Made for Me (Danielle Grant Book 1)

by Sarah Gerdes

  Danielle wanted to reject his offer outright but kept her mouth shut. Be prudent, she imagined her father saying.

  “I’ll think about it,” she said, less reluctantly than she would have expected moments prior.

  Andre’s shoulders relaxed. “Will you do me a favor and please send me the address of the funeral home? Texting would be fine. I know my father will want to send flowers. He’s been worried about you. For a long time I understand.”

  Danielle couldn’t disguise her feelings for Andre’s father. “I have a soft spot for him,” she said, her tone kinder. “He was there when no one else was.”

  Andre’s head dropped. When he met her eyes, they were glassy. “I’m so sorry Danielle,” he said, his voice hoarse.

  “Me too.”

  An hour after he left, the doctor told her she was free to go. She thought of Lars first, Andre second and a taxi third. She’d better get used to how she’d operated her life before these men came into it.

  CHAPTER 55

  Danielle’s trip home to Oregon was made easier with the car and driver transporting her to the airport and the late night flight was uneventful. She conducted a modest amount of research and slept, as she’d done very little of either in the last few days.

  As the hours passed by, she felt her father’s presence with her, encouraging her to continue living her life, doing what she could to improve her existence and remember the best parts of him and her mother.

  She also reflected on her last conversation with Lani, feeling all the love that comes from a best friend who was more of a sister, and the only close female in her life. The joy Lani expressed at the news Danielle hadn’t miscarried was tempered by the loss of Lars and the forthcoming challenges with Andre.

  “You can’t get a break, can you?” Lani had asked sincerely. She offered to do whatever Danielle needed, which wasn’t much. “I’m just glad you are going to be here, in Zurich, with us. Maybe Stephen will be satisfied with being Uncle Stephen.”

  Lani said her parents wanted to attend the funeral, and Danielle provided them with the information at the same time she did for Andre.

  Going through the process of putting a parent to rest was oddly easier the second time around. The mortuary had everything in place and her father’s long-time neighbor Sheila had handled many of the other details like flower arrangements and the visitation schedule. Danielle’s job was to give her father the memorial service he wanted, held at the local church with herself speaking as well as several of his long-time friends. He’d be buried in the plot next to his wife.

  Danielle agreed to have an informal luncheon for close friends and extended family, which consisted of a few cousins who’d elected to fly in. Her neighbors, and those individuals who had helped her father since her mother’s death would also be attending. On the recommendation of the restaurant manager, Danielle added a few extra seats for unexpected guests.

  “You never know who is going to show up from out of town and you don’t want to be in the awkward position of saying no for the lack of room,” the manager told her.

  Danielle thought of Lani’s parents and agreed. David too, whom she knew would be hurt if he wasn’t invited to the funeral and the luncheon.

  As she looked at the anticipated list, she thought of Lars. It struck her then that thoughts of him had gradually lessened. In part because her mind was otherwise occupied, but also because she was exercising control. She had promised him that she would let life sort itself out, and if it didn’t she would contact him. As hard as it was, she would be as loving and respectful toward him as he’d been to her—if that was even possible.

  And, as he said, he would always be with her, and she had the ring to prove it.

  The funeral was Saturday, a cold and clear day that felt like a sign that life goes on. Danielle wore a loose-fitting navy blue Chanel skirt with a matching trim top coat. Her father always felt wearing black to funerals was bad luck, and she just thought it was depressing. The life of the deceased should be celebrated not mourned. He was back with her mother, she was sure, and downright happy about it.

  Danielle arrived at the church an hour early to find many people already there. Her father had had a long, varied life. Those in attendance represented it, from the grey-haired former hunting buddies in denim to those in full military uniforms with metals. Most of the church congregation and the neighborhood showed up as well, filling the pews to capacity. Only the first two rows were free; reserved for family members she didn’t have.

  Danielle remained in the foyer of the church until fifteen minutes before the funeral was to start. Lani’s parents arrived and she received hugs like those of a daughter, not a friend. She also welcomed David, who commented on her appearance.

  “You’re the damned prettiest pregnant woman I’ve ever seen,” he muttered under his breath before moving inside.

  Five minutes prior to the start of the service, she took her seat in the front row. The bishop took his seat in the stands and the music changed from prelude to an introductory piece. She turned as someone approached her from the aisle. It couldn’t be.

  “Georgy,” she greeted him joyfully, smiling even as she teared up. She kissed him, then Layda. When she saw Andre, she had to bite her lip from crying, both in frustration but also appreciation. She placed her hands lightly on his shoulders, kissing both his cheeks as she’d done with his parents.

  “Please, all of you, sit with me.”

  Georgy sat with Layda beside him. Andre hesitated until Danielle made a split second decision. She touched his hand before sitting next Layda, leaving him to sit beside her, not his father.

  Danielle had felt perfectly calm before their arrival. No tears, no panic. Now, she felt both, but also comfort and love.

  The bishop welcomed those gathered, and announced the prelude hymn followed by the opening prayer. Two of her father’s friend’s spoke, one providing the eulogy and the second relating stories of her father’s kindness and his unfailing ability to know when others were in need.

  “He just showed up, did what had to be done and left,” the man said. “No thanks needed or money accepted. That was the kind of person he was.”

  If this was the only insight Andre’s family were ever to have of her dad, it would be enough.

  Then it was her turn. She thanked the attendees for honoring her father. She spoke of her father’s fun-loving spirit, his adoration and respect for his wife of twenty-six years, and his obstinacy against eating greens or drinking a nutritious drink that wasn’t made from sour grapes. More than once, Andre smiled, and Danielle knew this was a revelatory experience for him. He’d never seen her in a formal situation, other than the singular meeting at MRD. Layda’s facial expression changed from polite interest to admiration as Danielle had the audience laughing one moment and then wiping tears from their eyes the next. Georgy’s expression mirrored how he’d been at her office; listening respectfully as though he expected brilliance and got it.

  As she returned to her seat, the looks she received from her foreign guests buoyed her spirit. They were proud of her.

  When the ushers came to her row to escort her from the church, Georgy led followed by Layda, but Andre stepped aside, motioning for her to depart in front of him. In the lobby, Andre indicated that they would be leaving.

  “No,” she said abruptly. “I mean, do you have to?”

  Andre looked confused, giving a glance to his parents. “I thought that’s what you would want.”

  “Please, I would be distraught if you left so soon after having come all this way.” she asked. “Here, following a funeral, a luncheon is commonly held for the family and close friends.”

  “Danielle, we don’t want to impose…” Georgy began and she touched his arm.

  “Georgy, you are family,” she emphasized, her eyes moving to include Andre and Layda. Until now, she didn’t realize how much she needed them.

  She turned to Andre, speaking sincerely. “Please, Andre,” her eyes com
municating more than she had the capacity to say. “Let me introduce you to a couple who will absolutely love meeting you. Lani’s parents.” His countenance brightened and with that it was settled.

  The actual burial was a short affair, with only herself, Sheila and a few close friends. Her father had made it clear he didn’t want a graveside service, but a simple prayer then the internment. It took less than an hour, and that included the drive time there and back.

  At the reception center, Danielle arranged for Lani’s parents to be at the same table as herself and Andre’s family. For the first time, Danielle got a glimpse of the other side of Layda, the one who was lovely and kind to people she had never met.

  Danielle felt Andre watching her, and once he came to her side, handing her a glass of water.

  “You’ve been on your feet quite a while,” he said in an undertone. She hid her astonishment, at least, she thought she did, as she smiled and thanked him. After that, she caught herself periodically looking in his direction.

  She walked around the various tables, touching shoulders and giving hugs, working hard to give comfort to those who appeared to be suffering far more than she. It was clear that those who didn’t have daily contact with her father had no idea how bad it was and were caught unaware, without the opportunity to say goodbye. They were doing that now, with her, here. She was their vehicle to share their love and their grief.

  When Danielle saw Georgy in the buffet line, she moved next to him. “How are you doing?”

  “I should ask you that,” he responded.

  “I still can’t believe you are here.” She gave him a one-armed squeeze. “Tell me, did you make Andre do this or was it the other way around?”

  “He suggested it a moment before I was going to. Andre told me you gave him quite a tongue lashing at the hospital.”

  “He deserved it.”

  “That he did.”

  “But you will be proud to know he didn’t back away. I was still angry with him, but my respect for him increased.”

  She gave him a peck on the cheek and walked away just as Andre came up to her with two plates.

  “I hope you don’t mind,” he said uncertainly. “I got some things I thought you’d like—unless your taste buds have changed.”

  Danielle looked down and had a moment of compassion for the man. He was really trying.

  “I’m still a meat and potatoes girl,” she said, laughing lightly. “Thank you,” She saw the look of relief in his eyes as she accepted the plate.

  They sat beside one another and Andre almost immediately turned the topic to Stars & Stripes. Lani’s parents, Ryan and Pilar, were captivated with Andre’s descriptions of the interior, the food, and the atmosphere.

  “And I understand from Lani that you met Danielle at Monroe’s her second day there?” Pilar asked politely.

  “That’s right. Danielle was searching for food,” he said easily, his tone affectionate. “I tried to give her some of mine but she wouldn’t take it.”

  “And I rejected his offer for a ride home. Can’t be too careful around strangers,” Danielle added.

  “It all worked out in the end,” Ryan remarked.

  “When is the baby due?” Pilar asked Danielle who suddenly felt the eyes of all five people on her.

  “April-ish,” Andre answered for her, putting his hand on her leg under the table, patting it in an “I-got-this,” sort of a way. Ryan and Pilar nodded, talking about their grandchildren from Lani’s siblings, wondering when they were going to be blessed with more grandchildren.

  “When are you going to return to the States Danielle?” Ryan asked her. “I’m relying on you to help get Lani and her husband back here, at least for regular visits.”

  “I’m sorry to say I am going to be an obstructionist on that one Ryan. I absolutely love Zurich and don’t plan on moving back.” Ryan and Pilar voiced astonishment. “What can I say? It’s beautiful there, the food is divine, and the people are amazing.”

  As the luncheon wound down, Danielle learned Andre and his parents were booked on a flight the following evening. Danielle was tempted…

  “Is something on your mind?” Andre asked carefully, not showing any signs of expectation or hope.

  Danielle looked past him, to his parents, then back to Andre. She didn’t feel close enough to him to give him a hug or touch his hand, but she did look deeply into his eyes.

  “Would you be interested in seeing where I grew up?”

  Andre’s lips moved infinitesimally. “Yes, I’d like that very much.”

  CHAPTER 56

  During the plane ride back, Danielle reflected on the afternoon she spent with Andre. Initially, the silence had been more prolonged than the conversation, but this changed as she pointed out her favorite sites, and occasionally he identified a major landmark. Gradually, the subject transitioned to her father, and she found herself opening up, telling Andre about some of their conversations.

  “He wanted me to tell you to be careful when you drove your motorcycle, not to speed or pass on corners,” she said. They were walking along the waterfront, the Columbia River on one side, downtown Portland on the other.

  “I assume you told him I was a proficient rider?”

  “I did, but that didn’t stop him from being a dad and looking out for my…” she stopped herself from saying the word boyfriend. That’s what Andre had been at the time. Walking next to him now, she felt that he could become that again—over time—if she found it within herself to let him. And, if he could be the man he’d been at the hospital, and during the funeral.

  “How have you been, really?” she asked suddenly.

  “Not great. I…don’t want to upset you Danielle, by telling you all the thoughts I had and what I went through. I know you will say I was with Eva, but that meant nothing. After a month, she realized I wasn’t—committed to her. I’ve been alone since then, and it’s been hard.”

  “And now?” she asked. Andre looked torn, and they walked for a few moments in silence before he continued.

  “What can I say that you haven’t probably guessed? I’m crushed you fell in love with another man, enough to want to marry him and have his child.” The words were so stark—and harsh—as though it has been so easily done, without regard for his feelings or what they once shared. “I can’t stop wondering if you continued loving me as your feelings for him grew, and if your love for Lars will ever go away.” He shook his head. “I’m unsure if you can ever see me the same way as you once did.”

  “The man I fell in love with,” she said quietly.

  “Yes, or if Lars will always be a shadow looming over us. I couldn’t handle that, no matter how much I love you, Danielle.”

  Seeing a bench, she suggested they sit. The calm waters of the Willamette River moved south, towards Salem. She thought of Lars, the commitment he had extracted from her and his one requirement. Her daughter would have one man as a guide, a protector and mentor. She could make that choice or have no man at all. But she wasn’t going to settle for being permanently with the father, not until he had earned his way back into her world.

  “Andre, I will be honest with you. Lars will always have a place in my heart but not in my life.” She paused, letting the words sink in as she caught her breath. It was the first time she’d verbalized the situation so concisely. “To be clear, if it doesn’t work out with you—I mean, if we don’t get back together…he won’t be there. I won’t ever stop being a part of your world, and that’s a deal-breaker for him.”

  “He said as much to me in the hospital, but I didn’t think…I’m surprised he actually meant it.”

  Danielle nodded. “He was absolutely serious.”

  “So it’s really over with him.”

  “By his own choice.”

  “No,” Andre interjected. “By yours.”

  “Yes.”

  Andre took a moment to digest what she’d said. “Danielle, I suppose that means you could be with another man—find another�
�if you didn’t want to be with me.”

  She nodded. It was factually true. But why? She’d often asked herself, and had posed the question to Lani. Why go out and seek someone else other than Andre? As she’d said many times, he wasn’t broken in any fundamental way. Younger than Lars, yes, but her age. And like her, unencumbered by existing children or a prior divorce. They would both be experiencing something for the first time, together.

  “The notion of finding a new man is rather unappealing,” she said dryly.

  Andre smiled a little, his eyes earnest. “Danielle, I love you so much. More deeply and fundamentally than I did before. Not just because of our child, but because I only fully appreciated all we had once it was gone. Will you please…do you want…” his lips closed over the words he was about to say, but he didn’t need to finish his question. She knew what he was trying to ask.

  “Do I want to fall in love with you all over again?” He nodded his head, fear in his eyes. “I’m ready to let you into my life, yes,” she said, seeing a flit of hope appear. “And we will take it one day and one ultra sound appointment at a time.”

  “Danielle, will you answer me one question?” She nodded. “Did you ever stop loving me?”

  “No, and Lars knew that. He said the love had gone dormant, and that it might rise to the surface again.”

  Andre’s eyes had widened with her words. “And will it?”

  “If it does, I won’t stop it.”

  CHAPTER 57

  Three and a half months later, a hundred thousand twinkling lights illuminated dozens of trees on Georgy’s property. A late spring snowfall gave the scene an ethereal glow that made Danielle imagine fairies convening for an evening celebration. And that’s what this was: a celebration, for her and Andre.