In Search of a Memory (Truly Yours Digital Editions)

by Griffin, Pamela

  The crowd who had followed and others who gathered burst into applause, obviously thinking it all an act for their entertainment. Mama didn’t correct them. “Thank you, one and all!” She beamed. “There’s plenty more to see and do. We appreciate your business. Be sure and come again—and tell your friends.”

  Once the crowd dispersed, Mama turned to the elephant. “Good girl, Jenny.” She patted her above the trunk near her docile brown eyes. “You deserve a whole sack full of peanuts for that maneuver. Jabar, tell Simmons I said Jenny is to have a special treat.”

  “Yes, Mama!” The boy guided his elephant away to the peanut vendor.

  Angel and Roland approached as Mama bent to pick up the compressed piece of steel that was once a deadly weapon. “That,” she told them with a glow in her eyes, “is what my God can do for those who trust and rely on Him. I think it’s safe to say you won’t be hearing from those two ruffians around here again.”

  And with a smile directed to both Roland and Angel, she left.

  They stared after her, mouths agape. He was the first to recover.

  “I guess she told us.”

  Angel dazedly nodded. Becoming conscious that she still held his arm, she dropped her hand from his sleeve, also realizing she didn’t want to let go.

  “Angel…” He seemed intent, even somewhat nervous as he fully turned to her. “Is there any chance that…”

  She moistened her lower lip anxiously as he spoke. He paused, his eyes dropping to her mouth.

  “… I could kiss you?”

  His words came quiet, a quick exhalation of breath, stunning her, appearing to stun him, and she wondered if that was what he intended to say.

  She felt her head nod as though it wasn’t a part of her.

  His eyes flicked a little wider in surprise and with something else she couldn’t read, something that made her heart pound. His fingertips touched her jaw and chin, lifting it higher. Her breath stopped, and then he lowered his lips to hers. They were warm, gentle, and though he kept the contact brief, she wished his kiss could have gone on forever.

  He pulled away to look into her eyes, seeming to read her wish there. But before he could fulfill it and their lips could meet a second time, a man called out, “Make way! Make way!”

  Startled apart, they barely missed being run over by a Gilly Wagon full of prizes. Nor did Angel miss the smirk that the carny pushing the wagon delivered to them, and she realized, her face burning, that they still stood in the middle of the midway, with people walking by on each side. A few had stopped to watch, as if they were one of the acts.

  “Maybe we should save this conversation for another time,” Roland suggested.

  “I think that would be wise.”

  They exchanged nervous smiles, and he took her lightly by the elbow, escorting her to her ticket booth.

  After the evenings occurrences, she couldn’t steady her thoughts to make sense of them, the sensation in her head and heart like emotional bumber cars crashing in one another.

  Friendship with Roland. That was all she wanted. All they could have. Wasn’t it? She couldn’t afford to get close! Oh, but his kiss…. No! It would be a mistake to get involved. A horrible mistake. Not only because of his family but because of hers. Like Romeo and Juliet, this could only end in tragedy because of their families: one, a warring family who murdered all who opposed them, and the other, a family with a mother who at one time in history anyone might have tried to murder. All because of fear… and being different. And then there was… the beast who sired Angel and made her into what she was.

  If any two people were doomed from the start, it was she and Roland.

  As she looked into his dark, mesmerizing eyes when he told her good night, she harshly reminded herself of those facts. But when he held her hand and kissed her fingers in farewell, her traitorous heart began to melt.

  eleven

  “You’re a ninny, Angel. A complete and utter fool.”

  Angel chastised herself as she sewed the last seam of Posey’s wedding gown. From Mama she had acquired pretty seed pearls and white sequins and was eager to surprise her little friend with a delicate pattern of posies she would scatter along the bodice.

  “Planning your wedding?” Cassie grinned as she stepped into the car.

  “Funny.”

  “It wasn’t intended to be. News flash, Angel—you may be the only one who doesn’t realize it, but Roland is mad about you. And if you look in the mirror at your face every time his name is mentioned, you’ll see he’s not the only one whose head and heart are in a whirl.”

  That’s what troubled her.

  “You’re doing it now! Your eyes are bright, and your cheeks are flushed.”

  Ignoring her friend’s gentle teasing, Angel thought over the past few weeks. She had allowed too many walks with Roland, too many occasions of letting him escort her to work, and too many conversations shared after the show closed, when they stood beneath the moon in the living lot and spoke of their workdays and other areas of their lives. Sometimes she foolishly accepted his kiss good night. He never pushed her, never deepened the moment into something stronger, though she sensed he wanted to. But it failed to matter. Her emotions had spiraled into something she didn’t recognize, her heart becoming entwined with his. And when he kissed her and held her, she felt as if she’d ceased to be a part of the carnival world and somehow shared a place all alone with him. She’d found a sense of purpose and peace during her time here with Roland. Having never known such feelings before, she didn’t want them to end.

  Frowning, she remembered Cassie’s words about true love.

  No. Surely not that. She was inexperienced in such matters. But surely… not that.

  Yes, Roland was different from other men, despite his family roots. Unobserved, she had watched during their first week in New Milford and seen him dig deep into his pocket for coins to hand out to Sam, the poor boy they’d met in town, and his two friends, so that they could all enjoy the carnival. She’d watched him quietly lend aid to whoever needed it without being asked, and though at first he clearly didn’t fit in, he began to adapt to his surroundings—and appeared to enjoy the change—and gain others’ trust. He didn’t seem to mind getting his hands dirty or even miss the expensive silk suit he wore when she first met him.

  But he was only a friend!

  Who are you kidding? her heart taunted. Friends don’t kiss good night.

  You’re a fool, Angel, her mind scolded. You know why you shouldn’t get involved. Are you insane?

  “Are you all right?”

  “What?” Angel startled then realized what Cassie asked. “Fine. How are things between you and Chester?”

  “Much better since the night I did my trick.” Cassie regarded her oddly but didn’t push. She seemed more animated than usual, fluttering around the railcar like a golden butterfly, and had yet to take a seat. “Papa now sees Chester can be serious and isn’t just a funny man—they actually agreed on something, to disagree with me about doing my stunt. Can you believe it?” She laughed.

  “Cleaning the horses’ stalls for a month as punishment in going against Papa’s orders, I didn’t mind so much,” Cassie pondered aloud. “Nor did I really mind him insisting I wait to do the stunt again until I perfect my timing—he’s right. I need more practice, though I knew I could do it that night, despite what everyone said. And really, I’m glad I did. It made me feel stronger, like the woman I am. Not like the little girl I was, who couldn’t make her own decisions and always needed Papa to tell her what to do. I think he’s finally beginning to see that I’ve grown up. But that night did more than I believed possible. Since Papa agreed to let me see Chester, he got brave enough to ask Papa for his blessing. And Papa agreed.” She glowed as she held out her left hand where a modest ring circled her finger. “See?”

  “Cassie!” Angel squealed, setting aside Posey’s gown to hug her friend, who sank down beside her. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”
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  “You don’t know how much I wanted to! But Chester and I agreed to keep things secret, at least until we were sure how it would all turn out. We’re getting married the week after Posey’s wedding. I didn’t want to steal from her day.”

  “So soon?”

  “We’ve known each other forever, it seems, and have both wanted this for twice that long.” Cassie giggled. “We’ll be staying on, so Mahoney won’t lose us as part of his meal ticket. And you and I will still be close.” She grabbed Angel’s hands. “Just think, I’m going to be Mrs. Chester Summerfield in two weeks’ time!”

  Angel felt thrilled for Cassie, but dismal in her own loss. Her two closest friends, Posey and Cassie, had found their true loves, and that made the bite of Angel’s loneliness harder to swallow… though her heart again whispered it didn’t have to be that way.

  “It’s getting late.” She stood quickly. “I need to take this dress to Posey so she can try it on and I can make any alterations.”

  “You sure spend a lot of time over there.” Cassie looked at her thoughtfully.

  Angel shrugged. “They’ve become my friends. Though Gunter still gives me the willies.”

  Cassie laughed. “Gunter gives everyone the willies; it’s just his nature.”

  “But I feel so sorry for him, how that gypsy carnival did all that to him when he was younger, inflicting all those tattoos and piercings against his will then caging him like an animal.” She shuddered.

  “That he even opened up to you was a giant step for the man. Harvey, too. He’s always been a tough nut to crack, bitter and angry all the time, but even he seems different since you came.”

  “Well, he did get fresh with me my first week here….” Angel remembered his dumbfounded look when she snubbed him. “I told him if he’d behave, I’d consider being a friend, but that if he didn’t rein in his octopus arms, I’d smack him over the head with the stool I was carrying so fast he wouldn’t know what hit him. He hasn’t given me a problem since.”

  “You said that to him?” Cassie laughed. “I would have loved to hear that.” Her eyes twinkled. “But really, Angel, being serious—you have a sweetness and sincerity mixed with a strength I never noticed when we became bunk mates. To be honest, I wasn’t sure about you. I thought you were shy and maybe a little conceited, thinking you were better than any of us.”

  “Oh my!” Angel laughed. “That couldn’t be further from the truth. I was nervous though.”

  “Maybe so. But I was wrong to judge you so quickly and harshly. You’re none of what I thought.”

  “I am so glad I left my aunt’s to come here. Meeting all of you has made such a difference in my life.”

  Cassie grew pensive. “Do you still think about finding your mother?”

  At the leap to such a question, Angel regarded her oddly. “Why would you ask such a thing?”

  “I just hoped that maybe, now that you’ve found a home with us, you were finally happy.”

  “I am, but—”

  “Knock, knock.” Chester’s jovial voice came from outside the railcar.

  Cassie lit up like she’d swallowed the sun and hurried to open the door. “Chester.”

  “Hey, honey bun. Thought I’d take my wifey-to-be out to lunch at a genuine restaurant.”

  “Only if you promise never to call me ‘wifey’ again.” Her mock-stern features melted into a smile, and she allowed him to swing her down from the car, his hands at her waist. They shared a quick kiss, seeming to forget all about Angel.

  She looked on, amazed to note the evident changes in their relationship, which they clearly no longer hid, and she grinned. “I hear congratulations are in order.”

  With Cassie’s arms still wound around his neck, Chester glanced Angel’s way, his face reddening. “You got that right.” He looked into Cassie’s eyes. “And I finally got my Cassie.”

  She sighed dreamily. “Now that you can call me till the end of time.”

  “We best hurry so we can get back, honey. Bye, Angel!”

  They both waved to her and hurried away, hand in hand.

  “Bye,” she whispered, and for some foolish reason, she struggled with the insane urge to cry.

  Three nights later Roland stopped in front of Angel’s ticket booth, with Chester beside him.

  “Oh… hello?” Curiously she glanced from one to the other. Worry suddenly clouded her eyes. “Nothing bad about Cassie?”

  “No,” Chester assured her. “She’s fine. Mama thought you’d like to see more of the carnival while it’s in progress, and I’m here to take you and Roland on a tour.”

  “What about your own show?”

  “I can close this one night. You two have been with us almost a month now, and it’s time you saw the carnival as spectators, not workers. Jezzie’s going to man your booth again.”

  “Hi, Angel!” As if on cue, the girl appeared, out of breath. She always seemed to be running to or from somewhere.

  “Hi, Jezzie.” Angel handed her the key to the strongbox from the pocket of her skirt. “Thanks for doing this.”

  “Oh, I don’t mind. I love working the Hollars’ booth. When there’s a lull, I like to slip in and watch the show. I wish I could do what Cassie does. She’s so good.” It was evident Cassie had a doting fan.

  Angel smiled at the girl and turned to Roland and Chester. “I’m ready.”

  “Then we’re off!”

  Roland held out his hand to her.

  Angel looked at his open palm, indecision on her face. In that awkward moment Roland wasn’t sure if he should drop his hand to his side or keep it held aloft and frozen like some ridiculous tailor’s dummy. The seconds seemed endless. Just as he was about to pull away with some pithy wisecrack to cover his embarrassment, she slid her hand quietly into his.

  There was absolutely no reason his heart should feel as if it had just risen to his throat and pounded there. At the touch of her soft, warm skin against his own, he felt as if he’d been given a prize far better than anything the carnival could offer.

  Chester stood beside Roland, an annoyingly smug grin dancing on his face as they began strolling down the midway.

  “Should I ask Cassie to make it a double wedding?” he whispered so Angel couldn’t hear.

  “Keep quiet, man.” Roland darted a look at her face, just in case, relieved to see her interest wrapped up in one of the game booths.

  The irritating grin did not leave his so-called friend’s face as he began pointing out areas of interest. His previous words, however, lodged deep inside Roland’s heart, and he found himself turning them over a number of times as they walked. Marriage? To Angel? Would she ever consider such a prospect? Did he want that?

  Regardless of Chester’s warning that many games were rigged to deflect the amount of winners, Angel exhibited a desire to visit the dart-throwing booth. “I blew up so many of those balloons I’d like the chance to try to deflate some,” she explained with a grin.

  “It’s your nickel.” Chester shrugged. “But I warn you, he uses darts with dull tips.”

  The agent behind the counter smiled widely to see Angel and greeted her with sincere preference. She didn’t pop more than one balloon but clearly enjoyed herself in the attempt.

  “For you,” the agent said, handing her a small plush lion, one of the top prizes.

  “But…” She looked at the toy in confusion. “I didn’t win.”

  “If not for your help, I would have had to blow up all them confounded balloons myself. I may be full of hot air”—he winked—“but I don’t have the lung power for that no more.”

  “Thanks, Fletcher.” She awarded him with a sweet smile that made the agent beam.

  If the man weren’t at least two decades older than Angel, Roland might have been a little resentful of his focused attention. Who was he kidding? He was. And he had no right to be, which, for some reason, irritated him further.

  “The carnival is certainly different from what I expected,” Angel said as they w
alked away. “My aunt led me to believe it was quite horrifying.”

  “The perverse acts you might have associated with carnivals are in the bygone days of its glory,” Chester replied like a true tour guide. “Ever since it’s become more of a family event, things are kept pretty clean. Though you still have your shysters to avoid.” He nodded back to the game booths.

  They ate hot dogs and pretzels and popcorn until no one had room for more.

  “Want to try the rides?” Chester motioned to the lot where the Ferris wheel stood. Angel’s attention fixed on a covered musical dais with gilded horses.