Deep Water

by West, Sinden

  I managed to twist my head to stare at my husband, whose eyes were also on me. Lust and excitement. It was enough to make me throw up.

  “Come on, Jess. It’ll be fun,” he urged.

  “It’s not a done deal yet,” Joseph said, “I want to see what I’m getting.”

  My eyes darted back to him. “What do you mean?”

  “Strip. Let’s see how well you’ve aged,” he taunted.

  “I…” My mouth was dry. The horror, the shame and most of all, the lust that I still felt for this cold creature in front of me, all mingled together and rendered me all but useless. Images of who this cold intruder used to be flashed into my memory and my heart actually hurt. Worse, though, was how my body responded. Nipples hard, wet panties. It was too hard to comprehend. It all felt so wrong yet so right. I wanted Ewan to disappear so Joseph and I were alone. I wanted his lips on mine. I wanted him to say that he still loved me…

  I stood limp as my husband, for once in his life, took charge. He undressed me like a doll, letting the garments fall at our feet, not even pausing when it came to sliding the panties from my slim hips.

  It all felt dreamlike and surreal.

  How had it come to this? I stood naked in front of my husband and him. Both their eyes were on me, taking in every curve, every rib, the way that my nipples stood up hard and pink like an invitation or a party treat, just waiting to be sucked into their mouths. My hands hung uselessly between my legs, making a pathetic attempt at hiding my area there. It was probably blushing down there as well, just like my heated cheeks.

  My husband gave me a lazy smile as he made no attempt to hide his glee. All his perverted dreams were being made real right in front of him. I knew what he liked; he had long ago stopped making any attempt to hide his desires. His laptop would be left open with the porn page on display. His favorite was young women being naked in front of a variety of men, blushing and embarrassed at being bared and displayed. Their humiliation turned him on.

  “Remove your hand, baby. Let him see what he’s getting,” my husband coaxed, leaning forward in his seat, and I did so hesitantly as my heart began to beat violently. I didn’t look at him, I had no desire to see the reaction on his face, whether it be lust or disgust. With him, it could well be either. I also couldn’t look at him, because I wasn’t sure what it would make me feel. I could have walked away, told them both to get fucked; that I wasn’t a toy or a plaything.

  But I knew that I wouldn’t do that.

  Because they both had a hold over me.

  I let my hands rest against my thighs in an effort to stop them shaking while, no doubt, his gaze raked over me. He said nothing, and I just stood there, staring at the ground. What was wrong? Didn’t he want me? That thought, more than all of this twisted, sordid ordeal, made me sick to my stomach. I hated to admit that

  After the silence had stretched on for several minutes, my husband cleared his throat. “So, what do you think?”

  “I want to see how obedient she is,” came his smooth voice.

  “She’s obedient,” my husband laughed. “So willing, so compliant. Always willing to please as long as you play with her just right.” I felt myself flush even more. I had done those things for him because I had loved him and wanted him happy. It was wrong that he made me sound like some horny little slut.

  “I’ll just have to see for myself, won’t I?” the interloper in our home said arrogantly. “Jessica, get down on your hands and knees and crawl over here.”

  My eyes darted to him quickly. He sat there, casual as anything, staring at me with those dark eyes. His lips were twisted up in a smirk. He, like my husband, was enjoying this. This was his revenge, to see me degraded and at his feet. I swallowed, the urge to march from the room strong, but I didn’t. Our future, our happiness…it all depended on this man in front of me.

  I scowled at him, and his smirk grew bigger. He directed his gaze to my husband. “It would seem that she’s not as compliant as you thought.”

  My husband gave a nervous laugh and with his eyes gave me a near begging look. “Jessie, honey, do what the man says.” His eyes were saying please in a way that his mouth never would. I swallowed, and slowly sunk down to my hands and knees. The carpet was rough beneath me, and it reminded me that this was all real. I sucked in a breath, while my mouth twisted, partly with the urge to cry, and partly in disgust at what they were making me do.

  How could I ever have of loved him?

  Joseph’s phone rang. It’s loud and intrusive tone broke through everything, bringing me back to reality and I quickly crossed my arms over my breasts as if someone else had walked in the room. He answered it with a bark and then told them that he wasn’t far away.

  He placed his empty beer bottle on the coffee table along with his business card. “If you’re interested, call me and I’ll have the contracts couriered to you. Regardless of your decision, my property manager has very strict instructions on how to deal with non-paying tenants. There will be no leeway with him.” He got to his feet. “I’ll see myself out.”

  I waited still as a statue until the door closed. My cheeks felt raw with embarrassment as I finally managed to turn my head to face Ewan. He was smiling down at me. “You did great, baby. Did you see the look in his eyes? He fucking loved you.”

  He was wrong, though. The only thing that Joseph loved was my humiliation. “Get me another beer,” I rasped.

  After I had struggled my way back into my clothes, I sunk back into the couch and drank my beer.

  “I guess we don’t have a choice,” Ewan finally spoke, trying to sound like the whole ordeal hadn’t excited him.

  I started to laugh, and then I started to cry. “Do you have a better option, Ewan? We don’t even have a car to live in when we get kicked out. Debt collectors are chasing us…”

  He pulled me into his chest as I sobbed and made soothing circles on my back. “It’ll be okay, Jessie. I promise.” I just cried harder.

  When I finally got myself under control, I pulled back and stared at him with tear filled eyes. “I don’t want you to get sick from the stress, okay? I think this is our best option. We’d have somewhere to live at least, and we can concentrate on paying off our debts and then after that maybe we could look at getting a deposit for a house of our own. If we have to declare bankruptcy, then that will probably never happen.”

  Ewan lifted a hand to my face and used a thumb to wipe away my tears. “Okay, we’ll do it if it makes you happy.” He leaned in and kissed me. “You know I’d do anything for you, don’t you? I love you so much, Jessie. I know I’ve worried you in the past, but from now on I’m going to do my best to take care of you. We’ll take these jobs, get back on our feet, and then maybe we can start planning a family of our own.”

  I managed to smile at him. This was the loving Ewan of old that I fell in love with. “I love you too.”

  But it was like the shadow of Joseph was still in the room‒powerful and about to consume us both.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Two weeks later, we were both employed by my ex-boyfriend. It was an old property on the far side of the lake from where we used to party. The driveway was tree lined and twisted up a hill before the lake and house came into view. It was so isolated that it felt like you were in your own world. The house was old and in need of renovation. Joseph had brought the property with the aim of having it as part of the hotel, but he had changed his mind, making the hotel smaller and thought he might renovate it eventually if he liked living out there.

  The first few weeks we were there, we barely saw Joseph. He was out of town a lot for business so all I had to worry about was keeping the house clean while Ewan took care of the gardens. He didn’t seem to mind that too much. It was fairly easy work which involved keeping the lawns and hedges trimmed. I think he took some amount of pride in this work, even though he thought it beneath him. In the evenings, after the work was done and Ewan was watching TV, I’d go for swims in the lake. It was deeper in
this part, and it was a weird feeling having such a deep space beneath me, my legs touching nothing but endless water like I was just a speck on this massive lake that could choose to swallow me if it chose. But I still swam out far anyway. That was the best part about living there. Joseph’s proposal still lingered in the back of my mind. Was he serious? He had yet to touch me, but the thought of his hands on me again made me shiver with lust even though the idea of it was so sick.

  In the evenings, I would sit out on the paved patio and let my skin dry in the last remnants of the day’s sunshine. The pavers still carried the heat from the day, and I would lie there with my eyes closed and think about what I wanted for the future.

  During the third week that we were there, Joseph came home and stepped out onto the patio that I was lying on. He carried two bottles of beer and set one down beside me and I stood, grabbing my towel to wrap around me.

  “Thanks.” I lifted the bottle to my lips as I sat in the chair next to him. This familiarity or friendliness, if that was what it was, was odd.

  He looked tired, and his tie was loosened. “How was the water?”

  “Warm. You should go in.”

  “Maybe later.”

  We sat together, not speaking, until I felt like I needed to break the silence. “How’s the hotel going?”

  He shook his head. “I hate dealing with fucking investors, but they’re a necessary evil.”

  “You can’t fund it yourself.”

  He grinned at me. “Always use other people’s money. That’s the first rule.” He looked around. “Where’s Ewan?”

  “In our bedroom. He’s doing a really good job with the gardens–”

  “I don’t give a fuck about the gardens,” he cut in.

  “Oh.” I looked away, surprised by the ferocity in his voice.

  “I’ll probably end up ripping everything out and getting something more modern and needing less maintenance done if I end up staying. He needed something to keep him busy, that’s all.”

  I looked at him, and he was staring hard back at me.

  “Joseph, why did you employ us?”

  “I felt sorry for you, Jessica. That was all.” He stood up. “I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed.”

  I was summoned to dinner at my mother’s house. Terrence was away and she said it would be nice to have an evening with just ‘us girls.’ At least she didn’t expect me to bring along Ewan, I didn’t know if his delicate mental health could withstand her needling comments.

  I sat at the table and ignored my meal, more concerned with the wine than her cooking. She made polite conversation with me until her maid cleared away the dishes. Then she leaned forward, chin on her hands, and said, “So, you’re a housekeeper?”

  I rolled my eyes and took another gulp of wine. “It’s a job, mother. He’s helping us get back on our feet.”

  She watched me with shrewd eyes. “You know, Jessie. You wouldn’t be the first housekeeper to marry her employer.”

  “Oh, for god’s sake, mother. I am married. I am not about to go running off after other men. I’m not you!”

  She didn’t even flinch at that comment, merely blotted her lips with her napkin. “I thought you would have understood by now how soul destroying being married to a pathetic man can be. I was absolutely miserable until I fell in love with Terrence.”

  “Dad was good to you.” I helped myself to more wine.

  “Don’t be so defensive. I’m not criticizing your father. He couldn’t help the way he was, all I’m saying is that you can’t waste your life on Ewan out of some kind of misplaced sense of loyalty.”

  I drank half my glass in once gulp and she looked at me in disapproval. The alcohol made me grow some balls. “So are you saying that Dad should have left you when you suffered from your mental problems?”

  I thought that comment would hurt her, but it didn’t. She just shrugged. “Maybe. Listen, you are my only daughter and I want what’s best for you.”

  I snorted. “Really? You wouldn’t even help us out when we were desperate for money.” I got to my feet. “I have to go, Mom. I’d like to say it’s been fun, but it really hasn’t.”

  She shook her head at me. “I’ll call you in a week when you’ve gotten over your tantrum.”

  “Once again, Mom,” I threw over my shoulder as I headed for the door. “I’m not you!”

  I got into the car that Joseph had for us to use and put my keys in the ignition. I knew I shouldn’t have been driving with the amount of wine that I’d drunken, but I just didn’t care at that moment. I headed onto the road that led around the lake and put my foot down. The more distance I could put between us, the better.

  When I got home, the house was mainly in darkness. But I heard voices coming from the kitchen, and that’s where I found Joseph and Ewan drinking together at the kitchen table. Since we’d moved in, Joseph had been mainly aloof and formal with us. It was strange that he and Ewan were drunk. Well, Ewan definitely was. I couldn’t tell with Joseph. They were doing bourbon shots, and when Ewan saw me, he gave me a grin and held up the bottle.

  “Jessie! Come join the party.” He filled a shot glass and shoved it toward me. Joseph said nothing and I could feel his eyes on me as I sat at the table. I grabbed the glass and downed it quickly.

  “More,” I said to Ewan, holding it out for a refill.

  “That’s my girl.”

  The second one went down just as easily. “So, what were you guys talking about?”

  “Sex!” Ewan yelled out, like he was a teenager again, as he refilled my glass.

  “Ewan was just filling me in on some of his…tastes.” Joseph caught my eye quickly before putting the shot glass to his lips and throwing it down his throat.

  “Is that right?” I took another shot, I felt loose and free.

  “Sure is, baby.” Ewan took another shot. “Jessie, here. She’s not uptight like some girls. Only a few weeks ago we invited my friend, Antonio to join in. Jessie was all for it.”

  “That’s not how I remember it.” Shot number…I couldn’t remember anymore.

  “Was it special, Jessica?” asked Joseph. Was that sarcasm? I was too drunk to tell…or care.

  “Man, I love seeing my woman screw other men. I love seeing her so open and carefree. You’re so fucking hot, baby. I love other guys drooling over you.” Ewan’s hand was on my thigh while his other hand caught my chin to direct my lips to his for a drunken kiss.

  “Jessica’s always been a pretty girl,” Joseph murmured. My eyes darted over to him once Ewan released my face. His stare was so intense it made me want to look away, but I couldn’t, I just stared back and I felt like I was lost in his eyes, and that yearning for him reared back up. We both just kept up our staring, almost like we forgot that Ewan was in the room.

  That was until Joseph suddenly said, “Ewan, maybe it’s time I fucked your wife.”

  He was still staring directly at me when he said that. I wasn’t offended or insulted. In fact, I felt myself get wet at those very words. I wanted Joseph right now just like I had when I was a teenager.

  Ewan laughed. “As long as my baby’s happy. Jessie?” His voice sounded far away. “Jessie?”

  At the second prompt, I managed to tear my gaze away from Joseph to look at my husband. “Um, is that what you want?”

  Ewan leaned in to kiss my neck. “You know how hard that gets me, babe,” he said between kisses. He took my hand and placed it on his groin just to emphasize how hard it did get him.

  “Come over here, Jessica,” Joseph ordered. He didn’t sound drunk; he sounded efficient and commanding. Unsteadily I got to my feet and walked over to him. The moment I was within arms’ reach, his hand had gripped my wrist and I was pulled onto his lap in one swift motion.

  His lips were instantly at the base of my neck, sucking at my skin. I felt my breathing quicken at being this close to him again. When he removed his lips, I nearly moaned in disappointment. He looked me in the eye.

  “I want
you to ask me,” he said, softly. I was caught in his gaze again, forgetting that Ewan was even in the room.

  I licked my lips. “Please.” My tone matched his in softness.

  “Please what?”

  I sucked in a breath and I didn’t think that I would ever be able to let it go. “Please make love to me.”

  He kissed me then. His lips were soft and even as he began to kiss me harder, I marveled at the softness of those lips. I touched as much of him as I could as if he would disappear any second and none of this was real. I didn’t know how much time lapsed during out kissing and touching, but finally he lifted me up and placed me on the table, pushing me down so I was flat on my back. His hands ripped away my panties that were soaking wet already and his finger slipped inside me. He looked me directly in the eye.

  “You want this?” he asked, breathlessly.

  “I want this.”

  Then his cock was nudging at my entrance before pushing inside. I wrapped my legs around him and rocked with him as he thrust faster and faster. Sounds tore from my lips at the pressure on my clit, but I kept my eyes open to stare at him as I came. His eyes never once left mine as he came inside me.

  We stayed like that for a few moments, just gazing into one another’s eyes. Then his gaze flicked up, to where my forgotten husband must have been, and the pleasure and contentment on his face disappeared. He withdrew abruptly and fixed himself up.

  “I’m going to bed,” he said in a cold tone. “Make sure you clean this mess up.” Then he strolled out of the kitchen, casual as anything. Leaving me half naked on the kitchen table with a horny husband standing over me.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  I got out of bed with a shocking hangover the next morning, Ewan was still sleeping it off. I threw on my robe and walked unsteadily out to the kitchen, every part of me felt shaky and weak. I stopped short when I saw Joseph sitting at the table on which he’d fucked me the night before. He was wearing sweatpants and a white t-shirt. He sipped his coffee and looked at me, but didn’t say anything.