by S. Poirier
I knew Timer wouldn’t be happy about me quitting. When Snitch got the message to him he later warned me that Timer wasn’t going to let me go that easily. I decided to ignore him. I didn’t know he would go after Max. I don’t even know how he knows what she means to me. At first I thought maybe it was Snitch who told him, but I quickly pushed that out of my head. He has proven himself when it comes to Max. I simply underestimated Timer.
When I arrive at the location Snitch told me to meet Timer I’m halfcocked and ready to blow his head off. But I pull it in because I know he already knows this about me. There is no way he is here alone. This place is surrounded, and if I so much as put my hands anywhere other than down by my sides I will end up with a bullet in my head.
I want to call her, hear her voice just in case all this goes horribly wrong. But I fear that if I hear her sweet voice I won’t be able to face him. I’ll just want to go to her and make her leave with me. Give her no choice, and throw her over my shoulder kicking and screaming.
Before I start to make my climb up to the top of the abandoned parking garage I pull out my phone and go to my photos. I pull up the picture I took of Max while she was sleeping the morning after I told her I loved her. Her hair is still brown and fanned out over my pillow. She’s on her stomach with the sheet pulled halfway up her body; one leg is sticking out bent at the knee. There are little freckles in various spots across her back, and her flock of birds is on full display. The swell of one of her breasts is exposed. I can still smell her scent, lavender mixed with mine and her sweat. There’s a look of contentment and peace on her face, and I know it’s there because of me. She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and if I don’t make it out of here tonight this is the image I want in my head when I take my last breath.
I look at the picture for another few seconds, take a deep breath, close my eyes and squeeze the phone tightly in my hand before tossing it onto the passenger seat of the rental car. Being away from her is eating a hole in my heart. An ache of massive proportions forms in my chest and I have to bite back a frustrated roar that’s tearing at my throat.
Timer has arranged for the meeting to be in New York City and I almost didn’t make it out of Lookout Mountain in time to be here. That’s one of the reasons I asked Snitch to keep an eye on Max. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get here in time, and I didn’t know if Timer would go after her himself, or have one of his goons do it for him.
When I reach the top of the parking garage it’s empty except for one small, red sports car. A dark figure is standing close by. I notice right away that this isn’t the middleman. In the twelve years that I have been doing work for Timer this is the first time I will ever lay eyes on the man, and in all truthfulness I wish this day never had to come. I was perfectly fine with not ever seeing the man who put out the order for me to kill someone.
I slide out of the car. I notice the air is crisp and cool as I suppress a shiver. He doesn’t make any attempt to move so I start to approach him, but he stops me by putting his hand up. That’s when I feel the tension rolling off of him. There’s fear. It may be just a tiny bit, but I can feel it flowing through the empty space between us. He helped create the killer I’ve become, so it would be stupid of him be completely fearless.
“Catch, you know I can’t allow you to come any closer without having you checked first. I don’t normally meet with my employees in person for the simple fact that I’m aware of what all of you are capable of. But, I had a feeling that if I didn’t see you in person you would brush me off,” he says. Another figure appears from a dark corner and starts to approach me. It takes everything inside of me to allow him to get close to me.
“I’m unarmed, Timer. You should give me more credit,” I call through the thick tension between us.
“Don’t forget, Catch, that I’m very familiar with your talents. I know you’re not stupid, but neither am I. I got to your girl and I know that doesn’t sit well with you, so for both of our safety I’m going to have you searched before you come any closer.”
I nod even though I don’t know if he can see me. The other guy approaches and when he’s close enough I notice him. It’s the middleman, and I relax a tiny bit. He tells me to hold my arms out. There’s a smirk on his face, and I get the idea that he’s enjoying the opportunity to watch me squirm. Even though I have an incredible urge to punch the smirk off his face I do as he says, and allow him to pat me down. After going over my entire body a few times he tells Timer I’m clean.
Timer approaches me in long demanding strides. My body stiffens and my heart starts pounding. The stressful situation has the adrenaline pumping through my veins so fast it’s hard to keep still.
Timer is a big guy, tall with broad shoulders and I can see the shine of the moon bouncing off of his clean shaven head. My first thought goes to how intimidating he looks, and how much he must have scared the shit out of Max. I know she fought back against him. It’s not in her nature to act like the wounded bird. Therefore I know he put his hands on her, and that makes the blood in my veins boil. I start working my jaw and I pop my neck. It takes everything I have not to clench my fists. I want to hit this man until he is bloodied and dead underneath me.
“I gave my word to Max that if you showed I wouldn’t touch you, and I have every intention of holding up my end of the bargain. I have to admit she’s a wildcat, and I’m kind of disappointed I probably won’t have the pleasure of seeing her again.” That’s it, I can’t take it. My fists clench and I take a step towards him. Timer ignores me and throws his hands out around him. I realize he’s giving the signal that he’s okay. I collect myself and take a step back as he continues to talk. “However, I want you to know that you are surrounded. One wrong move and you’re dead before you hit the ground.” His tone is nonchalant. Like we are old friends having a nice friendly conversation.
I take a deep breath and force myself to hold his gaze. “Okay, I need you to tell me what this is all about,” I hiss through clenched teeth. I’ve reached my limit with him, and I need to leave before I do something really stupid.
“Well, I was going to try and convince you to stay. Offer you more money and fewer jobs. But I have a feeling there isn’t anything I will be able to offer you.” He pauses, waiting for me to consider his words, but I don’t need to consider anything.
“No, Timer, I’m done.” I force all the finality I can muster into my words.
He nods. “I figured as much. So, here is what’s going to happen. I already have someone lined up to take your place. He’s a great shot, but still not as good as you.”
“And what does he have to do with me?” I have a feeling where this is going, and I don’t like it.
A smile breaks out across his face. “I need you to train him. I also need you to go on his first few assignments with him. He’s an arrogant little prick that needs to be brought down a few pegs, and I couldn’t think of anyone being able to do that but you.”
I shake my head. “I’ll teach him some of my tricks, but I’m not going on anymore assignments.”
Timer squares his shoulders and takes a few steps closer. He’s so close to my personal space now that I feel the urge to take a step back, but I don’t. I stand my ground and never break eye contact.
“This isn’t up for negotiation. If you want a clean break without any further contact from me, or any other trouble you will take this deal. I’m being generous, Catch,” he says in a low growl. “I don’t take losing any of my men lightly, and you are the youngest to retire. I thought I was going to have at least another fifteen to twenty years with you. So can you see why I’m not happy about your decision?”
He has me backed into a corner and he knows it. There isn’t anything I can do, but accept his offer. The other ‘trouble’ he is talking about is Max. He knows that all he has to do is threaten her safety. Dangle her over my head and I’ll do anything he wants to protect her, and he knows this. The man found my Achilles heel, and he has every intention of u
sing it against me to get exactly what he wants.
“I do this for you, train this kid, and take him on his first few assignments, I’m done and Max never existed?” He nods and puts his hand out. I take a deep breath as I give him a firm handshake. I don’t trust him, but I feel like I have no other choice. Max already said she won’t run with me, and honestly I know that’s not fair to her. It’s not fair for her to have to live out the rest of her life in constant fear.
“We have a deal. Middleman will give you the details. And remember, Catch, one screw up. One show of defiance and the deal is off.” He tightens his grip on my hand.
“Understood.” I answer his tight squeeze with my own. He releases me and I watch as he jogs back to his car. The middleman approaches me and pulls a thick yellow envelope out of the inside of his jacket.
“You start tomorrow.” He shoves the thick packet into my chest.
“Son-of-a-bitch.”
25
Max
Two more months pass without a word from Sage. I’m working through emotions that I never thought I had the ability to feel. Growing up in foster care meant I wasn’t loved, and was never taught how to love in return. Yeah, the last foster parents I lived with loved me, but there was always something missing. I could see the love they had for their biological children. It was different from the love they had for me. They insisted it wasn’t, but I could always see the difference.
Sage made me feel things I had never felt before, and turning them off wasn’t as easy I would have liked. There are days when all I do is think about him, and wish I could just hear his voice. And then there are days when I just want to kick his teeth in. It’s all very confusing and sometimes feels like I’m being consumed by my own thoughts and over-analyzations. Even if he walked away from me to try and keep me safe I couldn’t wrap my mind around how it seemed so easy for him. As much as I want to let him go, and just go back to doing the same thing I was doing before when it came to men—whatever that was—I couldn’t. He’s haunting me and that’s making it impossible to see anything past the time we spent together.
No one would ever come close to Sage, and because of that I was destined to become an old, crazy cat lady. My brain just couldn’t come up with any other conclusion to my story.
I’ve read Gracie’s letter at least a hundred times. She wants me to be patient with him and I’m trying, but I can’t put my life on hold. A few drunken nights after June put me to bed I dialed his number only to be sent straight to voicemail. Sage never took the time to record his own voice recording so I was left with listening to the automated woman on the other end. Once I breathed a few times into the phone willing myself to say something, anything, but even in my sloppy drunk state I couldn’t bring myself to form any words.
The building that June and I were living in was bought out and the new owners wanted to start renovating the one bedroom apartments. I couldn’t afford a two bedroom, so we decided to move in together and upgraded to one of the larger apartments on a lower level so we could split the rent and have more room.
Living with June wasn’t a bother. The only times I had trouble was when that phone Snitch gave her would chime. Most of the time they only sent texts back and forth, but there was one night I was going into the kitchen and as I passed her room I think I heard her having phone sex. I was happy for her and Snitch even though I wasn’t exactly sure what they had going on. I was also slightly jealous. I missed the company of a man and because I was so wrapped up in Sage he was the only man my mind and body wanted the company of.
We are finally completely moved into our new apartment and are having a girl’s night in. With this decision I think we both heard my liver sigh in relief when we decide that unpacking and movies was all we could stand to do after moving all of our furniture by ourselves.
“Hey, June, how about you share with me what exactly it is going on between you and Snitch.” She’s in the kitchen fixing us both a big bowl of ice cream. We had both given up on unpacking and were sitting down to watch an old 80’s movie. She hands me my bowl and I look down to see my favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry’s. I scowl up at her. “This is my ‘pissy mood’ ice cream.”
She’s wearing a pair of her cotton, bright pink shorts and white tank. Her hair is pulled up into a messy knot on the top of her head, held in place with hair chopsticks that have little butterflies on the ends. Some ringlets that are hanging down the back of her neck are still damp from the shower she just finished.
“Yeah, you can’t fool me. You were saying his name in your sleep again last night. Well, actually you were screaming his name.” She reaches over and pats my knee. “I figured you might need a little pick me up.”
June was right. I remember waking up in a cold sweat and seeing the dream replay in my head. This time I was awake in the hospital, and I had to watch him leave. Other dreams included James shooting him, or Sage shooting me. They were all very confusing, but all included one thing. Loosing Sage. When I got up and showered the sweat off of me I put his T-shirt on. It didn’t always help hold the dreams at bay, but made them less frequent.
“Well, thank you, but I don’t want to talk about my nightmares. Now, Snitch, spill.” She flashes me an evil grin. “Okay, so the two of you are banging.”
She giggles while stirring her plain chocolate ice cream. “Once. That one night when he showed up in Jack’s.”
“And?”
She shrugged. “It was kind of awesome.”
She looked up at me and I raised my eyebrows. “Just ‘kind of’?”
She sighed. “Okay, shut up. It was the best sex I’ve ever had. But I haven’t seen him again since, and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” And just to drive her point him she shoves a huge spoonful in her mouth.
I was going to push because since she had met Snitch she was kind of acting different than she normally does. Daydreaming more, sometimes looking sad for no apparent reason, obsessing with that stupid phone he gave her, and just being overly fidgety. It seemed he was getting under her skin, and I was hoping that she would talk so I could try and snap her out of this weird funk.
But who was I kidding? I was in my own weird funk, and wouldn’t allow her to pull me out either. June and I are an interesting pair with similar problems. Two really hot assassins. Thankfully we have each other. It’s nice knowing we don’t have to go through shit alone.
****
Catch
I look down at the clock on the dashboard of my sports car and see that it’s almost seven in the morning. When Timer called me and told me that I was done I packed my shit and headed back to DC. The moment I got back to the warehouse I didn’t even bother going in. I knew some of Max’s things would still be there, and I just didn’t think I could stomach seeing them. So, I jumped in the sports car and drove straight to Lookout Mountain.
The house is dark except for the little bit of light streaming through the kitchen window. Of all the times I’ve just showed up at home mom would meet me on the porch. The door remained closed, and something in my chest clenched. Something was up. She must be upset with me about something.
I kill the engine and grab my bag off the passenger seat. I use my key to get in the backdoor and as I enter the kitchen I see her sitting at the table. She’s wearing a blue terry cloth robe. Her hair is pulled up into a bun, and she’s sipping on a cup of coffee.
She looks up at me over her mug. “It’s nice to see you, Sage.” I drop my bag and sit down at the table with her. I fold my arms over the table top and put my head down on them. I feel her run her fingers through my hair. “Tell, me what’s wrong. Talk to me, Sage.”
Over the past three months I had been working with that little stain to teach him every trick I picked up while working for Timer. He’s young, intelligent, and a quick shooter. But with all that he’s also an idiot, trigger happy, and on one assignment his arrogance almost got us killed. It later resulted in me beating the shit out of him. That’s when I finally succeeded i
n knocking him down those few pegs. A month later was when I got the call from Timer.
I should feel lighter. I should be elated that I’m done with killing, done with Timer. But I still feel like I have this massive weight sitting right in the center of my chest. And that weight’s name is Max. I can’t stop thinking about her. I wake in the middle of the night in cold sweats constantly going back to that day that I found her with James and I thought I was going to lose her.
Mom runs her hand down to my neck and squeezes the muscles. “Please talk to me, Sage.”
I take a deep breath. “I’ve fucked things up with Max.” It’s the first time I say those words out loud and it feels like they bounce off the walls of the room and come back to sucker punch me in the stomach.
“Oh, honey, why would you think something like that?” Her voice is soft and very motherly. I reach up and take hold of her hand on my neck. I give it a little squeeze helping to ground myself, because I know what I’m about to do, and it could change things between the two of us.
I’m going to come clean, about everything.
“We met because I kidnapped her.” Her mouth drops and she pulls her hand away from me. Although the sudden separation stings I continue, but I start from the beginning, from when I was first approached by Scout.
I tell her everything. How I knew about the money problems. The training I went through, the men I killed and how each one of them took a piece of me with them when they took their last breath. I told her about kidnapping Max, and then saving her life. How our relationship progressed, how much I love her, how she almost died, and how everything ended. When I’m done spilling my guts I take a deep breath and close my eyes.
A few seconds later mom slaps the back of my head. “Ouch.” I rub the stinging spot. “What the hell was that for?”