Made for Me (Danielle Grant Book 1)

by Sarah Gerdes

  “I’ll come to your place Friday, say six. Is that alright?” Danielle hadn’t finished saying yes when the tears started to roll down her cheeks.

  CHAPTER 51

  Danielle’s hand shook as she tried to apply the lip liner. She knew what they were going to talk about, and she knew how it would end. She supposed he did too. Now it was only a question of how each one would behave, if they would walk away as former lovers, friends or professionals who would need to learn how to endure the other within the confines of their daily job.

  When the door rang, Danielle walked slowly, feeling like she was heading to a funeral. Lars stood before her, handsome in his jeans and leather coat, the black fur collar blending in with his grey mock turtleneck. No blue today. His face was subdued as he leaned in to kiss her.

  She stepped back without a word, and they walked in silence to the living room.

  “That’s a pretty tree,” he complimented, glancing around the room. It was to be the first and last time he’d see it. Danielle thanked him, and he took a seat on the living room couch. The fireplace cast shadows on the windows and across Lars’ face and chest as he waited for her to join him. She nodded and sat down at the opposite end of the couch.

  “Come here,” he said, opening his arms. “We both know why I came,” he said softly.

  She pulled her hand to her mouth as she started to cry, unable to contain her anguish. He slowly stroked her hair as he spoke, doing so with all the love and protectiveness he’d displayed during their time together.

  “Danielle, I’m selfish because I want one hundred percent of the love you have to give and I don’t want to share any of that with someone else. Not with Andre or his family. And I know you aren’t willing to do that are you? You want to share her with them.” Danielle kept her eyes shut, nodding in silence.

  Her voice was a jagged whisper when it emerged. “If it was just me, I’d forget anyone but you and do what my dad has said. I’d choose love over life. But it’s not just me. It’s the life of an innocent child, and to keep her from her father…her grandparents. That’s not right.”

  Lars sighed deeply. “I knew, even as I was first telling you what I wanted, that you would reject it. This week, I’d been hoping that I was wrong.”

  “How could you be sure?” she whispered.

  “You left Andre, literally walked away, because you gave your word to me. You honored your commitment to the company. Here…with your own child…of course you are going to do the right thing. This time, you will leave me.”

  Danielle’s heart ripped open with pain as he said the words. He was right, although she’d never thought of it that way. Her mind went to the time with Andre when she learned he’d had his world torn to shreds by the other mother of his child. She wouldn’t ever do that to another human being, no matter how horrible they’d been. And in truth, Andre hadn’t been horrible. He’d been hurt by the end of their relationship, the same as she had.

  “I suppose I had it coming,” he said ruefully. “I ruined several lives of my own with bad judgement.”

  “It’s not the same thing,” Danielle said.

  Lars hugged her tight. “I know. It would all have been so much easier for you if you lacked a moral compass or ethics, but you have both. Honestly Danielle, I wouldn’t love you as much, or respect you if you didn’t. Now what I’m faced with is the knowledge that you will have the chance to re-engage with Andre. In all likelihood, the feelings you once had for each other will rise to the surface. I have no doubt he still loves you, and over time you will become a family. That leaves me without you and without a family, on the sidelines.”

  Danielle knew everything he said was probably true, but she didn’t want to think about it. She couldn’t think about it. She still loved Lars and desperately wanted the baby to be his.

  He gave a little laugh. “I know we’d have eventually married one another if it weren’t for this.” She nodded, barely able to keep from sobbing again. He held her, waiting until her breathing calmed.

  “You’ll find someone better than me,” she said, feeling like a hypocrite and liar. She believed she was the best woman in the world for him. The only one.

  “Danielle, I have been quite content to be alone for years sans the occasional interest of unique, but ultimately, incompatible women. I don’t expect much to change after this night, and actually,” he paused to kiss her head. “It will probably be much harder for me as I now will be comparing every woman I meet to you.”

  “And what if I miscarry?” she asked weakly. “We will have lost months when we could have been together.”

  “Yes,” he said gently. “But if we aren’t together in any capacity now, your relationship with Andre, if there is to be one, will sort itself out. I also believe that by virtue of him capturing your heart first, the love you still have for him actually might, and I emphasize might, be stronger than the love you have for me.” He paused, kissing her head again, his voice lighter. “You know, it’s not as if I can compete with that. He got to you first.”

  Danielle wanted to tell him no, that he was wrong, but she couldn’t. Andre had touched her heart before Lars. Still, she didn’t want to renew their relationship because of an unborn child. In fact, that’s the last thing she desired.

  “You haven’t told him have you?” Danielle mumbled a no. “Danielle, I have a very selfish motivation in saying this. Talk to him and do it soon. If not for you, then for me. If you care for me at all, you will want me stop thinking we may have a future together so I can find a modicum of peace. Otherwise I will be patient and wait, because Danielle, I assure you, I will wait for you, as long as necessary, because you’re worth it. We’re worth it.”

  She gently pulled back from his embrace, looking at his as she wiped wiping the moisture from her face. She tried as eloquently as she knew how to tell him that he was right—again—across all fronts.

  “Lars,” she continued, “I’m just as selfish. I don’t relish the notion of seeing a beautiful woman on your arm at a company event or at the opera.”

  “You really think I’d do that?”

  “No.”

  “Exactly. Now before I go, I have something for you,” he said, glancing at her tree. It was absent any gifts. “As we were planning on spending Christmas together, I had already purchased a few items that I have no inclination of taking back. The memory of exploring shops for items as brilliant as you are will stay with me. I’m asking that you accept the gifts without hesitation and wear them, in honor of the love we shared. Will you do that?”

  Danielle felt her eyes well up and her lower lip tremble. She nodded her head.

  “In return I want to extract two promises from you that are more important than anything I’ve ever asked.”

  Danielle blinked. “Anything.”

  “I want you to promise me that if anything should ever happen to Andre, and the two of you aren’t together anymore—for any reason—then you will contact me, no matter where I am or you are.”

  Danielle stammered her reply. “And say what?” she choked out. “I’m single again, let’s date?”

  Lars nodded soberly. “What you say doesn’t matter. It’s what we do then that does. Do you promise?”

  “I never break my promises,” she said faintly.

  “Or your word. I know. The second and last request is this. One of those boxes contains a piece of jewelry, a very special piece. I want you to wear it. It will make me happy. In truth, I will be upset if I don’t see you wearing it, because it will mean you have put me out of your life, and I hope that won’t ever be the case.”

  “I will always love you Lars,” she said, knowing with her entire being it was true. Danielle looked down at her hands then, not knowing what more to say. Andre had thrown her out, but that was from anger. What she felt for Lars was love.

  “Lars?” she asked quietly. She knew words weren’t necessary. He contemplated her for a moment, touching her face with his thumb.

  “Yes,�
� he said firmly. He stood, still holding her hand, waiting for her to show him where the bedroom was located. It was there that Danielle shared all the love she felt for the man who was letting her go.

  And it made her love him more.

  CHAPTER 52

  Danielle tried to reach Andre, calling him three times without hearing back. She then wrote him a letter, using the address he’d provided on file. In it, she gave him the barest of details, revealing the pregnancy, and that she was going to raise it by herself and visit himself, Georgy and Layda when it could be arranged.

  Danielle had told Glenda about her situation, requesting confidentiality. Of all people, Glenda needed to know of her doctor appointments. She also confided that her father was unwell, for the primary reason if calls came through from the States she was to put them through.

  “When do you plan on telling the partners?” Glenda asked.

  “On that, do you have any examples of when other women were pregnant and informed the office?”

  Glenda paused. “No one has been pregnant since I’ve been here.”

  That wasn’t helpful. “Perhaps when I start to show?” Danielle asked.

  “Danielle, you do have a little tummy that is already starting to poke out. Not much, but I can see it. If you were a little fatter, like me…” she said with a smile. “In another week or two, or a month, I don’t think you’ll be able to hide it.”

  “How about after Christmas? It will be a New Year surprise.” Glenda smiled with her.

  Over the last week, Lars had done a magnificent job of being polite and professional, keeping his habit of periodically walking to her office as he did with all the other traders. Gone were the leading comments, instead replaced with insights on the industry or new clients.

  Danielle now spoke with her father every night, though the conversations were not always long. His was markedly weaker now, the drain on his kidneys affecting his energy level. They’d talked about love and loss, moral codes and ethical standards and the price of respect.

  “You did good, Danielle. I’m proud of you.”

  “Be proud I’m keeping it together,” she said, full of affection. She didn’t think it possible to grow closer to him, but it had happened. Every night he told her to have fun, work hard and live life to the fullest, it was another line in her book of memories, the story she’d replay over and over when he was no longer in her life. He also gave her soundbites of wisdom about rearing a child, although he tried not to go overboard.

  “I think we did a fair job with you,” he said one night. “Just repeat everything we did and you’ll be just fine.” She’d laughed with him, the emotion turning into a cry session. She couldn’t help it. All this time, she’d been so strong, knowing the inevitable was coming but with the baby, and now with prospect of truly being alone, physically and emotionally, she felt her mental strength ebbing.

  “You’re gonna make it okay,” he gently told her. Danielle nodded, unable to speak. Her eyes burned and her throat ached.

  “Who am I going to talk to? Turn to?” she managed to ask.

  “Georgy. Lani and Stephen. God, probably more than anyone else. He’s always ready.”

  Danielle almost smiled. “Are you looking forward to this?” she asked him.

  “I’m certainly not afraid of it, but that’s not what you’re asking, is it? I haven’t spent time dwelling on what I’m going to miss, Danielle. Nothing good comes of envisioning birthdays, walking, the tooth fairy, graduation and me not being present. That’s the grey view of the world. What I do let myself imagine is the love and absolute joy on your face, looking down, holding her, drying her tears, smothering her with kisses.” He stopped then, hearing her quiet sobs. “Danielle, you are my pride and the light of my world. And your daughter will be that for you.”

  “I just don’t…can’t…” she choked.

  “You can and you will,” he said firmly, his faith and love penetrating her sadness. “You are stronger than you ever imagined. That strength will see you through whatever this life gives you.”

  Danielle wiped her tears. “I don’t have a choice.”

  “Sure you do, Danielle. And you have consistently found the strength to make the hard choices. I have every confidence you will continue to do so, and that when the time is right, you will find love again. The right love for you and your daughter.”

  Another deep breath cleared away enough sadness for her to speak. “I love you Dad.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Thursday afternoon, Johanne stopped by her office, a wicked look on his face.

  “So, when were you going to tell me?” Danielle’s heart stopped and she mechanically raised an eyebrow as though she were definitely not going to tell him whatever he thought he knew.

  “Secrets just don’t last around this place, do they?” she asked.

  He rolled his eyes. “Sure, but something this big, this…transformative and you don’t tell half of your favorite dancing team?”

  He either found out about Lars or the baby but how and when she had no idea. “A woman has to have a few secrets,” she said.

  Johanne strode in and sat down in front of her, crossing one leg over the other. “Not when she shares the secret with five hundred people a day and excludes me.” He paused then, still staring. “Stars & Stripes??” he asked. Danielle almost fainted with relief as he continued. “Dario took me there last night for the first time and I saw Stephen. Then he took me back to meet Lani, and then I find out you are a part owner? The food is amazing and the music…well. It’s dope. But I’m still pissed,” he said, exhibiting none of the usual signs of anger. “I should have been one of the first to know.”

  Danielle couldn’t withhold her laughter. “Can you possibly forgive me?”

  Johanne calmly removed his glasses, cleaning the lenses with the care of a college professor before a quiz. “Yes, but may I remind you,” he said in a highly formal, and incredibly funny manner. “First we had Andre. Now this. You’ve developed a disturbing trend of unexpected surprises.”

  Danielle scrunched her lower lip to one side, observing him. “So what you want is for me to divulge my life to you for the purposes of bragging rights?” He shrugged but nodded his head, making her laugh. “Well, you did entertain me with your interpretive dance after the August break, so perhaps that is deserving of a little something.” Danielle watched his countenance settle as he saw she was serious. “In confidence?” she asked, waiting until he nodded. “I’m pregnant.”

  Johanne’s head dropped forward as though his neck had momentarily lost all strength. When it jolted back up, he bobbled it around, shrugged his shoulders and said, “Okay, I think I heard you say you’re pregnant.” Danielle affirmed that he had heard right. “By a man?” Danielle put her hand to her mouth, muffling her laughter, nodding. “Okay, I’m digesting this. No artificial insemination. So, like a boyfriend?”

  The laughter subsided immediately. “He was at the time,” she said dryly.

  Johanne’s face reflected his thought process. “But it’s not his? Then it must be…Andre?” he said under his breath. Danielle nodded. “Wow.”

  “You could say that.”

  Johanne interlaced his fingers on his knee then glanced over his shoulder and back to her. “Does management know?”

  “Only Lars.” Johanne processed the information.

  “But you aren’t with Andre anymore.”

  “That’s right.”

  “Double wow. What are you going to do?”

  “What I have been doing. Work.”

  Johanne leaned forward. “I mean, about Andre.”

  “There is no Andre. No boyfriend. Only me. So,” she said, reverting to a crisp, business-like tone. “You can go home with the knowledge you have a secret—well two—since you know about Stars & Stripes. No one else knows around here except Lars and Glenda. Come to think of it, she doesn’t even know about the restaurant.”

  Johanne nodded his head. “Triple wow. An
ything I can do?”

  “Sure. Keep making me laugh. That always works.”

  He stood up. “I can do that.”

  CHAPTER 53

  “Friday, December 17th,” Lars said formally. He raised his glass of champagne to Ulrich and Johanne, who joined him with their drinks in hand, and Danielle, who lifted her sparkling cider. “This is the day to remember that you three have brought MRD to the top of the gold trading industry in Switzerland and London and, by default, the world. Congratulations.”

  The four clinked their glasses, laughed and drank, not caring that it was ten in the morning as they consumed chocolate covered strawberries and other delicacies Lars had brought in for the occasion. Danielle thought he looked exquisite in his grey herringbone suite, an azure blue tie with diagonal stripes and a new haircut that was marginally shorter on the sides and a little longer on the top.

  Unfair, but it was life.

  “And this is for you,” he said, handing an envelope to Ulrich, “and you and you,” giving Johanne and Danielle theirs.

  Danielle smiled with appreciation while she felt like one of those marker balloons that floated above, chained down by a weight that was never seen, meant to keep her always in the same place. As Danielle extended her right hand, she watched his eyes which flicked to the ring on her fourth finger.

  As Danielle sat among the three men, her colleagues and boss-slash-former-love, she felt a small movement inside her. At approximately twenty weeks, it was time. She held her glass very still. She set the glass down on the table, sure that no one had noticed. But Lars had caught it, for his eyes held concern.

  She nodded her head slightly, as though she were agreeing with Johanne’s comment about Christmas vacations. This led into Ulrich’s thoughts for trading during the holiday, or lack thereof. When the phone rang Lars ignored it but shortly thereafter, a voice came through on the intercom. The woman apologized for interrupting the meeting, but an urgent call from the States had come through for Ms. Grant.