Snitch.”
“Calm down…” he says.
“Don’t tell me to fucking calm down. Now spit it out,” I yell. June throws her magazine to the side and jumps off the couch. Her hands go out towards me, but she stops short not quite sure what to do.
“I talked to Catch, and he’s not happy. If you want to run…”
“I already told you how I feel about running.” My words ring with finality.
“Okay then, he has agreed to meet with Timer. Once he finishes he will call me and then I’ll be in touch with you,” he explains.
Slowly. I can feel the sting of his lack of words slowly, slowly spreading through my chest. I swallow that tight lump in my throat and force myself to speak. “Is that all? Did he say anything else?” I don’t have to be specific. Snitch knows what I’m talking about.
“Max, I don’t know how Catch was when the two of you were alone, but that’s not the same person I know. The day you almost died was the only time I’ve ever seen that man show any kind of emotions. He turned that part of himself off when he agreed to do Timer’s assignments. It was almost like he became a robot.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “The moment he stepped out those hospital doors, the day he left you there, he became the person I know, the emotionless robot. He turned all of his emotions off. So, with that being said, I’m sorry, Max, but he didn’t say anything. Don’t think that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. He’s just not going to open up to me.”
My heart bottoms out. “Okay, thanks, Snitch.” And he ends the call.
June reaches out and touches my arm. “Max?”
I jerk away. “Don’t touch me.” If she touches me I will lose it, and I refuse to cry about this anymore. “Just…I need a drink. Let’s go to Jack’s. Maybe I’ll get lucky and find some fucktard to beat the crap out of.”
23
Max
Three days after I talked to Snitch, June told me that he called. He said that Catch had met with Timer and they worked out an agreement. Snitch wouldn’t elaborate, but said that everything was going to work out in the end.
Most importantly, Sage is still alive.
One month drags by painfully and I make every effort to get my life back in order. I find myself another job, and then another apartment. For the first couple of weeks every time my phone made any kind of noise my heart would fumble inside my chest. And every time I saw that it wasn’t Sage my heart would hurt. It was making me such a mess that I decided to just change my number. Life was moving on with or without me, and I was never the type to let it pass me by. I just want to get him out of my head.
June was still keeping in contact with Snitch. I don’t have to ask, I can see it in her eyes. This girl has it bad. I just hope she knows what she’s doing. Snitch still has yet to convince me that he is worthy of my best friend’s affections.
I go through the motions day in and day out. I get up, shower, drink my coffee, get dressed, and go to work. Sometimes I meet June for a drink at Jack’s, or sometimes we go get dinner together. This particular job pays more, since I’m not anyone’s assistant, so I’m able to afford one of the smaller apartments in June’s building. It’s nice being closer to her. She helps keep me busy so my mind doesn’t wander too far. But despite all those things there’s this shadow of an ache in my chest that just won’t go away.
Nights are the worst. I sleep in Sage’s shirt. I finally decided that I needed to wash it. By that point it didn’t smell like him any longer anyway. He haunts my dreams so much that I’ve even woken up feeling for him on the other side of my bed.
Although I like seeing him in my dreams I kind of wish he would get the hell out of my head. I’m trying to move on. He didn’t ask me to wait on him, so there isn’t any reason for me to keep thinking that he will ever come back.
While trying to fill my time I decide to clean out my closet. I bought new work clothes when I was hired, so I need to donate the things that I’m not going to wear anymore. One of the bags that I took with me when I ran off with Sage is sitting at the back of my closet. I still haven’t unpacked it because most of it is clothes that I wore when working at Fiddle.
I bring the bag out of my closet and shake it out on my bed. When I think everything has
fallen out I reach my hand inside to see if anything got stuck. My fingers brush against paper. Confused as to what it could be I frown and look into the bag.
Lying at the bottom is an envelope with my name written across the middle. It’s the letter from Gracie Carmichael. I reach into the bag and pull the letter out with trembling fingers. At first thought I think maybe I should just burn the damn thing, or stick it through my paper shredder. But somehow Gracie knew I would need this. She knows Sage better than anyone, and maybe she was expecting something like this to happen.
I sit down on the edge of my bed and take a deep breath. I flex my neck from side to side like I’m preparing for a fight, because I know this will be an internal one at its best.
Dear Max,
I know that our time together was short, but I’m hoping that I will have the privilege of seeing you again in the future. Sage hasn’t made the best decisions in life, but he is a good man. I don’t doubt that he may make mistakes in whatever kind of relationship the two of you have. I’m asking you, Max, to please be patient with him. Everything he does, it’s always with good reason, even if we don’t always agree with him. I see the way he looks at you. It’s the same way his father once looked at me. You are a beautiful girl that didn’t grow up in the best of circumstances, but there’s a light in you that I haven’t ever seen in anyone before. Please don’t ever forget how special you are. Sage is worth the time, Max. Once you get past that wall he has built around himself you will find the compassionate, caring, and loving man that I raised.
Remember that love is never easy. And for two people such as you and Sage it might be a little harder than most.
With love,
Gracie
“Shit, why does she have to be so wonderful?” I ask to the empty bedroom walls as if they have the ability to answer me. I should have burned the damn thing. I thought maybe it would help, but all it did was make me miss him more.
I pull my cellphone from the back pocket of my jeans and tap June’s number. She answers on the second ring. “What’s up, chica?”
“Let’s go grab some nachos and a beer at Jack’s,” I say quickly. I rush over to my closet and start slipping the first pair of heels I see on.
“Christ, Max, you’re going to turn me into an alcoholic,” she whines.
“Well, order a coke. I don’t care, I need to get the hell out of here for a few hours,” I reply. I’m already out the door and heading for the stairs. The bar is only a five minute walk from our building, which was convenient considering how much I had been drowning my sorrows over the past month.
“Okay, fine, I’ll meet you there. Fifteen minutes,” she says with a sigh. I’ve been asking a lot of her lately, and after I get past all of this I’m going to have to buy her a really expensive present. Maybe something from Tiffany’s.
When I arrive at Jack’s I sit at the end of the bar where we always sit. I’m not sure what it is about Jack’s that is comforting to me. Maybe it’s Stormy and old man Jack, or the sound of pool balls hitting against each other, or the mixture of 80’s and 90’s music on the house radio. Whatever it is doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I feel some of the weight lifted off my chest when I walk through the front door.
Stormy looks down the length of the bar, and I wave at her. She makes her way to my end of the bar and I order a beer and their huge loaded nachos. Seriously, there is no other comfort food like nachos. Jack’s being the best. And after that letter I could probably eat the whole damn plate by myself.
June arrives only a couple of minutes after the nachos are placed in front of me. She’s wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a sweater that hangs loosely off of one shoulder. Her curls are pulled up into a messy bun.
She hops up on her barstool and blows a piece of hair out of her eyes. “So, what’s up?” She picks up a nacho that’s loaded with sour cream. I shrug. “Max?”
I take a long pull on my beer. “I don’t know. I just can’t help but think that he’s going to come back.”
“No. You stop that shit right now. You can’t live your life thinking that one day he will just pop up on your doorstep. Max, you know just as well as anyone that life was not meant to wait on anyone.” She’s scowling at me and pointing a nacho in my face. And she’s right. I have never waited on anyone. Even when I was a young girl I didn’t wait on my parents. So many kids in foster care always held out hope that their parents would come to their senses and come get them. I wasn’t ever one of those kids. My parents didn’t want me, and I accepted that at an early age.
But with Sage it feels different. He wants me. I can feel it deep within my soul that he wants me. But on the other hand I can’t sit around waiting on him to realize that.
The bell above the door dings and I see Snitch walk in. My eyes widen and he puts his finger to his lips. I look at June but she’s too interested in playing with the nachos to have noticed my reaction. His dirty blond hair is longer now and cut in a Mohawk. He’s dressed in a pair of dark denim jeans, a dark green T-shirt that hugs the muscular body I never realized he had, and his black rimmed glasses. His arms are covered in colorful tattoos all the way down to the tops of his hands.
“I’m serious, Max. You know we could find you a man tonight…” her words drop off as Snitch runs a finger over her bare shoulder. Her eyes widen. I pick up a nacho and shove the whole thing in my mouth and grin.
Slowly she turns around. When her eyes land on Snitch she comes off the barstool so fast that she almost knocks it over. Her arms wrap around his chest as he starts placing kisses on the top of her head. I shove another nacho in my mouth and I concentrate on my chewing. Somehow this reunion between the two of them seems private, save the fact that we are standing in the middle of a busy bar.
“What are you doing here?” She finally pulls away to look at his face. He’s beaming, actually full on beaming at her.
“I was asked to keep an eye on a particular someone.” His eyes flick up to meet mine and he gives me a small smile. “I think maybe I was supposed to do it on the sly, but when I watched you walk through the door I knew there was no way I could stay away.”
“So, Catch sent you to babysit me?” I manage to say around a mouthful of cheesy chips. Snitch sits on the barstool that June was sitting in and pulls her down into his lap. He nods. “I don’t understand why he insists on doing this. He left, what the hell does he care?”
“Max, he loves you. And while he’s dealing with Timer he just wants to make sure that you’re okay,” he replies.
“Will you at least tell me what’s going on? And don’t give me any bullshit. I know you know.” I point my finger at him before shoving another nacho in my mouth.
He starts rubbing the bare skin of June’s arm. “You know I can’t give you that information, Max.”
“Okay, fine, can you at least tell me what happens after? What happens after he is done dealing with Timer? Is he just going to disappear altogether? When he knows that I no longer have people after me is he just going to forget everything he and I…” I stop what I’m about to say and swallow my words. I pick up my beer and down the rest of it. When I’m done I slam it down on the bar, causing June to jerk with surprise. “You know what, nevermind. You guys have a good night.” I start to get up and June puts her hand on my arm.
“Are you leaving?” I nod.
“Well, I’m coming with you.” Snitch puts his hands on June’s waist and lifts her up off his lap. “Sorry, Angel, but if something happens to her Catch will have my head.”
We all walk back to our apartment building together. “I’m two floors below June.”
“We’ll I’m coming with you. I hope you have a comfortable couch,” Snitch says.
When we reach my door I turn to look at them. I can tell that he has no desire to leave her, and June’s pouting. “Snitch, go up with June. I’ll be fine. I’m sure Catch informed you that I’m capable of taking care of myself.”
He eyes me for a moment, and then turns
to June. He pulls her tight against his body and I hear him growl. My throat tightens and I have to look away. I can’t watch them for the many conflicted reasons bouncing around in my head.
“Go up. I’ll meet you there in a few minutes.” He leans into her and whispers in her ear. Her smile widens and I swear I see her pupils dilate. As she starts to walk away he slaps her on the ass and the sound echoes down the hallway. When he’s done watching her walk away he turns to me. “Give me your phone.” I hand it to him and he starts tapping on the screen. “Don’t answer the door for anyone, and if you hear anything call me immediately. I’m serious, Max. Don’t try to handle any potential situation on your own.”
I nod as he hands the phone back to me with a wink. I say goodnight and let myself into my apartment. I know they want to be alone, and as much as it bugs me that Snitch has his claws—and possibly his dick—in my best friend I can’t tell her what to do. I just hope he knows that I will not hesitate to break his kneecaps if he makes her cry. If he pulls a stunt like Sage I will make him regret he ever laid eyes on her.
24
Catch
Leaving Max lying in that hospital bed broken and healing was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, maybe even harder than putting my dad into the ground. I knew that Snitch had a huge hard-on for June so I called a week after I left to check on Max. Snitch tried to keep the conversation short. I knew he was hiding something, and after many promising threats he finally told me about Max calling for me in her sleep, and having to be sedated when she woke up and I wasn’t there. I ended the call immediately because I didn’t want to know anymore. I hate that I’m hurting her. I want nothing more than to go to her, but it just isn’t possible. And I’m not sure it will ever be possible for me to go back to her.