Lost and Found (books 1-3): Small-Town Romantic Comedy

by Elizabeth Lynx

  Iona’s manager blushed before straightening in her chair. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Just coffee and those apple fritters, please.” Babette handed her menu to Debbie.

  “Of course.” Debbie took the menu and glanced across the long table to my brother. “And for you, runt?”

  I couldn’t help the smile on my face as I watched my brother grit his teeth. He didn’t mind Iona calling him that, but hated when anyone else brought it up. I think he took pride in his height. He enjoyed looking like Big Foot with less hair.

  “Plate of bacon, sausage, and some fruit.”

  We had all gathered here to reveal the sex of the baby. We had found out yesterday and decided to bring everyone together to tell them.

  What everyone, including Iona, didn’t know was that I too had a surprise. I had other plans for this gathering.

  Iona was so relieved she got passed the first trimester that she cried that night. Last night she turned to me and said it was a sign. That knowing the sex of the baby, to her, meant that it would live. She said it felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

  I agreed and then made her a bowl of ice cream slathered in whipped cream and chocolate sauce. She cried with happy tears as she ate and then had terrible gas all night.

  I never knew pregnant women could clear a room with their farts, but there were several times I nearly passed out due to asphyxiation from her flatulence.

  Everyone was here to celebrate—Iona’s agent and assistant, my brother, Olivia and Carter, and the only person missing was Austen. He was meeting with the prosecutors about Mayor Keaghan Bailey’s court case.

  “I still can’t believe Austen was in on the case the whole time. He didn’t come across as the type of guy who would be working undercover for the police.” Jake shrugged.

  “I remember when he got the call from the mayor about Iona coming to town. I offered my knowledge of the call to Garrison but he didn’t seem interested,” I said, still a little bitter that Austen got to work closely with the sheriff and I didn’t.

  “It’s terrible the mayor wanted Austen to spy on Iona,” Cara said to the table before placing a hand on Iona’s arm. Iona hadn’t noticed her touch, too busy scarfing down whipped cream.

  “Yeah, even bribed him. The mayor had no idea Austen was a stickler for the rules. He went right over to the sheriff with what Keaghan had done. But apparently, the FBI had already been in contact with Garrison about the mayor.” I crossed my arms over my chest, excited to share the juicy details.

  “Some drug gang snitch wanting a lesser sentence mentioned that the mayor had bribed him long ago. Keaghan wanted the guy to pretend to be different people on the phone to gather information to bribe them for money. One of the phones he answered was back when I would try to call Iona when she first moved out West. Keaghan had been breaking the law since high school. He’s going to go to jail for a long time,” I said as I put my hands behind my head.

  A perfect ending to a disgusting jackass.

  “That’s crazy. I can barely make sense of all the lies he’s told. I’m glad you’re not like that, bro. You could have easily turned out like him because of our parents, but you didn’t.” Jake gave me a light slap on the back.

  I frowned. “Speaking of lies . . . I need to be honest for a minute. I lied about the reason we’re all here today,” I said, raising my voice as I stood. The table wobbled which caused a ripple effect with the two other tables pushed together so we could all be seated together at the diner.

  Everyone turned their heads toward me, even Iona took a break from her cream to stare up at me. The bowl was empty, and I noticed it had been licked clean.

  Walking over to Iona, I got down on one knee. She gasped and a glob of cream fell from her nose. Holding out my hand, she placed hers in mine. I slipped off my grandmother’s ring from her finger and held it up.

  “Will you, Iona White Feather Dell, do me the honor of taking this ring and promising to marry me? I swear to love and be there in good and bad. I swear to put up with pickle juice and dirty diapers at two in the morning. Will you make me the happiest man in the world by saying yes?”

  She nodded and stood. I did too and lifted her in my arms. “Yes, Tyler. I love you so much.”

  I never grew tired of hearing her say that.

  “Wait. Aren’t you two already engaged?” Olivia asked.

  I lowered Iona and she gave me a look that said she was ready to tell them.

  “We’ve been lying, to everyone. And living in sin. Like, super sexy sin,” she said as she leaned her head on my chest.

  “Lying? About being engaged?” my brother asked.

  It hurt to see the confusion on his face. I took a deep breath to prepare for the worst part—telling him the truth.

  But right before I opened my mouth Babette stood. “It was all my fault. I lied to Iona and Tyler and said I owned the house. That if he wanted it back, he had to agree to pretend to be engaged to Iona. I wanted to help her career and help her realize there were people who loved her. But I should have let her figure that out on her own and not have deceived everyone. I know that now.” She walked over to Iona’s side. “I know you’ll probably never forgive me, but I would like to still be your agent—”

  Iona pushed away from me and threw her arms around Babette, smearing cream all over her navy blouse. “You’re family. There’s nothing to forgive.” Iona pulled back and stared at Babette. “The mayor tricked a lot of people, even you. I know you did it because you wanted to help me. You’re not only my agent, but you’re also my friend.”

  There was applause.

  I waved my hand at them. “So, that gets applause, but I propose and nothing?”

  “We thought you two were already engaged. We were confused,” Carter said with a shrug.

  Jake stood and came over, pulling me aside. “You could have told me, bro. I wouldn’t have said anything.”

  I sighed. “I know. It was the stupid confidentiality agreement. I thought if I told anyone, even you, I’d lose the house. I’m sorry.”

  He watched me for a moment, searching my eyes. “I understand. You’ve always wanted to own a home. But just remember, bros before homes, okay?”

  I nodded, and he wrapped me in his large, beefy arms. Despite gasping for breath as he squeezed the air from my lungs, I was happy to have him in my life.

  “I love you, bro. Do right by her.” He nodded toward Iona, who was laughing with all the ladies as Carter sat there uncomfortable with all the socializing going on around him.

  “Don’t worry about her. I love Iona and will always keep her safe. And now that there’s a little boy to look after too—”

  “You’re having a boy!” My brother’s not so subtle shout turned everyone’s head.

  “It’s a boy!” Debbie said and ran over to hug Iona.

  I smiled watching my soon to be wife enjoy all the love that surrounded her.

  My brother slapped me on my back which caused me to wheeze. “Congratulations. You did good.”

  “I ejaculated sperm. It wasn’t hard to do.”

  He waved his hands in front of me and then covered his ears, “Stop. No. Too much information.”

  “Anyway, I wanted to ask you.” I pulled his hands away from his ears. “I think with the trial coming up for the mayor and Iona being pregnant, we need to beef up security.”

  He nodded. “I have plans for that. Thinking of opening a location for F & G Securities here. Bring some jobs to town and be closer to my future niece or nephew.”

  This was what it felt like to have a real loving family. I had to admit my chest ached as my eyes watered a bit with the love that surrounded Iona and me.

  “Here’s your bacon and cream. Compliments of Carter.” Debbie appeared with another bowl of whipped cream but with bacon sticking out.

  “Oh. My. God. I never would have thought of that. It looks amazing.” Iona looked like she was about to climax as she sat down in front of the creation.


  She lifted one of the bacon pieces, coated white from the cream, and tore off a bite with her teeth. After a few chews, she groaned. Yup, she was having an orgasm right here in this family-friendly diner.

  I turned my eyes to Carter, narrowing them in irritation. He was chuckling, and I believed it was the first time I had ever seen the whispered-about but never captured on camera, Carter smile.

  “You’re welcome,” he said.

  THIRTY-TWO

  Iona

  Three Months Later

  “Ms. Dell, we need your signature on this.” Darlene, the director’s assistant, came up to me as I stood at the front desk of Tyler’s veterinarian’s office. My feet and back were throbbing from pain, but I had hemorrhoids so sitting wasn’t an option.

  They never tell you about the pregnancy hemorrhoids before you get pregnant. Everyone glorifies it to make it seem like you’ll experience slight discomfort toward the end of the pregnancy, when in truth, it’s living hell the entire time.

  Don’t get me wrong, I would walk on burning coals across the country and back for this baby, but being nauseas, in pain, or uncomfortable for the past six months hasn’t been fun.

  “Again? What’s this one for?” I had signed my name about twenty times in the past ten minutes. But that’s the price I pay for being the star, director, and producer on multiple projects.

  It’s my dream come true, and despite the ass pain and heartburn I was currently experiencing, I couldn’t be happier.

  “The questions for Dr. Ferguson. Terrance needs you to approve them before we shoot the scene.”

  I grabbed the paper from her hand and glanced down. “But I approved them yesterday.”

  “Yes, but there’s a new question.”

  I noticed the last question. It was personal—about Tyler’s parents.

  “No. I don’t think that’s a good idea. Where’s Terrance? I need to find out why that question was added.”

  Darlene’s brown eyes glanced up at me in fear.

  “Actually, I added the question,” Tyler said.

  I turned to find him there with a paper bib tucked into his collar and makeup caked on his face. I reached over and grabbed the bib, balling it up into a wad before throwing it in a nearby trash can.

  “Nice shot,” he said with a wink.

  He did that on purpose. The good thing about the pregnancy, aside from the baby, which was the best part, was that I was even hornier than before.

  Which Tyler took full advantage of by fucking me several times a day. It seemed his turn-on was me with a round belly—though he’d never admit it. But I liked the way he looked at me and I took full advantage of his weakness.

  And my weakness was his winks. Which was weird because before I was pregnant, I never creamed myself from them, but now I couldn’t get enough.

  But we were on set for Cara’s web series, Life Undone. Babette and I were both producing. Terrance agreed to direct if Tyler and I would participate in his docu-series about our relationship away from the glitz and glamour of Hollywood.

  “Thanks. Now, what’s this question about?”

  He walked up to me and took the paper from my hand, placing it on the counter. “Can you give us a minute?” he asked Darlene. She squeaked out a yes and scurried off.

  His thumb slid over the scar under my lip. I fell in love with Tyler when I got that scar. We were still a year away from admitting our true feelings but when he defended me from Keaghan tripping me in the hallway and helped me to the nurse’s office, refusing to leave my side when the bell rung, I fell hard for the guy.

  And when he touched that faint line on my chin, it reminded me of all the reasons I felt like the luckiest woman in the world to have him as my future husband.

  And his cock, too. That thing was mine and I loved that about our relationship. Everywhere we went, I would look at people with the knowledge that Tyler’s big, thick dick was mine forever.

  I told you pregnancy made me hornier.

  “The question is about how my parents’ lifestyle affected me, physically and mentally. I wanted to be honest about my past and maybe someone out there can relate. Maybe by feeling like they’re not alone, they could try to make smart choices because they want the best for themselves. If that happens to just one person, then I feel like it was worth being filmed.”

  Did I mention how much I loved this man?

  “You’re the best. I love you so much, Dr. Ferguson.”

  He glanced around to see if anyone was watching us before he leaned forward and brushed his fingernail over my nipple. “And you’re super sexy when you’re bossing everyone around, including me.”

  I grabbed his wrist and held it up. “Not right now. Maybe later tonight, after the shoot.”

  I hated turning him down for a quickie, but I took this job seriously. Yes, I was horny. Yes, he was sexy. Surprisingly, makeup suited him. But this was my career.

  “Okay, Iona, but just so you know, I bought some frosting today and plan on making you a cock cake.” He smirked.

  “You’re going to bake?” The man never cooked unless it’s to fry up an egg white omelet.

  “No.” He winked, and as much as the idea of eating frosting and the wink were turning me on, I still didn’t understand what he was getting at.

  “Then how would I have a penis cake? Did you go to one of those specialty cake stores?”

  He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, messing up what the makeup artist did only minutes ago. She wasn’t going to be happy about that.

  “No, Iona. You know frosting . . .” he pointed to his crotch, “on a penis . . . cake.”

  I shook my head. Not a clue.

  “Cock cake, Iona. I’m going to slather frosting on my penis for you to eat later,” he said a little too loudly. Several of the crew members turned to stare, including Garrison Heart and Austen Goode, who happened to be speaking with the director. They were going to be interviewed as well but at later dates.

  “Wow. Say it a little louder why don’t ya? I don’t think they heard you up in Canada.”

  His face was red. Even the thick makeup couldn’t hide his deep blush.

  “Do I still get my penis cake?” I asked, afraid he had changed his mind.

  He stared into my eyes and said, “I’ll give you everything you want for the rest of your life, Iona.”

  EPILOGUE

  Iona

  Two Months Later

  “Now don’t freak out.” Babette said while wringing her hands.

  I stared at her reflection from the standing mirror in Rick’s Bar. It wasn’t opening time as it was only ten in the morning, but Rick let me use his bar to get ready. He was in the back, prepping for when the place opened in an hour.

  Rick’s Bar was on the edge of town and a brief walk to the pond where my wedding was being held. It was the perfect location to put on my dress and make sure I looked perfect walking toward the man I would marry.

  “Is the dress ripped?” I turned my head, but the lace from the veil made it difficult to see.

  I was going for a Bianca Jagger 1970s look. Everything was sleek except the wide hat and veil. As sleek as it could be with a huge pregnant belly sticking out.

  “No, you look gorgeous. Better than gorgeous. Exceptionally sophisticated and romantic.”

  I turned and faced her. She was my maid of honor and wore a pale blue pantsuit. It fit her perfectly.

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “It’s the minister.”

  I nodded and waved for her to go on.

  She twisted her lips; her grey eyes dipping to the floor, and I knew. Babette only did that when horrible news was about to slip past her lips. Considering it was my wedding day and she recently entered the bar from visiting the pond, that news had to involve the wedding.

  “Tyler took off.” I blurted out.

  It was exactly like the dream I had last night. That everyone, including myself, showed up to the wedding except the groom. A
liens had abducted him and when I hoped in my space jet and caught up with them, it turned out the aliens were part of a pyramid scheme trying to recruit Tyler to sell vitamins.

  “No, he’s there. Looking dashing.” She winked.

  He better because I would jump his bones after this. I may be pregnant, but I was still horny.

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “The minister. He’s sick.”

  I gasped. “Oh no. I hope it’s not too bad.”

  I liked Gary. He had been the minister in this town since I was a young girl. It felt natural to use him for the wedding. But things like that happened occasionally, so I was sure the church had a backup.

  “Food poisoning. He went to a church picnic and almost everyone there became sick. He’s in the hospital.”

  “Holy moly. That’s bad. Is there someone else they’re sending?”

  She puckered her lips once more. I didn’t like the look of that pucker.

  “No. It was a picnic for all the local ministries. Anyone within a two-hour drive that can marry people is throwing up potato salad.”

  The door to the bar flew open and Tyler stood there. Babette quickly stepped in front of me, shielding me from his eyes.

  “You aren’t supposed to see the bride before the wedding.” She announced.

  Tyler held up his hand as if I was a blinding ray of sunshine and said, “I know but we have a dilemma.”

  “I heard. The minister’s sick.” I said from over Babette’s shoulder.

  “That’s not why I’m here. But yes, I heard that too.”

  Had something else gone wrong?

  “Have aliens’ landed?” I asked.

  “What?” Tyler lowered his hand and stared at me. “No. Not aliens. Ants. We must have disturbed a bunch of ant mounds because they’re all over the chairs under the tent.”

  I raised my arm, about to rub my brow when Babette’s hand stopped me by grabbing my wrist.