Restore Me (Book 2.5 Kin Series)

by Foor, Jennifer

  “I do.” Didn’t she understand how much?

  “I can’t live here, Joey. I can’t leave my whole life and drop out of school.”

  I stood up and looked down at the bed. Lacey was just sitting there sniffling, waiting for me to answer her. I didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to live with me in Italy and I didn’t want to go home.

  Then she began to sob.

  “I can’t leave, Lacey. I’m sorry. I know you must hate me, but this is what I’ve wanted my whole life. I’m not askin’ you to live here forever. It’s just for six months to a year.” I reached for her hands and kneeled in front of her. “Just consider it. Things would be so much easier if you were here with me. I’m so fuckin’ lonely and the thought of you goin’ home will drive me nuts.”

  “It’s not that simple. I have to finish school. My parents don’t even know I’m here. They won’t understand, because I never told them about you. I’m so sorry.”

  I looked down at the sheets. “I understand. It sucks, but I understand.” It fucking hurt knowing this wasn’t going to work.

  Lacey grabbed my hands and I looked right at her. “If I could, I’d stay here with you, in this bed for as long as possible. You and I both know we have obligations. We can’t drop our lives and not regret it at some point.”

  “I know. What do we do now? Do we spend the next couple days fallin’ deeper for each other and then act like everythin’s okay when you have to go home?” I was wondering if I should take back wanting to be in love. It was already showing it’s ugly side.

  “We can have a long-distance relationship.”

  I shook my head, knowing damn well I wasn’t okay with her being in another country. “I don’t even know what that is, Lace. You’re askin’ me to pour my heart out to you every night, when I can’t be with you physically? What kind of relationship is that?”

  “People do it all the time, “ she argued.

  I ran my hands through my hair and thought of what to say without pissing her off. “It’s stupid. It’s worse than not bein’ together at all. I don’t want to worry about you bein’ so far away. I don’t want to hear your voice on the phone and miss you like crazy.” I threw my arms up. “I don’t want to feel like this!”

  Lacey sobbed, so terribly that I couldn’t help but want to comfort her. I sat down beside her and placed my hand on her leg. “Don’t cry, baby. Please don’t cry.”

  “I can’t help it. I want this with you. No other man has ever made me feel the way that you do. You’re acting like you’d rather walk away from this, than try to make things work. My heart is breaking. I came all this way for you, because I loved you so much that I was willing to cross the ocean to bring you home to me. Now, you tell me that can’t happen. How am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to look you in the eyes when I know that we have to say goodbye to each other? I’m sorry, Joey. I’m not like you. I can’t do it without hurting.”

  I climbed back under the covers next to Lacey, pulled her close to me and then covered my face with my hands. Reality was a bitch when it was pulling us apart before we had the opportunity to build our relationship.

  For a little while, neither of us said anything to each other. It was difficult to be in the same room, so close to each other, with nothing reassuring to say.

  Lacey finally got up and went to get a shower. Maybe I should have followed her and told her I’d do whatever it took to make things work. I know I’d said that I couldn’t do long distance, but I sure as hell wasn’t willing to give her up without trying.

  My job wasn’t permanent. I’d be home eventually. If we could make it work until then, we’d be golden.

  I was in love with Lacey and watching her give up on me was never going to be an option.

  Since I had to be to work in the next several hours, I knew I had to reassure Lacey. When she climbed back into my bed, I didn’t know what to say. She was still crying and the only thing I could do was hold her.

  After a while, I knew I had to get up and shower. Lacey never joined me and I didn’t think anything of it since she’d already gotten one. While I stood there, letting the hot water fall over my body, I thought of every option I could to make things work between us.

  I planned everything out in my head. After work, I’d give Lacey the best night of her life. We’d talk about everything and smooth things out, so that when she did have to go, she’d know that I wasn’t going to give up. If she wanted the long distance thing, I’d give it to her. I’d talk to her every single day, as many times as she wanted, provided that it helped us stay connected while being thousands of miles apart.

  To reassure that we were on the same page, I sat down on the couch next to Lacey after dressing for work. She’d calmed down a little and I felt like we were on the same page without having to explain it.

  “I’ll be back in time to take you out for dinner. Promise me, you’ll still be here.”

  She nodded. “Yeah.”

  When I walked out of my apartment I felt confidant that things were going to fall into place. I could play out our future in my head and it made me happy. Lacey would show me how to be the man she needed and I was prepared to change for her and for us.

  Chapter 27

  It was nice to walk into work and not see Gia. My boss was there arguing with someone on the phone in both English and Italian. He waved when he saw me, but I kept on walking trying to ignore his personal business.

  Every shift had a to-do list, so I walked over and took notes of what needed to be done and got right to work. Like every day, he only stuck around for a few hours before leaving. I appreciated that he trusted me to run things, but also hated knowing that Gia would be in to oversee what was going on.

  She came in an hour after he’d left and I could tell that she wanted to know all about the blonde that had taken her chance away. While getting some dough out of the walk-in, she came in and let the door shut behind us. “Joey, why did you send me away last night? I thought you wanted to be with me?”

  I attempted to walk by her, she blocked me. “I need to get these in the oven.”

  Gia shook her head, grabbed the tray out of my hand and sat it on the shelf. She pressed me hard against the other side wall. “I don’t like it when you pretend that you don’t want me.”

  She didn’t understand that I wasn’t pretending. Her hand grabbed my cock, which was a bit sore from fucking Lacey so many times the night before. I grabbed her hand and removed it from my pants. “I’m not pretendin’. Last night was a mistake. It’s never goin’ to happen.”

  She pressed her body against mine and brought her knee up to brush it between my legs. I felt it making contact with my dick and it was beginning to piss me off. “Tell me that you don’t want me.” She reached her hand down her pants and started rubbing herself. “You make me so horny. I want you to fuck me, right now.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and thought about Lacey being at my place waiting for me. Gia was gorgeous and I knew I could give her what she wanted without anyone finding out. After considering it for a second, I used force and pushed her out of the way. “I don’t want you and if you don’t back the fuck off of me, I’m tellin’ your husband what you do to his employees when he ain’t around.”

  I grabbed the tray and got the hell out of there.

  When she came out she looked pissed. Obviously, Gia wasn’t used to people rejecting her. I knew she was finished trying to get to me, so I acted like I wasn’t feeling well and left early.

  I was so excited to get back to Lacey and talk about our future. On the way, I stopped and got her some flowers that I knew would cheer her up. After all, it was the little things that she really enjoyed.

  I whistled for the rest of my walk, imagining a repeat of the previous night. As I climbed the stairs and started calling her, I knew something was off. The apartment was quiet and I desperately searched for her. Not only was Lacey gone, but so were her bags and a note was sitting there waiting for me to read
.

  I wasn’t stupid. I knew the note was her saying goodbye and it crushed me. After traveling all this way, she decided that she didn’t want me after all.

  I grabbed the note and opened it, knowing it was going to shatter me.

  Joey:

  Being with you has been some of the happiest, most exciting times of my life. I’ll never forget how you helped me through my tough break-up with Shayne. Thank you for letting me know a side of you that no other woman has known. I will never forget that you gave me your heart.

  To say that I love you back would be an understatement. When you pop in my mind, my stomach does butterflies and I feel like a giddy teenager, awaiting my first kiss. Our connection has always been mutual, even when I was fighting you off. I think that’s why I fell so hard for you, because I could feel that it was going to be amazing.

  You didn’t disappoint. Everything you said was true. You were the best that I’ve had and probably the best I will ever have, but all good things must come to an end.

  As much as I don’t want to do it, I have to walk away now, before I fall apart before your eyes. Being with you, here, in this beautiful place, hearing you say those three words back to me, is something I will never forget. Words could never describe how much love I feel for you.

  The thing is, I can’t hold on to hope when it comes to us. You said it yourself, that you don’t know how to have a long-distance relationship. I get it, I really do, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

  I’m leaving today, before you get home, because I can’t say goodbye to you without hurting. I can’t look you in the eyes and tell you that we’re over. It’s not what I want, but what has to happen. Let’s face it, you’re gorgeous and women notice that. I can’t be halfway across the planet from you and not wonder when or if you’re hooking up with someone else. Maybe Shayne is to blame for my trust issues, but I have them now and I can’t help myself.

  I hope one day, when you come home, you’ll forgive me and we can be friends. That’s lame and cliché, but it is the truth.

  I love you, Joey, with everything in me, I swear I do, but I can’t hold onto hope when I know I will only be disappointed. I can’t ask you to change for me, or be faithful when we’re so far apart.

  Thank you, for everything you’ve given me. I will treasure our time together for the rest of my life.

  Love, Lacey

  I read it six times.

  The words never changed.

  Lacey didn’t want to wait for me and there was nothing I could do about it. I’d failed at reassuring her and she’d left because of it.

  If I’d only told her everything that I thought about in the shower, perhaps she would have stayed and I wouldn’t be sitting there staring at a letter that was stabbing me directly in the heart.

  Desperate to reach out to her, I sat down at my computer and started messaging her. I couldn’t let her go without a fight, not after her finding out that I loved her.

  I was determined to show her that I’d never give up. She needed to know I’d do whatever it took.

  My first note was full of emotion. I wrote everything on my mind and hit send.

  Lacey, I don’t know what I did to deserve this. Did you come here to rip out my heart one more time, because that’s what you’ve done? I brought you flowers and whistled my whole way back from work, in which I got off an hour early. I was more than excited to know you were waiting for me. You can imagine the pain I felt when you weren’t there and had left that note.

  I don’t care what I said the other night. Given the chance, I would have talked you out of your decision. I sure as Hell didn’t tell you I loved you so that you could leave me.

  This sucks. I’m guessing you’re still on a plane heading home. In that case, just know that spending even one extra day with you was worth so much to me. No matter where you are, or who you end up with, just know that you’re the first woman I ever loved. I’ll never forget the way your body felt in my arms, or the way you looked when you were lying naked in my bed.

  Love, Joey

  After I reread it, I realized that I had more to say. It was as if I thought I was speaking directly to her and I wasn’t going to stop until she responded.

  Why can’t you talk to me? I’m hurting too, you know. Don’t you get it? I was just getting used to moving forward. I’d focused on my job and tried to forget about how much I missed you and then you come walking through my door. You gave me fucking hope and then you took it away. I , at least, deserve an explanation, other than this fucking note. We’re not kids, Lacey. You’re being ridiculous. None of this makes sense to me. Why leave if you were happy? Why rip out my heart on purpose? Did I hurt you? Did I do something that I’m unaware of?

  Just talk to me.

  I stared at the screen, knowing damn well that she was probably on a plane and not even able to read them. To make the time go by faster, I swallowed down two bottles of wine. When I woke up after passing out, I had a notification.

  Desperately, I opened it and read the short two worded response.

  I’M SORRY.

  I took the bouquet of flowers that I’d stuck in one of the wine bottles and threw it across the room, denting the wall as it shattered all over the room.

  She was sorry.

  SHE WAS FUCKING SORRY.

  I was overwhelmed with pain and guilt and didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t like I could drive over to her place and set things straight. Besides, she didn’t want to talk to me.

  I was left wondering how something so beautiful could turn to shit so quickly. I’d done everything right and it still wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t the man she wanted and unless I gave up my job and went home, she didn’t want to be with me.

  Feeling more alone than ever in my life, I cried. I stood in the shower and cried like a pussy because she was gone and I felt sorry for myself. I couldn’t see a simple solution. Feeling rejected was the worst. I’d been thinking that I was the best she’d ever had. She’d even stated it in her note, but obviously that wasn’t true. She was giving me up, probably because I wasn’t good enough for her.

  For so long I’d been egotistical, never considering that the world didn’t revolve around me and my dick. This was what I deserved. After a lifetime of only using women for sexual pleasure, I was left with a broken heart and I had not one person to blame but myself.

  Chapter 28

  Day after day I thought about her. I kept thinking she would send me a message or call me, but it never happened.

  Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. Every night I felt sick to my stomach and I knew she was to blame. I wanted to hate her, but I couldn’t, because each time I thought about her at all, I fell more in love.

  When I couldn’t stand the silence, I found her number and sent one message. It was short and said what I wanted.

  I LOVE YOU- Joey

  Lacey didn’t respond right away. I figured that she wouldn’t. I’d paid so much attention to her that I knew how she handled things. She was terrible with anything emotional.

  Eventually I got a notification that she’d written back. Her words burned my eyes to read and became the final nail in my coffin.

  Joey,

  Please stop messaging me. We’re over. There’s nothing you can say or do. It was fun, but I can’t do it anymore.

  Lacey

  After that message I knew I’d never hear from Lacey again, as long as I was in Italy. I had a decision to make and until I did it, nothing was going to get better for me.

  I don’t know why it was so hard for me to want to go home to her. My job was becoming more of a hassle than a learning experience. My boss’s wife hadn’t given up on wanting to fuck me.

  Just days before, she’d been waiting for me in the walk-in one night when we were the only two left. I went to lock up and couldn’t find her. When I opened the door she was in the back with nothing on below her waist. Her fingers were rubbing over her pussy as she looked right at me with a smile. “You coul
d fuck me right now and nobody would ever know, Joey. Don’t you want this pussy?”

  Now, I was a man and she was beautiful, especially sprawled out masturbating in front of me. It was tempting.

  “No. I really don’t.”

  I went to turn around and leave her there. “Wait, Joe.” I stopped and slowly turned around, making it a point to only look at her face.

  “What do you want now? Can’t you take a fuckin’ hint?”

  She started to cry. “I just want to be touched by a real man. You don’t know what it’s like being married to someone that ignores me every day. I want to feel beautiful.” She wiped away her tears and watched me cross my arms. “I want to be touched, that’s all.”

  I ran my hands through my hair and let out an air filled laugh. “Look, you’ve obviously got marriage problems, but I can’t be the person to help you. I’ve got enough problems of my own. Fuckin’ you would complicate it worse.”

  “Is it because of that American girl that came to your place? Is she the reason that you won’t fuck me?” Admittedly, her accent was sexy as hell, but she’d just mentioned Lacey.

  “Yeah. It’s because of her.”

  “She’s not here, Joe. I would never tell anyone. It could be our secret.” Gia hopped down and walked toward me. She grabbed the collar to my shirt and pulled me up close to her face. “Don’t you want to touch me? I know you must get lonely.”

  I closed my eyes just as her lips brushed over mine. It was wrong. I knew it, but I needed to feel something other than pain.

  When our tongues met it send a jolt right to my dick. I picked her up and leaned her against the cold shelves. Gia’s legs wrapped around me as she reached down and started unbuttoning my pants.

  Then I stopped.

  I think she’d known all along that I wasn’t going to go through with it from the way she slid off of me without arguing. I backed away and wiped off my mouth. “I can’t.”