Deception (Absent Shadows Trilogy Book 3)

by S. M. Spencer

  ‘He’s … well, to be perfectly honest, I don’t know where he is. And I don’t really care,’ she replied.

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry Claire. I didn’t realise. Did you have a fight or something?’

  ‘No … well, sort of … maybe. I mean, he’s just so boring. All he wants to do is surf and drink beer.’

  Another one bites the dust, I thought to myself. Well, it wasn’t the end of the world. There was a plethora of gorgeous young men there in Southern California, and it wouldn’t be long before someone else caught her eye.

  ‘Besides, I’m thinking I’ll go home for the summer break—I’ll get to see Tom. I still miss him, you know. I just can’t seem to meet anyone who measures up to him.’

  Yeah, well, any wonder I thought to myself. And I also wondered what Claire would think, if I told her the truth. Would she be excited? Or would she be afraid? The former, I suspected. She’d probably think it was fabulous, and be pissed-off with me for keeping the truth from her for so long. I’d probably tell her someday, but not unless there was no way around it. But still, if she was going to see Tom, maybe she’d see Sam too.

  ‘I wonder if you’ll see Sam while you’re there,’ I said, trying not to sound too excited. After all, we were separated as far as Claire knew.

  ‘Yeah, probably … and I’ll tell him he’s a fool for letting you slip away. But he probably knows that already. I bet he wishes he’d treated you better. You know, you never did tell me what broke you two up?’

  ‘Didn’t I?’

  ‘No, I’m sure you didn’t.’

  ‘Well … I suppose it was just that we’d rushed into the marriage so quickly … you know. That … and I guess I missed home … and my family.’

  ‘Yeah?’ she sighed, then her face went a bit ethereal and her eyes seemed to have lost all focus as she whispered, ‘I guess I get it … but still … there is something about them, isn’t there?’

  ‘Yeah, there sure is,’ I said, trying to fight off feelings of guilt. Maybe I owed her the truth—she was one of my closest friends after all, and she was pretty involved in their world, even if only on the periphery. I swallowed, and started to speak, but my voice wouldn’t come. No, this wasn’t just my secret. I didn’t have a right to tell Claire any of it. Not even that Ceylona was my daughter. She thought Ceylona was my little sister, and as guilty as I felt for letting her think that, telling her the truth would only lead to more questions.

  Then she saved me. ‘Hey, I’ve got a great idea. Let’s go bowling! We haven’t been in like, forever. Remember how much fun we had last time?’

  ‘Bowling? Uh … yeah, okay. I mean, if that’s what you want to do,’ I answered, relieved that she’d changed the topic and taken me off the hook.

  And so we went bowling. And we had a great time, even when we were laughing at how bad we were. And in the car on the way back afterwards I told her about seeing David at the shops, and she sympathised with how awful it would have been. But she did have this cheeky grin the whole time, possibly remembering similar experiences of her own.

  ~~***~~

  Ceylona’s first birthday party was a challenge that Raye couldn’t resist. She was hoping to become an event planner, and according to her, a first birthday was definitely an event. So even though she had finals and the Senior Ball coming up, she insisted on organising it. There would only be three other little girls there, Susan’s twin nieces and the grand-daughter of one of Mom’s work colleagues, but even so Raye was determined the party would be memorable.

  Mother Nature came through for us on the morning of the party, and we had perfect spring weather for our backyard circus. And I do mean circus. There was a petting zoo that included two miniature ponies, a goat, three little piglets, half a dozen ducklings, a calf and several chickens. And of course there was a clown—no circus was complete without a clown. The party was a huge success—everyone enjoyed themselves, but none more than the party girl herself. And indeed, Ceylona looked like a little princess in her pink party dress—and it still fit perfectly.

  I’d taken something like a hundred photos, so late that night, after Ceylona had gone to asleep, I settled myself down to send a long email to Sam and Crystal telling them all about the party, and attaching a selection of the best photos. And afterwards, I cried myself to sleep, cursing fate once again, and wishing our lives didn’t have to be this way.

  ~~***~~

  Toward the end of June we got a surprise call from Debs. She and Ian were finally leaving Paris, and Debs had insisted they fly back via California so they could stop to see us.

  Having them stay with us proved to be no problem as Raye kindly gave up her room to them. She was more than happy to go stay at a friend’s house. But Ian was restless from the moment they arrived. And although he tried to smile and made brief attempts at being sociable, it was obvious to all of us that he wasn’t really enjoying all this female company. So, after a few days of him dragging around looking miserable, Debs suggested he go on home without her, and he jumped at the idea.

  And that left Ceylona, Mom, Debs and me alone together in the house for the first time.

  ‘So, you and Sam are taking a break from each other,’ Debs said while we sat at the kitchen table having a coffee. ‘Well, you know that Ian is my third husband, so I do know a bit about breakups, but I have to admit I’m surprised. I’d never have thought you two would find anything to fight about—certainly not enough to cause a breakup. I’m sure whatever it is, it can be sorted out. Do you want to talk about it?’

  Mom and I looked at each other, and then we both turned to Debs at the same time. Mom was the one that spoke first.

  ‘She knows, Debs. I told her everything … about Caroline … and Francis.’

  Debs opened her eyes wide for a moment, but then she smiled. ‘Well, this makes things much easier now doesn’t it? I must say, there have been times when I wanted to say something, but I didn’t feel it was my place. After all, she’s your daughter, Anita. And if you hadn’t seen a need to tell her, well, I didn’t think I should be the one to do so. But I’m glad you know, Lili.’

  She reached across the table, and put her hand over mine for just a moment, squeezing it slightly. Then she picked up her coffee and took a sip before continuing.

  ‘You know, when we were planning your wedding … and what a lovely wedding it was, Anita. I so wish you’d been able to be there. Lili looked so beautiful.’

  ‘I know. I’m kicking myself that I didn’t just get on the plane and go. Not that my boss would’ve been impressed, given the lack of notice,’ she glared at me as she said this bit, then turned back to Debs, ‘but the photos you took were stunning.’

  Debs took another sip of her coffee, then put the cup down and continued. ‘Now, what was I about to say? Oh, yes … when we were planning your wedding. It was about Crystal. You know, I thought she looked so familiar. But there was so much to do and so little time, and I had a lot on my mind that week. But afterwards … in fact, it might have even been when we were in Paris actually … it dawned on me where I’d seen her before. It was St. Luke’s Hospital—when I used to volunteer in the gift shop. She was one of the ladies that came in to sit with the elderly. She came into the gift shop quite regularly to purchase a birthday card or small gift for one of the ladies. I remembered her because she was so exotic looking—with her long dark hair and her lovely silk saris. And I particularly remember that she always had this sweet fragrance about her. I think that’s what triggered the memory. It’s an unusual fragrance; not one I’ve come across since. I couldn’t have told you her name mind you, not in a million years, but I knew that I remembered her.’

  I was sure I couldn’t recall Crystal saying anything about recognising Debs. ‘Yes, I know what you mean about her fragrance—it is beautiful, isn’t it? And she did tell me about visiting the elderly. But I didn’t know you volunteered in a gift shop. Was that before I got to Australia? I don’t remember you talking about it.’

  ‘Well,
no, you wouldn’t, because you see, that was well over fifty years ago. Crystal wouldn’t have recognised me after all these years, assuming she even took any notice of me at the time. But I was certain that I recognised her, Lili, because you see, she hasn’t changed. Not one bit.’

  For once, Debs was silent. She just looked at me, waiting for me to explain. Of course, I had every intention of telling her everything. There was no point not to, now. But I hadn’t expected this revelation, so it put me out of sync for just a moment.

  ‘We were about to tell you everything, Debs, really we were,’ I said, looking over at Mom. She giggled, and that was all it took to make me laugh, and then there we were, the three of us laughing our heads off.

  ~~***~~

  Not having to hide anything from Debs was unbelievably liberating. Little comments dropped here and there didn’t matter. Of course we still had to be careful whenever Raye was around, as she didn’t know anything about vampires or dhampirs, and Mom felt there wasn’t any reason to tell her just yet.

  But I could talk openly with Mom and Debs. And since Ian was her third husband, Debs was pretty blasé about the separation and did her best to make me feel like it really was no big deal.

  ‘It’ll do you both some good to be apart, Lili. It’ll test your relationship, if nothing else. I’m sure time is different for Sam. A few years will probably be nothing for him, so don’t fret about that. If it’s meant to work out, it will. But in the meantime, you need to do something for yourself. You need to go back to school, or get a job.’

  ‘I don’t need the money.’

  ‘Oh shush, life isn’t just about money. You need to keep your brain active. All this running is great for you physically, but you need to exercise that big muscle in your head too’

  ‘Yeah, I know … I mean, I have thought about it, but going to school would mean I’d have to find somewhere for Ceylona.’ I frowned, just thinking of the logistics.

  ‘You don’t have to go back full-time. Just take a few courses. You know how many courses I’ve done over the years? Just pick something up at one of the TAFEs—or what do you call them here, Community Colleges?’

  ‘She’s right, honey,’ said Mom, nodding. ‘There’s a college just up on Skyline—you don’t have to go into the city. You could take a few evening classes, and I can watch Ceylona those nights. It still wouldn’t hurt you to get that business degree we talked about … or the psychology degree if you still think you’re more interested in that. There may even be some summer classes you could take.’

  And so it was settled. I’d go online to see what courses I could find at the college up the road, and get out of the house a couple of nights a week.

  ~~***~~

  Debs stayed for three weeks, and when she left she promised to come back at Christmas.

  A week after she’d gone, Claire arrived. She was only in town for two days to catch up with her Dad before heading to Australia to see her mother, so she’d only have a few hours to visit. The day she came we took Ceylona in the stroller and went for a walk to the park.

  ‘I can’t believe I still have two more years of this. I’m so over it. Why do degrees have to be four years here? Why can’t it be like at home?’ she moaned.

  ‘So, I take it you haven’t found anyone to replace Shane?’

  ‘No,’ she said, screwing up her face and shaking her head. ‘And I’m just so over this whole university thing. My grades have slipped ‘cause the work’s getting harder … and I can’t flirt my way through the courses like I did the first year.’

  ‘Well, that doesn’t surprise me. Not all your professors would be like … what was his name? Gerald?’

  ‘Gerald? No, they certainly aren’t all like him,’ she laughed.

  ‘You know, it might help if you actually studied. You might, like, you know, learn something.’

  ‘And why on earth would I want to do that, Lilith McIntyre? Oh, you are still a McIntyre aren’t you? Did you ever change your name?’

  ‘Well, I suppose technically I’m still McIntyre, I mean I never changed my driver’s licence or passport or anything.’

  We did a few more laps around the park, and then walked back to the house. She didn’t have time to come in however, so we just chatted in the driveway for a few more minutes.

  ‘You know I’m really looking forward to seeing Tom when I get home.’

  ‘I bet you are. Maybe he’ll take you to a Hawks game,’ I said, remembering the time the four of us had gone to a game—when I was just getting to know Sam.

  ‘Maybe. But it won’t be as much fun without you and Sam. We’ll see. I mean, maybe he won’t even want to see me … maybe he has a new girlfriend by now. It’s not like we’ve kept in touch or anything. He doesn’t even have an email address—or if he does, he never gave it to me.’

  ‘Hmmm,’ I mumbled. He might not have had one before, but I knew he had one now. He was probably using Sam’s new computer. I only knew because Crystal had sent me a couple of joke emails, and Tom had been copied in on them too. But I didn’t think it was my place to give it to Claire, and I knew if I said anything, she’d insist I do just that.

  ‘Anyway, I’ve gotta run—I’ll see ya when I get back.’

  As she drove off, I stood there for a few moments. I hadn’t even thought of the possibility that Tom could have a new girlfriend. And if he did, would Sam go along as part of a foursome to keep an eye on Tom, the way he did with me when Tom was dating Claire? The anger in me had long since diminished, having been replaced by a sense of acceptance. But now I could feel the horrible claws of jealousy creeping in, pushing the acceptance aside.

  ~~***~~

  The next few weeks dragged by slowly. I tried to focus my energy on Ceylona, and indeed, she was becoming more and more demanding of my time and attention. But it didn’t stop my mind from going round and round. And while I was enjoying the photography class I’d enrolled in at the college, it wasn’t very challenging, and failed to stop me from constantly thinking about Sam. So I kept running—at least that seemed to force some of the anxiety from me; the key word being some.

  It seemed nothing was capable of distracting me from the image of Sam out on a double date. I kept trying to reason with myself, saying that even if Sam was going on dates, it would just be to keep an eye on Tom. But what if it wasn’t? What if he actually met someone he liked? Could I blame him? After all, I wasn’t there, and who knew when, or even if, I would come back. And it seemed forever since I’d heard from him. I’d continued sending an email every few days, but his replies were getting further and further apart. Maybe he’d moved on. Maybe he no longer loved me. The uncertainty of it all was killing me.

  I tried to get information from Crystal, but she just ignored my questions about Sam. Not that I really blamed her—she’d been his friend long before she was mine, and I knew she was very protective of him.

  Claire had no information for me either. Even though I emailed her several times, begging for some sort of news about Sam, she just kept replying that she hadn’t seen him.

  Quite surprisingly, there was one slight distraction that seemed to be helping me: David. He started dropping by after work every now and then, just to say hello. Then he appeared at the park when I was running with Ceylona one Saturday morning. Although the rational side of me certainly didn’t want to encourage him, he was at least providing something else for me to think about. And for some reason, Ceylona seemed to really like him. Whenever he was around, she’d smile and flirt with him. Maybe he had changed. And though I would never admit it to him, I had to admire the fact that he was no longer pressuring me—he was simply being a friend. I could only imagine that someone must have given him some very good advice, because it sure was a change from how he’d acted when I’d first returned.

  About three weeks after she’d gone, Claire finally emailed to say she’d seen Tom, but she’d tell me all about it when she got back. I figured she must not have seen Sam, or she would have mentioned
it. Either that or maybe she just didn’t want to put bad news in writing? How was I going to survive until she got back?

  On the Saturday morning that Claire was to arrive, I woke up feeling more agitated than ever. One side of me was looking forward to any news about Sam, but there was this little voice in my head warning me that I might not like what I was about to hear.

  A long hard run would be the only way to shut the voice up, so leaving Ceylona with Mom I headed over to the park. Two hours later, I walked back into the kitchen dripping with sweat to find Claire sitting at the table having a coffee with Mom.

  ‘Oh,’ she grimaced, ‘my flight got in early—something about an unexpected tail wind or something. Sorry, I should have rung from the airport I guess. Gee, I wonder what you’ve been doing.’

  ‘Thanks for the heads up, Claire. Well, you’re getting me as I am, unless you have time to hang around while I take a shower and get changed?’

  ‘Yeah, no rush. Go have a shower. I’ll have another coffee,’ she replied.

  ‘Right. I’ll be ten minutes.’

  Standing under the shower I took deep, slow breaths as the hot water ran down my body—I could feel myself starting to relax. But then the little voice came back, warning me to prepare myself for what I was about to hear. And just like that, I had this epiphany. Or at least, I suppose that what you’d call it. Anyway, it was like my thoughts became clear. I mean, what exactly did I want to hear? Did I want to hear that Sam missed me—desperately—and that he was miserable and depressed? Of course not. I didn’t want him to be miserable, and I certainly didn’t want him wishing he was human, now did I? I mean, if I truly loved him, I’d want him to be happy. How could I have been so selfish as to wish upon him even one moment of misery, just because I was having trouble dealing with the decision that I’d made. Yes, I’d made the decision to leave. I was the one that said I couldn’t let our daughter grow up in his world. None of this was Sam’s fault. Sam loved me, and his last words to me were vows of his eternal love. Why had I let my emotions run amuck like that?